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Regine Velasquez

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I've given this article a major rewrite and complete overhaul, with most of the heavy work done between October and November. It would be great if someone could read through it and provide feedback, as it would be very much ideal to have a fresh set of eyes go over it. It's somewhat more detailed than previously, but I think that the new material is worth including. I suppose my goal for the article is FAC, so I was wondering if people think that it's ready and what could be done to improve it.

Thanks, Pseud 14 (talk) 08:34, 27 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your note and edit Jonesey95. Date format fixed. Pseud 14 (talk) 08:42, 4 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Miniapolis

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I'm glad to see the article listed at WP:GOCE/REQ and, since the requests list is a reasonable length (for a change :-)), it should be copyedited soon. When I was looking for the old GA review on the talk page, I noticed the {{Community article probation}} tag and was concerned about GA criterion 5 (stability). AFAICT, there was a minor move war a couple of years ago over diacritics; since the issue has been resolved, that tag can be boldly removed. Good luck and all the best, Miniapolis 14:36, 6 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

 Done - Thanks for the quick glance. Miniapolis! Tag has been removed Pseud 14 (talk) 15:01, 6 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Emir of Wikipedia

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Lead
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  • I removed "Encarnacion Ansong" as it was not in the given source. If it sourced is it a different birth name or just her simply using only her fast and last name?
Thanks for this Emir of Wikipedia, for Philippine names it follows the conventional American form "Christian/Given name(s) - Middle name - Surname," which in this case is actually "Christian/Given name(s) - Mother's surname - Father's surname" (Regina Encarnacion - Ansong - Velasquez or simply Regina Encarnacion - A. - Velasquez). For her screen name, she then took the Western form of Regina, ("Regine") and her surname. I have sourced out an article mentioning it, as the only other source I could find is IMDb which I figured might not be a better reference. If you think otherwise, we could definitely revert to your edit as it once stood. Pseud 14 (talk) 08:00, 8 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
As per WP:BLPPRIVACY it should be left out unless widely sourced. Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 22:10, 9 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Emir of Wikipedia! Just a point of clarification, I've a sourced a couple references one from an article listing 500 of the biggest individual taxpayers (which is officially released by the revenue service of the Philippine government's treasury branch) Source 1 , does that violate the above? Or can it stand on its own merit (reliability)? The other source I checked was the official journal of the Republic of the Philippines Source 2 Pseud 14 (talk) 09:30, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Those two sources seem good enough for me, and I don't think they would violate the policy. Best to include both of them in it. Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 11:17, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Will do that then. Moving the sources to the main infobox. Pseud 14 (talk) 12:00, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first paragraph says The album produced two generally well-received singles, if the the singles are notable name them but if not then just say that the album was well-received.
Fair point. Edited using the latter Pseud 14 (talk) 08:00, 8 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Regarding began what would become a string of commercially successful albums establishing herself as a viable OPM artist what exactly are you trying to convey? The sentence seems a bit clunky to me, but I am not going to rewrite it as it could be possible to word it better. Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 18:01, 7 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
I initially wanted a short statement on the commercial success of her follow-up releases after her debut, but realized you've made a good point and my statement did seem vague and clunky. So I shortened and fused your 2nd and 3rd bullet point to one statement that reads "The album was generally well-received and established her as a commercially viable Filipino pop artist." Let me know if you agree (as I'm not 100% sure that it looks good). I am open if you feel the need to revise/rewrite the statement. Pseud 14 (talk) 08:00, 8 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
This sounds good enough to me. Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 22:10, 9 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Images
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File:Regine Velasquez Hong Kong 1989.jpg concerns me as the image was previously available uncropped at http://songbirdsource.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/flashback-regine-velasquez-in-asia.html so this could be a case pf Flickr washing. -- Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 11:24, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Pseud 14: started this new subsection. Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 11:26, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Emir of Wikipedia:, thanks for the catch, as Flickr was my primary source. Will replace with a FU image then. Pseud 14 (talk) 12:07, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by North8000 (per request)

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Looks good.

