How To Change Someone’s Mind

by Mike Slater
Copyright © 2017 by Mike Slater
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the
express written permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing, 2017
ISBN 978-1548836108
 TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. How to Change Minds

2. What This Book is Not
3. Beat It Down
4. You Can’t Make Them Drink
5. “Must I?” vs “Can I?”
6. How Do People Form Opinions?
7. Built-Up Defenses
8. Rules of Mind Changing
9. The Opinion Box
10. The Where
11. Moral Foundations
12. The Costanza Rule
13. Don’t Get Disgusted
14. Find Common Ground
15. We’re Small Enough Now
To my wife, for your constant support.
To my eight month old son. May we all talk differently to each other by the
time you can talk.
 1. How to Change Minds

Every Saturday morning, my fellow college tour guides and I would

stand up on a ledge and give a brief introduction of ourselves to about 100
eager high school students and parents. I would say, “My name is Mike. I’m
on the swim team. I write for the college newspaper and I am the token
conservative on campus.” The tour guides would split up and people would
then choose which tour guide they wanted for the next ninety minutes.
After a few weeks I asked the other tour guides why there were so many
people from Texas taking the tours. They said they hadn’t met a single
person from Texas. It turns out, all the Texans, and conservatives, just chose
to take my tour.
Invariably, I’d be asked what it’s like to be a conservative at Yale, a
university lately known for being a bastion of liberalism. I would say, “I
love it. You talk with people you disagree with and one of two things
happen: either you strengthen your opinion, or you change your mind. Both
are good things.”
That was ten years ago. I’ve recently realized, I haven’t changed my
mind on anything since…well, maybe since college. Is this because I have
finally figured out all the answers? I doubt it.
When was the last time you changed your mind about anything
significant? Let’s start with politics. Have you in the last ten years changed
your mind on a specific political issue? If your answer is no, I would guess
you are not alone. It is so easy to join a team, dig in your heels, only listen
to people you agree with and never question anything. Even the thought of
changing your mind might make you feel like you are betraying a friend.
Moreover, when was the last time you changed someone else’s mind?
Have you convinced a boss, co-worker, friend, spouse or neighbor to see
something your way? Have you ever persuaded a family member to change
their vote over the Thanksgiving dinner table? Have you managed to
influence someone’s view via an online comment section or twitter reply? I
have not.
Until I learned how.
 David figured it out. He reached out to Megan online. They didn’t know
each other, but he always remained friendly. A few months later, David
finally met Megan in person. He brought her a gift: a Middle Eastern
dessert from his home town of Jerusalem. There was nothing particularly
odd about this interaction; other than the fact that, at the time, Megan was
holding a giant sign that read “God Hates Jews.”
Megan was a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, a hate-filled cult
that is known for protesting military funerals and saying horrible things
against homosexuals and Jews.
Megan had argued with countless people on the internet. She would tell
everyone why she was right and why they were wrong, why she was going
to heaven and you were going to hell. And each time people would attack
her right back. No one on either side ever changed their mind. But the
interactions with David were different. His approach: “I wanted to be really
nice so that [Megan] would have a hard time hating me.”
Remarkably, this approach softened her heart. Over time, Megan and
her sister decided to leave their “church,” a decision that meant she would
never see her family again. Where did she go? She reached out to David.
She ended up sleeping on a couch in the home of his Hasidic Rabbi. Just
three years earlier, Megan was protesting outside this man’s synagogue with
a sign that read “Your rabbi is a whore.” Now she sought shelter in his
home and joined his wife and four kids around their dinner table.
Megan said, “They treated [my sister and me] like family. They held
nothing against us, and I was astonished.” [1]
Megan now speaks out against bigotry and hatred. At one event,
sponsored by the Times of Israel, Megan said, “David told me about tikkun
olam, the Jewish teaching that you could do something to repair the world.
[Westboro Baptist Church] literally had a website, ‘The World is Doomed,’
but this idea that we could fix what we broke, this really gave me hope in a
time where there wasn’t a lot of that.” [2]
I want more interactions like David and Megan’s in my life and in this
nation. I want my eight month old son to live in a country where people talk
differently to each other than we do now. Call me a hopeless romantic, but
I’m guessing you want this, too. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this.
This book is about how to change someone’s heart and mind.
The goal is to change how we talk to each other.
If these truths can be used to rescue a stranger from a cult, they can be
helpful when talking politics and religion with a co-worker, neighbor, or
family member with polar opposite views.
I have been the host of a political talk radio show for ten years. On talk
radio, there’s a lot of preaching to the choir. I’m good at that. There are also
opportunities to change a person’s mind on a given topic. I’ve done a pretty
terrible job at that for most of these ten years.
After every show I get e-mails from people saying, “What a great show!
I’ve never heard that argument before! That’s such a great point!” But I
rarely receive an e-mail that says, “You’ve changed my mind.”
I consider this a failure. But it has given me extra insight into what it
takes to do the seemingly impossible.
 2. What This Book is Not

Conservative writer Ben Shapiro wrote a book a few years ago, How to
Debate Leftists and Destroy Them: 11 Rules for Winning the Argument. On
the progressive side, Hillary Clinton’s campaign published a post on her
campaign website, “How to win a Thanksgiving debate with Republicans.”
[3]

This book is not about how to win an argument. Do you want to know
how to win an argument? Speak more confidently than the other guy. You
can be totally wrong and have completely made up facts, but whoever is
more aggressive, louder and sounds more certain “wins.” (If you host a
radio show, you can also hang up on a caller. That’s an easy path to
victory!)
This book will not help you be more aggressive, louder or more
confident sounding. Actually, quite the opposite. I did those things for ten
years. It doesn’t work and it is painfully unfulfilling. Have you ever had a
family dinner end with silverware being thrown and someone marching
away from the table? What good does that do? Sure, someone “won”, but
someone else lost, and that person will never end up agreeing with you.
They’ll just be mad at you. And this opinion you have, which presumably is
so important that you want everyone else to have it, too? Now there’s one
less person who will ever have it.
You can win the argument, but did you really win?
This book will also not help you win Facebook or Twitter arguments.
Those are pointless. Don’t partake. Don’t engage. Don’t waste your time.
Unless, like David and Megan’s experience, your online interaction is
planting a seed which later leads to a more personal interaction (which
we’ll talk about in the Rules Section coming up).
This book won’t help you combat online trolls. As my Tennessee
friends say, “Don’t wrestle with pigs. You get muddy and the pigs love it.”
Finally, this book is not just about politics. Because I have a political
job, most of my experience is in that realm, but these insights can be
applied anywhere about any topic. I’m sure you’ve heard the advice, “Two
things you should never talk about: religion or politics.” And we wonder
why these topics are so divisive. It is not because we talk about them too
much. It’s because we don’t talk about them enough! Or, more precisely, we
don’t talk about them the right way.
So what is the right way? Let’s start off with some foundational truths.
 3. Beat It Down

Ben Franklin used to be very prideful.

