Philosophy of Everyday Life: What are the lessons people

most often learn too late in life?

How to Be Successful without Working Yourself to Death

Every now and then we all have to sprint in our jobs to crank something out before a
deadline or deal with an intense time of year, but I think the majority of the pain from
overwork is self-inflicted. In big companies where you have lots of people at the junior
levels, you'll see hordes of young people who try to outwork each other in a competition to
see who can work the most nights and weekends and produce the most output the fastest.
Many companies implicitly or even explicitly encourage this, and I wouldnt call it a bad
strategy, but its often an inefficient way to reach your goals. Working on the right things is
more important than simply working a lot.
The determinants of professional advancement you can control are the quality of your work,
making your organization more successful, and getting people with authority to trust you
with some of your own. Within each of those areas are many, many dimensions along which
you have an opportunity to differentiate yourself. You might be able to get a promotion or
two just by working insanely hard, but eventually you can't advance if you don't bring any
creativity to your work and don't know how to create opportunities for yourself and your
organization.
For more, see: The Hard Work Paradox (Part 1): Why Success Takes More than Effort

Choosing What You Want to Be Good at Wisely

If youve just started your career, right now is the easiest it will ever be to completely change
direction professionally. Obligations like marriage, kids, mortgage payments and the other
trappings of adulthood are likely still a little ways off. Just as important, you dont yet have
many sunk costs behind you to cloud your judgment about what to do next. You can and
should explore radically new opportunities to find a career path that is challenging and
meaningful to you. Eventually however, you have to specialize in a field to advance your
career, and that can require tough trade-offs.
The great paradox of learning is that diverse expertise gives you freedom to try more new
things, but gaining expertise in one area always means ignoring others, reducing your
freedom. Developing expertise in anything worthwhile takes time, and your time is limited.
And while its not every day that you embark on a new career path, you will regularly make
choices about where to develop skills. Whenever you engage in additional training, take a
class, jump into a new project, or even choose a book to read, you build knowledge in some
areas rather than others. All of that training and experience constitutes the skill set you can
market to employers. If you dont pay attention to where you accumulate skills, you can
make important career decisions completely by accident. We do the things for a living that
we know how to do well. You are what you learn.
If you dont pay attention to what you get good at, its easy to get stuck in a field simply
because thats what you know, whether or not you find it fulfilling. When youre young, you

dont have as many constraints that prevent you from changing tack and pursuing
something new. That freedom never completely goes away, but the constraints that pile up
as life progresses can make it much more difficult (and expensive) to change direction later.
Time catches up to all of us. Youll be much happier if you choose your career path
consciously rather than allow time to make decisions for you.
For more, see: Be Careful What You Get Good At
For the career-minded, I also recommend:
How to Drive Adoption of Your Ideas

The Hard Work Paradox (Part 2): What I Learned by Watching Other People
Succeed

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Mary Schiller, I post a daily audio at TheDailyPrinciples.com. Come join me.

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That, as St. Francis of Assisi once said, "What we're looking for, is what
we're looking with." We believe we need to look everywhere for happiness, peace,
fulfillment, security. What we don't see is that everything we need, we already have.
None of those feelings can they be found in anything outside of us -- not in
relationships, money, or anything else -- nor do we have to search for them inside of us.
They're already there, all the time.

That impermanence is a gift. My mother used to always say -- quoting someone,

I'm sure -- "This, too, shall pass." I didn't understand it when I was younger, but now
that I'm in my 50s, I'm seeing how beautiful this truth actually is. We're all part of an
amazing system that is constantly renewing itself.

That our thinking is not who we are, nor does it tell us much that's
useful. If you read the works of Sydney Banks -- or more recently, books by Michael
Neill, Jamie Smart, George Pransky and others -- you'll see that our thoughts do only
one thing: they create the experience we're having this very moment, and that's all. Any

insights we have come in moments of quiet. The way to have a quieter mind is just to
see that we're thinking, not to intentionally try to quiet the mind.

That our feelings don't tell us anything important. Our feelings simply reflect
our thinking moment to moment. They don't portend the future or signal anything
significant regarding the past. They don't tell us what we should or shouldn't do. They
do only one thing, and they do it very well: they reflect our thinking in the moment. I
owe this understanding to the people I mentioned previously: Sydney Banks, Michael
Neill, Jamie Smart, George Pransky and others who have written and spoken
extensively about the Three Principles.
I wish I had known all of this from childhood or at least earlier in my life. I wish someone
had told me how my experience was really being created, so I could have relaxed into life
more often than I did. But I'm grateful to have found it now.

Helpful links:
Supercoach.com - A Human Potential Company
Jamie Smart | Jamie Smart http://www.threeprinciplesmovies...
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Kumar Thangudu, Thankful Human Being.

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I'm going to share some lessons that I've learned the hard way.
1.

Self Awareness: Find out what it is in life that you don't do well, and don't do that
thing.

2.

Influence & People: Be incredibly self aware of what you're bad at, and surround
yourself with people to balance you out.

3.

Substance: Marketing and brand don't always correlate with substance. Much of
the world operates on Marketing & Brand.

4.

People: The people you see around you right now, may not be around you in 5-10
years.

5.

Life Goals: Optimize your life for long term wealth, value, and impact. Source: Why
you should care about software.

6.

The Critics: For every doryphore, pedantic critic, there are one hundred people
who will be the fuel on your fire, assemble and align them with equivocal support.

7.

Human Behavior: Every Behavior can be defined by 4 basic traits: motivation,

ability/capability, trigger event type, and trigger event frequency. Understanding
human behavior is one of the most valuable things you can do.

8.

Issues with People: Difficult conversations are driven by misalignment. One

should always over-strive to understand the data that drives the opposing side's
viewpoint. Arguments are rarely about truth, and more about understanding
perspectives.

9.

Purpose: Know why you wake up every day, or search for it. It will change your life.

10.

Happiness: Positivity is a state of mind. Find the bottleneck and blockage problem
and kill it. Use your friends as shields from negativity, they usually wont mind, I
promise.

11.

Responsiveness: Be responsive and quick to reply to your friends, coworkers, and

loves when they reach out to you. This is the moment they need you most.

12.

Adapting to Cultures: Hofstede's cultural dimensions theory is something I wish

I'd understood sooner in life. It explains the different ways to understand people of
different cultures.

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Morgana Wyze, Spiritual Teacher, CNC

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Morgana is a Most Viewed Writer in Life Advice.

That youth is fleeting.

That some decisions can't be postponed, because youth is fleeting...such as saving for old
age or taking a careful business risk, or becoming parents, or going back to college. It
doesn't matter in the end what choices you make, it does matter that you make them as
conscious choices and not choices by default.
That the most important choice you can make in your life is whom to love. Loving a bad
person well and devotedly is not a wise choice. The person you choose has to be worthy of
your love.
That everthing in life that is horrible to you will one day be a distant memory. Pain ends,
people move on, and your enemy one day might one day be your best friend..and vice versa.
It's all small stuff if you let it be small stuff. Some people hold onto their pain, their
suffering, and their grievances. it serves no purpose and they can't move past it and make a
fresh start. Be the person who recognizes that you never step into the same river twice.
Events change you.
And you are changed by events. You can choose to accept that change, or to fight it. This
doesn't change the events, only what you can make from the events. You can choose to grow
in a positive way or you can choose to reject growth and shrivel up in soul and body.
That age is a gift.
Everything in your life that ever hurt you is in the past. Your childhood wounds are so far
gone as to be unremembered and unremarkable. Your youthful mistakes become a source of
amusement and reminiscing. Your options narrow down and become manageable because
your days are numbered. Nothing that happens is "bad", it's only change. You learn to
accept change and life as a great gift.
Thanks for the A2A
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Rohan Sinha, A Philosopher by heart

22.3k Views
Rohan is a Most Viewed Writer in Life Lessons with 70+ answers.

There are many lessons that I want to share with you but the following are my favorites:

Invest In Yourself

Health is wealth- There is no fun in life if we are seriously unwell. All money we
have accumulated in our life also fails to get back our health.

Less is more- Life is all about quality not quantity. You are lucky even if you have
few true friends as when the adversities come then you got to know who are your true
friends.

Work hard Party Harder- No matter how hard you are working, always find
some time to do things that makes you happy.

Cultivate good Hobbies- A person who has a hobby is never alone. I love reading
books, writing and analyzing difficult situations and these habits I have developed in the
college.

Utilize your College Time- It is the time when we figure out what we want to do
in life. Whether we would like to startup a company or we would like to work for a MNC
or a small upcoming company. It is not just about the degree you will earn.

People- Life is all about People. So, wherever you go value people. Respect them,
add value to their life through your association. I am trying to add value for those who
are reading this. Thank you for being patient to read me.

Network- Now-a-days, it is more important that whom you know. It is not about
buttering or greasing someone's palm. I am bad at networking because I considered this
as bad. How stupid I was? It is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Positive Attitude- Once a CEO asked two people whether they can do a job. It was
an impossible task that the CEO was entrusting on them. The First person was honest
about his feelings and told that it is not possible to get it done in the given time. The

CEO called another person and asked the same question. He answered that although it
seems difficult but I am sure that I can do it with your support. The CEO nodded in
affirmation. The second person asked for more resources and more authority to get the
work done. The CEO agreed. Later, the second person really get that work done and the
CEO informed everyone that the second person was having a Positive attitude and
hence he trusted him more than the first one.

Some Myths

We are not Hypocrites- No one is 100 % hypocrite but Everyone is a Hypocrite to

a certain degree. It is pretty human. I often say that I am indifferent to appreciation or
criticism but that is not 100% true. However, it is definitely true that I am less
influenced by criticism or appreciation with respect to many who are in and around me.
So, do check if any of your behavior is similar to me.

Our Problems are terribly difficult- Our problems are not as difficult as it
seems to us. Let me support this with justification. Time travel to your childhood and
you would find that your biggest problems were doing homework, taking permission
from Mom to go out to Play, Get a Candy, etc. Are they significant today? Ofcourse not.
You will love to remember all those problems and it will make you smile. Similarly, 20
years down the line it will hardly matter if you got a plum job after college or you are
jobless, if you have a gf/bf or not in college, if you have failed in the exams or have
topped it. Meet me after 20 years and we will discuss your current problems over coffee.

I am Good for Nothing- Everything in this universe is for some purpose. Even the
stone at the top of the mountain has some purpose. We are humans; maybe we have
done something good in our previous lives and hence have been rewarded. So, never
believe that you are Good for Nothing.
Crocodile cannot fly and Butterfly cannot swim- There is no point for the crocodile to
feel bad that he cannot fly or the butterfly to feel bad for not being able to swim. Doesn't
it makes sense. Same is with all of us. We just need to identify things which makes us
happy.

I have wasted X years of my life- We feel that we have wasted our life but you
know, nothing is wasted in this world. Do you know the story of bamboo tree? It
doesnt show sign of growth in first four- five years. But, in the next one year it will grow
rapidly. Now, the reality is that the growth doesn't occur only in one year, it happens
over a period of 5-6 years.
During the first 5 years the growth of roots is happening and the foundation is getting
stronger which let the bamboo to grow rapidly in last one year. Same is with all of us.
We just need six months to a year to have a visible growth. All the years before that are

definitely not wasted. Believe me. Good experience gives you joy, bad experience build
your character and personality. So, they both are equally important.

