Sociology and Anthropology 2(1): 7-14, 2014 http://www.hrpub.

org
DOI: 10.13189/sa.2014.020102

Cultural Diversity of Marriage Sustainability in Nigeria:

Strengths and Challenges
Ime N. George*, David E. Ukpong, Eme E. Imah

Department of Educational Foundations, Guidance and Counselling,Faculty of Education, University of Uyo,

Uyo,P.M.B. 1017, Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria
*Corresponding Author: nsisong99@yahoo.com

Copyright © 2014 Horizon Research Publishing All rights reserved.

Abstract This paper examines the marriage pattern in terms of the different types of rights it serves to establish.
across several cultures. In doing so, it analyses problems and Leach expanded the definition and proposed that “Marriage
prospects of the institution and also provides insights into is a relationship established between a woman and one or
several marital practices observed across cultures. It also more other persons, which provides that a child born to the
examines forms of marriage, marital expectations and myths. woman under circumstances not prohibited by rules of the
Furthermore, it discusses the patterns of marriage, its relationship is accorded full birth-status right common to
changing institution and what makes marriage to work. normal members of his society or social stratum. Leach
These include establishing love maps, nurturing fondness argued that no one definition of marriage applies to all
and admiration, turning towards each other instead of away, cultures and therefore offered a list of rights associated with
making one’s partner to influence the other, solving solvable marriage, including sexual monopoly and rights with respect
conflicts, overcoming gridlock and creating shared meaning. to children which of course differ across cultures. Similarly,
It concludes by stating that not all marriages are illusional for Duran Bell (1960) criticized the legitimacy-based definition
the same reason, nor is there usually one reason for an of Leach on the basis that some societies do not require
unworkable marriage. marriage for legitimacy, arguing that in societies where
legitimacy means only, that the mother is un-married and has
Keywords Marriage Patterns, Culture, Marriage no other legal implications, a legitimacy-based definition of
Problems and Prospects marriage is secular. Bell rather proposed to define marriage
in terms of sexual access rights.
Although, the institution of marriage pre-dates reliable
recorded history, many cultures have legends concerning the
1. Introduction origin of marriage. The way in which a particular marriage is
conducted and its rules and ramifications has changed over
The concept of marriage is a universal phenomenon which time, as well as the institution itself, depending on the culture
cuts across races of all ages and cultures in spite of the or demography of the time. According to Hanon and White
diversity of customs, forms, and functions. This diversity in (1997), various cultures have had their own theories on
the aspect of marriage makes it difficult to define marriage marriage and its origin, one example is a man’s need for
succinctly in a way that encompasses all forms of marriages. assurance concerning the paternity of his children. He might
However, various Anthropologists have proposed several therefore be willing to pay a bride price, or provide for a
compelling definitions of marriage so as to accommodate the woman in exchange for exclusive sexual access, therefore,
wide variety of marital practices observed across many legitimacy becomes the consequences of this transactions
cultures. In his book, the History of Human marriage, rather than its motivation. This idea agrees with Leach’s
Westermarck (1968) defined marriage as “a more or less, definition of marriage in terms of full birth status rights to the
durable connection between male and female lasting beyond offspring of the marriage, including the man (husband)
the mere act of propagation”. Furthermore, the having sexual monopoly and right on the woman (wife)
Anthropological handbook, “Notes and Queries published in concerned.
1951, sees marriage as a union between a man and a woman Various marriage practices have existed throughout the
such that children born to this woman are the recognized world. In some societies, an individual is limited to having
legitimate offspring of both partners. one partner at a time (monogamy) while other cultures allow
Leach (1967), a British anthropologist criticized these a male to have more than one wife (polygamy), or, less
definitions as being too restrictive in terms of recognized commonly, a female to have more than one husband
legitimate offspring, and suggested that marriage be viewed (polyandry). Some societies allow marriage between two
8 Cultural Diversity of Marriage Sustainability in Nigeria: Strengths and Challenges

