EXERCISES

Couples therapy: 5 recommended common practical exercises

Some examples or suggestions of couple exercises could be the following:

 Spend some time a day talking to your partner and showing your feelings

Many times the day-to-day routine will be an impediment to being able to communicate with your partner. Therefore,
you must make an effort and dedicate, even just a little while, to being with your partner, to ask him how he is, how his
day is, to give him a hug, to watch a movie together...in short, dedicate a few minutes a day to yourselves.

Venting with your partner after a long day at work is very positive, and looking for that time of day should be something
mutual, not just one of the partners. Failure to do this can generate emotional distance between both of you, something
that can later end up being a more serious problem.

 Say some nice things to each other that you truly appreciate and value.

In couples therapy this exercise is very important, learning to value what each member of the couple does will serve as
reinforcement for both. Telling our partner what you appreciate and value about him/her is satisfying for him/her.

Many times, we think that we do things out of obligation and that the other person does not value anything we do for
them, but this happens because there is no communication and we prefer to keep the bad rather than the good. Knowing
what each person thinks is something positive since it will help us reinforce everything we do wrong and value all the
good things that happen in the relationship that sometimes we don't even appreciate.

 Tell in 15 or 20 minutes how you met, why you are together and what your best moments were to date.

In couples therapy this exercise is often fun as well as productive, remembering how you met and reliving moments that
for both of you have been beautiful and pleasant can serve as a precursor to wanting to solve the problems you are
currently experiencing with your partner.

Summarizing a relationship in 15 minutes is quite complicated, therefore, in this exercise you will both know which have
been the most beautiful moments for each one and know what has marked a before and after in the relationship.

 Say what we feel and why, when we get angry with our partner:

When there is a conflict in a couple , the natural instinct is to blame the other for everything that happens, instead of
stopping to think about how we feel and why things bother us.

Learning to listen to each other is essential in couples therapy. The exercises that are done with the therapists will help
you know how to react when there is an argument and, know, what to say and how to say it. This is usually what always
fails in couples, not listening to the other person's version and sticking only with what you think.

Having empathy when there is anger or an argument is essential, therefore, in couples therapy this exercise is very
important and putting it into practice every time there is a conflict would be the most appropriate.

 List the couple's problems and each propose a solution

When a couple has problems they know it, that is, if you argue with your partner every day for reasons that no longer
concern you, it means that there is a previous problem that has led you to have this unbearable situation.

Before getting to this point, it is important to identify the problem at the moment it happens. Letting things go and
believing that they are forgotten is a mistake that many couples make.

Many times, out of pride or laziness, you avoid solving past problems , but in the long run they will become an obstacle
between you. In couples therapy we will do exercises through which we can identify what is the trigger for the problems in
the relationship and in turn what solutions you would give to this problem and how you are going to prevent it from
happening again.

It is an exercise of imagination.
At a time when you see your partner confused about something, for example, walking down the street talking to someone
or at home busy doing something, do the exercise of observing him as if you were seeing him for the first time.

Observe how he behaves, his way of interacting with others, his movements, his gestures. Do it with an external look. Is
there something that captivates you? What do you like?

Think that at the time it captivated you, but over time you only have the contaminated image of arguments, disagreements
and routine.

Putting yourself in the shoes of a stranger can make you see those things about your partner that you have hidden every
day but that are still there. You've simply lost sight of them.

I am you and you are me

The basis of most relationship problems and the basis of most arguments is the lack of empathy towards the other's
feelings.

Arguments can be for many reasons: communication problems, money, sex, household chores, children's education, etc.
However, they all have in common that if you are arguing it is because you feel that your partner is not understanding you.

Learning to put yourself in your partner's shoes and understand their feelings is the key to a satisfying relationship.

But like everything in life, it takes effort and requires practice. To do this, I propose a role exchange exercise.

After a discussion in which you have not reached any understanding, propose the following to your partner:

Let's pretend that I am you and you are me. We are going to have the discussion we have had again but each one will
speak and argue from the other's point of view. See what happens.

