PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT NOTES UNIT 2 AND 3

UNIT – 2 TECHNIQUES OF PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

SELF CONTROL
Self-control is the ability to control oneself, in terms of having mastery over one’s
desires and appetites. Those who are self-controlled can temper what they want, to
ensure that they do not over- or under-indulge.

St Thomas Aquinas, a medieval philosophy and theologian, said that self-controlled

people were able to ‘preserve their lives’. In other words, they were able to do the right
things to keep themselves healthy and happy.

Self-controlled people can be thought of as having acquired three habits:

1. Self-Preservation
They have a healthy attitude towards ‘things’ and focus on what they need in order to
live, rather than what they want. They use what they need to enrich their lives, but do not
over-indulge. They do not try to exploit others in any way.

2. Self-Assertion
They know their own value, and are comfortable in saying what they think in a way that
allows others to speak too. They are firm but gentle with others, and do not put
themselves or others down.

3. Self-Fulfilment
The way to self-fulfilment is closely linked to resilience. Those with self-control are able
to understand that it is important to persevere with difficult activities if you are to
develop skill in them. However, if you do persevere, you will learn the skill and will get
pleasure from it.

Examples of skills which may not come easily but which give huge pleasure include
drawing and other forms of visual art, learning to play a musical instrument and
studying a new subject for interest. Fundamentally, self-control allows us to enjoy the
good things of life in moderation, without wanting too much, and knowing when we
have had enough.

What Is Self-Control? (A Definition)

Self-control is the ability to overcome your impulses and immediate desires in favor of
behavior that is in line with your standards and long-term goals (Baumeister et al., 2007).
In other words, self-control is being able to choose the thing you should do over the
thing you want to do.
One of the dominant theories of self-control at present is the limited-resource model.
This model suggests that when we exert self-control, our mental energy can become
depleted (Baumeister et al., 1994). In this perspective, self-control is a lot like a muscle.
When we overwork a muscle it becomes fatigued and can’t produce the same level of
exertion of which it was previously capable. Similarly, just as exercising a muscle
increases strength, exercising self-control can increase your ability to override impulses
in the future.

Self-control is more challenging for some than it is for others. People with ADHD, for
example, have a harder time controlling their impulses than normally developed
individuals. Personality, life experience, and motivation also influence our capacity for
self-control (de Ridder et al., 2012). Some studies have even shown differences in brain
structure and function in people with poor self-control compared to those with good self
-control (Cohen & Lieberman, 2010).

Self-Control Skills

Though different models of self-control consider self-control to be comprised of

different skills, monitoring and delay of gratification seem to be among the most
consistent.

Monitoring
Monitoring is essentially being aware of your behavior. It’s the moments when you say
to yourself “this isn’t what you should be doing right now.” Often, when our self-control
energy is depleted, we are still fully capable of recognizing that our behavior is out of
line with our personal goals or our values, but we just aren’t able to act on it.

Delay of Gratification
Delay of gratification is choosing a more favorable future outcome than a less favorable
immediate outcome. For example, you might be familiar with the famous “Marshmallow
Study” in which elementary school students were presented with a single marshmallow
and were told that they could either eat one marshmallow now or several marshmallows
if they waited 15 minutes (Mischel & Ebbesen, 1970). Choosing to wait for more
marshmallows later means delaying the gratification of consuming one delicious
marshmallow now.

Opposite of Self-Control
The opposite of self-control is impulsivity. Impulsivity is the tendency to engage in
behaviors motivated by the desire for pleasure, gratification, or arousal without mindful
intention, forethought, or consideration of potential consequences (Hollander & Rosen,
2000). Poor impulse control can have many undesirable outcomes including overeating,
alcohol and drug abuse, crime, aggression and violence, overspending, risky sexual
behaviors, and pathological gambling.
The ability to control our behavior is essential for achieving long-term goals and life
satisfaction. Luckily for all of us who are not naturally gifted when it comes to self-
control, it’s an ability that can be learned.
Here are a few simple and scientifically validated ways to practice self-control:

Improve your posture – Depending on the current state of your typical posture, this task
may be more or less challenging. Remember, self-control is a limited resource, so if
improving your posture is going to be particularly difficult for you, you might want to try
practicing good posture for a limited period of time every day (i.e. ‘I’m going to maintain
good posture for the first hour of my day’).

Alter verbal behavior – This might be swearing less, speaking in complete and
grammatically correct sentences, or avoiding particular words. For example, a dear
friend of mine tried to avoid using the word “thing” for a month.

Use your non-dominant hand for simple tasks – This is a great way to exercise self-
control and monitoring. For a specified period of time (i.e. between 10 am and 9 pm)
use your non-dominant hand (if you have one) for simple things like opening your water
bottle or brushing your teeth.

Squeeze a handgrip for as long as possible – this task doesn’t require as much
monitoring, so it might feel a bit simpler to implement than the other. Researchers have
identified a multitude of different ways to facilitate exercising self-control. Here are a
few scientifically backed methods for self-control (Duckworth et al., 2018):

Psychological distancing
Research suggests that we are more strongly compelled by temptations when they are
readily available. Creating distance between you and the temptation you want to
overcome can reduce the strength of the temptation.

Implementation intentions
An implementation intention is essentially an if/then conditional applied to behaviors
you are trying to encourage. For example, “if I get home from work before 9, then I will
meditate.” This reduces the energetic cost of convincing yourself to meditate when you
get home from work and precludes the need to argue with yourself about it because the
decision is already made.

