How to Be a More Independent Person

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Learn to be self-sufficient & take charge of your future

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and Marcus Pruitt, BS

Last Updated: February 15, 2025 Fact Checked

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• Being Independent
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• Benefits of Independence
|
• Defining Independence
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• Independence vs. Codependency
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• FAQ
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• Expert Q&A
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• Tips

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Being independent is an important skill that will help you feel confident as you navigate life's ups and downs. Being more independent doesn't mean struggling alone, though! It simply means learning to trust yourself, take the lead in your own life, and make choices that benefit you. In this article, we're sharing the best ways to be more independent with the help of life coaches, financial advisors, and other experts.

Effective Ways to Become More Independent

1. Develop communication skills.
2. Learn how to set boundaries with others.
3. Develop solid friendships and maintain them.
4. Take control of your finances and save your money.
5. Find something you’re passionate about and pursue it.
6. Get comfortable being alone.
7. Explore career paths and choose one that makes you happy.

Steps

Section 1 of 5:

25 Ways to Be More Independent

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1. 1
   Develop effective communication skills. Effective communication skills can help you express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly. They can also help avoid misunderstandings and build strong relationships, which are another hallmark of independence. Improve your communication skills by actively listening to others, thinking about what you say before you say it, and being brief, yet specific.
2. 2
   Learn how to set boundaries. Saying no and setting clear boundaries can help you maintain your sense of self and keep others from taking your time and energy away from you. It isn’t rude. It’s a form of self-respect that’s crucial for becoming more independent, as it can help give you control over your life. Start small when setting boundaries, like leaving a hangout when you no longer want to be there.
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3. 
   3
   Build self-confidence by accepting your strengths and weaknesses. To be independent, you must be able to celebrate your strengths and accept your weaknesses for what they are. Love yourself for who you are, rather than trying to be someone you’re not. By doing so, you'll encourage self-esteem within yourself and become confident in your decisions.

   • Accept your body, your personality, your opinions, your choices and your life story. Don’t say things against yourself. Be yourself and make an effort to be a better you.
   • Try to learn from your mistakes and put them behind you.
   • Avoid idolizing any friends or acquaintances in your social circle. This will only make you even more likely to forget about doing your own thing. You will also be more aware of yourself, which can help boost your confidence and self-assuredness.
4. 
   4
   Maintain solid friendships. You don't have to throw away your friends to be independent. In fact, your independence is reinforced with good friends. When your friend needs someone to talk to, be there for them. Be trustworthy. Do not gossip or tell anyone about your friends' secrets or personal matters, even if they didn't say anything about keeping quiet. Be a strong person for your friends and loved ones.

   • It not only shows you're selfless, but pretty soon you'll learn how to deal with any situation that comes your way because of your friends' experiences.
   • As you work to build more fulfilling relationships, MFT Moshe Ratson suggests changing your perception to believe everyone is a social human being who wants to be loved and love others, both platonically and romantically.
   • Ratson says when you’re seeking fulfilling relationships, look for people who share common interests and hang out with them. Don’t be intimidated to ask them to go out for coffee or a drink.
5. 
   5
   Get used to doing things alone. Doing something alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. In fact, it’s a strong sign of independence. Instead of driving with someone to a restaurant, meet them there. Go shopping alone, and spend at least one or two evenings a week by yourself. Find hobbies and activities that you’re comfortable doing alone to help build independence.

   • Don't wait around for a friend to be available to try that new restaurant in your town or to see that new movie at the theatre. Treat yourself and go it alone.
   • It's all in the attitude. If you look and feel like you're really comfortable doing these things on your own, then no one will think twice.
   • If you're used to always having a buddy when you go hiking or go to the mall, see how it feels to do it on your own.
6. 
   6
   Take care of your own finances. It may be tempting to depend on others financially, but before you experience independence, you must be independent. Secure your finances. Balance your budget and take note of how much money you’re spending per week. Get a job, open your own bank account, pay your own bills, drive your own car and pay for your rent.

   • If you don't have the money for these expenses, save aggressively. Not only will you gain financial freedom with your savings, but the money you keep to yourself will give you an incredible feeling of independence and motivation.
   • Most banks offer joint checking and savings accounts. Many organizations require you to have a checking account.
   • Having your own bank account will keep you from depending on others from money and help curb reckless spending.
7. 
   7
   Find your passion. Pursue something you are devoted to, whether it is a sport, girlfriend/boyfriend, music, a band, a form of art/dance, religion. Find something to do frequently that takes up some time and boosts your creativity. Finding a passion will make your life feel more meaningful and will make you feel more like you know what you really want out of life.