When he was seventeen, he left Boston for Philadelphia. Seven months
later, he returned to his hometown, ready to show everyone how much
money he was making. He especially wanted to show off to Cotton Mather,
a wealthy and respected man in town.
He met Mather in a hallway and as they walked towards the exit,
Franklin started unloading about how successful he was. Mather responded,
“Stoop!”
Franklin was so into himself, he kept bragging and ran his head into a
low ceiling beam.
Mather’s response, without skipping a beat, “Stoop, young man, stoop -
as you go through this world - and you’ll miss many hard thumps.” [4]
It wasn’t until Franklin received this letter from a friend when it really
hit him:

Ben, you are impossible. Your opinions have a slap in them for
everyone who differs with you. They have become so offensive
that nobody cares for them. Your friends find they enjoy
themselves better when you are not around. You know so much
that no man can tell you anything. Indeed, no man is going to try,
for the effort would lead only to discomfort and hard work. So you
are not likely ever to know any more than you do now, which is
very little.
Be honest. Could anyone describe you that way?

That is a stinging rebuke from a friend and it had to hurt. Fortunately for
everyone, Franklin responded with life-saving humility. He wrote about it
to his nephew:
 A Quaker friend having kindly informed me that I was generally
thought proud; that my pride showed itself frequently in
conversation; that I was not content with being in the right when
discussing any point, but was overbearing, and rather insolent
[arrogant], of which he convinced me by mentioning several
instances; I determined endeavoring to cure myself, if I could, of
this vice or folly among the rest, and I added Humility to my list,
giving an extensive meaning to the word. [5]
Franklin decided to no longer contradict or forcibly “show [the]
absurdity” in another person’s argument. He offered his opinions with less
emphatic phrases and instead used, “it so appears to me at present”, or “in
certain cases [your] opinion would be right, but in the present case there
seems to me some difference.”
Franklin engaged in more pleasant (and less combative) conversation.
Over time, as this became natural to him, Franklin realized how persuasive
and influential he became:

To this habit I think it principally owing that I had early so much

weight with my fellow citizens when I proposed new institutions,
or alterations in the old, and so much influence in public councils
when I became a member…

Here, Franklin gives his nephew, and us, important advice as we try to
change other people’s minds: we must tame our pride:

In reality, there is, perhaps, no one of our natural passions so hard

to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle
it, mortify it as much as one pleases…
This new, humbled Ben Franklin would have been a terrible guest on a
cable news debate show. For some reason, we feel we need to talk to each
other as though we are all TV pundits. We are convinced that we need to
show the absurdity of the other person’s opinion. We think we need to shut
them down as quickly as possible!
Wouldn’t we all be better off if we conversed like Ben?
 We tend to see humility as weakness. But it is pride that kills
conversations and weakens our influence. Beat it down.
 4. You Can’t Make Them Drink

· Fact 1: It is much easier to change someone’s mind if they want

their mind to be changed.
· Fact 2: Almost no one ever wants their mind to be changed.

Let that sink in for a second. It’s hard to accept because you’re thinking,
“Why wouldn’t someone want to know the truth? They’re wrong, I’m right.
Of course they want to hear what I have to say!”
No they don’t.
Why don’t they want to ‘know the truth?’
We associate the strength of our opinions with our own self-worth. If we
are in a debate with someone and they make a really good point on an issue,
deep down in our subconscious, we say to ourselves, “Darn it. He’s on to
something. But if I change my mind, I have to admit I’m wrong. And if I’m
wrong, it means I’m stupid. And I don’t want to be stupid. So, I won’t
admit I’m wrong.”
This happens as fast as it takes to go from zero to defensive: a split-
second. We will do anything to protect our egos.
This is why it might feel like someone is actively looking for reasons
not to agree with you. They probably are. What they are really doing is
looking for reasons to agree with themselves.
When we are confronted with new information, we subconsciously ask
ourselves one of two questions…
 5. “Must I?” vs “Can I?”
Have you ever shared a documented fact with someone and they just
refuse to believe it? This person, who is otherwise a reasonable and sensible
person, has just turned into a brick wall. You’re thinking, “Gosh, if they
would just accept this one fact, then they would definitely change their
mind! Why won’t they just accept it?!”
Cornell University psychologist Tom Gilovich has found that if
someone does not want to believe something, they ask themselves, “Must I
believe this?” And they look for one reason why they don’t have to. [6]
They do this because they want to avoid admitting they are wrong. It
looks like the person isn’t listening to you— because they’re not. It feels
like they don’t want to believe you — because they don’t. They are actively
searching for a reason not to believe you.
Scientists asked women to read a fake study about a link between
caffeine consumption and breast cancer. Women who are heavy coffee
drinkers found more flaws in the study than women who don’t drink coffee.
The coffee drinkers looked for reasons not to believe it. [7]
On the other hand, have you ever been amazed at how quickly someone
will believe a preposterous statement? This person, who is otherwise a
reasonable and sensible person, has just turned into a gullible fool. You’re
thinking, “How could they believe something so stupid and obviously
untrue!”
It’s because, if someone is inclined to believe something, instead of
asking, “Must I believe it?” they ask themselves, “Can I believe it?” And
they look for one reason why they can. Really, what they are asking is,
“Can I agree with what I already think is true?” As often as possible, they
will respond, “Yes!”
Let’s start with a hypothetical example. Two people see a newspaper
headline, “UFO Spotted by Local Resident.” The person who believes in
aliens asks themselves, “Can I believe this?” And they look for one reason
why they can. Their reason can be as simple as, “Why would the newspaper
publish this if it wasn’t true!”
 The person who does not believe in aliens asks themselves, “Must I
believe this?” And they look for one reason why they don’t have to. They
will reason something like, “Why didn’t more than just that one person see
the UFO? Therefore, this story is false.”
Each person is looking to validate their previously held beliefs.
Global warming is another good example. If someone is inclined to
believe in man-made global warming, they ask themselves, “Can I believe
this?” Al Gore shows a picture of a polar bear seemingly trapped on an
iceberg and they’re convinced it is true.
If someone is inclined not to believe in man-made global warming, they
ask themselves, “Must I believe this?” They see it’s snowing somewhere in
the world and they’re convinced it’s all a lie.
We reject information that might prove us wrong because we don’t like
to admit we are wrong. That feels bad. We are quick to let in information
that proves we are already right because we like to affirm we are right. That
feels good. This turns us into either brick walls or gullible fools.
After we form an opinion, we go to great lengths to polish and perfect
that opinion for the rest of our lives.
This means you cannot just jump right into changing someone’s mind.
It’s a process. The first goal is NOT to change someone’s mind; it is to get
someone to want to change their mind. We will get to that later.
First we need to know how we form opinions.
 6. How Do People Form Opinions?