Temptation bundling
This refers to combining the thing you want to do with the thing you know you should do.
For example, imagine a scenario in which you really want to watch mindless television,
but you feel like you should work out. You could bundle the temptation by saying “I can
watch The Bachelor, but only while I’m on the exercise bike.” This provides both the
immediate gratification you were seeking from watching television and the satisfaction
of behaving in accordance with your long-term goal of fitness.
SELF-RESILIENCE
What Is Resilience?

Resilience is the ability to cope with and recover from setbacks. People who remain
calm in the face of disaster have resilience.People with psychological resilience are able
to use their skills and strengths to respond to life's challenges.
Instead of falling into despair or hiding from issues by using unhealthy coping strategies,
resilient people face life's difficulties head-on.People with resilience do not experience
less distress, grief, or anxiety than other people do. Instead, they use healthy coping
skills to handle such difficulties in ways that foster strength and growth, often emerging
stronger than they were before.

Signs of Resilience

Resilient people often have a number of different characteristics that help them weather
life's challenges. Some of the signs of resilience include:

A survivor mentality: When people are resilient, they view themselves as survivors. They
know that even when things are difficult, they can keep going until they make it through.

Effective emotional regulation: Resilience is marked by an ability to manage emotions in

the face of stress. This doesn't mean that resilient people don't experience strong
emotions such as anger, sadness, or fear. It means that they recognize those feelings
are temporary and can be managed until they pass.

Feeling in control: Resilient people tend to have a strong internal locus of control and
feel that their actions can play a part in determining the outcome of events.

Problem-solving skills: When problems arise, resilient people look at the situation
rationally and try to come up with solutions that will make a difference.
Self-compassion: Another sign of resilience is showing self-acceptance and self-
compassion. Resilient people treat themselves with kindness, especially when things
are hard.
Social support: Having a solid network of supportive people is another sign of resilience.
Resilient people recognize the importance of support and knowing when they need to
ask for help.

Types of Resilience

Resilience represents an ability to handle life's setbacks and is an overall representation

of adaptability. However, there are also different types of resilience, each of which can
influence a person's ability to cope with various forms of stress.

Physical Resilience

Physical resilience refers to how the body deals with change and recovers from physical
demands, illnesses, and injuries. Research suggests that this type of resilience plays an
important role in health. It affects how people age as well as how they respond and
recover from physical stress and medical issues.

Mental Resilience

Mental resilience refers to a person's ability to adapt to change and uncertainty. People
who possess this type of resilience are flexible and calm during times of crisis. They
use mental strength to solve problems, move forward, and remain hopeful even when
they are facing setbacks.

Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience involves being able to regulate emotions during times of stress.
Resilient people are aware of their emotional reactions and tend to be in touch with their
inner life. Because of this, they are also able to calm their mind and manage their
emotions when they are dealing with negative experiences. This type of resilience also
helps people maintain a sense of optimism when times are tough. Because they are
emotionally resilient, they understand that adversity and difficult emotions won't last
forever.

Social Resilience

Social resilience, which may also be called community resilience, involves the ability of
groups to recover from difficult situations. It involves people connecting with others and
working together to solve problems that affect people both individually and collectively.

How to develop self Resilience

Research has shown that while some people seem to come by resilience naturally,
these behaviors can also be learned.Whether you're going through a tough time now or
you want to be prepared for future challenges, you can build resilience by:
Finding purpose
Believing in yourself
Developing a social network
Embracing change
Being optimistic
Nurturing yourself
Developing problem-solving skills
Establishing goals
Taking action
Committing to building skills over t

SELF ESTEEM

There are various aspects of our individuality, personality, and the overall lifestyle that
makes us grow and succeed in life. And these aspects help us a lot to accomplish our
personal and professional endeavours.

And these aspects can be named as self-confidence, self-motivation, self-awareness,

knowledge, and education amongst others.

But all of them can be an integral part of our personality only if we embrace and
understand the Importance of Self Esteem. Self-esteem means self-respect and
knowing the worth of your abilities and attributes, and it raises our confidence levels in
manifolds.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the ability of a person to value, love and accept themselves. The
development of self-esteem occurs in intermediate childhood, where the individual
compares their "real self" with an "ideal self" and with the people around them.
Maintaining a good self-esteem allows us to be happier and to have more confidence in
ourselves.

However, when self-esteem is low, the following qualities tend to be exhibited:

A lack of self-confidence Not expressing opinions for fear of being rejected or thinking
that their opinions do not have the same value as other peoples’ Feeling that we are not
worthy of positive situations Needing the approval of others Not feeling happy, Easily
demotivated Feeling nervous Feeling guilty, unattractive or without initiative.

Importance of Self Esteem in Personality Development

1. Acceptance of challenges
When we come to talk and discuss the Importance of Self Esteem, it is of the utmost
importance and vitality at the workplace as there are so many challenges that are
thrown at you almost every day at work and you need to face it with utmost grace and
agility. And when there is a factor of self-esteem and respect instilled in your mind and
personality, and you follow the Importance of Self Esteem daily, it becomes your
lifestyle slowly and steadily.
It is very crucial to take on the challenges at your workplace to carve a niche for your
self and make an upward swing in your career graph and growth trajectory.

2. Elevated levels of confidence.

As mentioned in the introduction of the article, when we realize and follow the
Importance of Self Esteem in our daily lives and especially at our workplace, our
confidence levels rise in manifolds. It makes us realize our self-worth, strength, and
even weaknesses making us more aware of ourselves and the factors that can affect
our career graph at the workplace.

When the confidence is elevated owing to the high self-esteem, it is quite visible in our
walk, conversations, and every move and motion.And these traits of ours attract the
attention of our immediate superiors, managers, and top management that helps us
grow on the professional front.

