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INTERNATIONAL
GCSE
ENGLISH AS A
SECOND LANGUAGE
(9280)
Exemplar student responses with commentary
For teaching from September 2017 onwards
For International GCSE exams in May/June 2018 onwards

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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This guide includes some exemplar student responses and commentary.

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It is intended to provide some examples of the kind of responses that might be

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submitted with some exemplification of the mark scheme connected to that

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response.

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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QUESTION

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0 1 Look closely at this photograph from a holiday brochure.

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Describe what you see in the photograph.

Your description should be between 30 and 50 words.

EXTRACT FROM MARK SCHEME

For this question, students are required to describe what they see in a
photograph. The response is assessed for Content and communication (6
marks) and for Language (3 marks) as specified in the criteria below. The
maximum mark is 9. The student is expected to produce 30 to 50 words. The
number of words is approximate and you must mark and credit all work
produced by the student.

Content and
Marks Response
Communication
The description is relevant and detailed;
Band 3 5–6
communication is clear.
The description is mostly relevant; there is some
Band 2 3–4
delay in communication.
The description contains some relevant words
Band 1 1–2
and/or phrases.
Below band 1 0 Content is below the required standard for band 1.

Language Marks Response

Band 3 3 Spelling and punctuation are accurate.

Some complex words are spelt correctly;
Band 2 2
sentence demarcation is usually accurate.
Simple words are usually spelt correctly; there is
Band 1 1
some appropriate use of punctuation.
Below band 1 0 Content is below the required standard for band 1.

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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STUDENT A

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The glare of the boat reflected the deck of the white, luxurious cruise ship as it

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was waiting for passengers to board. The clear, blue sky reflected in the

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ocean, the picture moving with each little wave. The man worked hard
scrubbing at each and every corner of the boat.

EXAMINER COMMENTARY

Content and communication – 6 marks

The description is clearly relevant and detailed. The student uses a range of
adjectives to describe the photograph. The communication is clear and there
is no ambiguity in the response.

Language – 3 marks
There is clear evidence of use of complex language including the gerund
accurately used. Spelling and punctuation is accurate including the use of
commas and sentence demarcation is accurate.

Total – 9 marks

STUDENT B

In the time of daylight with azure filled the sight. The stores lining up near by
the deep marine. The sound from afar catch their attention. The pearly
coloured cruise which holds new journey has arrived.

EXAMINER COMMENTARY

Content and communication – 1 mark

There are some relevant words and the student has tried to describe the
scene. However, the word order and missing words hinder the communication
greatly.

Language – 1 mark
Words are spelt correctly and there is some appropriate use of punctuation in
that sentences are used correctly.

Total – 2 marks

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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QUESTION

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Your school or college is holding a swimming gala. Write a letter to

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parents inviting them to attend.

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You must mention:
• the day and date
• the place
• the time it will start.
Your letter should be between 50 and 70 words. Do not write an
address.

EXTRACT FROM MARK SCHEME

For this question there are three compulsory key points which are assessed
for Content and Communication (6 marks). The letter is also assessed for
Language (6 marks) as specified in the criteria below. The maximum mark is
12. The student is expected to produce approximately 50 to 70 words over the
whole question. The number of words is approximate and you must mark and
credit all work produced by the student.

Content and
Marks Response
communication
A full coverage of the key points.
Band 3 5–6
Communication is clear.
A partial coverage of the key points.
Band 2 3–4 Communication is mostly clear but there are
instances where message is not conveyed.
A minimal coverage of the key points. Frequent
Band 1 1–2
instances where messages are not conveyed.
Below band 1 0 Content is below the required standard for band 1.

Language
Marks Response
Uses a good/wide variety of appropriate
Band 3 5–6 vocabulary and grammatical structures.
Spelling and punctuation are generally accurate.
Some success in variety of vocabulary and
grammatical structures.
Band 2 3–4
Spelling and punctuation are more accurate than
not.
Vocabulary and grammatical structures are
limited, repetitive or inappropriate.
Band 1 1–2
Spelling and punctuation: frequent errors are
likely.
Language is below the required standard for
Below band 1 0 band 1.