I don't have Natural Talent- Galileo told that the earth moves around the sun.
But at that time, Everyone felt that he was wrong and people wanted to kill him.
Everyone knew that Earth was fixed and sun revolved around the earth, which was later
proved wrong . Galileo was considered as a mad man all his life. The poor chap got all
the recognition after his death. Even today all our textbooks are full with works of
Galileo.
You can't do much about others but can make Galileo your role model. Not only him,
Abraham Lincoln was unable to win even a local election, all his life he failed in
whatever he did. He failed more than us for sure and see one day he became the
president of US. It was not luck but hard work. Remember the bamboo story. See it's
working.

I am waiting for the perfect moment- There is nothing called perfect moment.
Try to get the maximum out of whatever you have. Minimize Procrastination, and never
wait for the perfect moment. Life happens when we wait for the perfect moment.

I don't have zeal to learn- Larry Page invented Google and it became a dream
company for many people. He just followed his passion. May be he was also not having
the zeal to learn or work on the traditional subjects. So he created something new.

It will not work out- Follow your heart and chase your dreams as they are worth
it. There is nothing which can't work out even when the idea looks ridiculous to others.
The key is that you must believe in the idea, thats it.
In India, almost everyone loves cricket and is a cricket commentator. But, that doesn't
stopped Harsha Bhogle from becoming a full time Cricket Commentator after his post
graduation from IIM Ahmadabad. He must have been mocked for his choice of
profession but he had passion for it and he pursued something he loved doing.
If you are a Movie Buff - You can be an expert reviewer and can also earn and get paid
for watching movies and writing reviews.

I am at a Disadvantage- Disability is the inability to know ability. Read out the

lessons from so-called disadvantaged girls, Virali Modi, Miss Wheelchair India 2014,
Runner Up and Ira Singhal, Differently abled UPSC Topper . Rohan Sinha's answer to
When is it advantageous to be disadvantaged?

Secret Of Happiness

There is no secret ingredient.

Don't chase happiness as you can never achieve it. Rather, Chase your dreams,
Follow your heart, Slow down a bit and smell the roses, Smile at a stranger, Make a pen
friend, Call you Mom/Dad/loved ones and you will find happiness instantly.

Saying that you don't have time to improve your thoughts is like saying you don't
have time to stop for fuel because you are too busy driving.

The secret of Happiness is to find out what you love and then directing all
your energy towards doing it.
PS- The inspiration for this answer is from a pen friend on Quora. We don't know much
about each other but we share our thoughts and counsel each other. Thank you for sharing
your problem with me which helped me write this. :)

Please feel free to ping me if you have anything to ask. You can check out my blog Life is
Beautiful and/or follow me on quora to get such long tiring answers in your feed :)
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Mike Leary, Psychotherapist in private practice, Individual-Marital-Parenting-A&D

29.7k Views Mike has 570+ answers in Psychology of Everyday Life.
Mike has 22 endorsements in Psychology.

Ah, wisdom of the ages. What does/should an old person have become aware of before it's
too late? What paths have been trod which wasted time? What realizations should have
captured life at its greatest, but we were duped into using our precious, limited energy.

Credit: Bronnie Ware.

You also wanted credentials from having enough time on earth for perspective. I'm rolling
into my 70's now. I have lived on three continents; met people from the dregs of life to the
famous and I've even lived homeless on the streets of New York City for a short time. I've
experienced many jobs from ditch digging to computer repair, having five careers and now
have spent over 35000 hours in a therapist chair listening to the deepest sorrows people
have. I've been partially paralyzed twice, had a stroke and have almost died a number of
times. So let's get on with it.

What are the lessons people most often learn too late in life?
We need to start with ground rules. General concepts which should have allowed this
earning of wisdom credits to occur.
A. Life goes on and will go on without you. The mountains, rivers, seas and weather don't
have a point of view about you. You are the background for their dynamic. The life forms of
flora, fauna, insects, germs, and viruses all are struggling to stay alive and eating each
other's energy to do so. They see you as just another form of life's energy to consume.
They're just doing their thing.
B. All you need is enough energy to see tomorrow. In order to do so you must eat some other
life form. That is why you say a blessing at meal time. Something gave its life so you can see
tomorrow whether plant or animal. Appreciate it and give thanks for its existence and its
sacrifice which allows you to continue your journey.
C. These bodies are on loan and they all get factory recalls. You don't take care of it,

everything else comes to a screeching halt. What you ingest and consume becomes you. How
you treat your body will determine if you get your hundred year warranty or not. So many
people don't seem to understand how preventive maintenance works anymore. Regular tune
ups extend your health.
D. Other people will use you up if you let them. Nobody respects what they can use so if you
don't learn how to set boundaries in your life, they will consume your precious energy.
Learning to assert yourself and not be aggressive is a critical skill.
E. Losing or failing is crucial for growth, it's how we learn. Resiliency is from learning to
reach inside ourselves and become aware of our own abilities. It's where our real pride is
born. "I did it myself!"
f. Time waits for no one. It trudges on no matter what. We each have just so many grains of
sand in the bottle. When they go through the neck of awareness, we decide to get our life's
worth or waste it.
So what places us on one side of the glass, seeing what needed to be done but now we are
unable to get through it to help our past, ignorant selves?
What people learn too late in life: (WPLTLIL)
1. All our being is about belonging.
Fitting in and being accepted is crucial. That's supposed to happen when we are very young
children from our original caregivers. When it goes wrong, it dooms us to get it in many
distorted ways from looking for love in all the wrong places, to being the richest kid on the
block. We see people become celebrities, political leaders and monarchs. All of it is to get the
value they didn't get as children. It never fills the bucket. No matter what, they are never
good enough. They think they have to earn love. Love doesn't work like that.
And for those who get fed up and discover they can't get it from society, they go mad and
either kill themselves, others, or both. They couldn't figure out how to fix it.
WPLTLIL is: You can't get it from others once the time has passed, that includes the original
caregivers. You have to find a highe... (more)
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Nikola Gjakovski, Blogger, Runner, Life Coach

19.5k Views

9 Extraordinary Life Lessons Ive Learned From Studying With a Monk

For Almost 10 Years
By Robert Piper:
When I was 18 years old, I suffered from anxiety and stomach problems. A compassionate
physician and practicing Buddhist referred me to a Taoist monk who specialized
in meditation and martial arts. I ended up healing myself of anxiety and stomach issues by
doing meditation, and went on a great journey of self-discovery.
Here are 9 lessons I learned while studying with a monk:

1. Keep trying until you get it right

One of the most important life lessons I learned was trying something three times (maybe
even four times) before you stop trying and move on. Also, this monk taught me that, even
after multiple tries, you should work on different angles to approach things that are difficult.
If you keep trying, youll eventually get where youre going.

2. The answer to your question is inside of you

As part of the original monastery training, a monk didnt answer direct questions from a
student unless it was a well thought-out question. A Chinese proverb says, Teachers open
the door, but you must enter by yourself.
Some forms of Zen Buddhism use a very similar style of training. An old saying (by Taoist
monks) goes like this: In making a four corner table, the teacher shows the student how to
make one corner. Its the students job to figure out how to make the other three.
They did this because they were preparing a student to deal effectively with problems in the
real world.
I traveled to South Korea one time, and I found it fascinating how much you have to rely on
your intuition when you dont speak the native language of a country.
I remember one instance, I had trouble explaining to the cab driver where my hotel was, and
he didnt speak English. So I had to get out of the cab and ask several people until I could
find someone to tell the cab driver in Korean how to get to my hotel.
In life, whenever we try new things, we have to go into new places with only a small amount
of information. The real world doesnt give us all the answers. The greatest teacher is inside
of us.

3. Real wisdom in life comes from doing something and failing

Prior to starting meditation, I used to get upset when Id try something and fail.
Ive been in sales since I was sixteen. I remember going to work and getting so angry with

myself because I didnt get a sale. If I ever got rejected, Id get upset with myself, and Id
want to quit my job. But I just keep failing over and overuntil I became good at it.
I remember, when I first started doing meditation, I ran into several problems. For example,
at first it was difficult to calm down; but if you stick with it, its gets easier and easier. I tried
for only a few minutes, and then every day, I added more time onto my meditation.
When we struggle, we learn about ourselves and what we need to do to become stronger.

4. When you start to do meditation you recognize the egotistical mind

Everything in the egos world is the result of comparing. I compared myself to other
salesmen and would blame myself because I wasnt making as much money as them.
When I started doing meditation, I began to build separation from this egoistical mind,
which is consistently making these comparisons.
A lot of us try something and get rejected, so we give up. Even worse, we blame ourselves for
a long time and get depressed. When I started to do meditation, I began to identify my ego
and was able to build separation from it.
Thats what happens when we meditate: We separate from the part of ourselves that dwells
on comparisons, and start learning to live a life that isnt driven by our egos.

5. We must be both compassionate and resilient

The monk wouldnt meet with me to train unless I called him a minimum of three times. I
hated this part.
I used to call and call and he would never answer. But this is how life is. How many times do
you have to call or email someone to get something done in the real world? Its usually
several times.
Most of us blame ourselves when we try once to do something and fail. At the time, I hated
this part of the training, but now I think it was the most important life lesson.
Theres a Taoist proverb that says, Cotton on the outside, steel on the inside.
It reminds us to be compassionate, but not weak.

6. Patience is a virtue
The monk always made me waitand I dreaded this.
For example, when I got to his house to train, hed make me wait for a minimum of a halfhour, sometimes longer. Wed go out to dinner on Friday nights and hed show up at the
restaurant an hour late.
Hed tell me to meet him at a particular restaurant at 7:00. Id get there and find out that he
wasnt there. So Id usually be sitting in the restaurant by myself fumbling with my phone,
acting like I was texting someone, while worrying about what everyone at the restaurant was

thinking about me.

Keep in mind, its not like I could call him; I dont think the guy ever turned his cell phone
on. Then hed show up at about 8:15 and act like nothing happened.
His first question was always, Hows your mother and father? (Of course in my head Im
thinking, What do you mean, Hows my mother and father? I just waited here for an hour
and fifteen minutes.)
But after a few years of this, it never bothered me; and not only that, it spread to every area
of my life.
Because of this training, I can honestly say that I very rarely get upset about anything. I
never get agitated anymore when I have to wait in a long line or when someone cuts me off
on the highway.
Patience is the gift of inner calm.

7. Detach from your ego

At first, its hard to sit at a restaurant by yourself. Youre constantly worrying, thinking that
people probably think youre a loser because youre sitting by yourself. But the reality is, you
will never be happy if you care about what people think you!
Prior to starting meditation, Id get upset over just about anything.
Now, nothing really bothers me.
Recently, I was in the airport and there was a several hour delay on my flight. I just used
that time to do meditation. Ten years ago, I would have become extremely upset. An
airplane delay would have ruined my day.
When you let go of your ego needs, its easier to accept and even benefit from whatever
comes at you.

8. In Taoism, they say, No self, No enemy.

Its the enemy within that causes all of our fears, worries, and insecurities. If you come to
terms with this enemy within, it will impact every area of your life. Its the identification
with the self/ego that causes all of lifes problems.
How many times do we not go for something because of fear? Think about all the fears that
we have conjured up in our minds that stop us from being truly happy. If you can conquer
the enemy within yourself, you wont have an enemy outside yourself.