3. Helps to articulate your views and opinions

Yet another benefit and merit of realizing and following the Importance of Self Esteem
are that it helps to articulate and express your views and opinions about the given
situation openly.
In the world of corporate and business, it occurs quite a several times when there are
certain aspects or facets of business that you don’t agree to and challenge the modus
operandi and outcome of the same.

So many times, the opposition can be faced by the seniors as well. And when we know
that we are right on our part owing to our knowledge, expertise, and experienced gained
over the years; the factor of self-esteem takes it over from here in helping you express
your views and opinions proving your point in a confident and agile manner.

4) You do not fear uncertain situations

Changing business environment and dynamism along with the various other external
factors affect the course of the business in today’s time consistently.

The external factors comprise of competition from the peers, lack of rewards and praise
from the seniors, a certain situation that acts as an obstacle in attaining our work
responsibilities, to family issues amongst others; they are uncertain and can fall upon
us anytime during our professional journey.
When such uncertain situations arrive, we have to face and combat them with
confidence and figuring out the solutions to the same. And all of it is mainly possible
when we realize the Importance of Self Esteem and are instilled with self-worth and self-
respect to the core.
5. ) You become more resilient
In continuation of the point mentioned above, uncertain situations can arise anytime
and anywhere throughout the professional journey. And embracing and following the
Importance of Self Esteem makes you more resilient in life and its overall approach.You
know and understand that you are not the only one who is facing a downward spiral and
it is part and parcel of everyone’s life. But with your high self-esteem and self-worth, you
are more confident, agile, aware, and positive to take on the setbacks as you take on the
success.You handle the same with utmost grace figuring out the vital and rational
solutions having a practical approach.

6) You are more committed to your goals

Our professional life is full of short term and long term goals, and for our success and
growth, it is very crucial to accomplish the same efficiently and effectively. And on the
road of success and goal attainment, we face a lot many bottlenecks and obstacles that
can hamper our growth and success.

Hence, it is very vital to be confident and committed enough to face all of them like a
pro-hunting down rational and practical solutions. And commitment is possible by
realizing the Importance of Self Esteem on following its rules and ethics every day. It is
a very simple rule of business and corporate world, the more committed, confident,
effective, and efficient you are in the journey of accomplishing your goals and objectives;
the success is bound to hit you sooner or later.

7) More productivity
Along with the aspects of confidence and commitment, the aspect of productivity holds
vital importance at the workplace. You will have to dedicate more working hours and
work smartly to complete your work-related tasks in a required manner.

Factors affecting Asserstiveness

What Is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a healthy way of communicating. It's the ability to speak up for
ourselves in a way that is honest and respectful. Every day, we're in situations where
being assertive can help us — like asking someone on a date, approaching a teacher
with a question, or doing well on a job or college interview.

Being assertive doesn't come naturally to everyone. Some people communicate in a way
that is too passive. Other people have a style that is too aggressive. An assertive style is
the happy medium between these two.

Factors affecting assertiveness

Self Belief:
Most importantly, the prime factor which stops us from being assertive is our self-belief.
We have some pre notions which might stop us from being assertive. These pre notions
might be, If you speak assertively, you might hurt someone or, you might ruin a
relationship if you speak assertively, or someone might feel embarrassed if you speak
assertively or with assertiveness, you might be loosing all that you have and so on.
These kinds of beliefs can stop you from being assertive.

2. Wrong Understanding of Situations:

There are some cases, where we might understand the situation wrongly and don’t
communicate assertively. Though, you cannot be assertive every time. You need to
judge a situation and be assertive. But, there are several instances, where you might
react and communicate passively or aggressively whereas, the situation could have
been handled better with assertiveness.

While we cannot plan any communication or any behavior properly as this is an instant
reaction that happens at our subconscious level when you start practicing
assertiveness, we start training our mind with assertiveness as well and the more we
practice, the more it is trained.

3. Poor handling of Stress or Anxiety:

You might come across lots of incidents, which make you stressed and anxious. Your
physical body reacts to these stress and anxiety and as a result of which, in most such
cases, you are unable to think and act clearly. And, in these situations, framing
assertiveness in your communication style is almost impossible until and unless it’s
your natural style.

Again, as explained in the above point, assertiveness teaches you to calm down, analyze
the situation and then, perform better reaction to that -which helps you overcome this
challenge.

4. Your Culture and Values:

Your culture and values play an important role when it comes to practice assertiveness.
It might be the way you are bought up, the way you are taught which might stop you
from freely express what you think and feel and express yourself clearly.

You have to realize whether such values are creating any barrier to your assertiveness
and if the answer is yes, you have to simply change the way you look at your values.
There is nothing more dangerous than living with low self-esteem.

5. Your Skillsets:
Assertiveness can be learned and that’s why you are reading this blog. It may be
possible that you understand what assertiveness is but you are confused about how to
start the same. So, in lots of situations, your current skills become a great determinant
of your assertiveness

PRO SOCIAL BEHAVIOR

Prosocial behaviors are those intended to help other people. These actions are
characterized by a concern for the rights, feelings, and welfare of other people.
Behaviors that can be described as prosocial include feeling empathy and concern for
others.

Prosocial behavior includes a wide range of actions such as helping, sharing,

comforting, and cooperating. The term itself originated during the 1970s and was
introduced by social scientists as an antonym for the term antisocial behavior.

