Contents

Is This Book Meant For You? 4

1. The What and Why of Self-Discipline 11

2. The Role of the Brain in Self-Discipline and

Why We Are Concerned About It 27

3. Mental Resistance 44

4. Fear and Self-Discipline 57

5. Mastering Boredom and Laziness 73

6. Modern-Day Slavery 91

7. Rediscovering Principles 107

8. Other External Factors and Self-Discipline 124

9. Pillar Qualities of Self-Discipline 140

10. Connecting the Dots 157

About the Author 185

Notes 187
This book is dedicated to all the people who are trying to improve their lives.
Is This Book Meant For You?

If you feel you have enough self-control or do not need to strengthen your mind and

thought processes further, I would like to request you to skip this book and find something

else to read. This book has been written with the intent to help people who have tried to

strengthen their minds and lives by harnessing self-control but have failed to do so. This

book is the culmination of countless hours of meticulous work – not just by recording my

thoughts, but also refining my own way of thinking, in a manner that would factor in the

best methods that work. For those of you who have decided to read this book, I wish you

a great reading experience and suggest you view this book as your guide and mentor so

that you can come back to it again and again and gain new insights.
Chapter 1: The What and Why of Self-Discipline

When I was growing up, I had a very negative perception of self-discipline. As a child, you

started brushing your teeth only because the toothpaste was tasty. You capitalised on

eating something without brushing and not getting caught, and that became the most

satisfying experience. As we grew older, more norms were imparted to us. Waking up

early was a task, due to which our long hours of sleep were compromised. Then came

school and homework. I was one of those kids who never did homework. Therefore, I

didn’t need another reason to hate school since it enforced different kinds of

punishments – for not doing homework, talking in class, etc. Parents/guardians and

teachers unequivocally kept shouting in our ears, ‘You have to have self-discipline’. Then

I asked people why we needed self-discipline, but nobody gave me a clear enough answer

to satisfy my curiosity. Everyone said you needed self-discipline, but have you ever

wondered whether it was taught to you? We went to school, and we learnt many subjects

and, in retrospect, most of them appear to be of little use in managing our lives, yet they

were taught to us as very critical subjects. However, you were told to learn this subject

called self-discipline all on your own even though it was not in the syllabus.

Were you ever asked by any teacher to learn mathematics on your own without any book

or guide; balance equations and solve formulae even before learning basic whole

numbers? However, everyone wanted us to learn self-discipline, without knowing the

fundamentals. And can you imagine learning to add, even before learning numbers
themselves? If you had learnt that way, then that would be a sure-fire way to fail at

something. So, the first step is to get the basics of self-discipline right.

Fundamentals of Self-Discipline

Self-discipline, as per the standard definition, is a person’s ability to control emotions

and impulsive behaviour in the face of temptation. A person can also stay the course of

whatever commitments he has made to himself or others. But, from my personal

experience, contrary to the above definition, self-discipline is not about controlling

emotions; rather it is about controlling the behaviours triggered by those emotions, or in

other words, it is about preventing your emotions from controlling you. Suppose you had

planned to wake up early in the morning for the first time, you may think of it as an easy

task. But, when you try to put that into effect, you are going to feel a tremendous amount

of resistance to waking up. Your alarm already knows that and that is why there is an

option to put it on ‘snooze’. No matter how pure your intentions are, if you are in a deep

sleep, you will feel this resistance. We all know that once it becomes a habit, it is easy to

get up. But did you know, that as per the latest research, it takes anywhere between 18 to

252 days, not 21 days, to form a new habit depending on how important your brain

perceives this new activity to be, how different the new activity is from the old routine,

etc.

What does this mean? In a worst-case scenario, it can take up to 252 days to form a habit.

But until then, how do we stay the course? The answer is self-discipline. Self-discipline

is like the guru of habit, who handholds him till he learns to do it on his own. While

learning to ride a bicycle, there was always somebody holding the bicycle from behind

until you gained balance. Self-discipline is that person. People say you either have it or
you don’t. You are either a disciplined individual or you are not. Nonetheless, I would like

to give a novel perspective on explaining self-discipline.