   • When exploring your passions, life coach Sandra Possing be willing to get honest and curious about the world. Try to take pressure off of yourself and instead create space to tap into a childlike wonder and curiosity.
8. 8
   Identify your dreams and goals. Take inventory with yourself and figure out what your dreams and goals are. If you don’t have any immediate goals, set SMART goals by making your goals specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. For example, if you have a dream to own a pastry shop, make it a goal to learn how to bake tasty pastries within three months.

   • By having specific goals and solid plans to achieve them, you may find it easier to be independent.
   • Life coach Sydney Axelrod says to get clear about what you actually want from your goals and know why you want to achieve that goal.
9. 
   9
   Explore different career paths. Experiment with different careers and find the one that you enjoy most. If money makes you happy, be an investment banker or start a small business. If you like kids, be a teacher. If you enjoy talking to people, be a salesperson or go into the services industry. If knowing how things work is more your game, try engineering, or Psychology and sociology.

   • The majority of students end up in careers unrelated to their major. Some people do not get far in formal education and end up millionaires. Working in a career that you enjoy is a part of becoming a mature person.
   • Career coach Devin Jones says a career counselor can help identify your strengths, what you bring to the table, and help you articulate those things, which are important practical skills.
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    10
    Save money. Save as much as reasonably possible. Create an emergency fund for life’s unpredictable moments. Improve the quality of your life by putting aside a set amount of money each month. Accidents, health problems, or even natural disasters can occur when you least expect it. Besides, saving money helps set you up for retirement and pay for education.

    • You may not think that you have the capacity to save money, but even doing small things, like making your own coffee instead of going to Starbucks once a day, can save you over $30 a week -- that's over $1,500 a year!
    • To save money while living paycheck to paycheck, financial advisor Jonathan DeYoe says to start small and save when you can. Look for ways to reduce expenses or focus on increasing income through side gigs or other jobs.
    • Financial advisor Ara Oghoorian says to pay yourself first. Whenever you get paid, take a percentage of it and put it into savings.
    • Financial advisor Benjamin Packard suggests having three to six months of expenses in your savings account.
11. 
    11
    Work hard, defend your opinions, and don't settle. Don’t settle for anything. If you don’t like something, let others know why rather than settling. Work hard at everything you do by holding yourself to a schedule and consistently putting in as much effort as you can. Defend your opinions. Don't let someone feel like they have to pamper you. If you're capable of doing something good, do it.

    • That doesn't mean do absolutely everything, but you shouldn't feel like it's necessary for people to do things for you that you could do for yourself.
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    12
    Be willing to ask for help when you need it. You don't have to be stubborn to be independent. If you find that you’re struggling with an activity or situation in life and you can’t get through it alone, reach out to a trusted friend or loved one to see if they can help you out. Likewise, if you have a need that isn’t getting met, express that.

    • If they’re able to help, thank them by giving them a sincere "thank you," writing a card, or giving them a big hug if they’re a close friend.
    • There's nothing wrong in admitting that you do need help sometimes and it won't make you any less independent to acknowledge the times when you need help.
    • Asking for help can help you develop stronger relationships with others by making them feel needed and valued.
13. 
    13
    Plan your day around you. People who are dependent on others often allow their worlds to revolve around the needs of other people or other things. Plan your day according to your own schedule--make a list of what you want to do, what you need to do and what you should have already done. If a friend really needs a favor, it’s okay to help but don't let them dominate your plans.

    • Guard your alone time carefully and don't let anyone stop you from spending time with yourself.
14. 
    14
    Dump the bad influences in your life. Break friendships that don’t positively influence you. Even if those friends are "totally cool," they may only hold you back from breaking out on your own. Some people help you shine, while others can stunt your growth and draw all your energy. If you have a friend who is trying to make you do things that make you uncomfortable, it's time to cut the cord.

