Mindfulness for Children

Susan Kaiser Greenland

t what ages developmentally can kids The next question is extremely important.
meditate? I will be very honest with you You look at something, now what do you do
and tell you, I don’t have a clue, but as about it? And that is the beauty and brilliance of
far as I can tell, nobody else does either. I look mindfulness training. After looking, we develop a
forward to the day when some of the research capacity to respond to what we see in a way that
scientists I work with figure this out. I am very is both in own best interests, and is also kind and
interested in this intellectually, but what I am compassionate to all those involved. As we better
more interested in is teaching children how to understand interconnection and change, we will
approach experience with an open mind, with an understand that what is kind and compassionate
open heart. for all those involved is also in our own best
Which brings me to the Quaker interests.
Oats box, how we start most Back to the question of whether
of our new classes. There is a kids can actually meditate. When
Quaker Oats box and I ask kids, practicing with kids at least some of
“What’s in it?” We get all sorts them are having the kind of experi-
of answers, from Quaker Oats to ence that makes me think they are
lizards to spiders to candy. But we meditating. I can also tell you that not
come down pretty quickly to the fact all children like to meditate—some kids
that we do not know what is in it. And it is not hate it and some kids love it. But what is impor-
always comfortable to sit with not knowing. tant is that we are training awareness, a way of
I would like to help children become more looking at inner and outer experience, and a way
comfortable with not knowing, to approach it of responding to what we see without expecting
with curiosity, an open mind and an open heart. kids to be, do or see anything specific or special.
Going back to the body, we start to think about
Clear seeing
how our bodies feel when we do not know some-
thing and we feel we should. Very often we feel a Some of the parents, educators, and health
clutching in our body, a clutching in our throat care professionals who are interested in secular
for instance, or our heart races. By encouraging mindfulness seem to be looking for a magic
kids to notice how their bodies feel when they wand—something, anything, that will solve
don’t know something, and wish they did, we’re all the problems of childhood. And obviously
building an awareness that helps them iden- mindfulness is not a magic wand. But one thing
tify what is happening in their inner and outer mindfulness practice can offer that comes close
worlds in different situations. to magic, for me, is clear seeing, a concept deeply
embedded in classical Buddhism. For kids we en-
So for me, whether they are practicing medi- courage them to practice and build the capacity
tation or not is not determined by the content of to clearly see what is happening, as it is happen-
the child’s mind. I am interested in that, but I am ing, without an emotional charge. This goes back
not all that interested in whether they are reach- to both concepts of developing a more mindful
ing some exalted (or even peaceful) mental state. world view and the perspective of a friendly,
Instead, my emphasis is more on the process of impartial spectator. When we clearly see what
looking rather than on what the kids see in their happens, as it happens, we are better able to take
inner and outer worlds. Do they look with an the emotional charge away or at least reduce it.
open mind, with curiosity, with as little fear as Then we are able to respond with compassion.
possible and appropriate, with the perspective of
the friendly impartial spectator? I love this quote, “Rowing harder doesn’t help
if it involves moving in the wrong direction.”

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 You see a child upset about something take a breath, settle down, and see
things more clearly. That is pretty magical!