9. Happiness come from within, and also comes from outside

I learned this from observing the Buddhist Physician I met. He used to do meditation in his
office before he would interact with his patients. He was one of the happiest and most
compassionate people Ive ever met.
By creating happiness inside, he was able to increase that emotional state by spreading it to

others.
We must cultivate happiness from within, and work to spread it around to everyone we
interact with.
The monk used say, Everyone has a purpose or a mission in life.
We have to find happiness within, and also find our purpose on the outside.
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James Altucher, Blogger, author, social media, investor, wall street investor
134.4k Views James is a Most Viewed Writer in Life Advice with 30 endorsements.

I have done all of these ten things and seen the results. I was very unhappy.
Before I can give you the rules I must establish my credentials.

I have started about 20 businesses and failed at 17 of them. I have failed as a husband, as
have many.
I hope I don't fail as a parent but certainly some people would look at my track record and
say, "yes, yes indeed, he failed as a parent."
I'm not the best boyfriend. One time I broke up with a girlfriend while I was on the elevator
up to meet her her in her apartment. I just hit the down button and never spoke to her
again.
But I also have had a few successes.
Do I wish I had known these sooner? I don't know. I don't have a window into alternate
realities. But I hope maybe other people's futures can be helped.
HERE IS WHAT FAILURES DO:
1) THEY BELIEVE IN THE WORD 'FAILURE'
We dont live long enough to fail. Like if a planet is around for 4 billion years and produces
no life-forms, I would call that planet a failure.
Everything else is an experiment.
Thomas Edison never said, I failed 10,000 times before I made a lightbulb."
The guy was in a LABORATORY. He experimented. And now everyone gets into failure
porn and says "I'm a failure". Thats BS!
John Coltrane didnt fail when he couldnt stay in Miles Davis quartet.
He was experimenting with Miles Davis style but ultimately, with 20 years of practice and
study under his belt, he knew that only his unique style could survive and flourish in his
own quartet.
He experimented, learned from the experiment and moved on.
HERE is the key on experimenting:
THE MORE MISTAKES YOU MAKE THE BETTER YOU GET.

Why is this? It's brain science: when you make a mistake, you repeat and repeat until you
get it right.
This repetition is "practice". Practice makes perfect.
People who just get it right the first time (e.g. when I sold my first business) never learn all
the subtleties you learn with practice.
So they get fooled into thinking that "luck" equals "good" when actually "mistakes +
repetition = good".
2) FAILURES "UNDER PROMISE AND OVER DELIVER."
Everybody is told a lie: to be a success you have to under promise and over deliver.
This is the worst form of lack of integrity. The idea is that you are safe. Lets say you under
promise and you under deliver.
You think, incorrectly, hey, at least I have my integrity intact.
No, you have nothing intact. You are just like everyone else. There are 3,000,000,000
employees on the planet and they are all under promising and most of them are under
delivering.
You are just like them.
You have to: OVER PROMISE AND OVER DELIVER
Over-promise sets you apart from the people who under-promise. Over-deliver sets you
apart from people who just delivered.
It's not that hard to do both. (It's easy to slightly over promise and slightly over deliver
because nobody else is doing it).
Try it and you will see the results. its amazing.
3) PEOPLE WHO FAIL SEEM TO HAVE A LOT OF ACCIDENTS
They left their important project on the subway. They are sick.
Their dog got sick. They broke up with their girlfriend or boyfriend.

Theres a way to minimize accidents and its called health.

You cant succeed if you are sick in bed. You cant succeed if you spent all night the night
before reading your wifes emails because you cant trust her.
You cant succeed if you arent grateful for being given at least the chance to be something
better than what you are now.
When someone consistently has a lot of excuses for why something has gotten done, I know
they are not ready for the next step.
When I was young, I was the man with the excuses. I had them every day. I was a master of
them. But I fooled nobody. And so I was given less opportunities for success.
And you know what: I was right! If Im reading my wifes email and shes cheating on me, I
deserve to fail.
So heres what you do: You cant be perfect.
But every day:

Move, Eat, SleepWell

Improve your relationships (Call a friend, surprise a spouse, be kind to your kids)

Be creative (only you know how to do this but at least write 10 random ideas a day)

Be grateful for where you are. (and this is the Now that people brag about)

4) FAILURES DONT TAKE IT THE NEXT LEVEL

Bobby Fischer always took it to the next level. Nobody ever thought he was the greatest
talent in chess history. He probably had average talent.
But he always said, "how can I take chess to the next level".
When he was a kid he learned Russian so he could read the Russian chess magazines.
After that, he never lost a US Championship. He was 13 years old.
He was so much better than the Americans he even stopped playing in the US
championship.

And he took it to the next level right up until the world championship.
For the first time in his life he played a different first move.
His opponent, the older world champion had ONLY prepared for the one move Fischer ever
did. So Fischer came up an entire new opening with a new first move.
Gandhi took it to the next level. Every revolution before him was done with violence.
He experimented. He had a vision. He felt that 300 milllion Indians didnt need to do
violence.
He was right, despite everyone disagreeing with him.
Take the advice of everyone around you, and then take it to the next level. Practice taking it
to the next level (because at first you wont be good).
Come up with your ideas but then think, "What has never been done before" (it's not true
that everything has been done before. Only shadows of things have been done before).
But do it over and over again and you will be THAT PERSON that knows how to take things
above and beyond.
5) FAILURES TAKE ALL THE CREDIT
Failures are insecure. When they do their little stupid thing at work they want the credit.
Give others credit all the time. Then you are the source of credit. Just like a bank.
When people want more credit, who do they go to? They go to you! Just like they would go
to the bank when they need more money.
Credit is like currency. If you're the bank, then in the long run you will end up with all the
real credit.
6) LACK OF INTEGRITY
I dont mean be honest. Thats obvious.
How do you take honesty and integrity to the next level?

You become vulnerable. You admit mistakes before you have to. You offer people their
money back when you've lost it and didnt have to.
I was talking to Ev Williams who started Twitter. When his older company, Odeo, wasn't
working out - he and his board decided to give everyone their money back before moving
on.
That's integrity. Nobody has ever given me my money back.
You give advice and help people when you sincerely want them to do better.
Do this every day. It adds up. No, it doesn't add up. It multiplies. It compounds.
Theres negative integrity and positive integrity.
Negative integrity is saying to your boss: I failed because I missed the train.
Positive integrity is, I like your idea for A, B, C reasons but how about you give a chance
to X, Y, and Z and I bet we can make your idea a huge success to your boss.
And then you give your boss total credit.
Remember, these rules dont live in isolation. Its all one big rule.
Its all about you being a vessel for a vision.
People live for 75 years on average. But a vision can live for millenia.
7) NO MONEY MANAGEMENT
I thought there was only ONE rule about money: making it.
So I lose it all. Because first I had to learn there are three rules to money:
Making it.
Keeping it.
Growing it.
Making it is what we deal with for a long time. We need to pay the bills. We need to reduce

money anxiety in life.

But many people who are failures think that once they make it, the job is over.
I thought my job was over when I had millions in the bank.
So I stopped being healthy. So I stopped being nice to the people around me.
So I spent money on a penthouse apartment and buoght art and got a house in Atlantic City
and started gambling after taking helicopters back and forth.
So I put money in every investment possible just to impress people.
And then I had $143 left and I was dead broke and blame myself for the deaths of at least
two people.
When you make money, keep it. Dont even invest it. Put it in the bank. Dont be greedy for
more. You only need to get rich once.
Unless you want to buy a basketball team you dont need to get rich twice.
And only when you are confident you can Keep it, you can THINK about growing it. But that
takes a year or two first of keeping it.
Please trust me on this one.
Almost every failure I know (and I know a lot) didnt fail because they couldnt make money.
They are broke now because they couldn't keep it.
8) NO FOLLOW THROUGH
I have a very good friend who is a brilliant brilliant scientist. Maybe the most brilliant man I
know.
I would tell him this to his face: you have no follow through.
He has an idea. Everyone says its amazing! AMAZING! You are so SMART!
He gets about 30% of it done.
And then he is on to the next Brilliant idea. BRILLIANT!

His kids live on food stamps. And every single one of his ideas is not just a million dollar
idea. But a TRILLION dollar idea. Im not exaggerating.
But he cant follow through. The next idea is always bigger.
Thomas Edison didnt say, I did it! when he made the light bulb.
He called up the mayor of New York and worked out a deal to light up downtown New York
City. The first city in history to be lit up at night by electricity.
He got paid for that. He made a company. He followed through. He got rich.
That's the difference between Edison and Tesla, who was probably smarter in every way
than Edison but died penniless.
If you have trouble following through, delegate. But dont forget the other rules above: Over
deliver. Integrity. Health. etc.
9) THEY DONT HAVE NOTEBOOKS
I carry at all times a waiters pad. I have over 100 waiters pads.
In my pocket right now is one. In the table next to where I sleep is one.
Saul Bellow once said, you never have to rewrite what you write in the middle of the night.
How many times do you think of a great idea and you think, this is so GREAT I will never
forget it and then you forget it.
It happened to me this morning. Claudia and I were talking last night and she said, You
have to write this down! and I said, there is NO WAY Im going to forget this.
Well, I forgot it. I pray to the gods of memory I will remember it but I forgot it.
10) THEY DONT LISTEN
I say, on average, 10,000 words a day.
I ALREADY know the things Im going to say. They already got to my brain somehow. And
now I'm just waiting to vomit them out.

When you listen, you learn. When you learn, you get better. When you get better you start to
have a vision, you start to over deliver, you get more creative, and all the other good things
above.
Im going on a word diet.
2500 words a day. MAX. I might not succeed (its an experiment) but Im hoping I learn
more today. And tomorrow.
Listening is a form of giving credit. It means you value the words of other.
Listening is a form of integrity. Because everyone offers something, you acknowledge that.
Listening is a form of improving relationships with others.
Listening is a way to outsource good ideas since if you let many others talk, some of them
will give you good ideas you might not have thought of.
Buddha didnt start a major religion by talking. It started because he sat under a tree and
listened.
Jesus spent 40 days in a desert. Listening.
Moses listened to his wife (err.I mean a burning bush).
Everything that has moved history happened because of listening instead of talking. Talking
inspires. But listening creates the inspiration.

I can say break all of the above rules is the final rule.
But Im not going to say that.
You know why? Because this is not bullshit.
This is not about how to fail or to succeed. You can read those rules in a birthday card.
This is how I failed and succeeded. I hope I can die now without any more pain.

MORE FROM JAMES ALTUCHER

Recommended Blog Post: The 9 Ways To Guarantee Success. I really blew it and
everyone knows it. Ive even spoken at conferences on Failure. I
James Altucher Show: John McAfee The Most Interesting Man in the
Universe. How do you summarize a highly colorful life of an inventor, billionaire and
philanthropist?
Ask Altucher: How to Become a Master at Networking. Derek Coburn says,
"Going to networking events is a waste of time." You can go to networking events two or
three times a week and never realize how much time you're wasting.
Written 5 Oct View Upvotes
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Yann Girard, Entrepreneur, blogger and author trying to live a life worth living.
9.3k Views Yann has 30+ answers in Life Advice.

