CAROL

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In a corner of Carlisle stands a cracker factory
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Carr’s Crackers by far the tastiest crackers you’ve ever seen
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And in the corner of that corner stands a woman as strong as a barrel
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She was the fastest cracker packer and she went by the name of Carol
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She was Carol (Carol) The Cracker Packer (The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers (She packs a cracking pack of crackers)
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She’s Carol, cracker packer packs a cracking pack of crackers (She’s Carol, cracker packer . . . Ah, fuck me.)
{GGm – 4 measures}

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Carol was a diligent cracker packer, it was known from north to south
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She also loved to eat the crackers, cause she had a very moist mouth moist mouth, moist mouth, moist mouth
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She worked so hard and she cared for the crackers, and her efforts didn’t go unseen
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So Mr. Carr’s made her employee of the year, and crowned her the Cracker Packing Queen
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The Cracker Packing Queen The Mother-Licking Cracker Packing Queen
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She was Carol (Carol) The Cracker Packer (The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers (She packs a cracking pack of crackers)
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She’s Carol, cracker packer packs a cracking pack of crackers (Yes, she does.)
{GGm – 4 measures}
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That night our hero Carol came home and proclaimed to her husband Craig
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She’d been crowned the Queen Cracker Packer at Carr’s but he wasn’t full of praise
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He said Carol, you're a loser and you care too much a-bout crackers
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And she said well, Craig, what job to do you? Well I work in finance And do you like it?
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Well no, I don't, I'm thoroughly miserable every single day Well I love crackers, so fuck you
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Cass was a woman of aspiration ambition she didn't lack
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Her pace got quicker and her packing got slicker with no Craig to hold her back

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One day she jumped up on a corner station with a box of cheese melts in hand
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And de-clared I'm gonna be the fastest Cracker Packer in this whole bloody land
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And off she went, and off she went to pack her crackers she just loved crackers
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She packed mounds of mein gon in a-mazing Malaysi. Crunched crispbreads in Krakatau Kraka-tau, Krakatau, Krakatau
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There was matzo for miles in unique New York, and graham, after graham, after graham, after graham
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There were animal crackers in every zoo, she packed sea-weed snacks in Syracuse.
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There were towers of taralli in Toronto back alleys. Yeah, Carol was not a loser.
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All hail Carol the Queen of the Crackers. And fuck you, Craig.
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She was Carol (Carol) The Cracker Packer (The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers (She packs a cracking pack of crackers)
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She’s Carol, cracker packer packs a cracking pack of crackers
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(She’s Carol, cracker packer packs a cracking pack of crackers) Now it's your turn, repeat after us
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She was Carol (Carol) The Cracker Packer (The Cracker Packer)
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She packs a cracking pack of crackers (She packs a cracking pack of crackers)  
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She’s Carol, cracker packer packs a cracking pack of crackers  
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(She’s Carol, cracker packer packs a cracking pack of crackers)   You are shit
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Back in Carlisle, Cass encountered some competition at the Cracker Factory
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Chris-tine from Jacob's Cracker's has come to overthrow the Queen (Ooo, Drama!)
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Chris-tine said, “Hello, Carol.” Carol said “Yes, that's what I'm called.”
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I've come to claim my Cracker Packing title once and for all
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Carol said it's not a competition, and Chris-tine was like, “Shut up, Carol.”
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I’m the fastest cracker packer in the country so ig-nore me at your peril
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Christine’s face was mean and smug, not a cute cracker packer
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But a mother-cracking thug . . . and a bit of a C-word
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Christine was quite the speedy cracker packer, and so was Carol, she weren’t a cracker slacker
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So they decided to go right at it and find who could pack a pack of crackers in the fast-est time
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And 3, 2, 1 the race begun. And they packed cracker, after cracker, after cracker, after cracker
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They were steaming from their ears and they were sweating from their knackers
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Their knuckles were covered in callouses and corns
They were packing packs of crackers ’til the mother-crack of dawn
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But Carol over did it and before the time was done, she had packed so many crackers that her body blew up
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It took them a week to wipe off all the skin from the machines

And they sobbed as they peeled Carol’s hands off the table where she’d packed like a Cracker Queen
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And they thought as they picked up her nose and her chin, we can’t just throw our Carol in the bin
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So they cre-mated her in ways satisfactory and kept a jar of her ashes in the factory
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And for every cracker made, they’d sprin-kle some of her so every time you eat a Carr’s cracker you remember
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Carol (Carol) The Cracker Packer (The Cracker Packer)
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She packs a cracking pack of crackers (She packs a cracking pack of crackers) Faster now!
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She was Carol (Carol) The Cracker Packer (The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers (She packs a cracking pack of crackers)
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She’s Carol, cracker packer packs a cracking pack of crackers  
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(Carol, cracker packer packs a cracking pack of crackers)
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She’s Carol the Cracker . . . Carol cracker packer packs a cracking pack of crackers
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She’s the mother-licking queen of packing cracking packs of crackers