Benefits of Prosocial Behavior

In addition to the obvious good that prosocial actions do for their recipients, these
behaviors can have a range of beneficial effects for the "helper":

 Mood-boosting effects: Research has also shown that people who engage in
prosocial behaviors are more likely to experience better moods.1 Not only that,
people who help others tend to experience negative moods less frequently.
 Social support benefits: Having social support can be crucial for getting through
difficult times. Research has shown that social support can have a powerful
impact on many aspects of wellness, including reducing the risk of loneliness,
alcohol use, and depression.2
 Stress-reducing effects: Research has also found that engaging in prosocial
behaviors helps mitigate the negative emotional effects of stress.1 Helping
others may actually be a great way to reduce the impact of stress in your life

Types

While prosocial behavior is often presented as a single, uniform dimension, some

research suggests that there are different types. These types are distinguished based
on why they are produced and include:

 Proactive: These are prosocial actions that serve self-benefitting purposes.

 Reactive: These are actions that are performed in response to individual needs.
 Altruistic: These include actions that are meant to help others without any
expectations of personal gain.

Researchers also suggest that these different types of prosocial behaviors are often
likely to be motivated by differing forces. For example, proactive prosocial actions were
found to often be motivated by status-linked goals and popularity within a group.
Altruistic prosocial behaviors, on the other hand, were more closely linked to being liked
by peers and achieving shared goals.

Why We Help Others

Prosocial behavior has long posed a challenge to social scientists. Researchers seek to
understand why people engage in helping behaviors that are beneficial to others, but
costly to the individual performing the action.

In some cases, including acts of heroism, people will even put their own lives at risk in
order to help other people, even those who are complete strangers. Why would people
do something that benefits someone else but offers no immediate benefit to the doer?

Psychologists suggest that there are a number of reasons why people engage in
prosocial behavior.

 Evolutionary influences: Evolutionary psychologists often explain prosocial

behaviors in terms of the principles of natural selection. While putting your own
safety in danger makes it less likely that you will survive to pass on your own
genes, kin selection suggests that helping members of your own genetic family
makes it more likely that your kin will survive and pass on genes to future
generations. Researchers have been able to produce some evidence that people
are often more likely to help those to whom they are closely related.4
 Personal benefits: Prosocial behaviors are often seen as being compelled by a
number of factors including egoistic reasons (doing things to improve one's self-
image), reciprocal benefits (doing something nice for someone so that they may
one day return the favor), and more altruistic reasons (performing actions purely
out of empathy for another individual).
 Reciprocal behavior: The norm of reciprocity suggests that when people do
something helpful for someone else, that person feels compelled to help out in
return. This norm developed, evolutionary psychologists suggest, because people
who understood that helping others might lead to reciprocal kindness were more
likely to survive and reproduce.
 Socialization: In many cases, such behaviors are fostered during childhood and
adolescence as adults encourage children to share, act kindly, and help others.

Other Influences on Prosocial Behavior

Research on the bystander effect resulted in a better understanding of why people help
in some situations but not in others. Experts have discovered a number of different
situational variables that contribute to (and sometimes interfere with) prosocial
behaviors.

 Fear of judgment or embarrassment: People sometimes fear leaping to

assistance only to discover that their help was unwanted or unwarranted. In order
to avoid being judged by other bystanders, people simply take no action.
 How other people respond: People also tend to look to others for how to
respond in such situations, particularly if the event contains some level of
ambiguity. If no one else seems to be reacting, then individuals become less
likely to respond as well.
 The number of people present: The more people who are around, the less
personal responsibility people feel in a situation. This is known as the diffusion
of responsibility.
Prosocial behavior can be a beneficial force for individuals, communities, and societies.
While there are many factors that contribute to helping actions, there are things that you
can do to improve prosocial actions in yourself and in others:

 Develop your skills: One reason why people fail to help is that they feel like they
don't really have the necessary skills to be of assistance. You can overcome this
by doing things like learning the basics of first aid or CPR, so that you'll feel
better prepared if you do find yourself in an emergency situation.
 Model prosocial actions: If you are a parent, provide a good example for your
children by letting them see you engage in helpful actions. Even if you don't have
kids, prosocial behaviors can help inspire others to take action. Volunteer in your
community or look for other ways that you can help people.
 Praise acts of kindness: When you see kids (or even adults) doing kind things for
others, let them know you appreciate it.
Interviewing Skills

What are interviewing skills?

Interviewing skills are your ability to interact with the employer or interviewer and show
them why you are the best-fit candidate for the job role. Your interview skills give an
interviewer insight into how you will communicate in the workplace and solve problems.
It also shows if you can actively listen and be honest in your work. All these factors tell
your potential employers how well you will fit in their work environment.

During your interview, the employer may pay attention to your answers and the non-
verbal cues you use while answering questions. For example, if you tap your foot while
talking, it may show that you are nervous. So, this skill set helps you highlight the best
features that can differentiate you from other candidates with similar qualification and
work experience.

Why are interviewing skills important?

Interview skills are important because they give your potential employer confidence that
you can perform the job duties and accomplish your daily goals. Additionally, the skills
you showcase during your interview help an employer determine and validate if your
qualifications, experience and personality meet their requirements. For example, an
employer may prefer interview skills like excellent verbal communication and
confidence when hiring for a customer service representative role, as the job role
requires a candidate to communicate confidently with their customers.

What is the most important skill for an interview?

The most important skill for an interview is verbal communication because it helps you
convey valuable information about your education, abilities and experience to a
potential employer. Excellent verbal communication skills can help you deliver a well-
thought-out answer that can increase your chances of getting hired.