males, or two females. Others have certain restrictions on have never been married; while less than 40 per cent of the
marriage based on the ages of the participants, pre-existing women and 70 per cent have never been married in Hungary.
kinship, and membership in religious or other social groups. Studies by Blanchi and Spani (1986) reveal that in
Scandinavian countries co-habitation is popular among
young adults, and that, most Scandinavians eventually marry
2. Methodology only 5 per cent of the women they cohabitate and 11 per cent
of the men in their early forties have never been married. The
This study adopts utilizes the historical comparative researches added that, some countries such as Hungary
approach. Many controversies have arisen over the centuries encourage early marriage and childbearing to offset current
in relation to marriage as regards the sustainability of and future population losses. In the same way, Japan has a
partners of different Nigerian cultures, religious faiths, tribe, high proportion of unmarried young people. However, rather
rights of partners, acceptable number of children, and than co-habiting women as Scandinavians do, unmarried
minimum age of husband or wife. Year after year all over the Japanese young adults lie at home longer with their parents
world, marriage has been discussed in public forums and before marrying.
private sessions with undiminished confusions and
increasing pessimism. Failed marriages have been attributed 3.1. African experience
to several compelling factors in many cultures around the
world. Thus, the method used in this study is suitable Marriage in Africa is seen as sacred, because it solidifies
because it allows the readers to see at a glance the factors relationships that enrich communities and nations by
responsible for failed marriages in different Nigerian bringing forth new life and new hope. Although Africa is
cultures and how to guard against them. large and varied in cultures as a continent containing some of
the oldest civilizations on earth, it is a home to a wide
diversity of religion and cultures. This colourful diversity is
3. Selection of Marriage Partner in reflected in its colourful wedding ceremonies (Westermarck,
Some Cultures of the World 1968).
Westermarck asserted that marriage has brought political
Traits that people look for in their marriage partners vary stability in the growth of every major empire, and is even
around the world. In one large-scale study of 9,474 adults used to broker unity between belligerents in Europe, Africa
from 37 cultures on six continents and five Islands, people and Asia. Also, marriage between clans and nations has been
were found to vary on how much they valued chastity – a way of securing peace and promoting trade. Commenting
desiring a marital partner with no previous experience in on pan-Africanism, he added that marriage and
sexual intercourse (Buss and others, 1990). Chastity was the pan-Africanism are interlinked because it is the most central
most important factor in marital selection in China, India, and common African tradition, sacred to all African people
Indonesia, Iran, Taiwan, and the Palestinian Arab culture. on the continent, therefore, serving as the building block of
Adults from Ireland and Japan placed moderate importance nationhood and the first form of unity. Suffice it to say that,
on chastity. In contrast, adults in Sweden, Finland, Norway, in almost all societies according to studies, access to women
the Netherlands, and Germany generally argued that chastity is institutionalized in some way so as to regulate the intensity
was not important in selecting a marital partner, the authors of this competition.
explained.
In the study, domesticity was also valued in some cultures
3.2. Ancient Israel
and not in others. Adults from the Zulu culture in South
Africa, Estonia, and Colombia place high premium on In Ancient Israel, a wife was seen as being of high value
housekeeping skills in their marital preference. By contrast, and was therefore, usually, carefully looked after. The early
adults in the United States, Canada, and all Western nomadic communities practiced a form of marriage known
European countries except Spain, argued that housekeeping as beena, in which a wife would own a tent of her own,
was not an important trait in their partner. within which she retains complete independence from her
Sheriff-Trask (2003) opined that religion plays an husband. This practice appeared to survive in parts of early
important role in marital preferences in many cultures. For Israeli societies as some early passages of the Bible portray
example, Islam stresses the honour of the male and the purity certain wives as each owning a tent as a personal possession
of the female. It also emphasizes the woman’s role in (see Judges 4:7, Gen. 24:26, and Gen. 31:33-34).
childbearing, child rearing, educating children, and instilling In later times, the Bible describes wives as being given the
the Islamic faith in their children. inner room(s) of the husband’s house, as her own private
Comparisons of marriages internationally also reveals that area to which men were not permitted. This is seen in Judges
individuals in Scandinavian countries marry late, whereas 15:1 and 16:9 respectively, especially in the cases of wealthy
their counterparts in Eastern Europe marry early, (Blanchi husbands.
and Spani, 1986). In Denmark, for example, almost 80 per Suffice it to say that it was not a life of total freedom,
cent of the women and 90 per cent of the men aged 20 to 40 because the descriptions of the Bible suggest that, a wife was
 Sociology and Anthropology 2(1): 7-14, 2014 9