  • The lead may have a few extra superlative words in it (e.g. "significantly successful" "considerable success")
Thank you, North8000. Good point, I've made some changes along these lines to reflect "After a significant period in music" & "She also had success in television". Pseud 14 (talk) 09:04, 8 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • The lead should be a summary of the article. I think it mostly does that except......it only covers the specifics of her career....possibly with a bit much detail for the lead. Adding a few summary sentences about other aspects of her life covered in the article would be good.
Makes sense, I will read through what I can take out from other aspects in her life to include in the lead. My point of reference in creating the lead were FAs (Music bios) and a majority of it covered career highlights. I may add a few summary sentences from philanthropic work. I'm not completely sure if something from her personal life can be added in the lead. Your thoughts North8000? Pseud 14 (talk) 09:04, 8 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
I would take what I say on this nice article as merely mild suggestions. With this in mind, I'll expand/ respond, and then argue against myself. One could say what I said, or a valid argument against that would be that the other stuff from her life has such lower prominence that it doesn't need to be in the lead. On the other point in the lead, I've learned to, in things like this, to trust first impressions, and my first impression was that it has a somewhat overwhelming amount of specific facts. The reverse argument is that it's efficiently written text that contains a huge amount of information. North8000 (talk) 21:34, 8 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the body, the sentence about the album she did consisting of covers was confusing. ("The album featured tracks from male recording artists and vocal groups in the Philippines") On first read it sounded like she put the actual tracks of the original artist on it. A few more words or wording tweaks to clarify would be good.
Thank for pointing it out. Reworded and tweaked as "...her fourth record with cover versions as its entire material. The album featured tracks originally recorded by local male artists and musical groups". Pseud 14 (talk) 09:04, 8 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • If she has an official website, that would be good for external links section
Oddly, she doesn't have an official website. The closest to one is an official Facebook Page maintained by her team. Pseud 14 (talk) 09:04, 8 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Nick Moyes (per request)

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Looks very detailed and generally well-written. (But is overly-detailed, and for me steps into WP:TLDR territory). It does read more like a magazine article, than an encyclopaedia, and we simply don't need any of the quotes from Velasquez at all. Just rely on the citations to do the work supporting the statements made, not her own words as a primary source. I've only time to whip through and highlight any odd sentences in the first couple of sections which I'll paste as bullets below for you to look at. Assume the same level of critical feedback would be likely for the subsequent sections. I do apologise for any non-intentional curtness in my feedback here:

  • The article is overlinked, and there are innumerable duplicate links, too. Annoyingly, many of the names highlighted don't go to an article on that name, they go to some generic list of tracks, or an album. Blue-linking people's names in this way doesn't do them any favours. I'd either redlink these names (eg John Laudon), or leave them unlinked. Linking Vicor Music Corporation to record label is pointless, but typical of the approach taken here, I fear.
Thanks for your feedback Nick. It sure is what I needed, as I too felt that I might have overdone this, especially with some unnecessary content, which should be stripped down into a much more concise form following your input. The article is listed at WP:GOCE/REQ which should extensively help too. I've run through the article and have unlinked as suggested which shall be the case for the rest of the sections too. Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are a lot of tautological statements and waffle which needs cutting out to make the article crisper and more encyclopaedic-sounding.
Fairly elaborated, thanks! Working on each sections to trim it down at the moment, pending a request for a copy-edit last week. Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the 1980s she gained recognition by winning both the 1984 Ang Bagong Kampeon and the 1989 Asia-Pacific Song Contest representing the Philippines. Did the Song Contest represent the Philippines, or did she? And why bother to say In the 1980s - we can tell that.
Done and reworded as "She gained recognition by winning both the 1984 Ang Bagong Kampeon and 1989 Asia-Pacific Song Contest where she represented the Philippines" Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • By the age of six, Velasquezoon began intensive vocal training with her father, she was submerged neck-deep in sea water and was made to go through vocal runs No need for "soon". Semi-colon needed after "father".
Done -- Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • The opposing force exerted by water while being immersed strengthens the stomach and chest muscles, reinforcing improved expansion of the rib cage and producing a fluid vocal resonance If you wonder why I think the article is too long, this sentence serves as a perfect demonstration. Delete it.
Thanks for pointing it out. Done Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • After several months, Velasquez competed in her first singing competition Change "after several months" and just say the year.
Done -- Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Velasquez went on to win at the conclusion of the season and shortly thereafter, was signed to a record deal. Just say "She went on to win and was subsequently signed to a record deal"
Done -- Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • a reference to her personal nickname - aren't all nicknames personal?
Done -- Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Shortly after the release, the single failed to enter the Philippine music charts and became a commercial and critical disappointment
Done -- Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Despite the poor reception of her single, Change to "Despite its poor reception, ..."
  • production of her sophomore release What does this mean?
This was a result of me trying to avoid having "album" used so much, heh, but changed it to "album" Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Nineteen 90 was released and accepted by critics Stating the obvious.
Done -- Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Velasquez has been involved in brand marketing initiatives early in her career This is confusing. "...since early on in her career" might be better.
Done -- Pseud 14 (talk) 13:10, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Velasquez began dating singer and actor Ariel Rivera in 1994. The relationship ended shortly in early 1995 Tidy up these sentences.
Fixed: "Velasquez began dating singer and actor Ariel Rivera in 1994, but the relationship ended the following year." Pseud 14 (talk) 13:10, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Honors and awards - the main article link redirects back to the article itself, so should be deleted.
Deleted. The main article (list of awards) was nominated for deletion back in 2013 as it wasn't sourced at all. The results of the discussion was to redirect. I reached out to the admin involved and checked if I could work on the project to overhaul it and provide sources, have not heard back from him as of this writing. Not sure if you could assist with this, Nick? Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Personal life - Bearing in mind the inordinate length of this article (180,000bytes), I'm not convinced any of the quotes from Velasquez herself are needed in this section, or indeed anywhere else. Let the reader follow the references - that's what they're for.
Point taken. Done Pseud 14 (talk) 11:07, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ceranthor

