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Gen. Am. Monologue (Tuna Fish)

The woman has a difficult time at the supermarket trying to get a can of tuna fish because someone is blocking the aisle for a long time. She waits patiently at first but gets increasingly frustrated as the person takes too long choosing a can. When they don't notice her needing to get by, she hits them over the head and screams at them to move. This causes a scene with a child crying. Overwhelmed, she leaves the store to go to a museum to calm down instead of dealing with the tuna fish.

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Bethan Cave
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228 views1 page

Gen. Am. Monologue (Tuna Fish)

The woman has a difficult time at the supermarket trying to get a can of tuna fish because someone is blocking the aisle for a long time. She waits patiently at first but gets increasingly frustrated as the person takes too long choosing a can. When they don't notice her needing to get by, she hits them over the head and screams at them to move. This causes a scene with a child crying. Overwhelmed, she leaves the store to go to a museum to calm down instead of dealing with the tuna fish.

Uploaded by

Bethan Cave
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Laughing Wild – Christopher Durang

WOMAN: I want to talk to you about life. It’s just too difficult to be alive, isn’t it, and try to
function? There are all these people to deal with. I tried to buy a can of tuna fish in the
supermarket, and there was this person standing right in front of where I wanted to reach
out to get the tuna fish, and I waited a while, to see if they’d move, and they didn’t—they
were looking at tuna fish too, but they were taking a real long time on it, reading the
ingredients on each can like they were a book, a pretty boring book if you ask me, but
nobody has; so I waited a long while, and they didn’t move, and I couldn’t get to the tuna
fish cans; and I thought about asking them to move, but then they seemed so stupid not to
have sensed that I needed to get by them that I had this awful fear that it would do no good,
no good at all, to ask them, they’d probably say something like, “We’ll move when we’re
goddam ready you nagging bitch” and then what would I do? And so then I started to cry
out of frustration, quietly, so as not to disturb anyone, and still, even though I was softly
sobbing, this stupid person didn’t grasp that I needed to get by them, and so I reached over
with my fist, and I brought it down real hard on his head and screamed: “Would you kindly
move asshole!!!”

And the person fell to the ground, and looked totally startled, and some child nearby started
to cry, and I was still crying, and I couldn’t imagine making use of the tuna fish now anyway,
and so I shouted at the child to stop crying—I mean, it was drawing too much attention to
me—and I ran out of the supermarket, and I thought, I’ll take a taxi to the Metropolitan
Museum of Art, I need to be surrounded with culture right now, not tuna fish.

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