Answer: Instantly.
I am not exaggerating. We form opinions in a heartbeat.
Princeton University researchers wanted to learn how quickly we make
judgments of other people. They flashed sixty-six faces on a screen for
either .1 second, .5 second or a full second. After each face flashed on the
screen and then disappeared, people marked how trustworthy they believe
that person is and how confident they were of their judgment.
Professor Alex Todorov explained, “What we found was that, if given
more time, people’s fundamental judgment about faces did not change.
Observers simply became more confident in their judgments as the duration
lengthened.” [8]
This means the observer came to an initial judgment in .1 second, and
then, as time went on (another .9 seconds), they spent that time convincing
themselves how right they were.
In another study conducted in 2007, Professor Todorov showed subjects
two faces of people they had never seen before. He asked them to make a
split-second gut reaction, based only on their faces, of who appeared more
competent. What the subjects didn’t realize was that these were the faces of
people who ran for US Senate in the 2006 election.
When asked who looked more competent, people ended up picking the
winning candidate 70% of the time. Todorov: “This means that, with a
quick look at two photos, you have a great chance of predicting who will
win. Voters are not that rational, after all.” [9]
The suggestion is, and I believe it is true, that most people make up
their mind on who they are voting for instantly. The rest of the campaign,
therefore, is an expensive exercise of rationalization.
That’s not all. People will even defend “decisions” they never actually
made. Researchers showed the subject two pictures of two different people
and asked them to choose who is more attractive: person A or person B.
 If the subject chose person A, the researchers distracted them for a split
second and switched the pictures . They then asked the subject why they
thought person A was more attractive (even though, now, they’re looking at
person B).
Only 25% of the time would people say, “Wait a second, I actually
chose the other person.” The other 75% of the time, the subjects went on to
explain why they chose this person, even though they actually chose the
other person! People will go to great lengths to justify their initial opinions
and prove themselves right. [10]
But why do we form opinions so quickly? Daniel Goleman coined the
term “amygdala hijack.” [11] The amygdala is the part of the brain that is in
charge of emotional reactions. When the brain gets a stimulus, the
amygdala processes information faster than the reasoning part of the brain.
This is our natural fight-or-flight response, and it can’t be turned off. That
is a good thing...most of the time. [12]
The problem is, we do the same thing when it comes to forming
opinions; from someone’s attractiveness and trustworthiness, to choosing a
candidate for president.
And then our ego prevents us from ever questioning that conclusion
again.
 7. Built-Up Defenses

We are naturally very defensive. This is a good thing. That amygdala we

just referenced helps us react to physical threats quickly. If a baseball
comes flying towards your head, the amygdala reacts faster than the rational
part of your brain. This is good because you don’t need to react rationally in
the first .01 seconds. You just need to duck.
The problem is, we react to people challenging our opinions the same
way we might react to a flying projectile coming towards our face.
To protect ourselves from people challenging our opinions and core
beliefs, we build up a massive, protective wall.
Your goal, if you want to change someone’s mind, is not to remove their
wall yourself. Your goal is to have the other person dismantle their wall
themselves , brick by brick.
If you want to “win an argument,” then you should launch cannon balls
into their defenses. If you want to change someone’s mind, then you need to
get them to remove their own wall. See the difference?
One piece of advice that Ben Shapiro gives in his book How to Debate
Leftists and Destroy Them , is, “Don’t take the punch first. Hit first. Hit
hard. Hit where it counts.” [13] Fine advice if you want to win the argument.
Not good advice if you want to change their minds.
Take a step back. What does it feel like to have your own wall
attacked?
Matthew Inman, the writer of the webcomic The Oatmeal,” gives this
example:
We all know that George Washington had wooden teeth. Have you
heard that before? It’s not true.
In 2005, the National Museum of Dentistry in Baltimore scanned a pair
of his dentures and found they were made of gold, lead, hippopotamus
ivory, horse and donkey teeth. [14]
 Now that I’ve told you that fact, how do you feel? Check your
emotional gauge. You probably feel fine. That’s an interesting fact you may
not have known.
The thing is, George Washington had another set of false teeth. This set
was made from the teeth of slaves.
Now how do you feel?
Probably a bit more heated. You probably accepted my first fact about
Washington’s teeth with no problem, but now you don't believe the second
fact, or you’re mad at me because you think I’m attacking the father of our
country.
Why do we react differently to the second fact? Because you probably
had a worldview that George Washington was a hero and a patriot. I
presented negative information about him that challenged one of your core
beliefs. That’s what it feels like to have your opinions and defensive wall
attacked. It makes you want to attack back and build an even stronger
defensive wall.
So how do you get someone to take their guard down?
WARNING: This might be the most important part of the secret. But
before I tell you, let me say that I realize you might be annoyed. This is the
part of the book when you will probably stop reading. I have always wanted
so desperately for the secret to be something I can do, or a weapon with
which I can arm myself. I want to build up my arguing arsenal and, with
this one secret, be able to magically change people’s minds, all without
changing anything about myself!
If that is you, you will be disappointed.
But if you think that what you believe is so vitally important, and you
really want to actually change people’s minds and have them agree with
you, consider this:
You can only change someone's mind if you are willing to change
yours.
 “Hold on, Slater. I thought this book was about how to change someone
else’s mind! I don’t want to change my mind. I don’t need to change my
mind. I’m the one who is right!”
I know you are, but instead of taking your confidence in your opinion
and building a giant wall around it, be vulnerable yourself. Take your wall
down. Just like Ben Franklin’s pride, beat it down. Terrifying though it
may seem, be willing to let your opinion be challenged without any
defenses. This is the only way someone will ever be willing to let their
opinion be challenged.
Let me be clear: this does not mean you have to change your mind. It
just means you have to be willing to change it.
Thomas Jefferson wrote this note to his nephew. He was specifically
talking about religion, but it’s true for everything:

Your reason is now mature enough to examine [religion]. In the

first place, divest yourself of all bias...Fix reason firmly in her
seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question
with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be
one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of
blindfolded fear. [15]

Jefferson did not say, “Nephew, never question your beliefs and attack
as many people as possible for theirs.” He never gave advice on how to
crush his opponents.

Like Jefferson’s nephew, I think you are mature enough to examine your
opinions, and to have them examined by someone else. If you think you are
right about something, be confident enough to be questioned boldly. Don’t
hold on to your opinion in fear that it might be shattered. If it is worthy, it
will withstand the honest inquiry. If not, then maybe it is time to see things
differently. In reality, if you push aside your pride, you have nothing to lose
and everything to gain.

Be willing to have your mind changed.

 8. Rules of Mind Changing

Rule 1: Build respect.

No one will be vulnerable in front of you or agree with you if they don’t
respect you. How do you earn respect? Give respect.
Jen is a twenty-nine year old political liberal. Her dad is conservative.
They constantly fight about politics. It never goes well. The last time they
tried to have a discussion, Jen ended it with, “I can’t even talk to you, dad!”
Can you relate?
During the 2016 election, the non-profit organization StoryCorps
recorded one of their conversations. Dad and daughter started out yelling at
each other, “You said this! You think that!” but then, one statement from
dad completely changed the tone of the conversation. It changed the mood
of the room. You could feel it. First, they are angry and yelling at each
other:

Dad : I get miffed when you say you can’t talk to me. But if
you’re going to get so angry and flip out about it, then I’d rather
you didn’t talk to me.
Jen : See this is what drives me crazy though! I am not the only
one yelling in our conversations.
Dad : But I ask questions. ‘What do you think about this? What do
you think about that?” It’s me trying to glean information from
someone who is significantly more educated than I am and whose
opinions I trust.
This is when everything changes. You can hear it in Jen’s voice. She lets
her guard down completely.

Jen : I am really surprised to hear you say that. I had no idea that
you were genuinely interested in what I had to say. I thought that
you wanted to tell me how I was wrong and to make a joke about
how I was silly.
 Dad : I would never feel that way about you. I have nothing but
respect for you. I don't agree with you all the time, but that’s
okay.” [16]

From that point forward, it was like two different people were talking to
each other. Two people who respected each other, even if they disagreed.

Having respect for someone has to be more than a strategy. People can
sense your authenticity, or lack thereof. People are perceptive. They can tell
if, deep down, you have an ulterior motive or agenda. If they catch wind of
it, the trust is eroded. They won’t feel safe. They will never take their walls
down. Respect them. And mean it.

Rule 2: Go one on one.

It is extremely difficult to change someone’s mind around a group of
people. It’s hard enough to admit we are wrong to ourselves. No one likes
to admit they’re wrong around other people.
A study called the Asch Conformity Experiment had eight people sit
around a table. Seven of the people were actors. They were in on the
experiment. Only one person was actually being observed.
Psychologist Solomon Asch showed everyone a drawing of a line,
called the reference line. Then he showed everyone three lines of varying
lengths: lines A, B, and C. He then asked everyone which line was the same
length as the reference line. The answer was obviously C. But the actors, as
they answered going around the table, all answered A on purpose. A was
clearly the wrong answer.

They did this twelve times; 75% of the people being observed followed
the group opinion and gave the obviously wrong answer at least once. [17]
 We are social creatures. We want to be liked. Group conformity — the
peer pressure to go along with the group (even when we know the group is
wrong) — is a powerful force. It is best not to work against it. If you want
to change someone’s mind, a one-on-one, in-person conversation avoids
this obstacle.

Rule 3: Gauge the temperature.

A Pyrrhic victory is when you achieve your goal, but at too great a cost.
It is named after King Pyrrhus in Greece. He was determined in 281 BC
to carve out his own massive empire in Europe, starting with Italy.
In his first battle with the Romans, the Romans were winning. But King
Pyrrhus had a secret weapon: elephants. The Romans had never seen
elephants used in battle before. They were terrified and retreated. Pyrrhus
won the battle, but he took heavy losses.
Two years later, in their second battle, Pyrrhus won again, but almost all
of his generals were killed and he himself was badly wounded. Pyrrhus was
congratulated for his victories, yet he responded, “If we defeat the Romans
in one more such battle, we shall be totally ruined.” [18]
He was already ruined. His army never recovered. His Italian campaign
was over.
You, unlike King Pyrrhus, need to be able to know when to move
forward and when to fall back. You must constantly gauge the emotional
temperature of the conversation. If it gets too hot, you may “win” the
debate, but at too great a cost.
Watch your tone of voice and body language. Most of communication is
not what you say, it is how you say it. Always stay calm and keep your
body relaxed. If your tone becomes aggressive or assertive, then their
defenses will go up.
If you sense a hint of negative emotion from the other person, don’t
push it. Their guard is up. Pull back a bit. See if the temperature goes back
down. If it doesn’t go back down, that’s okay. It might not be happening
today. Talk about something else. Don’t force it.
 Sun Tzu said in The Art of War, “When the weapons have grown dull
and spirits depressed…even if you have wise generals you cannot make
things turn out well in the end.” [19] When it comes to communicating with
someone, when anger has increased and our patience is depressed, even if
you have the wisest arguments, it is very hard to make things turn out well
in the end.
Know when it’s getting too hot.

Rule 4: Play the long game.