How often have we worked so hard at some- world for people really to look at each other
thing, and then seen it is just the wrong thing to without bias, with an open mind. You see the
be working at? With the best of intentions we value of this gentle curiosity of the friendly,
have been working away only to learn that all impartial spectator, who sees you as a whole
that “doing” has been taking us in the opposite person.
direction of the way we were hoping to go? The From the color of the eyes we go to body
only way we can figure this out is if we learn sensations: seeing, tasting, smelling. Thoughts
to see clearly, without an emotional charge. It can get a little tricky; kids are often shy about
requires us to step back from an unpleasant sharing their thoughts, but by the time in the
experience and reflect on it before we dig in and program that we focus on awareness of thoughts
start trying to fix or change it. they know these things are going to be said
This is one way kids can use mindfulness in out loud. Then we go into emotions, and from
real life situations. You see a child who is upset there, to how can we stay connected.
about something take a breath, settle down, and
use his or her calming skills to settle the mind Structure of classes and courses
and see things more clearly. That is pretty magi- Our courses generally meet once a week for
cal! Now I would be lying to you if I told you eight to twelve weeks and we can do the hello
that all the kids I practice with just take a couple game throughout the entire course. There is
of deep breaths when they are upset and settle always something we can notice at the begin-
down. Sometimes it takes quite a while. They ning of class that will reinforce the teaching
can get upset or over-excited again; that is to- objective that day. Our classes are set up with
tally normal. We use our calming skills over and a beginning, middle and end. It starts with the
over again. Sometimes it takes one experience hello game, and then an introspective period,
and sometimes it takes many experiences. But sitting up. The end is always an introspective
they do learn, and the response clearly grows. period lying down, ending with friendly wishes
We are using the world view of curiosity (a version of mettā practice). In the middle is
and acceptance. We teach them to be easier on some sort of teaching objective, for example,
themselves because, as you know, these kids how to use mindfulness to calm down, to help
from a very early age are often very hard on you go to sleep, to see yourself more clearly, or
themselves. We emphasize openness, acceptance, in conflict resolution.
sense of humor, and peace. At first the beginning and the ending intro-
spective periods are quite short; the first period
Hello game could be as little as a minute, the last period,
We start every class with the hello game. We meditating lying down, could be as short as
start with the color of your eyes, a terrific prac- three minutes. But over the course of the term,
tice that helps kids really look at somebody else those beginning and ending periods get longer
in a way that is not emotionally charged. A lot because the kids have built a capacity for in-
of kids have difficulty making eye contact. This trospection they did not have at the beginning.
also grounds what we are doing in the practice The middle section, which includes a game or
of mindfulness; children start to notice and an activity that focuses on a teaching objective,
identify what is happening in their minds and becomes shorter over the course of a term as the
bodies when they look at people closely. They beginning and ending periods grow longer.
start to recognize their mind-body reactions to The prompt for the hello game that we play
these social exchanges. You build awareness of at the beginning is related to the middle section,
yourself because you are being aware of how which includes a game and discussion relating
you respond. You become aware of how others to the theme or objective for the overall class.
respond too. You notice how rare it is in this So when you ask about fear, for example, a

26 Insight Journal • WINTER 2010

 It is so important that people teaching mindfulness practice it—
—they have to embody it.

discussion of fear might take place when the learn- skills to come up with the idea of a beautiful work of
ing objective is awareness of thoughts and emotions. art that lights up the Santa Monica skyline.
Because it is mindful awareness, the goal is to first
bring a gentle awareness to our fears. Then the ques- Mindfulness and concentration skills
tion is, now that you are aware, what do you do? Mindfulness can, through focused awareness
With little kids you teach them, where could you practices, build those left-brain concentration skills,
ask for help, or what else could you do? We do not and through the world-view parts of mindfulness,
pretend that emotions do not exist, that they are not and open awareness, it can also build more holistic
painful sometimes, that other people do not have skills. It is wonderful in how it develops both left-
similar things. That is one of the reasons it is impor- and right-brain skills.
tant to have a referral system in place. With little But that is only the beginning because mindful
kids we meet once or twice a week for eight weeks. awareness is also about getting on that Ferris wheel,
The older ones meet once a week for ten or twelve strapping yourself in and taking a ride. It is fully
weeks. Sessions last half an hour for the little kids, experiencing the present moment the best you can
forty-five minutes for the older kids. Half an hour at any given time. It is taking that ride through the
is tight, even for the little kids; it is hard to keep integration of the left and the right brain; and that
their attention for that long, but it is also hard to fit is what I mean when I say that mindful awareness is
everything in. “more than the sum of its parts.”
By now there has been a lot of the research
The whole child
around mindfulness, with scientists picking it apart
The classical teaching of the Four Foundations of into “concentrated attention” and other parts. This
Mindfulness beautifully integrates the whole child. is good, because we need to know these things, but
We start with awareness of the body, then awareness when we go to a school, they may say, “We do that
of the mind, including thoughts, and then awareness already in the music program,” or “We do that al-
of the heart, including emotions and world view. To ready in dance movement therapy.” We need to show
serve the whole child, a mindful awareness program how we combine all these elements to teach a skill
cannot leave any of these three elements out: body, that’s a certain way of being, a felt sense of experi-
mind and heart. Also important for kids today is in- ence that is more than the sum of its parts. That is
tegration of what is popularly called left hemisphere, why it is so important that those who are teaching
right hemisphere processes. We use mindful aware- mindfulness practice it, know it themselves from
ness to integrate right hemisphere creativity and left experience—they have to embody it.
hemisphere analytical or linear processes.
That is very important in today’s school system, Kindness and compassion
which is tilted to traditional left-brain processes: Along with attention, of course, you must have
memorize information, analyze data, report back. kindness and compassion. This is straight from the
Unfortunately, more and more programs that sup- traditional teachings. It is so simple, still it took
port creative, holistic approaches (like art, music, me nine years to get it down to this: kindness and
sports, for example) are being cut. It is a shame compassion for myself, for other people and for the
because we do not want kids who can only do math world around me. That is the same way we teach
problems and do not have broader views as well. traditional mindfulness: inner experience, outer
How do we teach kids about non-conceptual experience, both together without blending the two.
experience? One example is a movie I show about To teach that, we start with what we call “friendly
this fabulous Ferris wheel on the Santa Monica pier. wishes.” It is basically the mettā instruction. There
It has 180,000 lights, each one powered by wind and are various classical instructions, one of which is to
sun. That took a really smart left-brain processing- send mettā aspirations to yourself; then people you
type person to figure out how to make those lights, like, to your friends or family; then to those about
but also somebody with right-brain-type creative whom you are neutral; then to those you are not