What ends up happening is that this exercise gives you insight into how one aspect of one's situation is perceived by the
other.

If you do this exercise every time you have an argument with your partner in which you have not reached an agreement,
you will notice that it becomes easier each time to put yourself in their place and understand their feeling. With which the
discussions will be increasingly shorter, less frequent and more civilized.

Learn to communicate

Do you have difficulties communicating with your partner?

Communication is one of the main aspects in a couple's relationship.

Good couple communication is a sign of consistency within the couple. On the contrary, communication is a sign of a
weakened relationship and therefore with a greater risk of crises and disagreements.

To resolve this issue, I suggest that you agree with your partner to have 30 minutes a day of communication alone,
without anyone bothering you.

These 30 minutes a day are meant to sit and talk.

It can be anything: how things went at work, what you would like to do on the weekend, the news you saw in the
newspaper, or that you would like your partner to be more affectionate.

If by putting this daily communication time into practice you notice that you have difficulty when communicating, that is, in
terms of quality, then add the exercise that I present below.

o Communication quality:

Another communication problem in a couple does not have to do with the quantity of communication but rather the quality
of communication.
The quality of communication has to do with respecting the turn to speak, trying to understand what your partner is
saying, speaking with an appropriate tone, not using words as weapons, etc.

Analyze what the quality of communication with your partner is like. If you think you communicate, but you do not do it
adequately and you have difficulty reaching agreements and understandings throughout a discussion, you must learn to
communicate in a more effective and functional way.

To do this, I propose an exercise to improve the quality of communication with your partner:

Step 1

o Plan something fun to do within 30 minutes of finishing the exercise

Step 2

o Person A speaks for 10 minutes (he has the right to consume all the minutes).

o Person B listens actively and silently (clarifying only if necessary). Even if you do not agree with what person A is
saying, you must respect their 10 minutes without intervening.

Step 3

o Person B speaks for 10 minutes (he has the right to consume all the minutes).

o Person A listens actively and silently (clarifying only if necessary). Even if you do not agree with what person A is
saying, you must respect their 10 minutes without intervening.

Step 4

o For 5 minutes , person B returns the thoughts, feelings and actions that A has expressed to show that he or she
has understood it (no evaluations or opinions can be made).

o For 5 minutes , person B returns the thoughts, feelings and actions that A has expressed to show that he or she
has understood it (no evaluations or opinions can be made).

Step 5

o Go together to do the activity that you had initially proposed without talking about it, just focus on enjoying
yourself.

It is a training to learn the skill of communication. At first it will seem very mechanical and artificial, but as you do it you will
see how you make it more and more your own and in a more spontaneous and natural way.

This is an exercise that consists of understanding the other. Being able to understand others is fundamentally based on
one main aspect: Knowing how to listen.

When you are able to understand your partner, there is no longer a need to come to solutions.

Make a list of fun things

What are the 10 things you like to do together the most?

This is a very useful and easy exercise to regain your enthusiasm with your partner.

Routine often takes over life as a couple. If you think you have entered into this dynamic, remedy it as soon as possible.

Fortunately, it is a problem with an easy solution. Don't let this deteriorate your relationship.

Simply make a list with your partner of 10 things that you like, or that you would like to do together. Once you have made
the list, be sure to cross off at least one item from the list per month.

15 minutes of tenderness

This exercise that I propose below aims to help you have more closeness and physical contact with your partner.

It consists of sitting comfortably with your partner on the sofa or in two chairs, one in front of the other. Remove any
accessories such as glasses, bracelets, watches, etc.
Start stroking your partner's hair. You can massage his head with a gentle touch. While you do this, close your eyes and
focus on consciously feeling the touch of his hair and head. Do it for 10 minutes.

He then goes on to caress her face. And as if you were touching him for the first time, gently explore with your hands what
his forehead, his eyebrows, his eyes, his cheeks, his ears, his nose, his lips and his chin are like. Do it for 5 minutes.