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  • "She gained recognition by winning both the 1984 Ang Bagong Kampeon and the 1989 Asia-Pacific Song Contest where she represented the Philippines." - The way this sentence is written implies that the where applies to both competitions, but I think it only applies to the 1989 contest. Clarify this
Fair point, reworded as She gained recognition by winning both the 1984 Ang Bagong Kampeon and the 1989 Asia-Pacific Song Contest, representing the Philippines in the latter Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Velasquez rose to fame with the release of "Kung Maibabalik Ko Lang" from her eponymous debut album" - when?
Year of release added Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "spawned notable singles, "Urong Sulong" and "Isang Lahi", that established her as a commercially viable Filipino pop artist." - why were they notable? Not clear from the sentence
Good point, I tweaked it as produced two more singles instead, since notability of 'singles' are often attributed with 'chart success' which was basically non-existent in the Philippines during 1980s (when compared to Billboard in the US or Oricon in Japan) Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Velasquez signed a recording contract with Polygram Records in 1994 and subsequently released Listen Without Prejudice, " - Subsequently is redundant. I'd just say released that album the same year (if that is the case and the album was released in 1994 too)
Done Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After her decision to resume her music career in the Philippines," - when did she ever stop her music career? This wasn't mentioned previously in the lead
Good catch! Deleted it, as she just simply returned to the Philippines to continue her career. Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Velasquez exercised her creative control by becoming the executive producer of R2K (1999)." - I'd phrase the exercised her creative control bit differently. It's kind of forced to say something like that; I'd just leave it out and say she became the exec. producer
This was a change from a GOCE copy-edit. Exercise does seem a bit off. I did reword it to She was given full conceptual and creative control as the executive producer of R2K (1999).Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and the best-selling local album in 1999 to 2000." - what does local album mean? And how can it be the best selling album in 1999 to 2000? That makes no sense to me; do you mean and?
Changed to and. I was trying to avoid using 'in the Philippines' so much in the lead, so local album would mean released only in the Philippines. This was me trying to draw distinction from her regional (Asian) releases. But fixed it nonetheless: and the best-selling album by a local artist in 1999 and 2000. Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After a significant period in music," - what does a significant period in music indicate?
I was referring to her music career since her debut until about 9 or so years later when she first ventured into film. Given she had significant success within that time frame, I opted for the wording. Maybe 'considerable' or 'relative' period? your thoughts? Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "decently received lead role in Wanted Perfect Mother (1996)." - I think the reception isn't really worth bringing up in the lead; I'd just mention the lead role
Done Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "latter being the highest-grossing film in 2001." - in the Philippines only, though...?
I missed this, but corrected to highest-grossing Filipino film in 2001 Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • " She has also been successful in television with the shows" - be more specific; starring in these shows, producing them... or both?
Since her introduction says she's a singer, actress and record producer, I believe it's basic assumption that she starred in the TV shows mentioned, unless we want to be considerate of other readers who don't know about the subject? What do you think? Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "which earned her a first lead acting award for television. " - I'd just name the specific award she won
Done Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "She had lead roles in the other prime time television shows." - Not sure what this sentence means
Reworded: In the first of these she appeared in a featured episode portraying a mentally challenged woman, which earned her a Star Award for Best Actress, while the other three were lead roles in prime time television shows. Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "12 Aliw Awards, and five Star Awards for Music," - elsewhere you haven't used the serial comma; make sure you stay consistent
Thanks for pointing it out. Done Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The prose standards for FAC are quite high. I think this article needs a good amount of work before it reaches that level. I just started with the lead to give you some initial ideas for ways to improve, and of course, I am more than happy to continue providing feedback. ceranthor 04:30, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Ceranthor:, thanks for your valuable input. Would always welcome anything to further improve it Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Regine Velasquez was born in Tondo, Manila.[3] " - year?
Added
  • "Her father, Gerardo Velasquez, was a construction estimator, her mother" - need a conjunction (while, and, etc.)
Done
  • "The family moved to Hinundayan, Southern Leyte where she spent the early years of her life.[7] " - Velasquez, not she; be more specific with your pronoun use
Done
  • "At age four Velasquez first became interested in music." - first is redundant
Done
  • "She credits her father's method in developing her lung endurance by using breathing techniques that increased her lungs' capacity, requiring fewer breaths between verses, resulting in better control.[11][12] " - requiring [...] and resulting in better control
Thanks for this. Done
  • "When Velasquez was fourteen, her father encouraged her to audition for the 1984 season of the reality television series Ang Bagong Kampeon.[13][12] " - I'd switch the ref order so it goes [12][13]
Ref order switched
  • "She went on to win and then signed to a record deal" - went on to is a redundant phrase; I'd just say "she won and signed a record deal"
Rephrased
  • "Immediately after her win," - I know it's implied, but I'd say after winning Ang Bagong Kampeon,
Done
  • "they began mapping out her commercial debut" - again, the vague pronoun use; who does "they" refer to here?
Thanks for pointing it out. Clarified as her record label began mapping out her commercial debut.
  • "Despite its poor reception, Velasquez still had musical ambitions and she realized the challenges of pursuing a career in music following her appearances at reality singing competitions." - the part after "and she realized..." is very clunky, and the meaning eludes me. What exactly are you trying to convey?
Reworded for clarity, Despite its poor reception, Velasquez still had musical ambitions; however, she struggled pursuing a career in music following her appearances at reality singing competitions. Let me know if that presents well?
  • "While Velasquez was rehearsing for the live show, the producer and talent manager, Ronnie Henares, who listened to her sing showed keen interest saying "she's one of the new artists to look out for," and immediately signed her." - Don't think the quote adds anything here. Also, wordy - cut out the "listened to her sing" bit as well. Just "showed keen interest and immediately signed her" is so much better.
Agree! Done
  • "The album, containing all original recordings, was largely driven by its lead single cover and managed sales of over 80,000 units." - more than, not over
Done. Went through the rest of the article to with the same changes.
  • "a mixture of passionate, easy listening love songs" - easy listening might be slang
You're right! I did miss to enclose it in quotation marks, as this was taken from the album review. Corrected it
  • "success, selling over 120,000 copies.[24][43]" - more than, not over
Done