Most people follow the crowd.

They go to the same colleges everybody else goes to.
They're applying for the same internships everybody else does.

They're trying to land the same dream job everybody else is trying to land.
They buy the same cell phone, gadgets or whatever everybody else buys.
They want to buy houses in the same area everybody else wants to buy their houses.
They buy the same cars everybody else is buying.
So the competition gets tougher and tougher every single day. More and more people all

around the globe start following the crowd. And they all want exactly the same things.
So the demand for a limited amount of jobs and assets increases every day. And with it the
prices. Or the required skills for that job. The competition gets bigger and bigger. And there
are no geographic boundaries to that competition any longer.
Still, most people want their kids to follow that path. They want their kids to be like them.
To follow their lead. And their lead is, will and always has been to follow the crowd.
They just don't know any better. Our parents don't know any better. It worked for them a
few decades ago. So they think it still works today. Until they realize that it doesn't.
We follow the crowd because we don't know any better. Because everybody told us to follow
the crowd. That following the crowd will lead to a good career. A happy family. And a happy
life.
Unfortunately, following the crowd got too crowded over the past few years.
It doesn't really work anymore to just follow the crowd. It might still work for the top 1%
though. But not just the top 1% of your city or country.
We're now talking about the top 1% OF THE ENTIRE WORLD. The top 1% of the entire
world wants exactly the same stuff you want. And all the others want it as well, of course.
That job. That house. That happy family.
So you're competing with all of them. And the top 1% are going to make it. They are the ones
who are going to get it. They'll get it all.
Are you among them? Are you among the top 1%? Globally? I don't know.. whatever that top
1% might really mean. If it really means anything these days..
What I know for sure though is that I'm definitely not among them. If I'm lucky I might be a
good average. That's why I try to not follow the crowd anymore. Its gotten way too crowded.
With way too many smart people.
People a lot smarter than me. I just wouldn't be able to compete. And I don't want to..
So I decided to not follow the crowd any longer. I decided to fill in the blanks instead. Well,
first I started looking for the blanks. And then I started filling the blanks. The ones I thought
needed to be filled. There's no manual out there on how to find them. Or how to fill them.
That's why filling the blanks is so tough. That's why no one does it. That's why everyone is

following the crowd. To find the blanks is almost impossible. It takes many, many years to
find that one blank. That one blank you might be able to fill.
It's possible. But you need to find your blank first. And then you need to fill it.
Filling the blank happens at the intersection of finding something that nobody else is doing
(or just a few people), something the world, people or corporations desperately need and
something you really enjoy doing.
So is filling the blanks equal to following your passion?
No, not really. Because no one might need your passion. If you're lucky your passion is
something in need. Something people are willing to pay money for. And something no one
else is doing, yet. But chances are quite slim that your passion is the same like the blank you
could fill.
And once you found that blank you need to give yourself the time and permission to become
really, really good at it. That's a very important part people like to ignore.
And while you're trying to become really, really good at it you shouldn't quit your day
job.You shouldn't quit your day job if you didn't check all of the above boxes. Or you should.
I don't know you. I don't know what works for you and what doesn't.
So instead of following the crowd, instead of competing with the crowd, try to find the blank
you could fill. And once you found it, start filling it. Until you've become so good at it that it
might pay the bills one day.
Maybe it will never pay the bills. And if it never does, you can still try the other stuff..
P.S. Feel free to also connect with me on Facebook here or on Twitter:@girard_yann
P.P.S. Get notified by email of my next articles about life hacking, marketing and
entrepreneurship.
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Evan Asano, CEO & Founder: Mediakix.com

8.2k Views Evan has 10+ answers in Life Advice.

Learn how to listen. So few people can really listen and so many people genuinely
appreciate when you do.
Learn when it's time to move on. From jobs, people and relationships. Not everything
is fixable. Cut your losses and move on.
None of the best experiences of your life will happen staring a computer
screen, a phone screen or a TV. If you want more of the best experiences of your life
minimize the time you spend in front of these three.
Take great care of your body. It's delicate and becomes more so as you get older, but if
you treat it well, it will treat you well. Exercise regularly, stretch or do yoga, eat wholesome
food.
Take great care of your mind. Foster curiosity, read, learn and grow. Learn to be quiet,
meditate and spend time in nature regularly.
Take great care of your heart. When you hold onto harmful emotions like anger, hurt,
pain, you really only hurt yourself. When you practice love, compassion and generosity, your
heart expands and grows.
You'll spend too much of your life working, staring at a computer screen and
sitting. If you're going to do all these things, find a work environment or shared purpose
that's fulfilling and creates meaning.
Success comes most readily when you find fulfillment and create value in the world.
Learn how to compliment people and do so regularly. There's no limit on how
many compliments you can offer, there's no scarcity of compliments available and there's no
end to how much people will appreciate them.
Learn how to accept a compliment and do so whenever one is offered. You're
conditioned to deflect compliments. Recognize how you do this and practice recognizing
and accepting when the universe acknowledges what you do.

Learn how to be generous. You can't attract what you don't give. Share your knowledge,
your time, your thoughts, your wisdom, and your charity.
Learn how to be patient.
Practice gratitude. Everyday.
Great stories come from great experiences. Chase those experiences.
It's not that time moves by faster as you get older, you just start to have fewer new
and captivating experiences. If you can continue those experiences and expand your
curiosity, time won't feel like it flies by as so commonly described.
Updated 25 Aug View Upvotes Not for Reproduction
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Triin Snter, Artistic Entrerpreneur, Musician, CEO of Eliviate O

17.7k Views

How all that we really need to do in life is to live, be who we are, caring for ourselves first
and our loved ones. While that which other people think about us, is not of importance as
much as we have thought it was.

Months before my uncle's passing from brain tumor, we were in talks and discussed some of
such matters. He told me that he had been too worried all the time about what others
thought of him. What other people think, how they perceive all that he does. Whether his
parents were happy, grateful and proud of him or not.
He explained how he had realized how nothing else has been as important as taking care of
his own body first. Which he said he had failed in. That all the time he had been waiting for
his parents and friends and family's approval, support, upliftment (just like when he was a
child). When he got it he wanted more and more. While through all this journey he had
forgotten to really take care of himself. To look at where he stood, he had been so busy on
worrying about other people's opinion.
Just peacefully Be who You are, and everything else will slowly fall into place ! Everyone else
around You, is not You & believe it or not, do not really know You as well as You know
Yourself.
Join me on a journey of discovering a Real response to the mind-boggling question : "Do we
create our own reality?"
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SriSaiBhargava Kavuluru, learning from first mistakes

1.7k Views

1) That how much love we owe to our Parents.

Our Parents have unconditional and selfless love for us despite us being bad, ugly or
unsuccesful. No matter how much we hurt them, they continue to love us endlessly.
Same may not be the case with siblings, friends, lovers or spouses. You realise it too late that
these people travelled with you all this time along, keeping some ulterior motive in mind.
2) That there is no shortcut to acquire love, fame , money, success or
satisfaction.
It is only by talent and hard work topped up with some positive spirit, patience and
perseverance that leads us to the right destination.

3) God exists and he is watching us over all the time.

Written 20 Sep View Upvotes

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William Ranger, I have done much, and now try to create value.
7.3k Views

Look to yourself for solutions.

So many problems seem to re-occur at times, and places. They are usually created by
negative thoughts of one kind, or another.
Blame is often looked for, and assigned.
Oh, its their religion, or its their social status, their caste, or its their economic system, or
its their tribalism, or its just what they do, or its their lack of religion, or its their
educational system, or its their politicians.
These blame targets can also be in the personal realm. The problem is my religion, the
problem is my lack of religion, my parents, my teachers, my caste, my income, my
girlboyfriend, my wifehusband.
If you want to do more than assign blame, and skate on, take a look at what some very
caring, smart people have observed.
You can help yourself in the process
If the common elements of many of these problems are examined, a pattern emerges.
People forget that we are each unique, or people forget that we are an aspect of everything.
Forgetting the uniqueness aspect ignores reality. Forgetting the connectedness aspect also
ignores reality.
Reality doesnt like to be ignored, and bites.

Both are true, simultaneously.

People easily forget that causes produce effects, and try to get away with doing negative acts,
without understanding that what goes around, comes around.
Humans know that life is temporary. That one recognition creates a biting sadness that is
covered over, and never goes completely away. It is the source of most music, art, and
poetry.
That realization is also the reason we have so many diversions to try to escape the sadness.
These lapses in reality cause problems directly. They also hinder the search for solutions.
There is a way to overcome these lapses.
Use Commonsense.
In order to optimize life, the basic relationships of life that apply to every particle, and every
being, are kept in mind.
Anyone can improve his/her life by making better decisions. We make better decisions when
we focus more on the enhancements that make us human.
We spend most of out life doing what is necessary to maintain our lives. A large part of the
remaining disposable time is spent in dressed up versions of instinct driven nest material
acquisition, and reproductive-drive games.
Some of the remainder of time-energy is actually spent exercising the enhanced abilities like

communication, cooperation, cogitation, coaching, and compassion.

They are what enabled us to get out of the caves, and into glory centers.
Those times are better when pure humanism is strengthened by consistency with the
following points.
Nam- 1. Keep your brain in the game.
Myoho 2. You are unique, and so is every other being. Being unique does not mean
you can live well all by yourself.
Renge 3. What goes around comes around.
Kyo
4. Lives change, and Life goes on.
The Nam Myoho Renge Kyo are the Japanese pronunciation of the Chinese
words that summarize points 1 through 5.
They are spoken repeatedly in order to create synaptic connections that keep
the mind rational, and lead to frequent winning.
If you forget any one of those, you will have collisions with reality. If you never forget any
one of them, you will win more often.
It helps to have a short, convenient form of these principles in order to infuse them deeply
into your life.
wilrang88
Or
Who controls you?
Updated 22 Aug View Upvotes
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Pradeeta Mishra, "Even the smallest person can change the course of future."
2.8k Views Pradeeta has 70+ answers in Psychology of Everyday Life.

There's always grey instead of black and white.

In law, we learned once that sometimes there are grey areas of actions - neither black or
white - neither right or wrong, that require the Court of Law to give an opinion. Law in such
a situation, remains silent i.e. does not give an opinion. Similarly in life, we need to reserve
our opinions because they are neither right nor wrong in a given life situation.
1.

Right and Wrong are subjective truths - And therefore, other than certain basic
acceptable Universal truths, everything that you learn and know about
life, changes your perception of the right or wrong. For instance - Eating a fellow
passenger on a ship wreck could be repulsive to you and me now, but to
survive, we might end up doing the same thing we once loathed. It is a vicious
cycle. To know more about this fact of right or wrong, read R v Dudley and Stephens.

2.

Money matters. Independence matters - No matter where you are or at what

stage, you must know how to get your shit together. I still don't know how to, and I am
flapping around - but if one thing of the above two are sorted, then there is a great shot
at normalcy, which you can achieve.

3.

People die. People leave. People are people - And no matter how much we
cling to them, someday they will leave. Also, in the grand scheme of things, we are also
the ones leaving others - time, place, life - and therefore, what matters is now and
here.

4.

Nothing is as important as health - It is a horrible truth that comes to us only

when we fall terribly sick - of our own accord or otherwise. This brings us to face the
fragility of life and the illusion that we build - that we still have time.