Don’t feel like the fate of the world depends on you changing this
person’s mind right here, on the spot. It doesn’t. You are not MacGyver
diffusing a bomb in thirty seconds. You have time. And it won’t happen
with the perfect, golden one-liner, so don’t worry about trying to find the
killshot. It may take many conversations over a long period of time to
change someone’s mind. Be patient.
When David talked to Westboro Baptist Church member Megan online,
he knew there wasn’t going to be a magic tweet that would immediately
transform her heart.
One day, David asked her a question she could not answer. She
internally struggled with that question for two years before she finally
realized she didn’t have a good answer. It takes time to change minds.
No matter how handsome or brilliant you are, you will never get the
person to fall on their knees, thanking you for helping them see the light.
Get rid of that expectation. Relax and build the relationship. Take some
pressure off yourself.
Instead, think about it as planting seeds. It will take time for them to
grow. Your desperation to get them to see it your way will only make them
desperate not to see it your way.

Rule 5: Avoid the “Butwhatabout” pitfall.

Pick one topic and stick with it. Don’t let them change the topic. If
people feel trapped or desperate, they will say what amounts to, “Oh ya, but
what about this completely unrelated thing I’m bringing up because it feels
like I’m losing this argument.”
I call this the “Butwhatabout” argument. If you are talking about the
2nd Amendment, the other person, if they feel desperate and cornered, will
say, “Oh ya, butwhatabout global warming! Butwhatabout taxes!
Butwhatabout, whatabout, whatabout!”
If you bring up something more relational, the person might feel
cornered and say, “Oh ya?! Butwhatabout that one time when you…!”
When they do this, nicely bring them back to the topic at hand: “We can
address that in a second, but let’s finish this conversation first.” If they
won’t stay on topic, they don't want their mind changed. That’s okay. Move
on for now.
There’s a sixth rule, The Costanza Rule. We will get to that one later.
 9. The Opinion Box

We are selfish people. We assume that everyone cares about our

opinion. The truth is, almost no one cares.
Do you want to know a trick to getting the other person to respect you
and open up to you? Before you tell them what you think about a topic, ask
them what they think.
Dale Carnegie wrote in How to Win Friends and Influence People , “A
person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in
any language.”
Carnegie tells the story of Sid Levy who called on a customer named
Nicodemus Papadoulos. He told people to call him “Nick,” but Levy went
the extra mile:

I made a special effort to say his name over several times to

myself before I made my call. When I greeted him by his full
name: 'Good afternoon, Mr. Nicodemus Papadoulos,' he was
shocked. For what seemed like several minutes there was no reply
from him at all. Finally, he said with tears rolling down his cheeks,
'Mr. Levy, in all the fifteen years I have been in this country,
nobody has ever made the effort to call me by my right name.’” [20]

The person whose mind you are trying to change, I wonder if, in all
their life, anyone has ever asked them their opinion on something. If there is
anything sweeter than the sound of their name, it is someone caring enough
to actually ask their opinion.
So ask questions. Be genuinely curious. And keep asking more
questions.
The image I have is that everyone has a box full of opinions. You may
want to put your opinions in someone else’s box, but their box is full. You
have to get them to empty their box before they’ll even think about adding
any of your stuff.
 Listening to their opinions has to be genuine. You can’t shortcut this by
pretending to listen or pretending to care, just so they hurry up and empty
out their opinion box so you can get to your arguments. You have to be
okay with the possibility that you may never get the opportunity in this
conversation to share your opinion. (Remember, play the long game.)
Do you see the importance of this? “Slater, I want to tell them what I
think. I don’t care what they think.” I know, but they won’t care what you
think, unless you care what they think first.
When they are half-way done emptying their box of opinions, resist the
urge to jump in with your opinion. It’s too soon. When their box is empty,
you’ll know.
If you really care about your opinions, you will wait to share them.
“So when can I share my opinion?” There’s something you will want to
understand before you do…
 10. The Where

While you are genuinely asking someone what they think about a given
topic, make sure you ask them about their “Where.”
Most people know what they believe because they’ve been polishing
and perfecting their opinion for a long time. But what is more important is
where this belief came from in the first place.
Check out this fancy schmancy diagram.

See that fork in the road? That is someone’s Where. We all have this
place. This is where you and this other person went in different directions.
You now want them to come over to where you are. Here’s the thing: There
is no shortcut.

They won’t just go from where they are to where you are. They need to
first go back to their Where .
 When you ask someone where their opinion came from, you’ll get two
types of answers:
A simple response such as, “I don’t know” or, “I heard it somewhere
from someone I think.” Something like that.
A dramatic personal story. If you get a dramatic story, just listen.
They may get angry or sad retelling their story. That’s okay in this context.
It is part of the process. Don’t even look like you are thinking of something
to say back. Once they are done, they will be a new person; more open than
ever before.
This is a huge moment either way.
The person with the simple response is realizing that maybe their
treasured opinion is not built on as secure a foundation as they thought.
This may be the first time they have ever questioned their belief. And now
they are questioning it themselves.
The person with the dramatic story feels a huge weight taken off their
shoulders, because no one has ever talked to them this deeply before. They
will feel heard and validated. People love to feel significant, and if you are
genuinely interested in them, they will feel good about themselves, they
will like you, and they will be more likely to listen to your opinions.
People often have an opinion because their Where was a bad
experience. They may be an atheist because they grew up around
hypocritical Christians, or a supporter of single-payer healthcare because
they got in a car accident and didn’t have health insurance. They may argue
against capitalism because their greedy boss laid them off or be anti-gun
because a friend of theirs was the victim of an armed robbery. If all we do is
share our opinions, we’ll never know where someone picked up theirs.
At this point, after realizing they either don’t know why they have their
opinion, or they feel heard for maybe the first time, the person is usually
“freed up” to think about the issue in a fresh way. This is when they will
typically ask for your opinion. Now is your time to shine!
But , before we proceed, let’s make sure the boxes are checked. Ask
yourself:
 · Is this conversation one-on-one and in-person?
· Are their defenses down?
· Am I willing to have my mind changed?
· Am I genuinely trying to change someone’s mind as opposed to
trying to “win”?
· Are all emotions in check?
· Am I willing to play the long game?
· Is their opinion box empty?
· Have I clearly identified the Where of their opinion?
All good? Beautiful. Now it is time for you to share your opinion! Let’s
talk about the best way to do that.
 11. Moral Foundations

I highly recommend the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

It is short and life changing.
Here is how Gary Chapman describes Love Languages:

My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that

there are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that
people speak and understand emotional love. In the field of
linguistics, a language may have numerous dialects or variations.
Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are
many dialects....The important thing is to speak the love language
of your spouse. [21]

The five love languages Chapman identifies are: gift giving, quality
time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.