Will get to the rest of the music career section next. ceranthor 00:17, 22 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks @Ceranthor:, appreciate you reading through it, I look forward to the rest, I hope you have a wonderful holiday too! Pseud 14 (talk) 07:12, 24 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Wehwalt

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Sorry for the delay. Here's the first batch, up to just before the 1994 section.

  • "After a significant period in music" I would delete this phrase, it really isn't needed.
Done
  • "Throughout her career, Velasquez has sold more than 8.5 million records regionally." I might say "During" rather than "Throughout".
Done
  • "as two of the first few songs she learned to sing.[9]" I would cut "few", it doesn't add meaning.
Done
  • "She went on to win and then signed to a record deal.[13]" I'm not sure what you mean by "to win". Does it regard the show? We know she won 8 straight weeks, so what does this mean?
Thanks for bringing this up. Tweaked to "She eventually qualified to become the show's senior division daily winner and successfully defended her title for eight consecutive weeks earning a spot in the finale." How's that? Pseud 14 (talk) 07:39, 24 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The single failed to enter the Philippine music charts" rather than enter, I might say "make" or "reach"
Done. Changed to "reach"
  • "and she realized the challenges of pursuing a career in music following her appearances at reality singing competitions." What does this mean? Of course she realized that making it in show business is hard, but why is this worth saying?
This was raised by Ceranthor likewise, I did reword it to clarify the statement and explain her early professional struggle(s) following her talent show stint. "Despite its poor reception, Velasquez still had musical ambitions; however, she struggled pursuing a career in music following her appearances at reality singing competitions." Thoughts? Otherwise, I wouldn't be opposed to taking it out Pseud 14 (talk) 07:39, 24 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Done