The person receiving the caresses should focus on how those caresses feel.

If at any time you don't like how your partner is doing it, either because he or she is doing it too strong or too weak, it is
advisable to stop and communicate it positively: "Can you do it a little softer?" instead of “You're being too abrupt.”

Once the 15 minutes are over, talk about what each of you felt during the exercise. For example, “Your hair is very soft”, “I
felt pampered”, “I really liked it when you touched my ears”.

Now change roles and repeat the exercise. It doesn't have to be that same day. You can let a few days pass agreeing the
next time you are going to do it.

Just hug him

This is another exercise designed to bring you closer to your partner and have more moments of physical contact that
give you greater security, affection and tenderness.

It works well for couples who have been physically distancing themselves and for those couples in which, normally, the
woman feels that she does not want to agree to kiss or have physical contact with her partner because she perceives that
this will lead to having sexual relations.

One way to solve this conflict is to introduce frequent hugs that have a non-sexual intention but rather affection, warmth
and tenderness.

Hug each other in the kitchen, in the garage, in the garden, in the elevator, wherever. Simply feel how your stress falls on
your partner's body, notice the warmth of the body, just that.

Try to hold the hug for a few minutes, let yourself fall on your partner.

1- Organize your “nest”

The state of your home reflects the state of your partner. Look around. Is your environment orderly, clean, balanced? Is it
pleasant, is it well distributed? Or on the contrary, is it chaotic, messy, dirty?

Take some time to organize and take care of your home. In the same way that you influence her, if you make her
beautiful, she will return your effort and it will be reflected in your relationship...

2- Hug yourself daily

Hugs provide many positive things for our well-being and among other things they release oxytocin , the attachment
hormone. If you haven't hugged your partner in a while, work on getting this fantastic habit back.

Every time you say goodbye or meet again after the work day, nothing better than a warm and heartfelt hug. What
doesn't come very naturally to you? It doesn't matter, it's just at the beginning. Practice daily and you will see that in a
short time you won't be able to put it down!

3- Write a letter

Yeah. Write a letter to your partner. But not an email, but with paper and pen, as before. Handwriting connects more
directly to the heart.

What do you have to write about? About what you want. You can talk about something important, about small things,
about something that bothered you and you wanted to say, about something that you really like, or about all of this at the
same time.

Let your hand and your heart guide you. Take a few minutes of peace, start anywhere and just let yourself go... Then a
nice envelope with your partner's name will do the rest.

4- Make love without haste

I propose to recover the richness in your sexual relationships and the capacity of your entire body (and not just the
genitals) to give and receive pleasure.

For this, there is nothing better than planning a quiet time with your partner in your agenda. It will be time to make love
without any rush, without having to seek orgasm as the only goal. Just enjoying each other and with only one condition:
for once penetration will not be allowed.

What can be done? Very easy. Let your imagination and your body guide you.

5- Make separate plans

Maybe in your relationship this is common, but many couples are somehow “forced” to do everything together. If this is
not the case and it seems that we love each other less, or that we are angry...

Nothing is further from reality. From time to time it is very positive that you make a different plan from your partner's.

It is the ideal time to meet up for dinner with those friends you see less, go to a concert by that group that your partner
can't stand, or spend the afternoon playing tennis and then have a few beers, without thinking about where my friend will
be. partner, if he is going to be upset, or that what I am doing is wrong.

Schedule it so that your partner can also take the opportunity to do the same.

An example: my girlfriend is with her sister and her nephews at the pool on this first, very hot day of summer in Madrid,
and I stay at home cool writing this post and binge-watching the fifth season of Game of Thrones… 🙂

6 “The 10 things I love about you”

It's about writing a list of the 10 things you like most about your partner.