Examples of interview skills

An interview provides you with an opportunity to show the interviewer the soft skills you
have that will make you a valuable asset to their company. Here are a few examples of
skills you can use during an interview:

Research capabilities

Good research capabilities help you perform well in an interview. For instance, you can
read and analyse the job description and customise your resume based on that
research. You should also do your research on the company you are interviewing for.
That way, when the interviewer asks you questions like "Why do you want to work for
this company?", you will be able to provide an informed answer that shows the employer
you are the best-fit candidate for their organisation and its culture.

As part of your research, you can visit the company website, read the latest news about
the company and talk to some of their employees.

Interview questions preparation

Some basic interview questions are fundamental to almost every job role. It is always a
good idea to practise such questions before facing your potential employers. Preparing
beforehand for questions like "Tell me about yourself", "Why should we hire you?", "What
are your greatest weaknesses?" or "Do you have any questions?" is an important
interview skill, as it shows your attitude and seriousness about the job role. If you are
applying for a technical role, make a list of commonly asked technical questions for that
job role and practise them.

The more you practise, the better answers you can provide during the interview.
Moreover, craft your own answers instead of copying and pasting generic answers from
the Internet.

Verbal communication

During an interview, employers may pay close attention to your tone and pitch. They
want to see if you can communicate your ideas clearly and cohesively. Talking too fast
can make you look anxious. It also prevents you from conveying your message clearly.
The ability to speak calmly to make sure that others can understand you is a skill that
you can develop through practice.

Non-verbal communication

From the moment you walk into the interview room, employers will pay close attention
to the non-verbal cues you portray. Non-verbal communication includes body language,
posture, gestures, facial expression and eye contact. For example, if you sit with
crossed legs or arms during the interview, it shows that you are nervous and anxious.
Being able to maintain eye contact and have a smile on your face is important in order
to succeed in an interview.

Time management

Time-management skills are important because they show that you can plan, prepare
and organise your time. You should reach the interview venue at least 10 to 15 minutes
ahead of time and keep track of the time you spend answering each question. Also,
before coming for the interview, plan your mode and route of travel to be punctual. It is
always good to keep some buffer time in case you encounter heavy traffic or a flat tyre.
Confidence

Self-confidence is the ability to stay confident in your skills and abilities. This is an
essential skill because it shows that you have trust in yourself. To showcase a
confident attitude during the interview, control your fidgeting, greet the employer with a
handshake, talk slowly and maintain eye contact. Also, when you answer the interview
questions confidently during an interview, it helps make the interviewer feel more
confident about your skills, experience and knowledge.

Active listening

Active listening is as important as answering the job interview questions. If you listen
properly to the employer's question, you will be able to understand what exactly they are
looking for and craft your answers accordingly. It also shows that you are engaged and
serious about the job role. For example, when an employer asks you, "Do you have any
questions?" instead of asking generic questions, ask questions based on your
conversation with the employer. This can increase your chances of getting hired.

Positive attitude

Having a positive attitude during an interview can influence the hiring decision in your
favour. For example, when asked about why you left your previous job, saying negative
things about your previous employers is not a good way to answer such questions. So,
focus on giving optimistic reasons for leaving a previous job. You can also show your
positive attitude using active verbs and positive connotations to present your
qualifications favourably to the employers.

Politeness

Being polite is another critical interview skill. Apart from the employer, you are likely to
meet several company employees during the interview process. For example, you may
interact with the receptionist, so greet and talk to them politely. Also, if a human
resources professional escorts you to the interview room, remember to thank them. It is
imperative to be friendly and polite to everyone, as it shows how well you can fit in the
organisation and work with others.

Honesty

One skill that makes you a desirable candidate for a job role is honesty. To show your
honesty during the interview process, make sure that all the information you provide
about yourself is correct. As most employers perform a background check on their new
hires, there is no point in exaggerating about your experience, skills and qualifications.

For example, if you have mentioned in your resume that you are fluent in Spanish, be
ready to demonstrate your skills in the interview. It is always advisable to write nothing
but the truth on your resume. Being honest can help you gain the trust of the employer.
What are the 5 top interview techniques?

Here are the top five interview techniques you can use to improve your chances of
getting hired:

 Make a good first impression.

 Dress appropriately.
 Improve your interview skills.
 Use the STAR technique to answer questions.
 Express gratitude after the interview.
UNIT 3 EMERGING AREAS OF PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

Social Intelligence and Personality Development (SQ)

Social intelligence encompasses the social skills and competencies that humans
employ for smooth and enjoyable interpersonal interactions. You can develop social
cognition by practicing communication skills.

What Is Social intelligence?

Social intelligence is the ability to possess self-awareness and understand one’s
relationship to others in social situations. Socially intelligent people practice active
listening and interpersonal engagement in social interactions. Simply, social awareness
equates to common sense or street smarts.

Research in social neuroscience shows that social intelligence is a key skill for
professional and personal development and requires qualities such as empathy,
effective listening, and a rich understanding of emotions.
4 Components of Social Intelligence
Practicing self-regulation, self-awareness, and social awareness—as well as building
relationship skills—can lead to smoother interactions in social environments:

1. Relationship skills: Teamwork, active listening, and kindness toward others are
all trademarks of strong relationship skills.

2. Self-regulation: Self-regulation defines one’s ability to think before acting. This

can be helpful in problem-solving situations and developing the social facility to
consider other points of view before acting or speaking.

3. Self-awareness: This trait means you understand the effects of your actions
and how others perceive you and your actions in the social world. A sense of
humor, humility, and not taking yourself too seriously are key aspects of self-
awareness.

4. Social awareness: Synchrony between yourself and others makes for solid
social awareness. Understanding others’ emotional states and how to behave
 based on that understanding speaks to good social awareness.