    • Avoid any friends who really like building a following and having people worship them. These people may want you to only do what they say and can keep you from being independent.
    • To end a toxic friendship, licensed marriage and family therapist Jin S. Kim says to have a closure discussion with your toxic friend or express how you feel about the friendship before determining whether the relationship will end.
15. 
    15
    Spend time around people with different worldviews. Hanging out with people who are just like you may be counterintuitive when it comes to inspiring you to be more independent. Making an effort to be friends with a variety of people who all have different perspectives and occupations can expand your worldview. It can be a simple chat over coffee or food, but spend time with people who have different worldviews.

    • It can be refreshing to hang out with a lawyer if you're a yoga instructor or to spend time with a chef if you're a student. This can make you more open-minded and more willing to do something completely new on your own.
16. 
    16
    Learn to drive or navigate public transportation. Learning to drive or get around on your home can bring you one step closer to independence. Instead of depending on friends, family, or loved ones to get around, learn how to get around on your own. If you live in the suburbs and need a car to get around, take life by the horns and get a driver's license, and then work up to having your own car.

    • If you're in a big city learn how the subway, bus system, or train system works. Get familiar with the routes and transit times and use GPS if you get lost.
    • Depending on other people to get around can make it harder to leave home or cause you to wait around for other people to determine your fate. You should be able to do whatever you want to do -- whenever you want.
    • Driver Instructor Jacqueline Regev says to prepare for your written driving test, take practice tests and familiarize yourself with the key context that will be covered in the test.
    • Regev also says to have at least 50 hours of practice behind the wheel before taking your driver’s test, which is required by law in many states.
17. 
    17
    Do your own research and stay informed. Maybe you always call your dad for help with finances, or you have a friend who’s your go-to person whenever you run into trouble. These people are important, but to become independent, it’s good to make a habit of doing your own research. Watch and read the news, research topics you care about, and get your information from various sources.

    • It's great to have people to turn to, but the next time you pick up your phone, ask yourself: "Can I figure out this information on my own?" The answer will most likely be yes. Sure, it will take longer, but think about how much more rewarding it will feel.
    • Make it a goal to read as much as possible, whether you're reading literature or The New York Times. Being well-informed can keep you from being a follower and lead to more independent thought.
    • Follow the news as often as you can and always have a goal of getting both sides of every story before forming an opinion.
    • You can talk to people of different backgrounds to get more information on a relevant topic, too, but avoid letting other people tell you what to think.
18. 
    18
    Learn to be handy around the house. Are you tired of calling a plumber, repairman, painter, or even a trusted friend every time there's something wrong with your house? Learn to be more handy by watching useful videos, reading wikiHow, or reading Popular Mechanics. If you have a good friend who is a carpenter, ask for some carpentry lessons.

    • Learning how to fix up your own space can save money, as you won’t have to pay and wait around for others.
    • Learning how to quickly unclog a toilet is much better than waiting for somebody else to get to it.
19. 
    19
    Cook for yourself. Learn how to cook for yourself so you don’t have to rely on other people or places. You don't have to be a master chef to feel like you understand the basics of cooking: how to sauté basic foods, how to use your oven, and how to cook simple dishes like pasta, potatoes, and salad.

    • Knowing that you can go to the supermarket or farmer's market, pick up a few key ingredients, and whip together a delicious meal can make you feel like you are capable of doing anything on your own.
    • If you become a great cook, you can even invite other people over to enjoy the benefits of your skills.
    • Not only will learning to cook for yourself make you more independent, but it will help you save lots of money, which is another key to your independence.
20. 
    20
    Learn how to navigate without relying on GPS. Sure, GPS can help you get from one place to another. But what happens if your GPS suddenly malfunctions or your phone runs out of battery? Before you go anywhere, make a mental map of where you have to go and print out physical directions to follow if you can. Or learn the route so you know exactly where you're going and feel less dependent on a device.

    • If you're taking a long trip, then sure, the GPS can be useful. But make sure that you have a strong sense of where you're going regardless, so you don't feel completely clueless.
21. 
    21
    Take responsibility for your emotions. Chances are, you depend on many people for emotional support. It may be your parents, a significant other, or good close friends. Although you could depend on these people for the rest of your life, it’s best to realize that everyone in your life that you depend on will one day no longer be around. Instead of emotionally leaning on them, learn how to be emotionally independent.