In lay terms, our mind has two sides to it – the conscious decision-making side, which

knows what is right and what is wrong; this is the area of the mind that thinks about long-

term plans, saving money, studying for an exam, etc. and consequently is aware that the

rewards are way ahead in the future. Very clearly, this part of the mind helps us in getting

through our tasks for long-term benefits. Whereas the other part of the mind – the animal

mind, is only interested in getting immediate gratification and pleasure but is not

concerned about any long-term plans. This animal mind is responsible for making you

crave junk food, even when you know it is not beneficial for your health. Both the

conscious mind and the animal mind are integral and essential for our well-being and

day-to-day functioning. However, if you observe closely, every decision you make is a

choice made by one of these minds that eventually wins. If you have never trained your

conscious mind, which is responsible for higher-order functions like self-discipline, you

will, by the law of nature, end up having a stronger animal mind and hence, any long-term

goals will seem almost impossible, and you will easily give in to impulses generated by

your animal mind. For instance, if you plan to study but you have your phone by your side,

you will end up browsing YouTube because your animal brain is the one that is

predominant in you, resulting in instant gratification. Such a person will choose YouTube

over studying because studying doesn’t give you instant rewards; at least for those who

see studying as a tool to fetch marks. But if you train your conscious mind, the power of

your animal mind weakens over time and hence, you would be capable of making
objective decisions and living the best version of yourself by harnessing the power of self-

discipline. This concept is discussed in detail in the following chapters.

Why Do We Need Self-Discipline?

I’ve heard people say that they don’t like order in their lives and that they would prefer to

go with the flow. What is this ‘flow’ that they are talking about? It’s allowing your emotions

to drive your behaviour. For instance, if you are in an upbeat mood, you are likely to follow

your planned activities; however, if you are in a bad mood, you are likely to skip that plan.

This would be understandable, in the event of some unforeseen tragedy happening,

where your scheduled day or plan is thrown akilter. However, in a routine scenario, there

is no such extraordinary occurrence of events. ‘Feeling bad’ has no logical basis. The

factors responsible could be as simple as a bad diet on that day, a lack of sleep, or sheer

laziness. So, if a person, who goes with the flow, ends up feeling low and is in a bad mood

for twenty days in a month, chances are that they will skip their planned tasks on those

days. It would then take them years to accomplish something that could have been

completed in a few months, had they been disciplined enough. This answers our first why.

It saves time.

Self-Discipline Saves Time

It is one of the fundamental principles of this world that ‘time’ can’t be stopped. No

matter who you are, or how much money you have, you can’t change this law. Fools

complain about not having enough time, intelligent people manage time, and wise people

make the most of it and save the rest of it for something worthwhile. The best way to save

time is by harnessing the power of self-discipline. If you conduct your life with self-

discipline, you will automatically save time; it is merely one of the many consequences
of having self-discipline. If you think about it, you will realise that if you are saving time on

a task or plan, it is because you are now living a life where you are more conscious of your

time, thereby justifying your existence as a human being.

This answers our second why. It gives us freedom.

Self-Discipline Brings Freedom

Self-discipline, contrary to popular belief, is not a death sentence, or some kind of

masochistic torture. On the other hand, it is like coming out of prison after an extended

period of incarceration, where we were bound tightly by our irrational judgements and

impulsivity, and where the warden is our emotions, deciding what tasks we had to do

during the detention period. This analogy is in my first book – Mind under Microscope,

where I explain in great detail how emotions and thoughts dictate our actions. But have

you ever thought about why we feel self-discipline is torture? It is because the primary

image that we have of self-discipline is a negative one and there are multiple reasons for

this. If we are reprimanded, we feel we are going against our core feelings. Another reason

is that other people command us to do certain things that carry no meaning for us, and

yet again when we weigh a task against long-term success vis-a-vis instant gratification,

instant gratification will always win. It is for all these reasons, that the mind holds a

negative image of self-discipline. Anything that's gives instant gratification/satisfaction & for short term is
dangerous!

We will talk about its neuropsychological perspective in the upcoming chapters.

Nevertheless, self-discipline brings us freedom because we manage to achieve whatever

we had planned to do, and this would never have happened if we had acted upon our

impulses. The basic question that arises would be how something called self-discipline,

meaning to restrict oneself to a particular thing or refraining from a certain thing, can give
us freedom. Sounds ironic, right? At first glance, it sounds counterintuitive, but consider

the definition of freedom, which means the ‘privilege to do whatever we want to’. By

analysing this definition, we see that freedom is about doing something, and it is done

based on what ‘we want’. But who decides these wants? Most people’s wants are decided

by their ever-changing emotional states. So, if your wants are based on your emotional

states, your ‘wants’ are controlled by your emotional state or feelings. If that is the case,

since your actions are related to what you desire and what you want depends on your

emotional state, then your actions depend on your emotional state. Then, who decides

our actions? Our random emotional states or us? And, so, are we truly free?

Now, consider another person who has self-discipline and whose wants are a function of

his plan and not his emotional state. His actions are driven by this plan and nothing else.

