Good afternoon.

So I'm not sure if I can detect any bristling in the audience with my somewhat
controversial title, given that we sit here in a diversity-themed event. What I will say is just
please bear with me, particularly because I'm going to be starting on such a positive note.
There has never been a better time to be a woman. Never have women had as many
opportunities as they do now. To run countries, companies, to control their personal, financial
and sex lives.

Girls outperform boys at school, more go to university. Women in their 20s and early 30s are
frequently outearning men. We should feel optimistic. And yet we're not. In fact, sometimes it
seems all womanhood is depressed. Faced by an avalanche of information regarding the
ongoing disparity and fortunes between women and men; by a narrative of disadvantage and
societal patriarchy that runs through Me Too, the gender pay gap, the glass ceiling, and more.
But how crystal cut are these assumptions?

And what are the possible implications for how women respond to both opportunities and
challenges in their lives? So who am I? A woman, yes, and a mother to three children under
five. I'm a successful entrepreneur enjoying a career where I get to deal with some of the
biggest thinkers and doers in the world today, in business, in politics, in media, academia. I'm
privileged, no question. My race, background and opportunities mark me as one of the
privileged elite. What do I know about disadvantage?

And what's my agenda here? Well, as a woman, I'm a minority in my field of technology and
entrepreneurship. Hard industries to be a woman in - or so the narrative would have you
believe. No. Not so. I don't believe that this has been a disadvantage, only the most incredible
opportunity. One that has enabled me to stand out and get recognition. I describe myself as
an entrepreneur, not a female entrepreneur, because I subscribe to a brand of feminism that
told me I could be and do anything the boys could.

And in fact, I've come to resent the move towards positive discrimination, that might imply that
any of my achievements are due to anything other than merit. If I look back at all my good
fortune, I can honestly say that to a large extent, it's been down to the love and support and
belief of the men in my life. My father, my husband, the bosses, business partners, peers and
mentors enabled my journey. But of course the biggest advantage I posses is self-confidence
and belief. And it's this that I want to look at in more detail today.

Why is it seemingly so much harder to find in women than in men? And how might modern
feminism be further undermining it? The talk of the gender pay gap is everywhere and actually
incorrectly assumed by 70% of the population to refer to women being paid less for the same
work. Not true. Illegal, actually. And also nonsensical, as surely businesses would prefer to
pay a cheaper workforce. The median disparity of 18.4% can to a large extent be explained by
the choice of 42% of women to work part-time.

The figure drops to 9.1% when you compare full-time to full-time, with this figure
understandable to a degree by the fact that women are choosing different profession types.
Women in their 20s and early 30s, as we've heard, are frequently outearning men. The pay gap
is negligible; it fluctuates; some years women outearn men. And part-time women actually
outearn part-time men. So in effect, the headline statistic ignores many of the complicated
variable factors beneath it. And in particular a potential positive: that of female choice.
The glass ceiling - it's been shattered time and time again by female heads of state and
business leaders, demonstrating that for those women that do aspire to that sort of career, it's
absolutely possible. But these are of course hard - masochistic almost - lives, filled with
imbalance, politics, stress, long hours. We can hardly even whisper any suspicion we may
have that this is a lifestyle that fewer women and mothers aspire to. And arguably, only the
tiniest percentage of men. Right now, I'm currently observing a large number of some of my
highest-flying friends quietly leaning out of aspirations of making partner, away from 60-hour
work weeks, with some choosing to quit altogether so as not to enjoy these early years of family
life, myself included. Two years ago, I made the decision to step back from the front seat of my
business to spend more time with my three children. And it's a decision I will never regret.
Having lost two friends recently, very early in their lives, it really brought home to me the fact
that I will never get these years back.

That's too important. But of course, women like me are partly responsible for the gender pay
gap, and many of us may never go knocking on that glass ceiling because it's simply not a
lifestyle that we desire. These is just two of the big feminist issues of our time, with others
including Me Too, online trolling, body shaming and objectification, and domestic violence -
all issues you'd be forgiven for thinking were exclusively female. Now, there's been a lot of very
well-intentioned campaigning behind these issues and some very positive by-products, such
as the light being shone on some of the more insidious ways in which some men can mistreat
and underestimate women, and of course, on abuses of power. But my fear is that the broad-
spectrum, expanding definition of prejudice and harassment is now something that almost any
woman can associate with. And we simply can't cry misogyny every time we're called out or
held back in some way. I fear for an ideology and a rhetoric that is starting to set women against
men, that focuses on what we can't do and haven't got rather than what we can and have.