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 Four year olds are very well able to understand interconnection
if you start in a very literal, concrete way.

fond of—your enemies for example; and then kids we talk more about recycling, starting with
to the whole world. But that is awfully abstract the earth and then on to people and the planet.
for little kids, so we start with friendly wishes
to ourselves, and then friendly wishes to people Mettā for enemies; domestic violence
we know. If I have enough time I’ll start with For years, I stayed from away from the classi-
people in the room with them, and then we will cal instruction which includes enemies, because
go to people we do not know but might like to I am extremely sensitive to the amount of messy
know, and then we will go to everyone and ev- violence in the world. The last I read it was one
erything, but it is really important that you give in five of children in this country has either
concrete examples to the children each time. For been a victim of domestic violence or has seen
instance, when sending friendly wishes to people it. I was recently told by a trauma expert that
we know I might say, like your mom, or your the number is one in three. I cannot vouch for
teacher, or your friends. When sending friendly the statistics, but I think it’s safe to say that in
wishes to people we do not know yet, but would any mainstream class there is a good chance you
like to meet, I might suggest the President of the have somebody who has been somewhere where
United States for example. there is domestic violence. I did not want to en-
After awhile, I will ask them, “Who do you courage them to send friendly wishes to people
send friendly wishes to?” They will say, “I send who are hurting them.
friendly wishes to me,” and I’ll post that on the But I was speaking in Thailand and I was
board. Then it will be grandma, and grandpa, lucky to be on a panel with Alan Wallace and
and the farmer, and we put these next things Mathieu Ricard, who is one of my heroes. He
up, and my little sister, and we go through the encouraged me to try to figure out a way to in-
animals, the frog, the bunnies, and one says clude people you really do not like with friendly
cat. Then I will say “What kind of things do we wishes, not to forget about it entirely simply be-
send friendly wishes to?” The sun, the corn, the cause I was worried. He had some ideas, which
breakfast cereal, and maybe we will send friendly I have tried, and it has been feeling safer to me,
wishes to the rain. but I still do not do this with the very young
Four year olds are well able to understand kids. I do this with the older kids in the elemen-
how these things relate. One of the fundamental tary school. It is an area I am going to continue
pieces in mindfulness training is teaching people to explore though because it’s an important one.
about interdependence. That helps explain why It is wonderful to see how powerful these
it makes perfect sense to be compassionate to ev- practices can be for kids. We clearly still have
erything involved; it makes perfect sense to pay a lot to learn about integrating these ideas into
attention to not just yourself and other people. how we teach children to be in the world, but
So the kids say, well, the rain is connected to we are making a start. There is no magic wand,
the corn because it makes it grow, the sun is but clearly seeing and responding with compas-
connected to the corn because it makes it grow. sion for yourself and others does have a magical
Somebody else will say, grandma is connected to quality to it. What is so amazing is how many
the corn because she makes the cornmeal, and kids take this home to their parents, how many
then, they will say “And we eat the corn!” So you parents report back that the kid’s singing the
are starting to in a very literal, concrete way. breathing song while they are fighting in the
We do the same thing with attention: I pay back of the car.
attention to myself and to the world around Susan Kaiser Greenland develops mindfulness programs for
me, so this is a really helpful way of bringing children, classroom teachers, parents, therapists and health care
professionals. She is co-founder of InnerKids, is on the clinical
interconnection into teaching with very little team for the Pediatric Pain Clinic, UCLA’s Children’s Hospital
children and also with the older kids. With older and consults with UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center.