This means that since he has a plan, he is most likely to act as per that and reap the result

in due course. The first person, who had a goal but no plan and acted according to his

emotional state, was least likely to be consistent since our emotions are largely

dependent on our physiological functioning and many involuntary things. So, if you could

bet on the success of either of these individuals, who would you bet on? I would bet on

the one who is disciplined because there is a higher probability that he would achieve his

goals because of his consistency. The only upside to the motivated and undisciplined

person is that on some days when he is supercharged, he may get a lot of work done but

would do little on all the other days. To sum up, self-discipline offers consistency leading

to freedom in the long run, whereas indiscipline and motivation can offer the occasional

intensity of action, which in the long run may amount to nothing. If these ideas seem

complex, here is an example to make them easier to understand.

weight as they are obese, so both have a common goal – to lose weight, let’s say 10

kilograms. Mr D chalked out an exercise and diet plan and showed up at the gym every

day. Mr M, on the other hand, was very excited and motivated in the beginning and lost

almost three kilograms in the first week. Mr D started slowly but stuck to his plan and lost

only half a kilogram in the first week. Mr M was supercharged the following week too and

he lost three kilograms again, whereas Mr D managed to lose another half a kilogram. Mr

M was way ahead in the race and had already lost six kilograms out of the targeted ten,

whereas Mr D had only lost one kilogram out of his target. In the third week, Mr M was not

feeling well and hence couldn’t train or eat well. Therefore, instead of losing weight, he

gained three kilograms, and his weight loss of the preceding week was offset by the gain

in the current week. Coincidentally, Mr D was also having a terrible week in terms of his

emotional state. He just didn’t feel like going to the gym. However, he soldiered on and

pushed himself. He stuck to his plan and consequently, he lost another half a kilogram.

Now, after three weeks, Mr M was still ahead with a three-kilogram weight loss to Mr D’s

one-and-a-half kilogram. But then, they met finally after 20 weeks, and Mr D had already

lost 10 kilograms as he had just continued with his routine, whereas after Mr M regained

three kilograms in his third week, he became demotivated and stopped going to the gym

and started eating junk food as a coping mechanism and failed to achieve his goal. Now,

who do you think has freedom? Mr M is not free because he didn’t choose his actions,

rather his emotions did. And mind you, they are two totally different things. Mr D chose

his plan consciously and stuck to it. His emotional state did not control his actions – he

did. There is no guarantee that your emotional state will be the same for even two days.
But if you have a plan and you record it, it becomes solid and will be reliable to implement.

If you analyse this example, you will see that discipline brings not just freedom of action,

but also freedom of accomplishments, freedom of time, freedom to choose, and hence,

freedom in one’s overall life. Mr M keeps repeating the same mistake throughout his life,

under the assumption that self-discipline is a freedom-restricting factor because he is

tricked by his own momentary emotions that keep him deluded for his whole life.

Self-Discipline Makes You Feel Good

Everything else can be true but surely not this! This is what some of you may be thinking

right now. And it’s quite natural to think this way because honestly, if one is disciplined,

then it would be necessary to act according to a plan. Especially on those days when you

are in a bad mood or feel lazy. But then how can it make you feel good? I would like to

clarify this statement by tweaking it a bit. Discipline makes you feel good over an

extended period. To highlight this, we would need to digress a bit and talk about

indiscipline. People like Mr M also feel good. But what’s the difference? They feel good

after eating a big burger as these foods are specially engineered in a lab to induce a

fleeting sense of pleasure and satisfaction. However, the flip side is that since Mr M was

trying to lose weight, he would end up feeling guilty and bad the whole day in exchange

for a feel-good phase that lasted a few minutes or perhaps even seconds. Whereas

people like Mr D go to the gym every day and work out religiously, even on days when they

are not feeling too good. He pushes himself through bouts of a blue mood, laziness, and

temptations, but after the exercise session, throughout that day, he feels good about

himself. After a year, let’s look at Mr M and Mr D again; Mr D feels good about his actions

at least 80 per cent of the time. Whereas Mr M may have had 365 moments of euphoria
in the year, and still ends up feeling bad and guilty 80 per cent of the time. Paradoxically,

discipline which may give you instant pain is the source of ultimate pleasure, whereas

indiscipline which is certain to give instant pleasure can be the reason for a miserable

life. The whole pleasure-pain concept is explained in detail in my first book.

Another interesting example is if we decided to keep things in their designated places at

home or in our room, then the whole space would look clean, tidy, and organised at all

times. So, when you wake up in the morning and see a clean and tidy room, chances are

that you will be in a good mood throughout the day.

Self-Discipline Earns You Self-Respect and the Trust of Others

If you are self-disciplined, you are most likely to act as per your plan despite

circumstantial distractions. When you do that, you start to trust yourself. As your trust in

yourself grows, you start loving yourself and this leads to a boost in self-respect. Suppose

you decide to wake up early in the morning. If you manage to do that, it can be a good

start to your day, and you can start appreciating the fact that you are doing at least

something right.

The value of gaining self-respect is imperative for a person’s well-being, especially in

emotionally stressful times. When a person’s self-confidence is at its lowest, the only

thing that will come to a person’s defence at that point are his accomplishments, no

matter how insignificant they may appear to others. This will give you immense strength.