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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STUDENT A

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Dear parent/guardian,

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We would like to inform you that the school will be holding a swimming gala
on Friday 30th of June 2017 from 15.00 to 18.00. All the events will be held at
ANS. The purpose of holding this swimming gala is to create good
sportsmanship between the students. There will be awards for outstanding
effort which will be announced at the awards ceremony.
Yours sincerly.

Headteacher.

EXAMINER COMMENTARY

Content and communication – 6 marks

There is full coverage of the key points and the student has enhanced the
letter by adding information which is appropriate to the context.
Communication is clear, and the message is conveyed in its entirety.

Language – 6 marks
The student uses a wide variety of appropriate vocabulary and grammatical
structures. There is evidence of a variety of tenses and use of active and
passive voices. The spelling and punctuation is accurate, with only 1 error.

Total – 12 marks

STUDENT B

Dear parents! On the 13th july 2017 on the Thursday. Will the biggest a
swimming gala in the Oxford. You will can see the best swimming gala. The
swimming gala will start on the at 15.30 and will be voted about at 21.30. This
will amazing a lot of attraction for you and for your children you just have to be
there! The swimming gala will in the Oxfor City. I hope you will on the
swimming gala. See you!

EXAMINER COMMENTARY

Content and communication – 2 marks

There is partial coverage of the key points but much of what is written is quite
ambiguous and the message is often not conveyed successfully. It should be
noted that all the work is marked and the material that has been added to key
points has affected the mark awarded.

Language – 2 marks
The correct use of grammatical structures is limited and there are many errors
in the sentence structure with either words missing or extraneous articles.
Spelling is generally accurate and there is an attempt to use correct
punctuation.

Total – 4 marks

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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QUESTION

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0 3 Write a diary or blog entry about how you celebrated your last birthday

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You must refer to:

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• your age
• where you were
• what you did
• the people who were with you.
Your diary or blog entry should be between 70 and 90 words.
EXTRACT FROM MARK SCHEME

For this question there are four compulsory bullet points, which are assessed
for Content and communication (8 marks) and Language (8 marks), as
specified in the criteria below. The maximum mark is 16. The student is
expected to produce between 70 and 90 words over the whole question. The
number of words is approximate and you must mark and credit all work
produced by the student.

Content and
Marks Response
Communication
A full coverage of the required information with
Band 4 7–8 appropriate development of detail.
Communication is clear.
A reasonable coverage of the required
information; likely to develop some detail.
Band 3 5–6
Communication is mostly clear with occasional
lapses.
A partial coverage of the required information.
Band 2 3–4 Communication is sometimes clear but there are
instances where messages are not conveyed.
A minimal coverage of the required information.
Band 1 1–2 Frequent instances where messages are not
conveyed.

Below band 1 0 Content is below the required standard for band 1.

Language Marks Response

Uses a wide variety of effective vocabulary and
Band 4 7–8 grammatical structures.
High level of accuracy.
Uses a variety of appropriate vocabulary and
Band 3 5–6 grammatical structures.
Generally accurate.
Some success in variation of vocabulary and
Band 2 3–4 grammatical structures.
More accurate than inaccurate.
Vocabulary and grammatical structures are
Band 1 1–2 limited, repetitive or inappropriate.
Frequent errors are likely.
Language is below the required standard for
Below band 1 0
band 1.