    • Show up for yourself, pat your own back, and avoid depending on other people for happiness. The only person that will always be with you is you. If you depend on yourself for support, you won't be let down.
    • It's okay to get attached to a few key people in your life, but you cannot let these people determine your level of happiness. That's up to you.
    • If you want to achieve a career goal, it should be to please yourself, not to please your family. If you want to get amazing grades, then the same thing is true.
    • Don't be motivated to lose weight, publish a book, or build a house just to impress others. Do it because you want to drive yourself to succeed. Do it for yourself.
22. 
    22
    Stop caring about what other people think. This is one of the most important things about being independent. If you depend on others to tell you if your music is cool, or if your outfit is cute, you may end up constantly seeking validation from others. As long as you like it - nothing else matters! These are your decisions, and not anyone else's.

    • Life coach Rahti Gorfien says to stop worrying about other people's judgments about your life, whether they are thinking about your clothes, your choice of career, or your choice of significant other.
    • If you always have the nagging thought, "But what will other people think if..." in the back of your head, you'll always hold yourself back from doing your own thing.
23. 
    23
    Accept the world for what it is. Independent people typically aren’t vain, nor do they believe everyone is cruel. Independent people see the world, with its good and its bad, and consciously choose to be strong for themselves and others. Not trusting in others and seeing yourself as higher than than may not be the best one to attain independence. Instead, learn to accept the world and try to be strong in spite of its problems.

    • Accepting the world and all of its complications will also help you see that there are an infinite number of ways to live out there -- nobody is forcing you to conform to one of them.
    • You may be treated badly for all sorts of unfair things, including your skin color, intelligence, height, weight, opinions, and gender. It’s important to try to be happy in spite of that.
    • Don't let the unfairness of the world keep you from doing what you want to do. Want to be a male nurse? A woman in the military? The first person in your family to graduate from college? Go for it!
24. 
    24
    Take your independence journey slowly. Rome wasn't built in a day, and no one is completely independent. Take a deep breath and slow down. You may feel pressured to act your age or improve your life through independence, but you don’t have to worry. Growth and independence take time. This isn't a hard-and-fast guide that you must stick to. If you don't want to do something, don’t do it.
25. 
    25
    Believe in yourself and stay motivated. Your thoughts and opinions may not always line up with everyone else’s. As you become independent, it’s important to stand by them, regardless. Speak up for yourself, plan well, encourage yourself to make progress towards your goals, do what you think is right, and be willing to trust your own decisions -- even if they go against the expectations of others

    • If you don't have faith in yourself, you will tend to second guess yourself and turn to others for help every time you have to make a decision.
    • Motivation and success are functions of habit. Stay consistent and you can become habitually successful in whatever it is you’re consistent in.
    • Everyone is different and has something unique to say. Don’t fall for the trap of thinking you or your opinions don’t matter.
    • The most successful people in the world have a series of small and large victories underpinning their self-esteem.
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Section 2 of 5:

Benefits of Being Independent

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1. 1
   It boosts confidence and self-esteem. Independence has been shown to boost confidence and self-esteem, as it lets you figure things out for yourself. As you come to make your own decisions and rely on yourself, you often become more confident in those decisions and see an improvement in your self-esteem.
2. 2
   It teaches financial responsibility. When you become independent, you become responsible for your finances. This responsibility teaches you how to budget, shows you where you need to spend your money, shows you the importance of saving for the future, and teaches you how to avoid debt traps and live within your means. Independence not only gives you the freedom to live your life, it also teaches you the responsibility that comes with that.
3. 3
   It improves decision-making. By becoming independent, you become the master of all of your decisions. Independence teaches you how to properly weigh pros and cons, how to trust your gut feeling and intuition and accept responsibility for your actions, whether they’re good or bad. When you become independent, you must trust yourself. Once you trust yourself, you will be able to make sound decisions that align with your goals and values.
4. 4
   It helps you prioritize yourself. When you’re independent, you’re responsible for yourself and your actions. This helps make sure you prioritize yourself by setting clear, achievable goals that align with your values. Independence also encourages you to practice self care, as nobody else is usually doing it for you.
5. 5
   It allows you to help others. You know the saying, you can’t help others until you help yourself. This applies to independence, too. Once you become independent and are comfortable taking care of yourself, you will often have the capacity to help others, as well. Whether it’s paying for dinner, giving a friend advice or teaching someone about something, independence allows you to give back to others.
6. 6
   It empowers you to chase your dreams. As you become more independent, you will embark on career journeys, personal journeys, and be able to develop your goals in a way that aligns with your values. This can give you the freedom to pursue your dreams as you see fit, ready to tackle any challenges that come along the way.
7. 7
   It reduces stress and encourages happiness. Independence lets you live your life the way that you want to. You can have guests over when you like and do things on your own terms, which can reduce any stress that may have been inflicted upon you by parents, partners, roommates, or other people. As you develop a sense of independence, you no longer have to live up to their expectations or rely on them to meet your needs, which can encourage happiness.
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Section 3 of 5:

What does it mean to be independent?