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 Mindfulness for Children: Questions & Answers

Using the breath to calm down awareness. We cannot really deal with a prob-
There are ways to take a very complicated lem until we bring awareness to it, so we do
notion such as seeing clearly and show it to kids. not judge when people say some pretty hor-
You can take a snow globe, or just a glass of wa- rible things. That’s just how they’re feeling right
ter with baking soda in it, and have them watch now—as long they are respectful to people in the
it settle. That helps them settle too, keeps them room.
less distracted, and allows the breath regulation I enforce zero tolerance. I tell them that is not
to take effect. If the water glass is too small, or appropriate; they have to make another choice.
you don’t have enough baking soda, it happens
so fast that they don’t actually have a felt sense Be accepting of whatever comes up?
of the experience. You want enough so that they I am not big on encouraging them accept
can actually be interested; associating this with whatever comes up. That is not the traditional
the breath lets them feel what happens. instruction, but with kids I focus on becom-
ing aware of what comes up and then after the
When psychological issues come up practice period talking about ways to get some
A wide range of things can happen. help. If something comes up and it is confusing
Sometimes it comes back in homework writing. to you, get help, and then we talk in a friendly
The classic one was a response to a homework way about who might be able to help you.
prompt something like “What do you do when
people bug you?” “Well my mother bugged Working with parents
me this morning when she whacked me in the In a perfect world, I want to have a parent
mouth and I started bleeding.” Particularly in meeting up front and in the middle, as well as
schools that are underserved, kids can immedi- a teacher meeting up front and in the middle.
ately start crying and you don’t know why. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it does not.
But we are very limited unless we get the whole
You also look for kids who have a very hard family system working together. We have home-
time with the mindfulness. For example, some work prompts about once a week so the kids are
kids have a very hard time lying down, or closing bringing home something in writing that their
their eyes. They look like they are ready to crawl parents can see. The assignment is paying atten-
out of their skin while they are lying down, or tion to breathing before they go to bed at night
sitting, but do not look like that otherwise. You and writing about it, eating one meal mindfully,
watch for tears. None of this necessarily means and writing or drawing a picture about it.
abuse. Some private-school teenagers cannot
close their eyes because they are so anxious. The Some parents take a weekend morning to
work is so hard. I bring it to teachers’ atten- come and sit on the cold floor and try to prac-
tion. If someone is having a very hard time lying tice mindfulness. They do this for their kids, not
down, it can help to suggest they sit up. themselves. Most of those parents have a child
who has an issue that they want to work on. I
Classroom techniques, ground rules had the easiest time with parents when I was in a
The main rule is that absolutely everything domestic violence center. Every mom showed up
you do has to be respectful of yourself, others at 6 a.m. to practice, dressed for work, with their
and the environment. There is zero tolerance kids cleaned up, ready for school.
about that. Other than that, we make it very It really helps if the parent program focuses
clear that there are no right or wrong emotions, on basic self-care practices for parents, and the
and no right or wrong physical sensations. There parents talk about the stresses they’re under. In
are not too many right or wrong thoughts, as the domestic violence clinic, these moms were
long as it is not a disrespectful thing you are under tremendous stress. They came there for
voicing, because it is not about right or wrong. their kids, but we started with self-care.
It is about the process of building a capacity for
—SKG

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