How to Develop Social Intelligence

Understanding human relations allows you to play various social roles and succeed in
social situations. To develop social intelligence, follow these tips:

1. 1. Be an active listener. Listen to what others are saying and avoid

interrupting or speaking over them. Show respect for opinions and warmly
respond to people’s ideas or answers.
2. 2. Empathize with others. To practice empathy, care for others’ well-being,
and work to understand their emotions and rationale.
3. 3. Focus on teamwork. Humility and collaboration are crucial aspects of
social intelligence. The ability to compromise and try out new ideas
exemplifies strong interpersonal skills.
4. 4. Practice your communication skills. Communication and conversational
skills are a significant part of social intelligence. Strong communication
involves the ability to speak confidently and make small talk.
5. 5. Use appropriate facial expressions. Presence and facial expressions also
play into social intelligence; nodding when others speak, smiling at jokes, and
expressing sadness at bad news are all examples of appropriate facial
expressions.

Emotional Intelligence and Personality Development (EQ)

What is emotional intelligence or EQ?

Emotional intelligence (otherwise known as emotional quotient or EQ) is the ability to

understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress,
communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse
conflict. Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at
school and work, and achieve your career and personal goals. It can also help you to
connect with your feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions
about what matters most to you.

Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:

1. Self-management – You're able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors,

manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on
commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
2. Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your
thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and have
self-confidence.
 3. Social awareness – You have empathy. You can understand the emotions,
needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel
comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or
organization.
4. Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good
relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a
team, and manage conflict.

5. Your relationships. By understanding your emotions and how to control them,

you're better able to express how you feel and understand how others are feeling.
This allows you to communicate more effectively and forge stronger
relationships, both at work and in your personal life.
6. Your social intelligence. Being in tune with your emotions serves a social
purpose, connecting you to other people and the world around you. Social
intelligence enables you to recognize friend from foe, measure another person's
interest in you, reduce stress, balance your nervous system through social
communication, and feel loved and happy.

Building emotional intelligence: Four key skills to increasing your EQ

The skills that make up emotional intelligence can be learned at any time. However, it's
important to remember that there is a difference between simply learning about EQ and
applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something
doesn't mean you will—especially when you become overwhelmed by stress, which can
override your best intentions. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that
stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to overcome stress in the moment, and
in your relationships, in order to remain emotionally aware.

The key skills for building your EQ and improving your ability to manage emotions and
connect with others are:

1. Self-management
2. Self-awareness
3. Social awareness
4. Relationship management

Building emotional intelligence,

key skill 1: Self-management

In order for you to engage your EQ, you must be able to use your emotions to make
constructive decisions about your behavior. When you become overly stressed, you can
lose control of your emotions and the ability to act thoughtfully and appropriately.
Think about a time when stress has overwhelmed you. Was it easy to think clearly or
make a rational decision? Probably not. When you become overly stressed, your ability
to both think clearly and accurately assess emotions—your own and other
people's—becomes compromised.

Emotions are important pieces of information that tell you about yourself and others,
but in the face of stress that takes us out of our comfort zone, we can become
overwhelmed and lose control of ourselves. With the ability to manage stress and stay
emotionally present, you can learn to receive upsetting information without letting it
override your thoughts and self-control. You'll be able to make choices that allow you to
control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take
initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.

Key skill 2: Self-awareness

Managing stress is just the first step to building emotional intelligence. The science
of attachment indicates that your current emotional experience is likely a reflection of
your early life experience. Your ability to manage core feelings such as anger, sadness,
fear, and joy often depends on the quality and consistency of your early life emotional
experiences. If your primary caretaker as an infant understood and valued your
emotions, it's likely your emotions have become valuable assets in adult life. But, if your
emotional experiences as an infant were confusing, threatening or painful, it's likely
you've tried to distance yourself from your emotions.

But being able to connect to your emotions—having a moment-to-moment connection

with your changing emotional experience—is the key to understanding how emotion
influences your thoughts and actions.

Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your
experiences change from moment to moment?

Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places
like your stomach, throat, or chest?

Do you experience individual feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, and
joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?

Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your
attention and that of others?

Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, you may have “turned down” or “turned off”
your emotions. In order to build EQ—and become emotionally healthy—you must
reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them. You
can achieve this through the practice of mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present
moment—and without judgment. The cultivation of mindfulness has roots in Buddhism,
but most religions include some type of similar prayer or meditation
technique. Mindfulness helps shift your preoccupation with thought toward an
appreciation of the moment, your physical and emotional sensations, and brings a
larger perspective on life. Mindfulness calms and focuses you, making you more self-
aware in the process.

It's important that you learn how to manage stress first, so you'll feel more comfortable
reconnecting to strong or unpleasant emotions and changing how you experience and
respond to your feelings.

Key skill 3: Social awareness

Social awareness enables you to recognize and interpret the mainly nonverbal cues
others are constantly using to communicate with you. These cues let you know how
others are really feeling, how their emotional state is changing from moment to moment,
and what's truly important to them.

When groups of people send out similar nonverbal cues, you're able to read and
understand the power dynamics and shared emotional experiences of the group. In
short, you're empathetic and socially comfortable.To build social awareness, you need
to recognize the importance of mindfulness in the social process. After all, you can't
pick up on subtle nonverbal cues when you're in your own head, thinking about other
things, or simply zoning out on your phone. Social awareness requires your presence in
the moment. While many of us pride ourselves on an ability to multitask, this means
that you'll miss the subtle emotional shifts taking place in other people that help you
fully understand them.

 You are actually more likely to further your social goals by setting other
thoughts aside and focusing on the interaction itself.

 Following the flow of another person's emotional responses is a give-and-take

process that requires you to also pay attention to the changes in your own
emotional experience.