The idea is that we each have a way we feel most loved. We assume that
our spouse has the same love language, so we think the best way to show
them love is the way we want to feel loved. The problem is, they may have
a different love language.
For instance, my primary love language is “words of affirmation.” I like
when my wife compliments me and tells me encouraging things.
So I reciprocate. I tell my wife how beautiful and amazing and
wonderful she is. But one day, she told me she didn’t feel loved. I thought
to myself, “What ! I tell you every day how beautiful and wonderful you
are!”
The thing is, words of affirmation is not her primary love language. Her
love language is “quality time.” I then realized that I’ve been working too
much and not investing enough quality time together with her. We weren’t
talking the same language.
This book is a marriage saver. Read it. Even if you’re not married, it
will help your other relationships.
 I want to talk about the same idea, but instead of love languages ,
they’re called Moral Foundations.
· Progressives’ moral foundations are Caring and Fairness.
· Conservatives’ moral foundations are Respect, Authority and
Purity. [22]
Just like love languages, if you are talking to someone with a different
moral foundation, you must talk in terms that are meaningful to them .
For instance, most commentary on environmentalism and climate
change is spoken in the “caring” moral foundation: “We need to take care of
Mother Earth, save the animals, love the planet, etc.” This caring language
appeals more to progressives.
If you are a progressive and you want to communicate your concerns
for the environment to a conservative, these arguments are not terribly
effective (as you might have experienced yourself). And you can’t
understand why, because it all makes perfect sense to you! Instead, speak
more to the “purity” moral foundation: “The clean air is now dirty, the
original forests have been destroyed, we need to be good stewards of the
planet, etc.”
Two professors from Stanford and Berkeley tested this and concluded,
“Reframing pro-environmental rhetoric in terms of purity —a moral value
resonating primarily among conservatives — largely eliminated the
difference between liberals’ and conservatives’ environmental attitudes.” [23]
Personally, I have tried to convince political progressives that all
immigrants should learn English. My argument can be summed up with
basically, “Because it’s America, darn it!” (That is: purity of traditions and
culture). If you are conservative and reading this, you read that and
probably thought, “Yes, that makes sense.” To a fellow conservative, that is
a fine argument to make. They will be convinced and they will think I’m
great. As a conservative talk radio host, this has always been my job inside
the echo chamber.
The thing is, this never convinced anyone who did not already agree
with me. Why? Because progressives don’t speak that language.
 Progressives talk in terms of caring and fairness. So, a better argument
to someone with the Caring and Fairness moral foundation would be, “I
think immigrants should speak English, because they will be more likely to
get a job and less likely to be discriminated against.” [24]
I’m still coming to the same conclusion (immigrants should speak
English), but I’m just making the argument in a moral foundation
“language” that the other person will understand.
You’re probably thinking, “But Slater, why should I change my opinion
for another person?”
You are not changing your opinion. You are just changing your
argument. And you should change your argument because it’s not about you
. “Wining an argument” is about you. Changing someone’s mind is about
them .
It helps if you think of it as an actual language. If you speak German
and you’re trying to convince a Japanese person of something, you don’t
talk to them in German. You learn Japanese.
Similarly, it is extremely difficult to convince someone to change their
mind if you don’t speak their moral foundation.
 12. The Costanza Rule

Earlier, I gave five rules for mind changing. Here is the final rule.
Rule 6: Leave on a high note.
George Costanza, Jerry Seinfeld’s best friend in the 1990s hit sitcom
Seinfeld, decided that whenever he made a funny joke in a group of people,
that was the best moment to leave the room. That way, Funny George is the
last thing people remember of him.
In your conversation with someone, it’s important to know when to
stop. Don’t miss your exit.
Fight the urge to keep talking until the person has the ultimate epiphany,
“Wow, I was wrong. You are so right. Thank you for saving me!”
That won’t happen, and something will go awry while you wait for it.
End on a high note, a point of agreement, some common ground. Pay
attention to their body language. If there is a moment when the person leans
back, looks up into the corner of their brain as if to say, “Hmm, I’ve never
thought of that before,” that’s a good place to stop. That is the beginning of
when they start to question their opinion. End it there. Let them sleep on it.
If you keep talking, like an overcooked steak, you can ruin the entire
experience. Leave on friendly terms, with everyone wanting more.
 13. Don’t Get Disgusted

A 2016 Pew Research Study titled Partisanship and Political Animosity

found that perspectives of people in opposing political parties are more
negative than at any time in the past twenty-five years. [25]
Seventy percent of Democrats said that Republicans are more close-
minded than other Americans. A near majority said Republicans were
dishonest (42%), immoral (35%), and unintelligent (33%).
Republicans were asked the same questions. Fifty-two percent of
Republicans said that Democrats are more close-minded than other
Americans. A similar percentage said Democrats are immoral (47%), lazy
(46%), dishonest (45%) and unintelligent (32%).
A vast majority of politically engaged Republicans and Democrats,
between 60 and 70%, say the opposing party makes them afraid and angry.
More than these negative characteristics, Pew asked if you believe
someone in the other party is a threat to the country. In 1994, about 20% of
people thought those on the other side of the aisle were a threat. Today, it’s
55%.
John Gottman, PhD, is the author of The Seven Principles for Making
Marriage Work , and has spent decades studying marriage and relationships.
He says the communication style that best predicts the end of a marriage is
contempt:
Sarcasm and cynicism are types of contempt. So are name-calling,
eye-rolling, mockery and hostile humor. In whatever form,
contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust.
It is virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is
getting the message you are disgusted with him or her. Inevitably,
contempt leads to more conflict, rather than reconciliation. [26]
What is true for marriage is true for all relationships: try not to get
disgusted at someone with whom you disagree. When you have contempt
for them, you will want nothing to do with them. And they will want
nothing to do with you.
 You may be thinking, “But Slater, I really do have disgust for this
person and what they believe.” Okay, but having contempt for someone also
makes it impossible for you to ever spread your opinions. So, for the sake
of your important cause, whether it’s climate change, tax policy or your
religious beliefs, let go of your contempt for them.
“Slater, you don’t understand. This person is SO WRONG! And their
opinion is dangerous. I have to hate them.”
In 1988, Oprah had a panel of white supremacists on her show. She said
she has never felt such evilness and hatred in all her life. One of those
skinheads was Mike Barrett. Twenty-three years later, Mike went back on
Oprah’s show...to apologize.
A year after the original show, Mike went to prison for defacing a
synagogue. The crew they put him on in prison was made up entirely of
black men. Imagine Mike, a man who had swastikas tattooed all over his
neck and arms (so his opinions were quite obvious), working alongside a
group of black men:

These guys accepted me for who I was. They treated me like a

human being. It taught me that everybody is a human being and
we can’t just hate people. [27]
It was the acceptance from the black men around Mike that made him
see how wrong he was. They did not beat him into submission. They did
not have contempt for him. And if they didn’t have contempt for a racist
skinhead, surely we can overcome contempt for someone with a different
opinion, too.
 14. Find Common Ground

In addition to hosting a radio show, I have been a pundit on cable TV

shows for the last eight years. It may sound exciting. But in reality, these
appearances are the most unfulfilling experience in my work. I go to a
studio which looks like a broom closet, stare into a camera and get in an
argument with someone for two to four minutes. The camera turns off, I
take off my ear piece and feel pretty worthless. No one listened to anyone.
We just yelled past each other. What was the point of that? We filled time, I
suppose, but that’s about it.
This is not news. It is news entertainment. By design, no one is there to
listen to other perspectives. Everyone is an actor playing a part. It is a pretty
big waste of time for everyone involved. But this is what we have all been
trained to think debate is: who can yell the loudest and sound the most
confident. It’s a lie.
Be inspired, instead, by Daryl Davis, a black, blues-playing piano man.
That’s his job; but his calling is to convert Klan members. How does he do
it? He befriends them.
In 1983, Daryl was playing a gig at a truck stop in Frederick Maryland.
During a break, a man came up to Daryl, slapped him on the back and said,
“I’ve never seen a black man play the piano like Jerry Lee Lewis!” Daryl
responded, “Where do you think Jerry Lee Lewis learned to play the piano?
He learned to play that style from black blues and boogie-woogie piano
players.”
The man didn’t believe him, but offered to buy Daryl a drink anyway.
As his drink was being poured he said, “You know, this is the first time I’ve
ever had a drink with a black man.”
“Really? Why’s that?”
“Because I’m a member of the Ku Klux Klan.” [28]
Turns out, the man was recently banned from the Klan because he stole
money from the group to buy tickets to a Hulk Hogan WrestleMania event.
But Daryl used this contact to get in touch with the leader of the Maryland
KKK, Roger Kelly. After they met and talked for a few hours, the Klan
leader reached out his hand to Daryl and said, “Stay in touch.” [29]
Daryl then started inviting the KKK Grand Dragon to his gigs and then
to his house:

Sometimes I would invite over some of my Jewish friends, some

of my black friends, some of my white friends, just to engage Mr.
Kelly in conversation…I didn't want him to think I was some
exception. I wanted him to talk to other people. After awhile he
began coming [to my house] by himself, no [bodyguard]. He
trusted me that much. After a couple years, he became Imperial
Wizard - the national leader. He began inviting me to his house.

Eventually Roger Kelly quit the Klan.

The three Klan leaders here in Maryland - Roger Kelly, Robert

White, and Chester Doles - I became friends with each one of
them. When the three Klan leaders left the Klan and became
friends of mine, that ended the Ku Klux Klan in the state of
Maryland. Today there is no more Ku Klux Klan in the state.
They've tried to revive it every now and then, but it immediately
falls apart. Groups from neighboring states might come in and
hold a rally ... but it's never taken off.

Daryl has convinced over 200 men to leave the KKK. He has a closet in
his house full of robes from former Klansmen. This sounds like a great
victory, right? But it hasn’t come without criticism:

I had one guy from an NAACP branch chew me up one side and
down the other, saying, you know, we've worked hard to get ten
steps forward. Here you are sitting down with the enemy having
dinner, you're putting us twenty steps back.” I pull out my robes
and hoods and say, "Look, this is what I've done to put a dent in
racism. I've got robes and hoods hanging in my closet by people
who've given up that belief because of my conversations sitting
 down to dinner. They gave it up. How many robes and hoods have
you collected?" And then they shut up.

How has Daryl been so successful?

The most important thing I learned is that when you are actively
learning about someone else you are passively teaching them
about yourself. So if you have an adversary with an opposing
point of view, give that person a platform. Allow them to air that
point of view, regardless of how extreme it may be. And believe
me, I've heard things so extreme at these rallies they'll cut you to
the bone.
Give them a platform.
You challenge them. But you don't challenge them rudely or
violently. You do it politely and intelligently. And when you do
things that way, chances are they will reciprocate and give you a
platform. [The klansmen] and I would sit down and listen to one
another over a period of time. And the cement that held his ideas
together began to get cracks in it. And then it began to crumble.
And then it fell apart.
I don’t seek to convert them, but if they spend time with me, they
can’t hate me. He sees that I want the same thing for my family as
he does for his. If you can work on the things in common, that’s
how you build friendship. [30]

Daryl knows the secret.