My intention in seeking to shine light on some of the other sides of these issues is not to deny
the existence of discrimination that may exist in some of them, but to question the cumulative
net effect - that of female victimhood. Feminism, like other forms of identity politics, has
become obsessed with female victimhood. Whereas it once used to be about the portrayal of
women as mature, equal partners in society, it now seems more to be about girl power. And
yet it disempowers. It seems that we're weak and defenseless, like children. Psychologists
have long emphasized the power of beliefs to be born out in reality, and how stereotypes
contribute to social inequality. Confidence is, of course, self-fulfilling - something you will all
have experienced. You look good; you feel good. You're told someone likes you; you're more
relaxed around them. And conversely, if you suspect someone doesn't like you, then you act
in a more defensive, less confident way around them.

Victims believe they are impotent and that they have no sense of control over the way that
events unfold. Assuming that something has happened to you due to prejudice, whether right
or wrong, it's rarely the most productive response. It prevents introspection, self-analysis, and
more importantly, particularly if it was due to prejudice, evaluation of new methods and
techniques for circumventing your status quo. And what about men? Well, there's actually
competition here for competitive victimhood if we want to play that game. Men have their own
unique set of disadvantages that are rarely up for public discussion, including higher rates of
school dropout; of mental health; vastly higher suicide rates; vastly higher workplace deaths;
war deaths; deaths in crime; higher rates of homelessness; criminal court bias and sentencing
disparity, where men receive nearly 60% longer sentences than women for the same crime;
near equal domestic abuse rates; paternity fraud; child custody; and, of course, reduced life
expectancy.

Even now, in this age of aspirational equality, the cry will go out: "Women and children first!"
Take for example the awful news story of Boko Haram and the terrorists that abducted the girls.
Did you know that prior to this happening, those same terrorists had been abducting
thousands of boys and murdering hundreds of boys and young men? Burned alive in their
schools, shot in the streets. A situation that received no international attention until the
terrorists turned their attention to the girls.

And then, First Ladies, media, celebrities, politicians up in arms. But why only then? Why are
boys' lives seemingly valued so much less than girls'? Whoever might have it worse, I take issue
with the debating ground based on competitive victimhood. It's fruitless; it's destructive.
Women are being encouraged to fear and distrust men, and men are more nervous and
guarded in their interactions around women. And worse, resentful of a label of "patriarchy,"
one that the vast majority don't recognize, and who have their own challenges to face. Already,
we're seeing some rather worrying by-products to all of this, such as five times more men now
less inclined to mentor women in the wake of Me Too. 75% of young girls yet to experience any
form of discrimination talk about anxiety about it affecting their lives in some way. And working
class girls have been deprived of jobs that they love, such as Page 3 Girls and Grid Girls,
because other women disapprove of them. What happened to "my body, my choice"?

It's OK for Kim Kardashian, but not for a Page 3 Girl. And men have had their careers and
reputations ruined overnight by Me Too. Some possibly justly, but without any due process, no
innocence until proven guilty. And where might all this lead? Quotas leading to doubts in
ability? Was my recent MBE because of positive discrimination? Am I on this stage because of
it? Should we ban flirting on campus and in the workplace? - incidentally two of the places
where you're most likely to meet a life partner.

My company started recruiting fewer women into entry-level, lower-payed work so as to even
out their gender pay gaps. And if 50/50 is the ultimate aim, then shouldn't we be arguing for
quotas for more men in the fields of nursing, teaching, veterinary science? More women on the
front line, in construction, in refuse collection? And perhaps the three most important
questions of all: Does power exist solely in the boardroom and at the highest levels of politics
and business? Or is there the possibility that it exists in choice?

And arguably, don't women have more of that? Does equality of opportunity have to equal
equality of outcome? And aren't the assumptions that women need more support, protection,
quotas in the workplace arguably the most patriarchal assumptions of all? Now, don't get me
wrong. I don't believe that the women's movement has had its day or that there's no longer a
case for feminism. But I do believe we need to reverse some of these negative trends. So here
are three positive solutions, as I see it.