 Paying attention to others doesn't diminish your own self-awareness. By

investing the time and effort to really pay attention to others, you'll actually
gain insight into your own emotional state as well as your values and beliefs.
For example, if you feel discomfort hearing others express certain views, you'll
have learned something important about yourself.

Key skill 4: Relationship management

Working well with others is a process that begins with emotional awareness and your
ability to recognize and understand what other people are experiencing. Once emotional
 awareness is in play, you can effectively develop additional social/emotional skills that
will make your relationships more effective, fruitful, and fulfilling.

Become aware of how effectively you use nonverbal communication. It's impossible to
avoid sending nonverbal messages to others about what you think and feel. The many
muscles in the face, especially those around the eyes, nose, mouth and forehead, help
you to wordlessly convey your own emotions as well as read other peoples' emotional
intent. The emotional part of your brain is always on—and even if you ignore its
messages—others won't. Recognizing the nonverbal messages that you send to others
can play a huge part in improving your relationships.

Use humor and play to relieve stress. Humor, laughter and play are natural antidotes to
stress. They lessen your burdens and help you keep things in
perspective. Laughter brings your nervous system into balance, reducing stress,
calming you down, sharpening your mind and making you more empathic.

Learn to see conflict as an opportunity to grow closer to others. Conflict and

disagreements are inevitable in human relationships. Two people can't possibly have
the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn't be a bad
thing. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between
people. When conflict isn't perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom,
creativity, and safety in relationships.

Basis of
Social intelligence Emotional intelligence
comparison

Social intelligence refers to the ability Emotional intelligence is concerned

Meaning to develop successful and healthy with the ability to understand one’s
relationships. own feelings and emotions.

It is a future-oriented approach where It is mainly concerned with

Objective people develop relationships for personal understanding and
future prospects. emotion management.

Skills Social intelligence is an interpersonal Emotional intelligence is an

category skill. intrapersonal skill.

Scope It often becomes a superset of It is a comparatively narrow

emotional intelligence. concept and a subset of social
 Basis of
Social intelligence Emotional intelligence
comparison

intelligence.

Conclusion
Social intelligence is a critical skill that can help a person to be successful in
any sphere of life. It is a quality that makes a person easy-going and more
aware of the people around them. Thus, social intelligence is a vital skill in a
person’s life.

SPIRITUAL INTELLIGENCE AND PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

The term and concept of spiritual intelligence emerged as a result of integrating
intelligence with spirituality. While accepting the similarity and integration between
religion and spirituality, there is also agreement as to their dissimilarity and distinction,
religion focusing on the sacred whereas spirituality refers to the experiential elements
of meaning, eminence, and excellence.
Researchers regard spiritual intelligence as the most significant type of intelligence
because of its ability to influence change in people, societies, and cultures. Thus,
improving spiritual intelligence helps individuals toward adopting a positive outlook and
in achieving inner peace. This modification in attitude improves self-motivation and
control as well as helping to reduce the high stress levels commonly induced by the
hectic pace of modern life.
Mayer states that individuals attain spiritual awareness when the following are achieved:
1) being attuned to the holistic harmony of the world and surpassing self-limitation; 2)
being aware of higher planes and states of spiritual thought and contemplation; 3) being
conscious of the spiritual dimension of daily activities, events, and relationships; 4)
building awareness, which means considering daily problems in the context of ultimate
life parameters; and 5) desiring to improve or elevate the self, consequently practicing
forgiveness, expressing appreciation and gratitude, and practicing humility and empathy.
Emmons defines spiritual intelligence as the adaptive use of spiritual data to facilitate
daily problem solving. Zohar and Marshal identify spiritual intelligence as a third type of
intelligence that expands the construct of behavior. It is also the intelligence by whose
standards our work and comprehensive path of life are evaluated in comparison with
others. It is the base we need in order for our intellectual and emotional intelligence to
work effectively.5 King defines it as the group of intellectual/mental capabilities that are
based upon adaptation, nonmaterialistic principle, and far-from-reality
aspects. Vaughan defines spiritual intelligence as interest in the individual’s inner
mental life, mood, and relation to the existence of life, thus implying the ability for deep
understanding of questions related to existence as well as the consideration of various
levels of emotion. Nasel defines it as the ability to distinguish, search for meaning, and
solve spiritual issues, whereas Amram and Dryer see it as the ability to apply and use
the spiritual features and capabilities which increase our life effectiveness and mental
welfare. On the other hand, Wigglesworth sees it as behaving wisely and mercifully
while maintaining both inner peace and outward calm regardless of the prevailing
circumstances.

With the adept inclusion of Intelligence Quotient (IQ) and Emotional Quotient (EQ),
Spiritual Quotient (SQ) offers the well-enlightened means of finding the real meaning of
life.

Spiritual intelligence is way beyond believing in any religion, as it represents our drive for
meaning and connection with the infinite. It has more to do with one’s innermost self
and thoughts than about religious beliefs. It is an individual’s search for finding wisdom,
inner peace, compassion, and self-compassion. Spiritual intelligence is about detaching
our heart, mind, and cultural influences to access our inherent inner knowledge. Spiritual
intelligence is a higher level of intelligence above cognitive and emotional intelligence.

If you are also in the quest for spiritual intelligence, this post will dive deep into the
world of what is the spiritual quotient and how you can be spiritually enlightened. Let us
get started right away-

How can You Achieve Spiritual Intelligence?

Spiritual intelligence has everything to do with your soul and not the ego.