Now, so do you.
 15. We’re Small Enough Now

Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask

yourself the following question: What fault of mine most
nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?
–Marcus Aurelius [31]

Jim Collins is the author of Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make
the Leap...And Others Don’t. His twenty-two person research team spent
four years trying to determine what made companies grow from merely
good organizations to great ones. They focused on the personal
characteristics of the CEOs.
Collins describes a Level 4 leader — the second highest — as someone
who stimulates his employees to high performance standards and casts a
clear and compelling vision for the future. A level 5 leader — the highest
level — does the same thing, but adds the most important characteristic of
all…humility. Co-workers and employees who wrote about these Level 5
leaders described them as quiet, humble, modest, reserved, shy, gracious,
mild-mannered, self-effacing, understated, and “does not believe his own
clippings”. [32]
Take Darwin E Smith, the twenty year CEO of Kimberly-Clark, maker
of Kleenex, Scott paper towels and Huggies. When he was asked what
drove him to make his company so successful, he replied, “I was just trying
to become qualified for the job.”
Ken Iverson was the CEO of Nucor. He took Nucor from the verge of
bankruptcy to becoming the largest steel company in America. This is how
a board member described Iverson:

Ken is a very modest and humble man. I’ve never known a person
as successful in doing what he’s done that’s as modest. And I work
for a lot of CEOs of large companies. That’s true in his private life
as well. The simplicity of him. I mean little things, like he always
gets his dogs at the local pound. He has a simple house that he’s
 lived in for ages. He only has a carport and he complained to me
one day about how he had to use his credit card to scrape the frost
off his windows and he broke the credit card. “You know, Ken,
there’s a solution for it; enclose your carport.” And he said, “Ah,
heck, it isn’t that big of a deal…” He’s that humble and simple. [33]

When Sam Walton, the founder of Wal-Mart, was worth over $100
billion, he drove his 1979 Ford F150 pick-up truck. One of the richest men
in the world, “I still can’t believe it was news that I get my hair cut at the
barbershop. Where else would I get it cut? Why do I drive a pickup truck?
What am I supposed to haul my dogs around in, a Rolls-Royce?”
But it’s not just good for the bottom line. Middle managers who work at
companies with humble leaders feel more engaged and committed to their
job. They also feel their work is more meaningful and are more motivated
to collaborate and share information.
On the other hand, Collins found that “in over two thirds of the
comparison cases, we noted the presence of a gargantuan personal ego that
contributed to the demise or continued mediocrity of the company”.
If humble CEOs lead successful companies and empower their
employees, can humble people convince family members, co-workers,
friends and even strangers to change their minds? I would argue it’s the
only way.
How do we stay humble? Perspective.
When NASA released a picture of the Earth from four billion miles
away, we were merely a tiny dot amidst rays of light from the sun. Noted
astronomer Carl Sagan wrote in Pale Blue Dot:

Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it
everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you have ever
heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives.
The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident
religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and
forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of
 civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love,
every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer,
every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every ‘superstar,’
every ‘supreme leader,’ every saint and sinner in the history of our
species lived here– on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam…It
has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building
experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly
of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To
me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one
another… [34]

After a night of solving the world’s problems at his Sagamore Hill

Estate in Long Island, president Teddy Roosevelt and his guests would walk
outside and look up at the stars. They would stare at one spot of mist in the
northern sky: The Galaxy of Andromeda. This galaxy is as large as our
Milky Way, and only one of a hundred million galaxies. It’s 750,000 light-
years away and consists of one hundred billion suns each larger than our
sun. After contemplating in amazement, Roosevelt would look to his
friends and say, “Now I think we are small enough. Let’s go to bed.” [35]
With perspective and humility, let’s go change some minds.

I hope this advice is helpful. I would love to hear your experience of where
you used this insight to change people’s minds. You can E-mail me at
SlaterRadio@gmail.com or on www.facebook.com/MikeSlaterShow .
[1]

https://www.ted.com/talks/megan_phelps_roper_i_grew_up_in_the_westboro_baptist_church_here_s
_why_i_left/transcript?language=en
[2]
http://www.timesofisrael.com/how-a-former-westboro-baptist-church-spokesperson-overcame-
her-hatred-of-jews/
[3]
https://www.hillaryclinton.com/feed/how-win-thanksgiving-debate-republicans-tips-hillary-
clintons-communications-team/
[4]
Ryan Holiday. Ego Is the Enemy , p. 73.
[5]
Ben Franklin, The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin , p. 163.
[6]
http://blog.ted.com/the_healthcare/
[7]
Ziva Kunda, Self-Serving Generation and Evaluation of Causal Theories , 1987.
[8]
Alexander Todorov, Face Value: The Irresistible Influence of First Impressions , 28.
[9]
https://www.princeton.edu/news/2007/10/22/determine-election-outcomes-study-says-snap-
judgments-are-sufficient
[10]
Petter Johansson, “Failure to Detect Mismatches Between Intention and Outcome in a Simple
Decision Task”, 2005.
[11]
Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ ., 2005.
[12]
http://www.danielgoleman.info/the-brain-and-emotional-intelligence-an-interview-with-daniel-
goleman/
[13]
http://www.theblaze.com/news/2014/03/20/11-rules-for-debating-a-leftist-from-ben-shapiro/
[14]
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/believe
[15]
Thomas Jefferson, Jefferson: Political Writing ., p. 254.
[16]
https://storycorps.org/podcast/storycorps-499-an-experiment/
[17]
McLeod, S. A. (2008). Asch Experiment. Retrieved from www.simplypsychology.org/asch-
conformity.html
[18]
Robert Greene, The 33 Strategies of War , p. 99.
[19]
Ibid, p. 100.
[20]
Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People , p. 83.
[21]
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
[22]
There is a lot more to this. Please read The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by
Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt. He also has a great website with a bunch of resources:
http://righteousmind.com/
[23]

https://climateaccess.org/system/files/Feinberg_Moral%20Roots%20of%20Environmental%20Attitu
des.pdf
[24]
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/06/working-toward-the-same-ends-for-
different-reasons/531666/
[25]
http://www.people-press.org/2016/06/22/partisanship-and-political-animosity-in-2016/
[26]
John Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work .
[27]
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-evil-episode-that-changed-how-oprah-did-tv-
forever_us_58d0615fe4b0ec9d29deb992
[28]
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/03/the-audacity-of-talking-about-race-with-
the-klu-klux-klan/388733/
[29]
http://loveandradio.org/2014/02/the-silver-dollar/
[30]
Listen to Daryl tell his story in this podcast interview, it’s incredible:
http://loveandradio.org/2014/02/the-silver-dollar/
[31]
Marcus Aurelius, The Emperor's Handbook: A New Translation of the Meditations , p. 120.
[32]
https://hbr.org/2005/07/level-5-leadership-the-triumph-of-humility-and-fierce-resolve
[33]
Jim Collins, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap...And Others Don’t , p. 28.
[34]
Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space , 1997.
[35]
William Beebe, The Book of Naturalists, p. 234.