expected to perform certain household tasks, such as; reformation and counter reformations but in the early part of
spinning, sewing, wearing, manufacture clothing, fetching of this century, John Calvin and his protestant colleagues
water, baking of bread, and animal husbandry. According to reformulated Christian marriage by enacting the marriage
the covenant code, the husband too is indirectly implied, to ordinance of Geneva which imposed and dual requirements
have some responsibilities to his wife/wives. These include of stage registration and church consecration to constitute
the provision of food, protection, sexual activity and, should marriage for recognition, (Witte Jr. 1997). For example in
these fail, she was to divorce him without cost. The Talmud England and Wales, Lord Hardwicke’s marriage Act of 1753
interprets this as a requirement for a man to provide clothing required a formal ceremony of marriage, thereby curtailing
to, and have sex with each of his wives, even if he only has the practice of fleet marriage (Leah, 1999).
one. Studies also show that Israel being a polygamous According to the author, clandestine or irregular marriages
society did not have laws which imposed marital fidelity on were performed at fleet prison, and at hundreds of other
men. places between 1690’s until the marriage Act of 1753
Adulterous married women and adulterous betrothed numbered 300,000 thus the Act required a marriage
women however were subjected to the death penalty by the ceremony to be officiated by an Anglican priest in the
Jewish laws against adultery, as well as their male Anglican Church with two witnesses and registration.
accomplices. The literally prophets indicate the adultery was Church marriages came to be recognized as a legal
a frequent occurrence, despite their strong protest against it alternative to court marriages under the Marriage Act of
and these legal strictness. 1836.

3.3. Europe 3.4. China

Records have it that marriage in Ancient Greece required In Ancient Chinese society, people of the same surname
no specific civil ceremony for its creation – only mutual were supposed to consult with their family trees prior to
agreement, and the fact that the couple must regard each marriage to reduce the potential risk of unintentional incest
other as husband and wife accordingly. Men usually married (Kueffler, 2007). So marrying to one’s maternal relatives
in the 20’s and women in the teens. Suggestions are that was generally not thought of as incest, families, sometimes
these ages made sense for the Greeks because men were intermarried from one generation to another. But over time,
generally done with military service or financially Chinese people became more geographically mobile, hence a
established by their late 20’s. Married Greek women had few new marriage law of 1950 radically changed Chinese
rights and the ancient Greek society was expected to take marriage traditions, enforcing monogamy, equality of men
care of the house and children. and women, and choice in marriage, arranged marriages
Time was an important factor in Greek marriage. For were the most common type of marriage until then.
example, there were superstitions that being married during a
full moon was good luck, and according to Flaceliere (2000) 3.5. Nigeria
Greeks often times married in the winter. Inheritance was
also more important than feelings, for example, a woman In Nigeria, marriage is regarded as one of the most
whose father died without male heirs could be forced to important social customs which gives an individual respect
marry her nearest male relative even if she had to divorce her and status, thereby putting pressure on many single people to
husband first. marry. Besides, marriage is also viewed as a way of making
Excerpts retrieved from Hirschfield’s archive, 2010 one big family out of two families, hence the pressure on the
revealed that the Roman Empire had several types of bride and bridegroom to make the marriage work, as any
marriages in ancient Roman society. It is stated that the problem will usually “affect both families and strain the
traditional marriage (“conventional”) form called “conventio” otherwise cordial relationship between them.
in manum required a ceremony with witnesses and was also Amiru (2010) identified three (3) types of marriages
dissolved with a ceremony. Women lost their family rights of practised in Nigeria to include; Traditional marriage or
inheritance of their old families (maiden family), and gained (Native law and custom), Religions (Church, etc) and Civil
them with their new one in this type of marriage and also (Court) marriage.
surrendered to the authority of the husband. On the other A Nigerian couple can decide to take part in one or all of
hand another kind of marriage called free marriage was also them and the number usually boils down to culture and
practised. It was known as sine-manu and involved an wealth. Amiru explained that however, two major forms of
arrangement, which the wife will remained a member of her marriages exist in Nigeria; monogamy - a marriage of one
original family while still staying under the authority of the man to one woman, and polygamy – a marriage of one man
father, kept her family rights of inheritance with her old to two or more wives. This practice cuts across almost all the
family and did not gain any within the new family. Girls’ tribes in Nigeria.
minimum age for this marriage was 12 years. Opponents of polygamy argued that, it is a descriptive
For many centuries, marriage has metamorphosed from force to the family, putting wives against each other while
one stage to the other through the influence of protestant, supporters argued that it can be a unifying factor by allowing
10 Cultural Diversity of Marriage Sustainability in Nigeria: Strengths and Challenges