Thanks @Wehwalt: look forward to the rest of your comments. Have a great holiday! Pseud 14 (talk) 07:39, 24 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Done
  • "The album's first single, "Fly", was released—the only original song on the record." If it was the sole single, I would put it that way.
Clarified as the lead single.
  • "as Filipinos were indiscriminately identified as domestic workers" I might say "stereotyped" rather than "indiscriminately identified".
Done
  • "and utilizing exactly the same backing track used in Drawn." I might cut "exactly".
Done
  • "With her next albums, Velasquez began to take more initiative and control of her music, and had creative involvement in the genres being covered in her work.[63] " I understand the "control of her music part but not sure the remainder makes sense.
Thanks for pointing it out, I rephrased to: Velasquez began to take more initiative and control of her music, and had creative involvement over her projects.
  • "of cover versions of international material from contemporary hits of the last millennium," sounds more like the last forty years.
Agree, 'millennium' sounds like a bit of a stretch. the last forty years seems appropriate.
  • "where current Broadway and West End theater actress Rachelle Ann Go " I don't know if you want to use "current" as it puts the burden on you to update if she isn't. I might use a construction along the lines of "who became a Broadway ..." etc.
Excellent point, I tweaked it to : where Rachelle Ann Go emerged as the season's winner and has since become a Broadway and West End theater actress. Let me know this reads right.
  • "Towards the end 2005," missing word
Done
  • "In October 2006, Velasquez headlined Twenty at the Smart Araneta Coliseum celebrating the twentieth year since her commercial debut." What is Twenty?
It's name of the show. Clarified: In October 2006, Velasquez headlined a show, named Twenty, at the Smart Araneta Coliseum.
  • "managed" you use this word six times, which I think too many. Generally, I would expect to see that word if there's some difficulty in accomplishing it, or if it is barely done.
Exactly what I needed. Thanks for the catch. I was aiming to reduce any repetition. Reworded to something much more appropriate i.e. sold where it is necessary.
  • "in a total five categories" likely "of" is needed before "five" also "For both these shows," before "these"
Done
  • "Silver in the US in Costa Mesa, Vallejo and Montville." The first two are California cities, the last is across the nation in Connecticut. I might clarify the California and describe the Connecticut one as having been at the Mohegan Sun resort, as I imagine it was.
Initially that's what I had in mind but thought it would make the article lengthy. I'm glad you think it should be specified, so I rephrased: she embarked on a short string of concerts for Silver spanning three dates across the US, performing at the OC Fair & Event Center and Solano County Fairground in California, and at the Mohegan Sun resort in Montville, Connecticut
  • "a repertoire of themes from musicals, " I might say "songs" rather than "themes" and put in a link on musicals.
Done
  • On the US tours. It's hard to judge her success in the US from a mention of the cities. I might recommend mentioning one of the venues that she played, so as to differentiate her playing in arenas from her playing in holes in the wall.
You make a fair point. Mentioned venues in the article
  • "filling in for West End theater actress, Monique Wilson." I would either add a "the" before "West" or delete the comma.
Comma deleted
  • "She then portrayed a terminally-ill socialite who learns of her misdiagnosis in the television comedy series Poor Señorita (2016)." Having clicked through, I gather that she is not actually terminally ill, so I would suggest rephrasing.
Thanks for this. Rephrased.
  • I note pairs of references out of order. This is fine if you are intending to put the more significant reference first.
Rearranged.
Will finish soon.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:21, 1 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Wehwalt! I'll wait for the rest of your comments. This was very helpful. Pseud 14 (talk) 08:34, 2 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "blown away" a bit informal
Took it as mentioned from the linked article/source, was aiming to quote it, but there's a tad too many in that same sentence, reworded to was impressed.
  • "kundiman" I would link on first usage even if in a quote.
Linked
  • "CNN Philippines" probably doesn't need italics. You also have it linked three times.
Done. Unliked the other two
  • I might consider retitling the "Legacy" section as "Influence". She is alive and active in her career, after all.
@Wehwalt: I've considered this too but referencing on other FAs (i.e. Lady Gaga. Kylie Minogue, Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey), they too are alive and active. I guess given their decades body of work, we can use such a section title?
  • There should be an "and" near the end of the long list in the third paragraph of "Legacy.
Done
  • "Former American Idol finalists" I would cut "Former". It's understood.
Done
  • "one of the Philippines largest open dumpsite.[273]" missing apostrophe?
Thanks for the catch. Done
  • "most high-profile" highest-profile?
Changed
  • "in support of the Bantay Bata Foundation, a social welfare organization that aimed to raise funds for local government units and other child-caring institutions which protect disadvantaged and at-risk children against abuse, exploitation and neglect." I don't know why we need anything after the comma, there's a link after all, or at most "a child welfare organization."
Good point. Cut the entire description, retained a chile welfare organization
  • "She recorded the theme "which was written for her fifteenth studio album for the project.[279]" I might say "which was written for the project, and appears on her fifteenth studio album" or similar. The "for the project" is what's causing the trouble.
Used as suggested. Done
Done
  • "travel advocacy campaign." possibly "travel promotion campaign"
Done
Well, that's it. Sorry to be so slow. It's very well written.--Wehwalt (talk) 14:30, 4 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
@Wehwalt: Thanks for the tremendous input on this article. Found it incredibly helpful. I wouldn't be able to comment on it in one sitting too, so that's perfectly fine :) , truly appreciate it! Pseud 14 (talk) 08:15, 6 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