Life is not a bed of roses. So, during bad times, all these trivial and seemingly

inconsequential actions will suddenly start pushing you in the right direction.

Another important aspect I would like to speak of is about gaining the trust of other

people. This is an indirect benefit of developing self-discipline. However, it plays a vital

with your friend for a particular time. Suddenly, you find yourself running late and unable

to keep the appointment because you overslept. The next time, your friend will be

hesitant to invite you, since you didn’t respect her time and effort the first time. If you

were disciplined, fulfilling a commitment would be second nature to you, and it would

ensure that you build relationships on trust quickly. These are just a few examples of how

self-discipline helps us directly or indirectly. If I enumerated any more examples, then

this book would become very voluminous and the purpose of trying to make it concise

would be defeated. Even so, if you want to be emotionally strong and good, which even

an undisciplined person would aspire to be, you must inculcate self-discipline in your life.

Just think about it, the price to pay to feel good for a whole day would be a few moments

of the pain of overcoming boredom and lethargy. Isn’t that a lucrative deal? If you find it

lucrative, it is not too late to embark on this wonderful journey of self-discipline.

Now that we have talked about the whats and whys of self-discipline, it is time to talk

about what self-discipline is not. This is very important to clear any misconceptions you

may have about self-discipline.

The fundamental fact we forget is that self-discipline is not meant to give us pleasure. I

want you to understand the fact that feeling good and experiencing pleasure are not the

same things. Pleasure is momentary and could result in huge dopamine spikes (which we

will discuss in the coming chapters). Whereas, feeling good can be both momentary as

well as last for a longer period. This is important because, as you continue doing the same

thing every day, the sensation of pleasure normally fades, but the feel-good factor
 Before starting the journey of self-discipline, it's important to have a purpose—a meaning—to
not give up soon.

remains, as the feel-good factor has some level of conscious effort to it. An

understanding of this will help you to stick to your discipline, even when the euphoric

phase ends. Another important factor to consider before committing to following a new

discipline is to have a strong enough reason to do it. For instance, if you are planning to

wake up early, but you don’t know why you want to do it, or you started it just because

someone said it’s good, then you are most likely to give up sooner than later. Victor Frankl

said, in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, ‘Everything can be taken from a man but one

thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of

circumstances, to choose one’s own way.’ To have this attitude, one must find his own

reasons and meaning before embarking on a task. So, on days when you may not have

the mental strength to push yourself, what decides whether you show up or not will

depend on the strength of your reasons and the meaning that you have assigned to them.

Your reasons may sound totally irrational to a fellow human, but it won’t matter if it makes

absolute sense to you and can get you out of your bed. Suppose you decide to cook the

same dish every day, so that you spend less time making decisions about what to make,

and you enjoy that dish as well. Other people may think that you are lazy or lack creativity

and curiosity since you are not trying anything new. But you have made this monotonous

choice after careful thought and reasoning so that you can invest the saved time in

something else that you think is worthwhile. Hence, when you follow your disciplines, the

reasons must be personal, and consequently, the victory will be as well. Another

important aspect of self-discipline is that it is not a crash course, nor does it have a

destination. Rather it is a constant rediscovery of what’s right and the ability to choose

the ‘right’ things over the ‘easy’ things at any given moment. If you see it merely as a tool

On the journey of self discipline you do not have to care about what other people thing untill it
makes sense to you is all what matters. Stop taking constant acknowledgments on your
decisions.

Self discipline is not a crash course that will give you instant results rather it's a journey of
constant discovery of the right things over easy things for long term success.
for achieving your goal, you are most likely to go back to your previous routines as soon

as you stop seeing results, or when you don’t see results at all. On the other hand, if you

perceive self-discipline as a state of mind, it then becomes an invisible thread to your

persona. It will reflect in all facets of your life. Another important factor is to not confuse

imposed discipline with self-discipline. This could be deemed as one of the core reasons

why self-discipline is so misconstrued and, as discussed earlier, makes us hold a

negative image of it in our minds. What separates self-discipline from imposed discipline

is that the former has a well-thought-out rational choice behind it, whereas for the latter,

though there may be a rational choice supporting it, we might not be aware of it.

Therefore, in my opinion, as adults, it is imperative to build our own principles and

disciplines rather than relying on other people telling us what to do. As you progress

through the book, I want you to find at least one area, where you think you need discipline

and embark on your journey, whenever you are ready.

In this chapter, we discussed the basic features of self-discipline; what self-discipline is

in its true sense, and a few benefits of self-discipline. This was followed by an

understanding of what self-discipline is not, which would make your perspective clearer

than ever before. In the upcoming chapter, we will explore the role of the brain and neural

mechanisms responsible for self-discipline in the simplest language possible with some

interesting examples.

If you want to read the whole book

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