Scribd
Upload
5 views3 pages

IELTS Writing 20220803

The document provides feedback on two essays discussing the accessibility of university education and the necessity of full-time education for children under 18. The reviewer notes issues with cohesion and idea development in the essays, suggesting that while free university education has merits, governments are not obligated to cover tuition fees due to budgetary constraints and market saturation. Additionally, the reviewer argues against compulsory full-time education for minors, citing potential negative impacts on society and individual development.

Uploaded by

phuongnguyen.31231023823
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
5 views3 pages

IELTS Writing 20220803

The document provides feedback on two essays discussing the accessibility of university education and the necessity of full-time education for children under 18. The reviewer notes issues with cohesion and idea development in the essays, suggesting that while free university education has merits, governments are not obligated to cover tuition fees due to budgetary constraints and market saturation. Additionally, the reviewer argues against compulsory full-time education for minors, citing potential negative impacts on society and individual development.

Uploaded by

phuongnguyen.31231023823
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
You are on page 1/ 3

[General comment:

The general opinions given in your opening and ending paragraph are clear but you seem to
have difficulties in developing your ideas in the body paragraphs, and this would damage the
cohesion aspect of the essay. Both essays will fall somewhere in band 6.

Be careful when using words and discussing your ideas. Your statement should be
consistent throughout the essay. I don’t check spelling and grammar, so please double
check if necessary.

Side note: You can write more than 300 words in the real test if necessary and so long as
your ideas are well supported, just be aware of your time limit.]

Some people believe that everyone has the right to have access to university
education and governments should make it free for all students no matter what
financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

[As the tuition fee has been escalated in recent decades,] it is widely believed that the
government should cover all the fees for higher education to ensure that all students can
apply for university programs. Although students should be given access to enroll in higher
education, I disagree that authorities should not be responsible for the student's tuition fee.

It is understandable why some people subscribe to the view that university should be freely
imparted to everyone. To begin with, a good education can act as a precursor to a
successful career and comprehensive development . [Ý phụ 1] Hence, fFor underprivileged
families who want their children to have a better life thanks to education, waiving tuition
fees would be a real blessing since they would now be able to afford their kids to study
at prestigious universities [=> để thoát nghèo (thêm ý)]. [Ý phụ 2] Promoted by a free-
college policy, the country will have experts in several particular fields of study to help
improve the well-being of the state in different aspects.

Despite the aforementioned benefits, I contend that authorities are under no obligation to
cover the tuition fee. As If students born in both poor and rich families have an equal chance
of augmenting their future earnings, this can be attributed to a saturated job market since
there is a large influx of students with similar degrees and experience levels. Take China as
a typical example where the Ministry of Education expressed concerns over the large
number of unemployed postgraduates since the employment rates have dropped
significantly during the pandemic.

[Đoạn này nên xem lại. Topic sentence (và cả mở bài, kết bài đang nhấn rất mạnh) là
governments k có nghĩa vụ cover tuition fee. Câu đầu nói về việc mọi người đều
access to free higher education => nhiều người có bằng cấp và kinh nghiệm tương tự
=> bão hòa thị trường; ví dụ là thị trường TQ có lượng sv ra trường thất nghiệp lớn vì
cơ hội việc làm giảm do covid (?). Vd này k chứng minh được luận điểm trước đó về
bão hòa thị trường và có vẻ xa đề. Chị cũng chưa thấy được rõ tại sao government lại k
có nghĩa vụ?
Nếu theo hướng phản đối như trên, em cần ý đủ mạnh. Em cũng có thể tham khảo
hướng: việc miễn học phí cao học có vẻ tốt (như đoạn đầu) nhưng không khả thi vì tạo
ra gánh nặng ngân sách. Vd: (1) nếu miễn học phí thì các trường sẽ k có nguồn thu =>
governments phải cover nhiều chi phí khác nhau như electricity, water, construction,
facilities, salary for teachers, etc. (2) thiếu ngân sách cho các vấn đề cấp bách hơn như
y tế, ô nhiễm môi trường, xung đột vũ trang ở 1 số nước …]

In conclusion, while the potential merits of free-college policy can lead to a more educated
workforce, I strongly believe that authorities should not be responsible to cover all the
tuition fee as this can engender some valid concerns towards society.
(271 words)
Some people think that children under 18 years old should receive full-
time education.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As education is fundamental to the country's development, many individuals claimed that a full-
time curriculum should be provided to youngsters in the age group of under 18. Although
pursuing a full time education can be beneficial to children’s future career prospects, I contend
that this thinking would have an adverse bearing on both students and society.

It is understandable why some people subscribe to the view that children under 18 should be
equipped with full-time study. Proponents of this view may argue that this practice will act as a
method for tantrums and disobedience among children. Having chances to take part in well-
organized and disciplined activities will be such beneficial experiences for kids under 18 as
this can form a foundation for their future orientation. As a result, this can create an
educated workforce and helps societies to achieve sustainable development.

However, while receiving full-time education will open up numerous opportunities


in many fields of life, I maintain that there are many reasons against providing under 18
teenagers with compulsory full time education. To begin with, in remote areas, particularly in
developing nations where it is impossible for young learners to access full time education
due to their budgetary limitations. This leads to an imbalanced gap between the rich and the
poor and the kids with poorer financial backgrounds may develop a complex about their
lower status and cannot integrate into society. Secondly, under 18 years old students who
have hectic schedules at school were at higher risk of succumbing to temptations such as
alcohol or drugs. Therefore, these people will be more likely to commit offenses which cause
a damaging effect on society.

To conclude with, despite numerous benefits that this trend delivers, I am of the opinion that
young learners should not be equipped with a full time curriculum due to its detrimental
effects on children’s overall development.
(310 words)

You might also like

pFad - Phonifier reborn

Pfad - The Proxy pFad of © 2024 Garber Painting. All rights reserved.

Note: This service is not intended for secure transactions such as banking, social media, email, or purchasing. Use at your own risk. We assume no liability whatsoever for broken pages.


Alternative Proxies:

Alternative Proxy

pFad Proxy

pFad v3 Proxy

pFad v4 Proxy