5.

NO one can tell you how to live your life - Yes, people might sayabout how to
do certain things, but your life is and will be the result the of the choices you make. I
have seen and learned it from experience, and yet, I make the mistake of believing that I
am losing control. Somethings you have to learn the hard way.

Thank you for the A2A Parth! :)

Written 5 Sep View Upvotes Asked to answer by Parth Nagpal
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Santhosh Namballa, Nietzsche inspired me !

3.9k Views Santhosh has 100+ answers in Life.

As Master Oogway mentioned in Kung Fu Panda

" Yesterday is History
Tomorrow is mystery
but
Today is a gift, that's why it's called present. "

Many of us realise this so late in our life. we spend our lives thinking about future and past.
We never live in present. Because we don't live in present , we are unable to live in future
too. What we have is today, now. That's the only thing we are a little certian of. Make use of
it. Make it grand.
we(may not be everybody but many of us) often take life in a wrong way.
Don't think about how many moments are there in life, Just see how much of
life is there in every moment, live up to it.
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Tyler Benjamin Wagner, Bestselling Author, Head Honcho at Authorsunite.com, Founder

at Shespeaks.co
5.1k Views

One lesson is all.

Most people get caught in the system (school, 9-5, etc.) believing there is nothing they can
do about it. Believing that this is it. They just weren't as "lucky" as the others.
Then, you realize that you are responsible for everything in your life. That, in every moment
there is new opportunity. You make your life. You break your life. It's all you. This whole
thing (world) is connected.
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Muhammad Umair, UX/UI Designer

8k Views

I think these are 5 lessons:

Lesson #1:
Radical Acceptance Saves the Day
The idea that we can fix perceived flaws in our partners, friends, parents, and grown
children remains tantalizing. Decades ago, the musical Guys and Dollslampooned this
notion with the lyrics, Marry the man today, and change his ways tomorrow.
A healthy dose of ego often convinces us that our way of looking at things is right, but trying
to correct someone else usually backfires, says psychologist Paul Coleman, author of We
Need to Talk: Tough Conversations with Your Spouse. It implies that were coming from
a more enlightened place, that we have a deeper knowledge of whats best, he says. The
other person may get the message that he or she isnt good enough and become resentful.
A healthier approach: Look inward to fix the problem, says Northwestern University
psychologist Eli Finkel. If your partner hates large gatherings, consider attending the next
party solo so he doesnt have to make forced conversation and you dont have to leave early.
Or if your son says he wants to forgo college for now, try to express enthusiasm for his

budding career as a nature guide instead of bombarding him with school rankings. This
involves the recognition that youll never be in sync about some matters. You have to say,
We have this permanent difference, but we need to learn to live with each other, Coleman
says.
Lesson #2:
Benign Neglect Is Good for Kids
Parents who hover relentlessly provoke eye rolls from developmental experts and teachers
alike. You can see these parents sprinting to the swings to right a playground injustice or emailing schools incessantly.
Theres a huge distrust in societys institutions that pushes people to overparent, says
Hara Estroff Marano, author of A Nation of Wimps. Parents also lack trust in childrens
desire to be competent and dont accept that nature will influence the course of
development, she says. The compulsion to intervene becomes stronger if parents view kids
as surrogates for the fulfillment of their own dreams, says retired Tufts University child
psychologist David Elkind, author of The Power of Play.
But regularly stepping in to protect kids from stress may hurt them in the long run. Michelle
Givertz, assistant professor of communication studies at California State University, Chico,
has studied hundreds of parentyoung adult pairs and found that overparenting leads to
depression-prone, aimless kids (and ultimately, adults) who lack the ability to achieve goals.
Parental overinvolvement is also associated with entitlement, Givertz says. Kids who are
used to getting everything they need without exerting any effort may think, Im entitled to
everything, but I dont have the abilities to achieve what I want.
Its better to let kids live with occasional disappointment and resolve their own problems as
much as possible, while assuring them that their feelings are heard (even if youre the one
saying no) and that youre available for moral support. Trust in their capability to tackle
obstacles. Our job as parents is to help kids become self-sufficient, Givertz says.
Lesson #3:
Opposites Dont Forever Attract
The key to a happy, healthy relationship is choosing someone who is, quite frankly, a lot like
youa person who validates your views and habits. Studies have repeatedly underscored the
importance of shared values, personality traits, economic backgrounds, and religion, as well
as closeness in age.
Glenn Wilson, a psychologist and a professor at Gresham College in London, developed a
compatibility questionnaire covering lifestyle, politics, child rearing, morality, and finances.
He found that partners who answer comparably are more apt to report satisfaction. Still, he
says, when couples are overly similar, it can be a bit of a brother-sister relationshiptoo
predictable, without a lot of novelty.
So whats the happy medium? Seek a partner whose passions differ enough from yours to
expand your experience, but with whom youre aligned on big-picture issues: how to show
affection, what constitutes a moral life, and how to raise children.

Lesson #4:
Social Networks Matter
Weve all heard the usual advice for living longer: Exercise, dont smoke, limit junk food. But
friendships are just as important. The higher the quantity and quality of your relationships,
the longer youll live, says Bert Uchino, a psychologist at the University of Utah.
Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University collected data from 148 studies
analyzing the relationship between health and human interaction. She found that, over a
period of about seven years, people with active social lives were 50 percent less likely to die
of any cause than their nonsocial counterparts. A low level of social interaction has the same
negative effect as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Psychologist Sheldon Cohen of Carnegie Mellon University gave subjects nasal drops
containing a cold virus; those who reported the greatest diversity of social ties were four
times less likely to develop colds than those reporting the least diversity. But the quality of
your relationships is just as important, according to Uchinos research. He recorded the
blood pressure of 88 women in a stressful situation (preparing to give a speech) and found
that readings spiked less when a close friend was there to offer encouragement. Researchers
speculate that the stress associated with weak social support sets off a cascade of damaging
reactions. Knowing your friends have your back can help prevent such responses, Cohen
says.
Lesson #5:
Lust Wanes, Love Remains
Too often, couples assume a relationship is beyond repair when the intense romantic
excitement ends and the arguing begins. The immature part of us loves the idea that
compatible people dont have conflicts, says psychologist David Schnarch, author
ofIntimacy & Desire.
But research doesnt support this. University of Denver psychologist Howard Markman,
coauthor of Fighting for Your Marriage, says successful couples argueits how they do it
that matters (among other things, happy partners refrain from nasty zingers). Airing
grievances lets both people speak their minds and take responsibility for their missteps.
Its also normal for desire to wane. Romantic love is when we have this consuming,
emotional experience, and it usually lasts about a year and a half, says Will Meek, a
psychologist at the University of Portland. Deep love comes after we see how imperfect the
other is and commit to him or her anyway.
Rather than get caught up in complaints, psychologist Harriet Lerner, author ofMarriage
Rules, suggests that you work to restore connection. That might mean initiating something
new in your sex life, or perhaps its as simple as recycling that pile of boxes thats been
annoying her for months. People know what warms their partners heart, Lerner says.
Written 18 Aug View Upvotes

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Milena Rangelov, I was re-born through my quarter life crisis into a creative, happy person.
62.8k Views

Cool Q! Here are my 10 answers. They are based on my experience and although they might
seem like "hey, everyone knows it", the truth is that most people don't implement them,
forget about them and realize later than they should. It is also good reminder to all of us. So
here we go.
1.

You are the only one responsible for yourself and for your success. I am responsible
for mine. Thinking anything else is wasting your energy. So don't blame your parents,
spouse, children, friends, aunts and uncles. It is you, you and only you.

2.

Life is short. There are no special occasions. Don't wait for them. Today is the special
occasion. Buy yourself an ice cream/beer/ wear that nice shirt. Today!

3.

If something bothers you change it. If it is beyond your control, learn to live with it.
Accept it. Change yourself. That is the only thing you can influence.

4.

You will regret the things you didn't do much more than ones you did. So... action!

5.

"Future you", imaginary person that has perfect weight, looks great, gets up early,
smiles and loves his/her job, will never become as great if "present you" don't do
something.

6.

Prioritize your health, rest and happiness. No one will do that for you. There will
always be more work.

7.

Don't ruin your health in order to earn money. You will end up spending your money
to recover your health and that is not reciprocal.

8.

Besides of 1. and 3. the biggest time and energy wasters are: TV, people pleasing,
perfectionism, envy, regret, obsessive dieting and house cleaning. You can refocus your
time and energy in so much better ways.

9.

We tend to overestimate what we can do in a day and to underestimate what we can

do in a year (or a lifetime). Start today, start small. Drops will fill the bucket.

10.

If you waste money, you can earn it again. If you miss the moment, it can never be
returned. Live life with opened eyes, ears, heart!

11.

EXTRA: "It is too late," is just an excuse. You can always change the course. You can
always reinvent yourself.

I hope my answers were inspiring! :)

Written 19 Aug View Upvotes Asked to answer by Gokul Raju
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Tom Byron, Life is what you put in and what you take out of it.
4.5k Views Tom has 640+ answers in Life.

Friends are nice to have as you get older. People are social creatures, we are not meant to be
alone. Being angry all the time drives away friends.
Anger is better controlled than left to run wild like a loose animal. When you are constantly
angry, you push people away. You cause stress in your body and negatively effect your
health.
Your health can make your life great if taken care of; but if you ignore it's day-to-day
functioning, just like a car or a watch, it will let you down if you don't pay regular attention
to it.
Eventually we all will get older, and some will get luckier too- or so it seems. If we keep our
friends, keep our temper in check, and stay in tune with our health we will live longer. It can
become too late to correct these mistakes and they will lead to problems.
Learn these steps early and you will be able to "keep your lights on long into the night time
of old age". And you won't be alone.
As the sun slowly rises here in the late summer in the Southern U.S., this was a great
question to have asked begun my day with, Gokul Raju THANKS!
Now, the sky is brightening, and I have yet another day. "I have kept the lights going one
more night!"
Written 17 Aug View Upvotes Asked to answer by Gokul Raju

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Tom Ayling, Founder of SelfPublishingSystem.com. Writer. Author. Marketing Specialist.

1k Views

It took me a long time to realize that what I see isn't all that's there. A lot of my family hold
the same beliefs. The more perspectives we accept. The more we can receive.
QUESTIONS
One a similar note. Answers come from one part of the brain. Questions come from another.
Answering questions tends to satisfy the ego. Asking a question encourages explorations
and curiosity.
A combination of both activates both parts of the brain. More brain activity equals more
intelligence.
TIME
Right now, you are in the exact position on planet Earth as you should be. Time is human
made. You haven't ever been late in your life. A minute "late" compounded over 10 days
could be the different between a life-altering event occurring a life-ending event occurring.
MIND GAMES
We live in a mental society. Reaching absolutes are obsessed over.
"Are we together or NOT?"
"Am I getting fired or am I safe?"
"Am I good looking or not?"
There's more. When negative thoughts arise I try to run from them. Resistance promotes
persistence. Be acknowledging these thoughts and not owning them I separate myself from
this negativity.

"I'm noticing myself fearing....."

We're all in this together. Nobody was given a map. Only values on how to navigate. This
post was for me. There's a voice inside us all. Listen for further instructions.
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Konnor T. Crewe, I'm Human

1.6k Views

Be authentic.
Your family is the people who surround you with love, which may or may not be
blood relatives.