wives to work together. However, this not-withstanding; and adoption of children by gays or lesbians. This bill makes
marriage is still very much valued in the Nigerian society and Nigeria the second country in Africa to criminalize such
its worthy of note that traditional marriage in Nigeria is union. Uganda had earlier banned same sex marriage in
usually an arrangement between two families as opposed to 2005.
an arrangement between two individuals in most Western Open Marriage or Swinging: Open marriage occurs when
culture. The cultural diversity, richness and distinctive couples in legal, monogamous marriages both agree that
qualities of Nigerian society are reflected in the various each may have outside lovers. Each spouse has their own
family types within the country. lovers, whom they may or may not also have sexual dealings
with.

4. Forms of Marriages in Some Cultures

5. The mirage about Marriages
Various cultures across the globe have various traditions
and rituals associated with the solemn ritual of marriage. The Mirage may be defined as a natural optical phenomenon in
western world and the eastern world vary a lot in these rituals which light rays are bent to produce displaced image of
and traditions. They also in their take on marriage, as there distant object. It is scientific in nature and is caused by cold
are more than one type of marriage. Different marriages are air having a greater refractive index as light passes from
approached in different ways, some prefer one type of colder air across sharp boundaries to significantly warmer
marriage whereas others prefer the other. air.
Below are the various forms or types of marriages with From the above definition, one thing is salient about the
some categories commonly co-existing in the same marriage word “mirage’, and that is “illusion”. Illusion is something
as researched by Libertive, 2008. unattainable or giving a false impression or idea or belief
Polyandry: This form of marriage is much less common, about something. Many controversies have arisen over the
this is when one woman has several husbands. It has centuries in relation to marriage including issues relating to
occurred in Tibet, Mongolia, the Canadian Arctic, South the sustainability of partners of different denominations,
America, Nepal, Blutan, among other places. Polyandry is faiths, tribes or races, the acceptable number, and minimum
especially suited to populations that have more males than age of wives, the rights of partners, especially wives and
females which is perhaps the reason why it is less common wider family obligations.
than polygamy, because females outnumber males in most Year after year, all over the globe, marriage has been
societies. Apparently, because of the couple’s restriction to discussed in public fora and private sessions with
one child only, combined with the traditional Chinese undiminished confusion and increasing pessimism.
preference for male children, it has created an unnaturally According to a study by Ramat (2000), in Mumbal-India,
lopsided sex ratio of males to females. Polyandry could facts revealed is about failed marriages were attributed to the
therefore be a useful strategy in China in the future to growing importance of careers and inducement of India into
rebalance the sex ratio. the Global economy combined with huge exodus of India
Polyamory: This is a type of marriage restricted to a migrants to western countries.
specific group of people that only members agree to marry The researcher explained that, marriage has suddenly
among themselves. For example, members of one Christian become such an enigma that the brunt of deprecating humour
denomination marrying only among themselves. It could be has in this generation been regarded as a burden and not a
viewed as “expanded monogamy”. necessarily. Kamat opined that family ties have weakened,
Same Sex Marriage: This is a form of marriage between traits such as togetherness, tolerance and adaptability are
two persons of the same biological sex or gender identity. being replaced by individualism. Similarly, recent surveys in
Supporters of legal recognition for same sex marriage the United States of America indicate that in an affluent
typically refer to such recognition as marriage equality. community like San Mateo, California, seven out of ten
Recent records have it that since 2001, about ten countries marriages have failed, and one third of all marriages end in
have begun to allow same-sex couple to marry. These divorce within ten years even as the remaining two thirds are
countries include; Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Iceland, the very calamitous.
Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa and Another researcher, Meninger (2000) opined that, the
Sweden. Others are Brazilian states of Alagoas, Mexico City current mirage about marriage in the USA bothers on the
and parts of the United States. customs and basis which dominates attitudes towards
In Nigeria, the proposed ban on same-sex partnerships marriage which grew out of conditions appropriate to the
indicates that Nigeria recognizes neither same sex marriages past, not the present. As he puts it, this influence of the past,
nor civil unions for same-sex couples. A bill passed on 29th is most easily apparent in the legal aspects of marriage.
November, 2011 into law in Nigeria pronounces 5 years Hence, current laws concerning marriage, divorce, alimony
imprisonment for anyone who undergoes, “performs, and custody were taken enmasse from English common law,
witnesses, aids, or abets” a same-sex marriage. It also some of which are more than 500 years old. Meninger further
prohibits any display of “same-sex” amorous relationship explained that these laws have been altered minimally and
 Sociology and Anthropology 2(1): 7-14, 2014 11