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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STUDENT A

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16th May 2017

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Dear diary,

Guess what day it is, it’s my birthday! Today I’m finally turning 14. I can’t help
but feel old since this is the oldest I’ve ever been. Today everyone in my
family pretended that they totally forgot it was my birthday and I felt so sad I
didn’t even try to correct them in the morning before they dropped me off at
school.
After the school finished my parents came to pick me up and they still didn’t
gave a sign that they’d remember today’s my special day. However, in the
evening, as I walked in to their room, I found the lights turned off and my
parents and sister standing in the middle of the room. They were holding a
cake with brightly lit candles and there were balloons everywhere in all shapes
and colours.
I ran to the cake, make a wish, and blew the candles out with so much joy and
my body still shaking from the surprise. That night, I had a great time with my
beloved family as we stuffed ourselves with cake ad opened the hidden
presents that they secretly brought for me.

EXAMINER COMMENTARY

Content and communication – 7 marks

Although the passage starts in the present tense this is quite acceptable as
the student is relaying the day as it happened, writing the diary. There is full
coverage of the required information and the student has developed the
thoughts and what happened appropriately. Communication was clear and
effective but there was an occasion when an incorrect tense formation
affected communication immediately.

Language – 6 marks
The diary entry was generally accurate, and the student used a variety of
appropriate vocabulary and grammatical structures. There was an insufficient
variety to reach the top band nor was there a sufficient level of accuracy.

Total – 13 marks

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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STUDENT B

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I was born in India. And my age is 15. All of my friend gave me a gift and they

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gave me the birthday beats and the people who were with me took me to a

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restaurant at afternoon. We ate a lot of thing like pizza and a lot of thing and
at night we went to the ice cream shop and we went to Indian Restaurant we
ate a Indian dishes and then we went home went to sleep.

EXAMINER COMMENTARY

Content and communication – 2 marks

The student does manage to communicate all of the bullet points successfully.
There are frequent instances where the messages are not conveyed as
intended resulting in delays in communication.

Language – 1 mark
The vocabulary used is quite limited and the student is unable to use
sentence structures successfully and the last sentence demonstrates the
inability to punctuate the passage or use sentences successfully. In terms of
language the piece is clearly more inaccurate than accurate.

Total – 3 marks

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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QUESTION

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0 4 Choose a person who has played an important part in your life.

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Explain:
• who this person is
• why this person has been important to you.
Your explanation should be between 100 and 150 words.

EXTRACT FROM MARK SCHEME

For this question there are two bullet points. These are designed to help
students to structure their own detail and ideas; they are not compulsory
elements of the response. The response is assessed for Communication and
content (8 marks) and Language (15 marks).
The maximum mark is 23.

Content and
Marks Response
communication
An excellent response which is fully relevant
and detailed, conveying a wide range of
Band 4 7–8
ideas.
Communication is clear and coherent.
A good response which is almost always
relevant, and which conveys a range of detail
Band 3 5–6 and/or ideas.
Communication is generally clear and
coherent with occasional ambiguity.
A satisfactory response which is generally
relevant with some variety in detail and ideas.
Band 2 3–4 Communication is sometimes clear but there
may be instances where messages break
down.
A limited response which attempts to address
the task with some relevant information.
Band 1 1–2
Communication lacks clarity with frequent
instances where messages break down.

Content is below the required standard for

Below band 1 0
band 1.

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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Language Marks Response

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Sophisticated vocabulary and grammatical

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structures for effect; more complex structures

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handled with confidence; writing is fluent and
Band 5 13–15 effective.
High level of accuracy in spelling and
punctuation; occasional minor errors may
occur.
Varied vocabulary with some success in use
of grammatical structures or effect; more
complex sentences are generally secure;
Band 4 10–12
writing is mostly effective.
Good level of accuracy in spelling and
punctuation.
Some success in variety of vocabulary and
grammatical structures for effect; more
complex sentences are attempted and
Band 3 7–9
sometimes successful; writing is coherent
and relevant.
General accuracy in spelling and punctuation.
Some clear attempt at variety of vocabulary;
simple sentence structures are generally
secure and linking words are used
Band 2 4–6 appropriately; writing conveys some clear
meaning.
More accuracy than inaccuracy in spelling
and punctuation.
Little range of vocabulary; sentence
structures lack security and/or are likely to be
Band 1 1–3
short; meaning is sometimes evident.
Frequent errors in spelling and pronunciation.