Let go of the negative people in your life

Let go of the need for your parent's approval.

Your body is your own, so nobody can dictate to you what you do with it.

Everybody has a certain degree of privilege and entitlement, however, being aware of
your own makes you much less of an asshole.
Fear of difference, or xenophobia, is the cause of a lot of misery in society.

Ethnocentrism is being so culturally centric that you cannot see outside of your own
world. This applies to living in the pink ghetto or pockets of LGBT positive
communities as much as it does being the stupid, arrogant American.

Have respect for yourself first and others second. Nobody will respect you if you do
not respect yourself.

Treat people with civility.

You do not know everything.

People who have the least often give the most.

There is nothing new among humanity. You may think you invented "the thing", but
you probably did not.

Being connected to other people gives life meaning. If you lose connection, you lose.

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Manoj Arora, Bestselling Author

596 Views

There are 3 things which are often learnt quite late in life:
1) Financial Wisdom
Once you have lost time, you have lost the biggest lever to great wealth creation and
financial freedom. The earlier you can start saving and investing, the wealthier you will end
up. Magic of Compounding needs time as its biggest lever. This wisdom often comes late,
but if someone can learn it at a young age, the rewards are unbelievable. You can get some
help here --> From the Rat Race to Financial Freedom
2) Dreaming Big
This comes quite late for many. Realisation of Dreams need time, patience, hard work and
consistent efforts for years and decades together. Since we are usually stuck in a rat race, we
ignore our inner calling in the first half of our earning life. This calling just keeps coming
back at us, and keeps reminding us of the purpose of our life. If we can start listening to our
calling and can identify the purpose of our life in the earlier phase of our life, the results can
not only change our life, but positively impact so many lives around us. You can get some
more help here --> Dream On !!
3) Learning to be happy
In all the tussle to earn money and chasing our goals, we forget the simple fact that our
happiness has nothing to do with any of those. We are a happy human being by default, and
we just need to learn to be happy while we go about earning or chasing our dreams. I am
trying to inculcate Happiness Principles early in life of my two little daughters, so that they
learn to stay happy - irrespective of their financial situation or achievement of goals. You
can get some help here --> Happiness Unlimited

Cheers
Manoj Arora
(Official Website of Manoj Arora)
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Gaitsiri Mongkolsmai Lin, 41, will share my experiences and teach what I can
1k Views

1. Growing up is all about accepting responsibility - for yourself, for your happiness, for
being a good person and doing the right thing.
2. It's never too late to start trying to better yourself and your life by making good choices, if
you just let go of the past and focus on what you can do now.
3. It's always better to remain calm and in control of yourself so you can think and decide
without clouded judgment.
Being hot-headed or cold and numb can make a person lie to themselves about what is right
for them and hide from life. But making such mistakes happens to pretty much everybody,
because pretty much everybody struggles with something. Even people that seem to have
that perfect life face challenges, and most people seem to have a great life because they
know how to manage their stress and how to deal with things that matter and not worry
about the things that don't.
People tend to put limitations on themselves out of fear, so that they don't try, and don't
have to feel bad for not being able to do things. They worry too much about things being
hard instead of boldly facing challenges. They give up before they even start.
Even those who hold themselves back, make repeated mistakes, and have huge setbacks,
still have the chance to change things.

Humans are born with natural compassion and goodness, as well as selfish survival
tendencies and an inflatable ego. People become who they are partly due to early influence
and partly due to innate personality, but once they begin maturing, it's mostly due to
decisions they make. People must learn to own their choices, to accept responsibility for
their lives and for others around them, and not place blame because not everyone has
become mature enough to do so. Maturing is a difficult and life-long work. The goal is to
maintain moderation and balance, and the answer lies in self-discovery and evolving
maturity.
The sooner people realize that they might as well be happy and peaceful, the sooner they will
take the responsibility to make themselves happy, to let themselves be happy, to forgive
others for not being happy, and to teach the unhappy how to be happier.
Written 4 Sep View Upvotes Asked to answer by Evan Asano
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Anwesha Jana, Low living, high thinking

2k Views Anwesha has 100+ answers in Life.

Some lessons which people learn very late in life or accept it are1. That everything is not well at the end- You might hear people say that, "Do not
worry, everything will be fine". Well, it doesn't. It doesn't get fine unless you make it fine. Do
not just give upon fate to make it fine. Work upon it and save yourself.
2. That the picture is not always perfect- "If it's not perfect, it's not the end", well this
happens only in Bollywood. The picture doesn't always end up to be a perfect one even after
trying hard. Even if you put your 100% into something, it doesn't always turn out to be what
you had expected. Luck plays a great factor.
3. Moving on is easy- Believe me, moving on is an easy task. If you are a teenager or in
your early twenties, you might find moving on to be someting very hard. But later on in your
30s you will realize that it's an easy task. The first step towards it is a bit difficult one. But
once you cross the activation energy, it all moves easily.

4. Money is important- But not more important than your health. There's no use in
making lakhs of money by wasting your health. Money is important, not to splurge on
oneself, but to have the basic necessities of life like food, shelter and clothings.
5. Try out different careers now- Whatever plans, dreams and aims you have about
yourself, try out when you are young. For, at a later period of life, you need stability, if not
for yourself, for your family's sake.
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Kaushal Yadav, Life is a good teacher.

9.4k Views

One fine day I was talking to my grandpa and the same question I coined to him. He, that
very day, shared many things with me, which I didn't get at that time. Now I realize &
understand the meaning of them. Few of his points which I remember, I am sharing with
you all. Hope it will help.

Living life to please other people? Stop right away.

You'll never be the smartest person in the room. Admit it.

Arguing for the arguing sake? Huge letdown.

Complaining is worthless, valueless, you name it.

Ego? Of what? Everyone's going to die.

Express curiosity with humility.

The best learning comes from your mistakes/failures/rejections.

Fake it 'til you make it, is damn true. It effing helps.

Time - most precious thing on earth we waste.

Buying stuff you don't need.

Lust wanes with time, love remains.

You're your most imp relationship. Love yourself as your life depends on it.

Act of kindness can make the world better.

Worrying about future? Stop it.

Joy of having less is way better than more.

Your kids will make you better person than you're now.

Do what you wanna do. Regrets will haunt you at the end otherwise.

And for god sake stay out of other people's business.

.....finally life is unfair to many, still it's good. Please choose to be happy.
Somewhere down the line, I'm also victim of few of them. Well I'm working on it. I hope
you'll too. :)
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Rita Lara, Life-long do gooder

283 Views

I would refer to Bronnie Ware's work. She was a palliative nurse who wrote a book called
"The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed.
The top five regrets followed by excerpts from the book (Source:The Top Five Regrets of
the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing).
1. I wish Id had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others
expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over
and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most
people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due
to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they
no longer have it.
2. I wish I hadnt worked so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their childrens youth and
their partners companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an
older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I
nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work
existence.
3. I wish Id had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they
settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.
Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and
it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own
lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep
regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses
their friends when they are dying.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a
choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called comfort of
familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had
them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within,
they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
Which leads me to another question--one which should be answered sooner rather than
later...
What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or
change before you die?
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Ivan Muljevski, Learned a lot of lessons from my own mistakes.

326 Views

These advices is part of my own experience. Some of them I have learned on the hard way.
1. Time is most valuable resource you have
2. Don't over react, keep your emotions for your family and friends
3. It is imposible to be happy and angry. Take a deep look in your soul and answer to
youself - "Am I angry on someone?".
4. Don't just think. Start as soon as possible
5. Make a lot of mistakes when you are young
6. No one can hurt your feelings without your permission, because you know who you
are.
7. Don't judge others
8. Live in the moment
9. Work is blessing
10. Have your own opionion
11. Learn every day
12. Spend more time friends
13. Choose job you love
14.Try.Fail. Have courage
15.Forgive yourself.Forgive others. I did, it is wonderful feeling.
16. Be thankful.
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Jay Bazzinotti, Seeking my destiny; 4 patents, 3 books, 2 degrees, 24 countries, 46

statess,
431.4k Views Jay has 11 endorsements in Life.
Jay is a Most Viewed Writer in Life Advice.

1) Time passes much more quickly than you realize.

2) If you don't take care of your body early then it won't take care of you later. Your world
becomes smaller each day as you lose mobility, continence and sight
3) Sex and beauty fades, but intimacy and friendship grows

4) People are far more important than any other thing in your life. No hobby, interest, book,
or work is going to be as important to you as the people you spend time with as you get
older.
5) Money talks. It says "Goodbye". If you didn't plan financially for your old age when you
are young you will wish you had.
6) Any seeds you planted in the past, either good or bad, will begin to bear fruit and affect
the quality of your life as you get older for the better or the worse
7) Jealousy is a wasted emotion. People you hate are going to succeed; people you like are
going to sometimes do better than you did. Kids are going to be smarter and quicker than
you are. Accept it with grace.
8) That big house you had to have becomes a bigger and bigger burden even as the mortgage
gets smaller. The cleaning, the maintenance, the stairs, all of it... becomes less attractive
every day. Your possessions own YOU.
9) You will badly regret the things you DIDN'T do far more than the things you did that
were "wrong" -- the girl you didn't kiss; the trip you didn't take; the project you kept putting
off; the time you could have helped someone. If you get the chance - do it. You may never
get the chance again.
10) Every day you wake up is a victory.
Bonus: It's never too late to become what you wanted to be or might have been if you START
RIGHT NOW!
11) What people think of you is none of your business. Ignore them, whether it is good or
bad, and keep your eyes on your goals. The biggest liar in the world is "They say...".
Updated 18 Sep View Upvotes Asked to answer by Gokul Raju
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Sibell Loitz, the little things enrich my life

156 Views

Few months ago I read the book 5 Regrets of the dying by Bronnie Ware.
Bronnie Ware worked for many years as a nurse. She was at the palliative care and years
after she completed a book with a list of the 5 most common regrets people told her.

At this time I read the book I went through a difficult phase. It really helped me clearing my
mind and to realize what life is all about. These are the 5 most common regrets:
1.

"I wish Id had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others
expected of me."

2.

"I wish I hadnt worked so hard."

3.

"I wish Id had the courage to express my feelings."

4.

"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."

5.

"I wish that I had let myself be happier."

In fact, we only live once. Most of us are not aware that our time on earth is limited. I think
we should see life more as a gift - a limited gift.
We take health for granted. As well as friends, family and life itself. We do not see that we
are responsible for our own happiness. Happiness comes from the inside. Happiness caused
by external factors like money won't last long... I do not know if you even can call it
Happiness.
Everyone of us have some dreams. But in fact only a few of us will achieve it. I do not think
that this people are "better". But these people follow their dreams, they never quit and
what's more they do not delay doing it. They do not know excuses! Most of us tell excuses all
the time..
All in all I would say our worst mistake is that we take too much for granted...
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Meghna V Gowda, Yet Another Optimistic Woman :)

2.1k Views

#Lesson_for_lifetime
The World Doesn't Care About You:
The world is neither against you nor bothering your life, in fact the world doesn't even care.

The world leaves you behind unless you make something for yourself. "If you want to get
noticed then make an impact" is the guideline.