One: Where girls are concerned, best way that we beat prejudice is to build up confidence and
to show it and demonstrate it to be wrong. We teach girls strength and resilience to call out
prejudice in the moment. We celebrate successful women, hold them up there as role models
for both girls and boys, where arguably the impact may be greater. And we don't do so always
complaining about the minority representation. And we celebrate the unique power that
women have today in schools, homes, marriages, families, and yes, business and politics,
wielding immense influence over the hearts and minds of the future. Two: We turn our
attention to true gender equality, stop painting all men with the broad brush of oppressor and
recognize that yes, there are bad, abusive men in this world, but there are also bad, fallible
women. Sadly, we are all equally capable of inflicting misery on each other. And in a world
where women are able to participate more equally in the public sphere, we need to better level
the private for men in our homes and families.

And it's here that we should refocus the debate. And three: We give more oxygen to the truly
deep, profound inequalities that still exist in this world, in developing countries, for women
who can't get the same education, get forced into arranged marriages, can't have access to
birth control. Or here, socioeconomic and educational disadvantage. And the fact that hiring
typically still happens along "people like me" lines, a much bigger threat to business diversity
than gender. And above all, we listen to each other with open minds.

Play the ideological ball and not the player. Be kind. So it's often said that you can't be what
you can't see. No. Not so. Some of the most powerful figures in history have been something
that didn't exist. Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat, so kick-starting the course of civil
rights. Steven Hawking changed the world of science with his brain, irrespective of his bodily
weakness. Tommie Smith and John Carlos silently raised their fists on the podium of the '68
Olympics, so drawing attention to black rights. And Malala stood up publicly to her oppressors,
and that earned her a platform from which she could educate the world. They never believed
they couldn't. They never cried victim. They were strong, resilient, defiant.

Just as a terrorist thrives on terror and the bully on distress, defiance, ridicule, even pity is a
much stronger antidote to bad behavior than wounded insecurity. We need to stop thinking of
gender as an identity. We have so much more in common with those with whom we share
values and outlook than chromosomes. Our gender, our race, our sexuality, our disability -
they are all just part of the rich tapestry of who we are as individuals, and none of these things
outside of our control should affect our outlook. There are still a huge number of inequalities
in this world, but our individual right to self-belief is a simple and universal possibility, and it is
this that we need to instill in our young. Because it's actually not my daughter I'm worried about
in this new-world view; it's my sons.

But that'll be OK. Because we'll be bringing them up to recognize their individual potential, to
not indulge in victimhood, and to see that the power they have being born where and when they
have is one of choice. They'll make all their own, and they'll deeply respect those of other
people. Thank you. Thank you very much. (Applause)
Summary

Modern feminism may be undermining itself by focusing too much on victimhood and
competitive victimhood, leading to negative consequences for both women and men.

Highlights

Women have more opportunities than ever before, but there is a pervasive sense of female
victimhood

The gender pay gap is often misunderstood and can be partially explained by women’s choices
in profession and working hours

The focus on female victimhood can disempower women and create a sense of weakness and
dependency

Men also face unique disadvantages and challenges that are rarely discussed publicly

Competitive victimhood between genders can lead to resentment and distrust, hindering
progress towards true gender equality

Emphasizing confidence and self-belief, celebrating successful women, and promoting true
gender equality are potential solutions to the issues faced by modern feminism

Gender should not be seen as an identity, but rather as a part of the rich tapestry of
individuality and self-belief

Key Insights

The narrative of female victimhood in modern feminism may be inadvertently disempowering

women by focusing on perceived disadvantages rather than celebrating achievements and
strengths. This can lead to a sense of weakness and dependency among women, hindering
their ability to fully realize their potential.

Competitive victimhood between genders can create resentment and distrust, ultimately
impeding progress towards true gender equality. By acknowledging and addressing the unique
challenges faced by both men and women, a more inclusive and productive dialogue can be
fostered.

Promoting confidence, self-belief, and resilience in women, while also recognizing the
individual potential and challenges faced by men, can lead to a more balanced and
empowering approach to gender equality. By reframing the narrative away from victimhood
and towards strength and empowerment, both genders can thrive and contribute positively to
society.