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1. To be independent means to rely on yourself and be fully self-sufficient. An independent person is able to support themselves, support their needs and solve their own problems. They’re able to pay for their own resources, like food and housing. They think for themselves, but they aren’t afraid to ask for help when they need it. Being independent shows that you’ve grown and developed as a person.

Section 4 of 5:

Independence vs. Codependency

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1. Independence involves being self-reliant, codependency involves relying on others. People who are codependent tend to rely on others to solve their problems and have problems with boundaries. While independent people tend to be emotionally independent, codependent people may have a hard time handling stressful moments and emotions without the support of other people.

   • Extreme independence and extreme codependency both have their drawbacks. Extreme independence can lead to prolonged isolation, while extreme codependence can lead to an overreliance on others, both of which are unhealthy.
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Section 5 of 5:

Frequently Asked Questions

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1. 1
   Why do I struggle to be independent? You may be struggling with independence because of anxiety. You may fear other people’s thoughts and opinions about you or your interests. You may also have a hard time making decisions or taking responsibility for your actions and the choices you make in your life.
2. 2
   At what age are you fully independent? Everyone reaches financial, physical and mental independence at different ages, but the typical age of financial independence is between 20 and 23 years old. Cell phone bills, credit cards and car payments are typically expected to be paid as you enter your 20s, but health insurance and student loans aren’t usually expected to be paid until you’re 23 and up.
3. 3
   How can I be independent in a relationship? Avoid becoming your partner or expecting them to fulfill everything. Continue to pursue hobbies, hang out with friends and family and have a life outside of your partner. Push each other to discover new things and grow together. Hold space for each other to be independent, too. Don’t expect them to always want to hang out, and speak up if they’re taking up too much of your time.
4. 4
   What does it mean to be too independent? Being too independent means a reluctance to reach out to others, even when you’re in need of help. You may be too independent if you build emotional walls between yourself and your loved ones or prioritize alone time over shared experiences. You may also neglect collaborating with others, even when it seems to be beneficial.
5. 5
   What is toxic independence? Toxic independence is an extreme form of independence that often causes you to rely on other people to an unhealthy degree. Like being too independent, toxic independence can show up as a refusal to accept help or acknowledge limitations. It can lead to stress, burnout, and isolation and may cause you to miss out on forming meaningful relationships.
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Expert Q&A

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• Question

  What is an independent person like?

  

  Rahti Gorfien, PCC
  Life Coach

  Rahti Gorfien is a Life Coach and the Founder of Creative Calling Coaching, LLC. She specializes in working with artists, entrepreneurs, and college students in creative fields. Rahti is accredited as a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) by the International Coach Federation, an ACCG Accredited ADHD Coach by the ADD Coach Academy, and a Career Specialty Services Provider (CSS). In addition, she has personal experience in the fields she coaches - she is an alumnus of the New York University Graduate Acting program and has been a working theater artist for over 30 years. She was voted one of the 15 Best Life Coaches in New York City by Expertise in 2018.

  

  Rahti Gorfien, PCC

  Life Coach

  Expert Answer

  An independent person doesn't mind what other people think or say about them. They also won't feel the need to change who they are just to be liked by another person.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

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  Not Helpful 5 Helpful 40
• Question

  How do I stop acting the way people expect me to?

  

  Community Answer

  Maybe it's time for a vacation, or at least time away from the friends who make you act a certain way. Spend some time treating yourself to a solo activity and thinking about what kind of person you want to be. Before returning to familiar social situations, write down what you're going to say or do to turn over a new leaf.

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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• Question

  How can I be independent while I'm financially dependent on others?

  

  Community Answer

  It may help to talk to the person who supports you financially, and figure out exactly what that means. Can you put yourself on equal footing by working in return, or promising future repayment? If you hate having to ask for money all the time, could you set up an automatic payment or access to a shared account?

  Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
  Thank you for your feedback.
  If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow

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• Finding a mentor who can guide you through different stages of life can help you on your journey to independence,
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