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Matt Hearnden, my advice is who I am. Not who you are.

3.2k Views
Matt is a Most Viewed Writer in Life Advice.

I'll add just one here as I think most things have been covered:
Give up.
I was sitting in a caf and looking out the window and into the world when I felt it. That

feeling in my stomach. The uncomfortable one. The knowing one.

"What should I do? How should I be?"
My thoughts.
How is close to "who," I didn't think at the time.
I was going to an event that evening where there'd be about fifty people of which I'd know
one. It was going to be an interactive event. One where I'd have to make conversations with
strangers and ask questions and be present.
I wanted to be friendly. I wanted to impress them. What if I couldn't?
That's why I was nervous. That's why I had those thoughts.
And that's when I realised what I needed to do and smiled.
I realised I needed to give up.
Ah! It was so simple. And so easy. It was beyond trying.
I needed to give up putting pressure on myself. I needed to give up judging myself. I needed
to give up putting "them" above me.
I needed to give up wanting to be someone I knew I wasn't.
That's why I smiled.
The night came and I was nervous. But this time it was more of an excited nervous.
I spoke to many people. I contributed to the discussions. I even did some Improv acting.
That was fun.
It was fun because I did it for me. Not to impress "them."
Since that, I've wanted to give up every day.
I'm glad I gave up.
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Jordan Crawford, Websites + Humans. http://getcursive.com

2.3k Views

That the only thing that ever happens is this moment, right now. If it's not important for you
now, at this moment, it will never be important to you.
Once you think about it, you often find yourself optimizing for all the other moments in your
life that never seem to arrive or that arrive and leave "too soon."
Try skipping to work tomorrow and look around at all of the vast complexity in the world
that has led to that latte.
It's so marvelous, so rich with detail, so delightful, that we ignore it because it becomes
mundane to us and we filter it out so that we can respond to that email.
I always found it funny that we so often opt for a 2D world on a flat screen when the greatest
video of game of all time exists right here, right now, and you're the main character!
Go play!
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Sally Lake Request Bio

525 Views

Life is very, very short. You will probably regret the things you didn't do more than those
you did.
Don't sit in judgement of the failures of others. You have no way of knowing how you would
react to any given situation until it happens.
Forgive but don't forget. Holding grudges often hurts you more than others.
Happiness is more important than money. Don't take loved ones for granted and don't
neglect them for the sake of professional or financial success.
Success rarely comes without huge effort and sacrifice, but those things don't guarantee
success. You have to enjoy the journey, because the destination may change or be
unreachable, or you might get there and realise it isn't what you thought it'd be.
There is no such thing as happily ever after. Happiness is in the moment, try to recognise it
and enjoy it while it lasts, it will sustain you through hard times.
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Franz Plochberger, Information Scientist

689 Views

The best way to live in an older age is to have someone with whom you can talk and discuss.
I have a lot to talk and think to know a lot but if I have no one to hear and criticise I am not
happy.
In an older live the biological possibilities change. You hear not so good, you can't move as
you need, some words do not come in that moment as you need them.
The most important way of living is to get joy every day. If you don't fear your future and
think about that what you have planned and reached you will not lose self-confidence.
The most dangerous feeling is that of sadness and disappointment. That makes depressive
and that may get biological if you don't avoid it.
The mental abilities get very important. You have the possibility to intent positive thinking
every day and you should do it therefore.

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Pausha Foley Request Bio

6.7k Views Pausha has 1,480+ answers in Philosophy of Everyday Life.

Money will not love you, connect with you, give you understanding and partnership.
No matter who is to blame for your pain - you are the one who feels it. Holding onto it and
making yourself suffer is your choice.
Living the life others think you should live will make others happy, not you. Likely it will not
make others happy either, it will just make them jealous.
What you feel, want, think, matters infinitely more to you than what others feel, want and
think.
Written 18 Aug View Upvotes Asked to answer by Evan Asano
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Angie Neik, Not one of a million, but one in a million! Lover of all things beautiful
954 Views

1. It's not about you. We're all born crying, and end up in a box. What you do in between is
what really matters, and it's not about you.
2. What you see is not always what you get, especially with people, learn to not only look at,
but to see through, kind of like a stereograph image Stereogram Images, Games, Video and
Software. All Free!

3. You have more choices than you realize, each day you are faced with a world that has
good and bad to offer. Choose the good. Always.
4. Always believe for the best, because what you concentrate on most intensely tends to
materialize
5. Cherish the people in your life, they'll not be around forever, and neither will you
6. Be good to all living things, you are not the master of the Universe, you don't give life, and
you don't have the right to take it away
7. Karma (good or bad) always catches up with you, it may take minutes or years, but it
surely be at your back when you least expect it.
Lessons Learned in Life
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Harsh Wardhan Singh, Life Juice Drinker

1.1k Views

I do not believe there is anything late, late is nothing more than a regret that doing it earlier
would have helped in better way.
#1. The biggest lesson I believe one learns is that all happens for good.
#2. Life is a river with its own balanced flow, if we will try to swim against or ahead, we will
be drowned while flowing with it in its way will keep you floating and drop you to your
destination.
#3. All educational courses fail before life's lesson.
#4. Life is kind of metaphor and keeps changing. So being adapted to change helps in
leading a successful life.
#5. Life is more about living and exploring instead of trying to understand. Those who tried
to understand it end up with depression, stress etc.
#6. For you there is no one else better than you. No one is more dangerous than you
yourself. Our biggest enemy and unconditional friend, lover, God all lies within us.
There are more and more. I am in love with the nature and life.
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Supraja Narayanan, The best project to work on is yourself !

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I believe that health is one of the most crucial things people ignore and regret later . Little
small healthy living hacks lets you live peacefully in your later life .I snack on little healthy
things throughout the day.fruit , nuts , veggies , granola etc . I just keep something by me
and when i am hungry i can reach for something good, keeping me fueled without feeling
heavy . Living healthy and keeping fit is very crucial for healthy living later in your life .
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Pratik Maheshwari, trying to simplify life..

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Wrote this long back in 2011 but I guess it still holds its relevance.
About You
Keep Life Simple
Say Hi to a person just twice at different times. If you get a cheerful reply both the times,
you have a friend added to your list (and not fb). If not, then leave. Not everyone in this
world can be your friend.
Call One Different Friend Every Weekend
Just to ask how is (s)he doing. Don't talk business or don't ask for a small favour. These
days when you talk to someone just to say a hi, it is an ecstatic feeling.

Learn To Let Go
Don't linger on your past, learn from it.
You left your childhood but you didn't realize it and hence no cries and emotions.
You have to leave your college. You realize it. Cry a little and then laugh it off.
You
Give time for yourself. Friends will leave you at some point or the other. But you yourself
will be with yourself for each and every moment of your life. Life is beyond friends, life is
you. It's your life. Understand and Live.
Do Something Worth
Every day, every month or every year. Do it for others or if not, then at least for yourself.
You'll feel good.
Reply
If someone texts you, mails you, calls you, remembers you, reply! Your reply matters a lot.
If you are unable to reply then and there, reply after few hours or even a day but do reply. It
just shows your concern for him/her otherwise its an insult to his/her feelings.
Remember Yourself
If some elderly asks you the same question twice or thrice, don't feel irritated. Just think of
that time when you used to say 2*2=3 a 100 times and still your parents never failed to
correct you. Respect their hard work. Respect them.
Earn Less, Live More
Drop a job which doesn't give you time to eat for which you are actually working.
Drop a job which doesn't give you time to spend time with your parents, spouse, children for
whom you are actually working.
Drop a job which doesn't give you time to spend time with yourself for whom you are
actually living.
Say It
If you Love someone, Say It. Don't make Life complex. You never know if the time will ever
roll back to correct that regretted decision of not saying it now.
Don't FALL in Love
You might hurt yourself and the other person. Just let it happen. Don't force yourself into it.
Don't Post Pics
About your recent trips and celebrations instantly on internet. Keep them safe for few years

and then show it to your friends. Imagine how the feeling would be then.
Do Get Angry
At your boss and take out the frustration on your keyboard. Not on your family and friends.
Take Life Seriously
Only when you are sleeping.
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Blythe Betts, Opinionated NYC Social Worker, Philosopher of Everything

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Instead of writing you lengthy, bulleted lists, (which seems to be the fashion), I will just say
these few things. Self: know yourself, work on yourself, be responsible for yourself, love
yourself. Other people: People and connections are really what it's all about. Do no
malicious harm, that wounds your soul. Importantly, always ensure you have plenty of
fulfilling sex (if anyone tells you it fades away, that's their issue. Sad). The rest is just fluff.
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Kathleen Maloney, i live - I try to learn

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Thanks for the A2A. This is a great question!

1. Be Kind. Be pleasant. Be compassionate. It's more important than being smart.

2. Check your ego. Happiness is more important than being right.
3. Money doesn't really matter. Love and connection does.
4. Beauty fades. Who you are matters more than how you look - honest!
5. Learn how to live in the moment. Try and let go of the past and the future once in a while.
6. There's always going to be someone better than you. Envy will waste your time.
7. Never stop playing.
8. Money doesn't really matter. Enjoying what you do does.
9. Being popular doesn't matter. Be yourself. Someone will appreciate you for being
different.
10. Exercise gratitude for what you have. Ignore what others have.
11. Stop worrying what other people think.
12. Failure is okay. Learn from mistakes.
13. Being comfortable makes you stand still. Step outside of your comfort zone as much as
you can.
14. Love yourself and others in equal parts.
15. Enjoy the simple things in life.
16. Tell people what you feel.
17. Find time for quiet and solitude.
18. Stop looking for the bigger, better thing.
19. Things don't matter. Experiences do.
20. Always wear sunscreen.
Written 18 Aug View Upvotes Asked to answer by Evan Asano
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Anonymous
1.9k Views

OHIO.
Only Handle Item/Issue Once.
I haven't learned this yet, not bone deep, but it is one of the most important lessons I could
have been taught early on.