John

[edit]
Hi John, I've been meaning to trim it down too, it does appear overwhelming. Cut it down and retained the notable ones and removed those that were mentioned twice in the succeeding statements. Appreciate your time to copy-edit too. Let me know if you do have more comments on the article as it stands. Pseud 14 (talk) 08:20, 6 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
@John: True, I've ref'd Amazon.com for albums that have been released (info on dates, track listing, record label, composers, etc) in lieu of using liner notes. I am inclined to using other sources i.e. Liner notes/media notes, Allmusic, if Amazon's reliability is questionable. . Pseud 14 (talk) 04:20, 7 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
e-commerce links should be replaced with non-commercial reliable sources if available is what I was thinking of. --John (talk) 11:49, 7 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
@John: Fair point. I'll source out non-commercial links best I could, it should be fine for the recent albums. However, given that some of the albums date back in the early 90s and the insufficient online material, I'll take out all Amazon sources and most likely shift to inline citations or AllMusic as they seem much more acceptable than online retail stores in the absence/lack of non-commercial sources. Pseud 14 (talk) 12:42, 7 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from FrB.TG

[edit]

Sorry for taking forever to get to this. Here are my initial comments.

  • "Regine Velasquez (/ˈrɛdʒin ˈvɛlæskɛz/; born Regina Encarnacion Ansong Velasquez; April 22, 1970)" I would suggest changing it to "Regina Encarnacion Ansong Velasquez (/ˈrɛdʒin ˈvɛlæskɛz/; born April 22, 1970)" since she has only taken her middle names out. Madonna (entertainer) is a good example of what I'm trying to say.
You make a good point. Changed
  • There is no section called "OP" in Music of the Philippines as linked such in Filipino pop in the final line of the first paragraph.
Linked to "#Original Pilipino Music" section.
  • "Covers, Vol. 1 (2004), became her eighth album" unneeded comma.
Done
Done
  • "Her father, Gerardo Velasquez, was a construction estimator, and her mother, Teresita (née Ansong), was a homemaker.[6]" - the given source does not mention the name of her parents. Maybe add another source which mentions their names.
True, it did just mention as 'Gerry resigned from his job as a construction estimator'. Added a new source from a news article with the parents' complete names.

Down to the end of the Early life section. More later today. FrB.TG (talk) 10:28, 7 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks FrB.TG Will wait for the rest. Pseud 14 (talk) 11:58, 7 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On February 16, 1986, at the behest of another OctoArts recording artist, Pops Fernandez, Velasquez was invited to appear on her live late night musical television show, The Penthouse Live!.[8]" see MOS:CONSECUTIVE for the double punctuation at the end.
  • "Rosario enlisted top songwriters including Joaquin Francisco Sanchez" - suggest adding a comma before including
  • "the Isaac Stern Auditorium of Carnegie Hall in New York City — a first for an Asian solo artist" - no space before and after the dash.
  • "The album debuted in several countries in Southeast Asia including: China, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Japan, Malaysia, Singapore, South Korea, Taiwan, and Thailand" - two things: suggest a comma after including and consistency with oxford comma. I saw above somewhere that you did not use it.
  • "At the end of 1994" → "In December 1994"
  • "The album's lead single, "Fly", was released" - do we know when?
  • ""Filipinos will [only] listen to adventurous music by international artists, but expect their own singers to remain in an 'easy listening' musical straitjacket. ... [T]he success of the album also points to one of the drawbacks on the Philippine music scene, oftentimes Filipinos prefer international music, and remakes thereof, than music composed by their countrymen."" This is a very long and jarring quote. Surely this can be summarized/trimmed.