Exercises for couples in crisis:

Among the best games and exercises for couples therapy, we highlight this one as being one of the most effective. Many
couples often become blocked because they focus too much on their partner's flaws and lose real perspective on the
other's value. In that case, there is an interesting exercise that becomes a gift of self-esteem for the other.

Make a list of 50 virtues that you observe in your partner , gestures that you value and traits that are important to you.
You can write this list on a large piece of cardboard and use bright colors to make your notes. Finally, make a small
dedication at the bottom of the cardboard to give this message to your partner. These types of dynamics for couples
therapy are especially effective and are well received by the other person, you increase their self-esteem and offer them
affection in the form of praise.

It is an exercise in valuing others, but also in raising awareness for yourself. Establishing a limit of fifty virtues is positive
to dedicate time to the exercise and to delve deeper into the situation.

draw your life line

Another of the best games and exercises for couples is to draw your life line applied to your relationship. Draw a line on
a blank sheet of paper and divide this line into different sections according to personal criteria in which you indicate
important events that have marked a turning point, whether positive or negative.

Then, share your conclusions with your partner, always trying to extract the positive side of each stage of the life line. This
is a good method to strengthen your love bond and make the relationship stronger and oriented towards a clear future .
Although not all moments in a couple's life are positive, a lesson and learning can always be learned through this couple
exercise.
Schedule a special appointment

Schedule a special date based on the objective of reliving a special evening just like at the beginning of the love story.
There is a movie that can inspire you and give you ideas titled "Every day of my life", the story of a man who has to win
back his partner when she loses her memory in a car accident.

Plan a special evening with the aim of surprising others and taking the initiative in a conscious way to rekindle the magic
. It is important to have realistic expectations based on the couple's current situation because the bond cannot be
improved drastically. Romantic dates not only strengthen the ties with that special person, they are also capable of
reviving the passion in the couple .

love letter to yourself

There are many couples who feel frustrated because they obsess over the idea that they have changed too much. In that
case, the resource of the letter is a good exercise for reflection. You can write a love letter to yourself . But writing that
letter to that part of you that connects with a happy moment in the relationship: what could you do today to feel that way
again? What has changed between then and now? What has changed in you?

It is important that you focus the questions on yourself and not on your partner to change the reproaches towards the
other for an attitude of personal improvement on an individual basis.

5 games for couples therapy

But, in addition to the exercises that we have indicated above, there are also some games for couples therapy that you
can start to include in your private life and, thus, make your relationship stronger and more united. These types of
activities for couples are aimed at strengthening emotional ties with the person with whom we have shared so much.

1. Look at your partner with love

This is a very simple and very effective game that we encourage you to do. It's about both of you getting into a
comfortable and relaxed situation and looking directly into each other's eyes. Try to enhance that look that you gave each
other at the beginning, those eyes of love, tenderness and admiration that you had for each other. Although routine and
habit have relaxed that intensity, you can work to bring it back to the surface.

2. Put yourself in each other's shoes

Another of the best couples therapy exercises that can help you resolve a crisis or an argument is to work on empathy. To
do this, we recommend that each of you play the role of the other in order to try to experiment first-hand with what may
have offended or made you feel bad. This is a very simple but really effective exercise that will help you see where you
have gone wrong.

3. Fun plans and activities to do as a couple

Another very interesting game that will help you overcome a moment of crisis is to make a list of different ideas and
activities that you would like to do as a couple. Try to make the list as complete as possible because, this way, you will
be able to have a source of inspiration when you don't know what to do. Some ideas would be: going to dinner at a
romantic restaurant, a movie session, going to the theater, going to a concert, taking a hike in the mountains, going
bowling, etc.

4. 15 minutes of affection and hugs

Another of the best games to solve a relationship problem is for you to take a "time-out" and go to bed to kiss, hug and
look into each other's eyes. Even if you are upset or have argued, there is something that continues to unite you: you love
each other very much. Therefore, try to overcome that obstacle of negativity and force yourself to hug each other and
give each other love. Afterwards, you can solve the conflict in a much more positive way.