have not been adapted to meet the demands of the the fore-going explanation, it is obvious that marriages that
twentieth-century America, therefore, making the current lack solid background in values and needs of the husband
concepts of marriage anchored on social, legal and and the wife are likely to end in mirage, thus, resulting in
psychological anachronisms that result in un-workable failed marriages.
marriages. In another development, recent survey in the United State
In the contemporary society, for an example Nigeria, on a of America on failed marriages show that there are about
typical wedding day, a young man and a young woman 400,000 divorces annually, yet, these statistics do not reveal
standing before the priest, minister or justice of the peace, the entire marital tragedy. More often than not spouses admit
usually have a high opinion of one another. They are that marriages traverse years of dislike and mutual distrust –
overflown with joyous thoughts, each having a firm rather than love and mutual growth. Leach confirms this by
assurance of the other’s marital bliss. stating that interviews with hundreds of average marital pairs
Many social commentators in western societies have in the USA reveal that approximately 80% of the couples had
expressed concerned about what they see as the decline seriously considered divorce at one time or the other, while
standard marriage. Many see this as a threat to family, which many of them still think about it frequently. He explained
in turn is the bedrock of the stable and civilized society. A further that often, it is only the existence children, restriction
number of threats to marriage he been identified. Hartson of poverty, edicts of religion, or a lack of courage that
(1983) argued from functionalist perspective that the discourage the decision to divorce. It appears that since the
adaptation of the family to the requirements of economic American marriage institution is ailing, there is need to
system has placed a strain on the marital relationship. He consider what can be done about the mirage in marriage in
explained that, it has led to the relative isolation of the order to salvage it. There is the need for couples to build
nuclear family from the wider kinship network. Hart asserted enduring relationships depending on interplay of behaviour
that, as a result of the economic strain the family carries a which signals to each other that whatever is received has
heavier emotional burden which exists independently than been forthcoming in response to something given.
when it is a small unit within a larger kin fabric. Leach It is to be noted that the rise rate of divorce cases or failing
(1967), agrees that nuclear family suffers from an emotional marriages is not just a U.S. phenomenon. The divorce rate
overload, which increases the level of conflict between its has accelerated over the last several decades in most
members. industrialized countries expect Japan and Italy (Cherlin,
Gibson (1994) combines element of previous arguments 1993, Ahron, 1995). Changes in matrimonial and divorce
by asserting that the development of modernity has increased trends have led to a doubling in the number of single-parent
the likelihood of conflict between spouses. He explained households in the United State over the past two decades.
further that the way modernity has developed, puts More than one quarter of the family household are now
increasing emphasis upon the desirability of individual headed by single parent, compared with 13 per cent in 1970,
achievement. Gibson (2006) on his part argued that people and half of all black children and almost one-third of
now lie in an enterprise and free market culture of Hispanic children live in homes with only one parent.
individualism in which the licence of choice dominates. For Furthermore, it should be noted that in most single-parent
him, a higher divorce rate may be indicative of modern families, the children reside with the mother, not the father –
couples generally anticipating a superior standard of a phenomenon that is consistent across racial and ethnic
personal marital satisfaction than was expected by their groups throughout industrialized world (Burns and Scott,
grandparents. 1994; U.S. Bureau of the Census, 1997).
Lederer et al (1968), opined that couples no longer build The resulting consequences of most failed or divorced
enduring human relationships depending on their interplay marriages are that, these single-parents families, are often
of behaviour which signals to each spouse that whatever he economically less well off, diminishing children’s
received has been forth coming in response to something opportunities and the inability to adequately care for them.
given. In other words, a quid-pro-quo (something for Time is always at a premium in single-parent families
something) agreement is in effect, to live in reasonable (Hetherington, 1999; Wallestein, Lewis and Blakeslee,
harmony, the spouses negotiate with respect in their 2000). Moreover, for children of divorce, the parents’
behaviour and responsibilities. Perhaps this argument may separation is often a painful experience that can make it
appear selfish and unromantic, yet, it is viewed as the single difficult, for the children to establish close relationship later
most required but most overlooked aspect of any marriage. It in life. However, the consequences for children living in
is observed that most overlooked aspects of marriages end in single-parent household are not invariably negative or
mirage. positive. Certainly, the large number of single-parent
Lederer has asserted that most couples in the western households has largely reduced the stigma of such family
world enter into marriage believing that “love” and romance situations in that, however children fare, then depends on a
in addition to plenty of gadgets will keep them happy. This variety of factors, including the family’s economic status, the
grinning false-face concept of what marriage life will look amount of time the parent can devote to the children and
like, forms the delusion that result in mirage marriages. From overall amount of household stress.
12 Cultural Diversity of Marriage Sustainability in Nigeria: Strengths and Challenges