This is well-written. I expect to finish my review in a week or so. FrB.TG (talk) 16:25, 7 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

  • @FrB.TG: Thanks so much for reading through it. Look forward to the remainder of your review. --Pseud 14 (talk) 07:24, 8 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "David Gonzales expressed approval of the album's content as having a "considerable amount of adventurous, modern music, often performed in a rhythm & blues vein, a most welcome development in a country where the local music scene is dominated by easy listening love songs."" If we could somehow paraphrase (a portion of) this quote, that would be really great.
    • Revised by dissecting it to read as : David Gonzales expressed approval of the album's content as having a "considerable amount of adventurous, [and] modern music" and described it as a "welcome development in a country where the local music scene is dominated by easy listening love songs.". Let me know if this sounds better to read? --Pseud 14 (talk) 08:18, 9 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The album's follow-up single, a cover of Samantha Sang's 1977 song "Emotion", was described as a "fine acoustic remake."" - attribution needed. Stick a "Gonzales" somewhere in the sentence.
  • "For R2K, she began production as executive producer and reunited with longtime collaborators, Tats Faustino and Cesar Aguas.[63]" Might be worth mentioning that R2K is her tenth studio album.
  • "The album's lead single was a cover of Jeffrey Osborne's "On The Wings of Love".[64] The album's reception was mostly mixed." Two consecutive sentences beginning with "the album's".
  • "The album's reception was mostly mixed." Source?
    • I've removed this bit as unlike most foreign acts who have a Metacritic database, my only source of review(s) is Allmusic, and a single review definitely would not merit a consensus (i.e. positive, mixed or negative). --Pseud 14 (talk) 08:18, 9 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Commercially, R2K was the best-selling local album in the Philippines in 1999, with more than 40,000 copies sold in the first two weeks of its release; receiving a platinum certification." This sentence might read better as (this is a suggestion so it should not necessarily be adapted) "Commercially, R2K sold more than 40,000 copies sold in the first two weeks of release, receiving a platinum certification and becoming the best-selling local album in the Philippines in 1999"
  • "The album proved to be a commercial success, despite the negative critical response, with domestic sales of more than 200,000 copies." Not a fan of the structure here: commercial performance, critical reception, sales. Rearrange in a way that commercial performance and sales come after each other.
  • It goes without saying that you need to cite sources for the critical reception (i.e. positive, mixed or negative) of the albums/tours.
  • "2004–2007: Covers Volume 1 and Volume 2" - this subsection should be called "2004–2007: Covers, Vol. 1 and Vol. 2".
  • "Three years after the release of Reigne" - this does not need to be so long. Better mention the year.
  • "In the same year, Velasquez returned as host for the second season of Search for a Star[101] (formerly Star for a Night), where Rachelle Ann Go emerged as the season's winner and has since become a Broadway and West End theater actress.[102][103]" What same year? I assumed that you meant 2004. However, after visiting the article, I learned that show ran from 2003 to 2004. Better mention the run time of the show. Also, not sure you need to discuss the Rachelle Ann part.
Moved this up to the 1999-2003 timeline and took out the Rachelle Ann part --Pseud 14 (talk) 08:18, 9 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Towards the end of 2005, Velasquez, Del Rosario and Raul Mitra began developing material for her follow-up to Covers, Vol. 1, to be released early the following year.[106]" I am a little bit confused here. The "to be released" part implies (at least for me) that it has not released yet.
  • "In the same year, she returned briefly to hosting another reality talent show, Are You the Next Big Star?[123]" MOS:CONSECUTIVE per above.
    • Revised --
  • "For both of these shows, Velasquez received four nominations at the 5th Star Awards for Music winning" - comma before winning.
  • " She later won Best Female Concert Performer at the 47th Box Office Entertainment Awards,[156] 7th Star Awards for Music[157] and 5th Edukcircle Awards for the production.[158]" This implies she won Best Female Concert Performer at all of these awards. I am assuming she did, but if she did you can leave it as it is.
  • "On June 30, 2017, Velasquez announced her return to VIVA Records and that she had begun production of her seventeenth studio album, R3.0[172]" - a missing full stop to end the sentence.