We associate OHIO with physically picking up after ourselves, but it's just as powerful-maybe even more so--when applied to issues.
We tend to pick up items or issues, turn them over in our hands, not have a clue what to do
with them, then put them down again to deal with "later."
Procrastination can steal time, money and peace of mind. It is the rust of relationships.
Just think how much easier it would be to get along with a household member if both of you
did what the other asked the first time -- and completely.
Too often we dance around difficult issues because we're waiting to be backed in a corner, so
that circumstances dictate our course of action.
Handle things as they crop up, before neglect makes them worse: the late fee on your library
books, the kidney disease because you neglected healthy eating and wound up with Type II
diabetes, the rot that developed because you put off repairing a leaky faucet ... The divorce
because you didn't listen to what your spouse was trying to get you to hear.
If you OHIO, your house will be neat, your job will be better performed, your relationships
wI'll be healthier, and your mind will be more at peace.
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Prashant Srivastava, NEITHER OPTIMIST NOR PESSIMIST , I'M OPPURTUNIST

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With every passing year, each of us adds a new life lesson that once learned and accepted,
makes life easier and more enjoyable. Rather than rehash all of the life lessons Ive learned
over the years, I thought Id focus on the ones people tend to learn too late. Hopefully
reading this can allow you to avoid learning these too late.
1. Life is so much easier when you play by the rules: When I was a teenager I
thought the world was unfair. I didnt like playing by the rules and I wanted to live my life

my way. What I discovered in fact was that those rules exist for a reason and make life so
much easier when you follow them. I think for most people, this is a phase they go through
in the teen years, but others never learn this valuable life lesson until its too late. Playing by
the rules can certainly mean following the law, but there are also lots of rules out there
that arent laws. If youre living your life trying to cheat the system, keep in mind that
cheating the system takes way more work than simply living by the rules. Playing by the
rules also provides much more abundance than cheating ever could.
2. Happiness is a journey, not a destination: A lot of people live their life as though
happiness is a destination they can move to, and once there, theyll be happy forever. They
think: Once I finish college, Ill be happy. Once the kids are finally old enough to be in
school, then Ill be happy. The problem with this type of thinking is that it never ends. If
youre always looking forward to something, you can never be happy in the present
moment. Happiness is about appreciating the nuances of everyday life. Happiness is
playing with the dog in the park, snuggling on the couch with a hot cup of tea, reading a
good book, laughing with friends, and having a productive day at work. Stop waiting to be
happy, and just be happy now.
3. Fall in love with the person, not the potential: If you love someone, love them for
who they are today, not who you are hoping they could become. All of us have loads of
potential, but sadly most of us will never realize our full potential. If you get into a
relationship thinking If I can just love and encourage him enough hell change, you will be
wrong. Likewise, if a relationship has to be secret, thats not a relationship you should be
in. Lots of people fall in love thinking: Hell leave his wife for me, hell turn his life around,
hell get a better job someday, hell change. Thinking like this will only set yourself up for
disappointment later. Instead, find yourself someone that you can love for who they are
right now and love the idea that they may never change.
4. The only thing you can change is yourself: Speaking of change, this is an important
life lesson that many people never learn. The only thing you can change is yourself. Its just
something that you have to accept. Sometimes it can seem unfair and I hear from clients
often How come Im the one who has to change? The answer is simply because youre the
only person who canchange. We cant change other people. Not even therapists can
change other people. Once you get over the fantasy that everyone else is going to change for
you, life is so much easier.
5. To be successful at anything, you have to be stubborn, more stubborn than
anyone else: Anyone who was ever successful at anything didnt get that way because
success was just handed to them or they had some kind of innate talent, they got that way
simply because they were more stubborn than anyone else. Thomas Edison had a thousand
failed inventions before he invented the light bulb. A thousand! Most people would have
given up on being an inventor after the 5th failure, but he was simply too stubborn, and
because he was so stubborn he is now considered one of the greatest American inventors.
Whatever success your striving for in life, is simply a matter of outlasting the other people
who want the same thing you do. There were probably other people also trying to invent

light bulbs but they all gave up by the 999th failure. Because Edison was the most stubborn,
he got the prize.
6. Communication is the key to living a conflict-free life: Us therapists are big fans
of communication, and theres a very simple reason why: It is the key to living a conflict-free
life. Im often shocked by how people in conflict dont talk to each other and just assume the
other person can read their mind. Life doesnt work that way, and it doesnt matter how
many years youve known the other person. If you want something from someone, you have
to spell it out to them. If someone says something that upset you, let them know. People
often misspeak or dont mean to intentionally upset us.
7. Always have goals: Remember when you were young and had all those goals you
wanted to accomplish in life? Whatever happened to them? Youre never too old to have
goals or dreams for your life. True, some of those goals have probably changed since you
were a kid and thats okay. Its okay to realize that a past goal isnt what you want anymore,
but you should always have something you are striving for. Studies have shown that people
with goals are much more likely to accomplish them. Ive had a lot of goals that I thought
Ill probably never be able to accomplish this, but Ill give it a try anyways and
accomplished it much sooner than I ever thought I would. Once you do that, its time for a
new goal or dream. Ask yourself: What do I want to accomplish this year? What do I want
to accomplish in 5 years? 10 years? And finally, what do I want the legacy of my life to be?
Formulate a plan and follow through with it. I think sometimes its easy to just settle into a
routine and give up on our dreams. Dont end up being one of those people who look back
on their life in regret. Create goals for yourself and follow through with them
Written 22 Aug View Upvotes Asked to answer by Parth Nagpal
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Mike Andrews, Not an expert - just a father sharing advice that worked with our family.
3.9k Views

From a business perspective. There are some old sayings that sound right, but you don't
really realize how right they are until you live through the experience...sometimes several
times.
They are both similar, but can have different applications.

1. Hire slow, fire fast. It costs so much money to fail in this area, but managers do this over
and over again. It is nice to use another saying that says go with your gut, but your gut
alone is slightly better than a flip of a coin. When we hire, these are the stages:

Write a job description

Give the position a name that defines it best a like Mr./Ms. Ecommerce God.

Build an interview point structure around the top responsibilities and traits you're
looking for in this role. Weight them from most important to least (5points points very
important, 3 points kinda important and one point for lower importance) and give
points based on knowledge (100% for strong understanding, 50% average and 0% no
experience). Do the interview, score and apply the math. This gives you another
perspective to go with.

Collect resumes

Quickly disqualify any with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.

Look only for experience with you 5 point responsibilities. Anyone lacking
experience in over 2 of them disqualify.

Phone interview - first call just chat for a few minutes to gauge a personality fit. If
they annoy you for any reason, working together will only make it worse.

Phone interview II - questions around your interview point structure. As soon as you
hang up the phone, fill it in immediately. It's too easy to mix candidates up. Only invite
your highest ones to the next step

In person - for the lucky few that made it this far, we have their future boss and select
team members run an interview. They forget the first point structure and do it again.
Averag out for the group.

Post interview meeting - eliminate half.

Homework assignment - give them any writing assignment, build a plan, write a
program, how would you plan to double sales. Don't worry about how good it is. The
fact they did it shows they're serious and it highlights their communication skill level.

In person II - top 3 candidates. - introduce to top management and present their

assignment.

Computer scientific assessment test. Shows strengths and weaknesses based on

series of problems and how they're responded to.

Final one or two candidate in person interview to remove any last doubt.

Job offer.

This hire will cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars in time to train and opportunity lost

if it fails. Give them all the support they need and keep out of their path to success. If you
sense something is wrong, no chemistry, not catching on, etc... Give it another shot and let
them know what you expect. If you don't see progression in 3 months, start looking again,
but work to improve if you think there still may be hope. If things continue, terminate - fire
fast or you will keep stacking your losses.
2. Fail fast: along the same lines as above, but a wider scope. If you start something and
and all signs are pointing to failure quickly, don't try to ride it out. Make immediate
changes and try again. Same result - fail fast and move on. It's not giving up if you plan
correctly. I have more bad ideas than good and nobody bats a 1,000. The sooner you
capture you mistake, the quicker you can move on. There's not enough time to fool around,
your resources need to be placed towards what is producing for you. Not much different
than playing the stock market. You don't carry the losers hoping they will turn around.
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Giedrius Alaseviius Request Bio

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Not sure about too late but...

Extremely overestimating the value of social time. I have wasted so much time spending
with people just because it's the social standard (you go to parties, you meet to talk) and
being way too tolerant.
When I say way too tolerant, I don't mean that we should be condescending to other people,
what I mean is being more responsible regarding your time.
Even the nicest people you see will waste your time. For years I have not put enough value
on the intelligence of people. An intelligent person is worth way more than 10 socially
pleasant friends. Even if that person doesn't like you as a person.
Also, the standard among students, young people (i consider myself young as well) is so
terribly low because we get so many chances of excusing ourselves and even turning our

flaws into perceived strengths.

Growing up I kept hearing about how important our generation is, how much better we will
be with all this autonomy and respect we received but the truth is I have seen tens if not
hundreds of young people taking the feeling of how special they are as an excuse to simply
do nothing and bask in their own assumed glory.
For instance:
People calling themselves leaders because they joined some sort of not-for-profit when in
reality upon joining it they do nothing but spend time together telling each other how
special they are.
People saying how culturally mature they are simply because they went on a couple of trips
abroad to have fun.
People pointing fingers to social deviants to feel better about themselves (oh, you know
these poor/homeless/etc people).
The list could be infinite.
When you add all these things together, you can make yourself seem fairly special for simply
being able to keep a pulse and a healthy temperature. Yet as a person you are not growing,
you are not developing at all, instead, you take every opportunity to showcase how great you
are. Even if you appear humble on the outside.
And it is easy to get lost in this. It is the social standard nowadays. Genuinely accepted.
People will say you should not criticize others, that there are millions of opinions, that
everybody is worthy of respect...
And you follow that. And it is a huge mistake. The truth is - not every opinion counts. Not
every person is great. Yet most of them believe they are.
And you waste your time on these people. And suddenly you start believing that perhaps you
are also great. Pop-psychology, super mommies will translate this into "having a high selfesteem" which is usually perceived as a good thing.
But you know what. You need to back these things with proof. I don't think it is bad if you
feel bad about yourself when you have actually accomplished next to nothing. In fact it's
fine. It's understandable. You only to learn to channel that feeling into fueling you. It's not
your enemy. It simply your consciousness.

What is much worse, is having a lot of self-esteem without anything to back it. And people
like that can seem nice, pleasant, full of ideas. The truth is, most of the time it only stays as
empty words.
And a person that is all unsure of himself or herself, has doubts, remains constantly
skeptical of everything, that's who you should spend your time with, if you value your time
that is.
Feeling bad about doing nothing is normal.
Feeling great about doing nothing, trying to coat this "nothing" into fancy words, that's
terrible because it reduces greatness to such a poor level that we stop valuing things of
substance, of importance, people of genius or people of hard-work. We start equating
ourselves with them when we know that it's simply untrue. But we are being told that it's
okay. Because self-esteem, believing in yourself and all that fancy magical wording.
It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, if you feel exceptional or you live just like everybody
else. What matters is the people you surround yourself with because without any doubt you
will take after them, if only a little.
To put it plainly, it takes time and hard lessons to grow an ability to tell people who are full
of shit from those who can teach you something and with whom you can learn a thing or
two. It ain't necessarily gold if glitters. And it for sure ain't exceptional if it talks about
exceptionalism because nowadays everybody feels exceptional and they need a way to
emphasize that.
I came to learn that these "gray" and simple people are most of time so much more worthy
of respect than those who all the time try to portray how different and how special and how
caring they are. Because it's always, at least in my experience, under false pretense.
So I guess what I'm saying - give more attention to simple folk. And be careful with people
who are "saving the world", "making a change", "different than everybody else" because
chances are that they are just like everybody else - struggling with their identity, the only
difference is that they are also delusional.
Even this thread is a perfect example of this so-called "exceptionalism" - people are racing to
give advice on how to be different. Saying useless things like don't go to college or don't buy
the same car as everybody else.
Ultimately these things don't matter because the race is only with yourself. Simply value
your time. Whatever you do. However different you are.

And grow some strength to say goodbye to people, even if you enjoy them, when you know
they are a bad influence on you. No matter how they coat it. Take care of yourself. Even if
you don't manage to help others, at least you'll take care of one person. All too often people
who desperately need help themselves try to "rescue others".
Start from yourself. The richer you get, the more you will enrich others. And there's a thin
line between a cult and a group of people in a circle telling each other how great they are for
no apparent reason or for reasons that are so stretched that they are nearly impossible to
base with specificity.