6. Working-Class Women—a Threat to 7. Factors that can Make Marriage

the Institution of Marriage Work Well in Nigeria
Doyle (1999), Smock (2000) and Bachracl (2000) asserted Gottman (1994); Gottman and Notarius (2000); Gottman
that the evidence that marriage is a societal institution that is and Silver (1999); Gottman and others (1998) have been
undergoing significant change are based on the premises. studying married couples’ lives since the early 1970s, with a
Women’s “Second shift”. The number of hours put in by view to discovering what makes marriage to work.
working mothers can be staggering on survey. It is found that Gottman interviews couples about the history of their
working mothers of children under 3 years of age worked on marriage, their philosophy concerning marriage, and how
average of ninety hours per week. Sociologist Arlie they view their parents’ marriages. He also uses physiologic
Hochschild refers to the additional work experienced by indices to measure their heart rate, blood flow, blood
women as the ‘second shift’. According to her analysis of pressure and immune functioning moment. He checks back
national statistics, employed mothers put in an extra month with the couples every year to see how their marriage is
of 24 hours day during the course of a year. Similar patterns fairing. This research represents the most extensive
are seen in many developing societies throughout the world, assessment of marital relationship available. Currently, his
with women working at full time jobs and also having colleagues are following about 700 couples in seven
primary responsibilities for child care (Hochschild, 1990; different studies. In his research, Gottman has found that
Hochschild, Machung, and Pringle, 1995, Mednick, 1993). these seven main principles determine whether a marriage
Rather than women’s career being a substitute for will work or not:
household work, they are usually an addition to the role of Establishing love maps: Individuals in successful
homemaker. It is not surprising that some wives feel marriages have personal insights and detailed maps of each
resentment toward husbands, who spend less time on child other’s life and world. They aren’t psychological strangers.
care and house-work than the wives had expected before the In good marriages, partners are willing to share their feelings
birth of their children (Williams and Mc cullers, 1983, Ruble with each other. They use these ‘love maps’ to express not
et al., 1988; Crouter et al., 1999; Stier and Lewin-Epstein, only their understanding of each other, but also their
2000). The authors explained that the value of work, has fondness and admiration.
gone beyond merely earning a salary since it provides Nurturing fondness and admiration: In successful
personal satisfaction as well as sense of contributing to marriages, partners sing each other’s praises. More than 90
society. It is so valuable because it provides an escape route per cent of the time, when couples put a positive spin on their
from the rigors of a frenetic, stress-filled home life. marriage’s history, the marriage is likely to have a possible
One of major reason for mirage in marriage is living a future.
devitalized marriage life. George (2009) explained that after Turning toward each other instead of away: In most
a space of time specifically when couples start bearing stable marriages, Gottman discovered that spouses are adept
children, the once intimate relationship starts dwindling and at turning toward each other regularly. They see each other