The main thing that stands between reaching the highest level of intelligence or spiritual
intelligence, and you are your ego. Ego makes all your decisions about yourself.
Gaining spiritual intelligence is possible only when you rise above your ego or thoughts
about your own body and mind and can think beyond your body and mind and
concerning your surroundings.

Separating your thoughts about your body and responding to immediate circumstances
without involving thoughts about your mind and body is spiritual intelligence.

Why is Spiritual Intelligence Important?

1. An understanding of the ego and the higher self helps to keep the higher self in
charge. It makes us progressively aware of what triggers our reactions. Such
awareness helps us stay clear of these triggers and save a considerable amount
of time and energy.
2. It also helps us transform our actions to become more purpose-driven and value-
driven.
3. Spiritual intelligence helps increase our awareness of our life purpose and
the values hierarchy.
4. The more we understand the interconnectedness of all forms of life, the more
strength we have in being a wise and effective change agent.
5. As we become more aware that we are not self-serving, our capacity to influence
and affect reality increases exponentially, which is an essential skill for leaders
and team members.
6. Understanding how to quickly and easily adapt to a calmer, wiser and more
compassionate state can directly affect our problem-solving ability. It also helps
enhance creativity and learning.

What are the Skills of Spiritual Intelligence?

There are twenty-one recognized skills that are derived from the awareness of spiritual
intelligence. The skills are further categorized into four different phases of achieving
spiritual intelligence-

1. Awareness and Complexity of Inner Thought

The first level of achieving spiritual intelligence focuses on the awareness and
complexity of inner thought. It is the individual interior phase or quadrant. You will
achieve in the first phase of better spiritual awareness to better understand these lines.

1. Own World View

2. Awareness of Mission
3. The Values Hierarchy
4. The complexity of Inner Thought
5. Awareness of Ego and Higher Self
2. Focus on Universal Awareness

Once you have attained a good understanding of self-awareness and inner thoughts, the
next level is more focused on universal awareness than individual awareness.

This phase helps you combine the knowledge of individual awareness and an
awareness of universal awareness. This phase will bring you to a level that recognizes
awareness, such as these.

1. Interconnectedness of Life
2. The World Views of Other Individuals
3. The Breadth of Time and Space Perception
4. Awareness of Limitations and Human Perception
5. Spiritual Principles
6. Experience of Transcendent Oneness

3. Understanding the purpose of life and existence

Each level of spiritual intelligence moves you closer to a better understanding of the
meaning of the purpose of your life and existence.

When you have better understood your awareness from the perspective of universal
awareness, the next step takes you to the level of understanding your higher self and
mastering your ego.

These are some of the changes you will bring about when you become more aware of
these points.

1. Commitment to Spiritual Growth

2. Keeping the Spiritual Self In Charge Instead of the Ego
3. Living in Alignment with Your Purpose and Values
4. Sustenance of Faith
5. Seeking Spiritual Guidance

4. How Spiritual Enlightenment affects your relations and people around you

The changes that the above phase has brought into your life are augmented when you
learn more about spiritual intelligence and its applications. Spiritual intelligence in all
these above levels is about oneself, while the last phase is also about how these
changes in your life affect your relations and attitude with people around you. It could
be people in your workplace or people in your life. The qualities that you are bound to
achieve in the last phase are as follows.
 1. Qualifies you to Become a Wise and Effective Spiritual Guide
2. An Effective Leader
3. Highly Improved Ability to Make Wise and Effective Decisions
4. A Calm Demeanor and Healing Presence
5. An equanimous Attitude Towards the Ups and Downs of Life

7 Principles of Spiritual Intelligence

1. Spiritual Self-Awareness

It enables you to recognize what you care about, what you live for, and what you would
die for. It will also empower you to be true to yourself and have communication with
your deeper self.

2. Spiritual Spontaneity

It is based upon the ability to incorporate self-control, self-discipline, and self-

empowerment, so you can let-go all your prejudices and baggage and be responsible for
your action in a spontaneous manner.

3. Have spiritual vision and value

It takes you into a deeper understanding of the things that inspire and rejuvenate you. It
also tells you how your actions are going to offer value-addition to the world around you.

4. Spiritual Holism

Holism talks about a system that is integrated so that another part of the system
defines a member. It encourages cooperation, and its absence causes competition and
separation. Someone’s disagreement with you offers you new opportunities to grow.

5. Spiritual Compassion

With this form of compassion, your spiritual intelligence will enlighten you to recognize
and accept others’ feelings and let you feel them. You will be able to feel the frustration,
hurt, or anger of the person who has hurt you.

6. Spiritual Celebration of Diversity

Spiritual intelligence enables you to enjoy the beauty of variety. You will have the power
of acceptance to understand different perceptions, and hence you will start celebrating
the differences.
7. Spiritual Field Independence

If a situation demands, then this form of spiritual intelligence will empower you to
understand standing against the crowd. You will not hesitate to be unpopular for the
things you believe in.

In addition to these 7 principles of spiritual intelligence, some of the other crucial

principles are humility and the ability to reframe. It will empower you to come out of
short term thinking and see the bigger world of a highly awakened state.

Final Thoughts about Spiritual Intelligence!

Spiritual intelligence is something that can be achieved. We understand here that the
ultimate qualities one can acquire from a deep understanding of spiritual intelligence
are very important for success in life.

These qualities mark great leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson
Mandela, and the like. They are some of the great exponents of spiritual intelligence.
The changes they could affect the lives of others have been profound and liberating.

Spiritual intelligence should be the way of life of every individual. It teaches an in-depth
understanding of the meaning of one’s existence and how to achieve life’s purpose.
Every future leader should learn to internalize spiritual intelligence and bring about a
desirable change in the world around them.