I have finished reading the career section. Two general points: you should summarize/trim/remove (whatever suits best) some of the sugary quotes, which aren't that informative. You also need to cite sources for the critical reception of the albums and tours. Also, I have made some tweaks here and there which you might wanna check. FrB.TG (talk) 20:25, 8 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks FrB.TG. I'll give the article a thorough read and should start trimming down and removing quotes that seem to be unnecessary. If you find anything worth taking out, I'd be happy to hear your feedback. As for critical reception, since majority of the albums' reviews are from Allmusic, I took out any mention of critical reception and went ahead with stating the source of the review (i.e. Allmusic described the album. etc. somewhere along those lines), except for those albums/tours/concerts where I managed to source out at least 2 or 3 news articles. --Pseud 14 (talk) 08:18, 9 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 1995, Velasquez began working with stage and musical director Ryan Cayabyab on a workshop for the theater production of José Rizal's Noli Me Tángere[177]" - full stop missing.
    • Done
  • "A key point in Velasquez's film career came when she was cast by Joyce Bernal to star in the 2000 romantic comedy Kailangan Ko'y Ikaw opposite Robin Padilla." A suggestion: "A key point in Velasquez's film career came when Joyce Bernal cast her as the lead in her romantic comedy Kailangan Ko'y Ikaw opposite Robin Padilla."
    • Done
  • "The film had a domestic box-office gross of over ₱105 million, making it the highest-grossing film of 2001." Highest-grossing film of 2001 where? I know we have domestic in the sentence, but it's a little unclear. I had to read it twice to totally understand where.
    • Clarified. Used Filipino film instead of adding in the Philippines to avoid confusion between a foreign and local movie.
  • "Pangarap Ko Ang Ibigin Ka (2003) saw her reunite with" → "Pangarap Ko Ang Ibigin Ka (2003) reunited her with"
    • Done
  • "She was not seen on film" - in film.
    • Done
  • "impressed with Carey's singing and the fact she "can write her own songs."" Right, nothing special about this quote. Can very well be paraphrased.
    • You're right. Trimmed it to impressed with Carey's songwriting
  • "As an up-and-coming singer, she lists Kuh Ledesma, Joey Albert, Gary Valenciano, Martin Nievera and Pops Fernandez as career role models." Up-and-coming? She has been in the music industry for decades.
    • Reworded. Was aiming for "When she was an up-and-coming singer", but decided to tweak the whole statement.

I will review the rest of the sections tomorrow if not today. FrB.TG (talk) 15:11, 10 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@FrB.TG: Thanks a lot! Looking forward to the rest of it Pseud 14 (talk) 04:27, 11 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Velasquez is often regarded as one of Filipino music's most influential voices and for her use of vocal belting" - OPM over-linked.
    • Unlinked
  • "She is a lyric soprano,[231] possessing a four-octave vocal range (from B2 to B6)." Don't start a new para with a pronoun.
    • Fixed
  • The lead paragraph of the legacy section is quite formulaic with the usual A of B said this B of C said that. This often makes for a repetitive read and is better avoided in FA articles. There is WP:RECEPTION which is for the repetitive (same A said B, C said D) reception sections in film, video game and album articles. I think it might provide useful in this instance. I would also suggest to reduce the number of quotes here.
This is so much better now and also very readable. FrB.TG (talk) 12:07, 13 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • The second paragraph is much better than the first one.

And this puts an end to my review. This is generally well-written and will do well at FAC IMO. However, one thing to look at, as I mentioned above, is the quotes. Reducing the redundant ones would definitely help. In any case, ping me when you get this to FAC. Cheers, FrB.TG (talk) 19:34, 12 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@FrB.TG:Thanks so much for reading through it. I really do appreciate it. There are definitely other bits that need to be reduced and fixed. I'll definitely ping you when this gets to FAC, that is after I've had a run-through of the sources and do some tweaks/fix as mentioned above, and some relevant things like that. Thanks so much for your time and encouragement. --Pseud 14 (talk) 10:07, 13 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Peer_review/Regine_Velasquez/archive1&oldid=1086347282"
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