little or no time is devoted for each other as before. Far less as friends and this friendship acts as a powerful shield
satisfying qualitatively and quantitatively with the result that against conflict. The friendship doesn’t keep arguments from
relationship with each other becomes more and more occurring, but it can prevent differences of opinion from
mechanical and less thrilling; with interest and activities overwhelming a relationship. In these marriages, spouses
formerly engaged together no longer shared, if shared at all respect each other and appreciate each other’s point of view
not in a deeper sense of it. Therefore, constraining the union en though they might not agree with it.
which if not attended promptly to, could lead to ailing Allowing partners to influence each other: Gottman
relationship and subsequently divorce. explained that bad marriages often involve one spouse who
George further explained that marriage where spouses are is unwilling to share power with the other. Although
seen to be quarrelling, nagging and fighting each other very power-mongering is more common in husbands, some wives
often would definitely or is already ailing and may end in also show this problem. A willingness to share power and to
divorce. This is so because, rancour and conflict invested respect the other person’s view is a prerequisite to
atmosphere are not usually safe for expressing genuine love compromising.
and affection towards one another. Solving solvable conflicts: Gottman found two types of
On the whole, whatever may be the cause for ailing problems that occur in marriage: Perpetual and Solvable.
marriages, or making marriages to becoming a mirage, Perpetual problems include spouses differing on whether to
couples should learn to build intimate relationships, there have children and one spouse wanting sex far more
should be high sense of commitment, respect, transparency, frequently than the other. Solvable problems include not
forgiveness, forbearing, sensitivity, open communication, helping each other reduce daily stresses and not being
and lots more. Whenever any conflict arises, couple should verbally affectionate. Unfortunately, more than two thirds of
always strive to resolve it and not diffuse amongst marital problems fall into this category.
themselves and except absolutely necessary, should the Overcoming Gridlock: In this case, one partner wants the
opinion of third party be sought. other to attend church, while the other remains an atheist.
 Sociology and Anthropology 2(1): 7-14, 2014 13

One partner is homebound; the other goes out and socializes [2] American Psychological Association (2010). “Resolution on
a lot. Such problems often produce gridlock. Gottman sexual orientation and marriage”. New York, Irrington.
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problem, but to move from gridlock to dialogue and be marriage work”. Dubuque IA, Brown.
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[4] Ahrons, C. (1995). The Good Divorce Keeping your family ...
Creating shared meaning: The more partners can speak when your Marriage comes Apart. Journal of Marriage, Vol.
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[6] Buss, D. M., & others (1990). International preferences in
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8. Summary and Conclusions Cultural Psychology, 21-27.
[7] Blanchi, S.M., & Spani, D. (1986). American women in
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spouses to be their lover, friend, confident, counsellor, career [8] Esptein, N., & Eidelson, R. J. (1981). Unrealistic beliefs of
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