Language is below the required standard for

Below band 1 0
band 1.

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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STUDENT A

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My life was never like a fairy tale. No happy endings, no miracle or magic to

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help me solve my problems. I was always independent, maybe because I was

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raised this way, isolated from all the love and care a child would ever need.
The only person I looked up to and wondered how did she surpass her life
with a smile on her face was my young naïve self.
When I was younger, I was a lot more cheerful and confident with who I am. I
was positive despite being bullied at a young age. When I was 7 I was
isolated by students at school, they considered me as a new kid that no ones
wants to talk to. However I still smile like nothing ever happened.
What I saw in the mirror two years ago wasn’t that cheerful girl anymore. I saw
a girl with artificial feelings who losted hope in her eyes. My eyes were vague,
distant and filled with despair.
I wanted to love myself again like I used too. I tried so hard to be happy again
but nothing turns out right until last year.
Last year I was finally capible of understanding myself. Every little piece of me
makes me stronger. What I did wasn’t forcing myself to understand but only
accepting who I truly am.
I was growing, I still am. I was helped by the vague image of my young self.
She makes me finally who I truely am.
I aren’t naïve or stupid but I overlooked details that are unnecessary, that’s
what I thought my young self think. That is the main philosophy that made me
overcome hatred over myself.
Lastly I would like to say thank you to my younger self for being through all
one self conflict I had. Thank you for making me smile again.

EXAMINER COMMENTARY

Content and communication – 7 marks

It should be noted that the bullet points are designed as prompts to help
students structure their own details and ideas; they are not compulsory
elements of the response.
The student provides an excellent response which is fully relevant and
detailed with a wide range of detail and ideas. Communication is generally
clear, and the performance is at the bottom of the 7-8 band.

Language – 11 marks
Although there are errors there is varied vocabulary with success in the use of
grammatical structures for effect. There are more complex sentences that are
secure in their use and the writing is effective. Occasionally there are errors in
tense which make the reader stop but there is a good level of spelling and
punctuation is used effectively.
It should be noted that the student writes over 300 words which is double the
total recommended for this question. The accuracy of the piece diminishes
towards the end and centres are reminded that students can gain full marks
within the specified word count.

Total – 18 marks

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EXEMPLAR STUDENT RESPONSES WITH COMMENTARY

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STUDENT B

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1 person named Erenst still and played an important part of my life. he helped

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in year 7-8 and made me be less childish then I used to but he left school and

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went on to collage he helps me when I’m mad and clams me down I play
some games with him and his brother on the PS4 and helps me on there too I
know carut for about 7 years now since I moved to oxford. We used to be
natives and I used to go to his every day now I go like tanze a week even
though I live 1 street behind him. he also is really funny and makes alot of joke
with his girlfor he had for 2 ears he is a nice Person And when I first met him I
asked he play foot ball with him and he said yeah and thats how he helped me
in my life liveing in Oxford he also pushes to focer more on school work but I
dont listen to that that much.

EXAMINER COMMENTARY

Content and communication – 3 marks

Although the piece is written with little punctuation and as a continuous
passage with few full stops there is some communication which is clear and
there is sufficient information that just lifts it into the 3-4 band as there are
elements of this box. The message does not break down enough to be in
band 1.

Language – 3 marks
The student is clearly in band 1 as there is little evidence of secure sentence
structures and there are frequent errors in spelling and punctuation. However,
the meaning is evident for much of the piece and there is some clear meaning
putting it at the top of the band.

Total – 6 marks

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GET HELP AND SUPPORT

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Visit our website for information, guidance, support and resources at oxfordaqaexams.org.uk

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You can contact the English subject team directly at english@oxfordaqaexams.org.uk

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