SHORT COMMUNICATION

Narcissism is not self-love

Sam Vaknin*

Vaknin S. Narcissism is not self-love. J Addict Clin Res 2022;5(6):1-2. narcissistic supply). Thus, to him, a projected image, which provokes these
reactions in others, is both "loveable and loved". It also feels like self-love.
ABSTRACT
Keywords: Narcissist; Admiration; Projected image; Interchangeable;
To a narcissist, love is interchangeable with other emotions, such as awe, Provokes
respect, admiration, attention, or even being feared (collectively known as

INTRODUCTON There are two differences between healthy self-love and pathological
narcissism: (a) in the ability to tell reality from fantasy, and (b) in the ability
“He/she is a narcissist”. How often have you heard this diatribe? More and
to empathize and, indeed, to fully and maturely love others. As we said, the
more frequently recently. But, ask most people what “narcissism” means and
narcissist does not love himself. It is because he has very little true self to
they will equate it with unbridled self-love. Nothing can be further from the
love. Instead, a monstrous, malignant construct the false self-encroaches
truth [1-3].
upon his true self and devours it.
According to the legend of narcissus, this Greek boy fell in love with his
The narcissist loves an image which he projects onto others who reflect it to
own reflection in a pond. In a way, this amply sums up the nature of his
the narcissist (the false self). This process reassures the narcissist of both the
namesakes: narcissists. Narcissus is not in love with himself. He is in love
objective existence of his false self and of the boundaries of his ego. It blurs
with his reflection.
all distinctions between reality and fantasy.
There is a major difference between one's true self and reflected self.
The false self leads to false assumptions and to a contorted personal
Loving your true self is healthy, adaptive, and functional. narrative, to a false worldview, and to a grandiose, inflated sense of being.
The latter is rarely grounded in real achievements or merit. The narcissist's
Loving your reflection (the impressions you leave on other people) has two
feeling of entitlement is all pervasive, demanding and aggressive. It easily
major drawbacks:
deteriorates into open verbal, psychological and physical abuse of others.
• One depends on the existence and availability of the reflection to
Maintaining a distinction between what we really are and what we dream of
produce the emotion of self-love; and
becoming, knowing our limits, our advantages and faults and having a sense
• The absence of a "compass", an "objective and realistic yardstick", by of true, realistic accomplishments in our life are of paramount importance
which to judge the authenticity of the reflection. In other words, it is in the establishment and maintenance of our self-esteem, sense of self-worth
impossible to tell whether the reflection is true to reality and, if so, to and self-confidence.
what extent.
Reliant as he is on outside judgement, the narcissist feels miserably inferior
He who loves only impressions and reflections is incapable of loving people, and dependent. He rebels against this degrading state of things by escaping
himself included. into a world of make belief, daydreaming, pretensions and delusions of
But the narcissist does possess the in bred desire to love and to be loved. If grandeur. The narcissist knows little about himself and finds what he knows
he cannot love himself he must love his reflection. But to love his reflection to be unacceptable.
it must be loveable. Thus, driven by the insatiable urge to love (which we all Our experience of what it is like to be human our very humanness depends
possess), the narcissist is preoccupied with projecting a loveable image, albeit largely on our self-knowledge and on our experience of our selves. In other
compatible with his self-image (the way he "sees" himself) [4,5]. words: only through being himself and through experiencing his self can a
human being fully appreciate the humanness of others.
DESCRIPTION
The narcissist has precious little experience of his self. Instead, he lives in an
To a narcissist, love is interchangeable with other emotions, such as awe, invented world, of his own design, where he is a fictitious figure in a
respect, admiration, attention, or even being feared (collectively known as grandiose script. He, therefore, possesses no tools to enable him to cope
narcissistic supply). Thus, to him, a projected image, which provokes these with other human beings, share their emotions, put himself in their place
reactions in others, is both "loveable and loved". It also feels like self-love (empathize) and, of course, love them the most demanding task of inter
[6-8]. relating.
The more successful this projected image (or series of successive images) is The narcissist just does not know what it means to be human. He is a
in generating Narcissistic Supply (NS) the more the narcissist becomes predator, rapaciously preying on others for the satisfaction of his narcissistic
divorced from his True Self and married to the image. cravings and appetites for admiration, adoration, applause, affirmation and
I am not saying that the narcissist does not have a central nucleus of a "self". attention. Humans are narcissistic supply sources and are (over or de)
All I am saying is that he prefers his image with which he identifies valued according to their contributions to this end.
unreservedly to his true self. The true self becomes serf to the image,
paralysed and subordinate.

Department of Psychology, Southern Federal University, Rostov-on-Don, Russia

Correspondence: Sam Vaknin, Department of Psychology, Southern Federal University, Rostov-on-Don, Russia; E-mail: samvaknin@gmail.com
Received: June 29, 2022, Manuscript No. PULJACR-22-5117; Editor assigned: July 01, 2022, PreQC No. PULJACR-22-5117 (QC); Reviewed: July 15,
2022, QC No. PULJACR-22-5117; Revised: September 05, 2022, Manuscript No. PULJACR-22-5117 (R); Published: September 13, 2022, DOI: 10.37532/
PULJACR. 2022.5(6).1-2.

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J Addict Clin Res Vol.5 No.6 2022 1

 Journal of Addiction and Clinical Research

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Self-love is a precondition for the experience and expression of mature love.
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