Friday, January 6, 2012
People Most Likely To Die In 2012, According To A Death Pool
Once again: For this particular annual death pool (now in its fourth year!), points are awarded for each “correctly” chosen person at a rate of 100 minus age at death. This may account for some skewing youthward. There were 31 entries this year.
Last year, the pool correctly predicted the deaths of Kim Jong-il (13 lists), Elizabeth Taylor (13 lists), Amy Winehouse (10 lists), Steve Jobs (6 lists), Christopher Hitchens (5 lists) and Gerry Rafferty (4 lists). It was wrong in the cases of Michael Douglas (37 lists), Aretha Franklin (32 lists), Lindsay Lohan (17 lists) and a whole bunch more. So then, who will “mark” this year?
Bill Jankow: 3 lists
Bob Barker: 3 lists
Ethan Zohn: 3 lists
Fidel Castro: 3 lists
Gary Carter: 3 lists
Michael Lohan: 3 lists READ MORE
Superstition: The Right Way
Haven’t scrawled out your resolutions yet? It might be time to pick up the good book. The Cassell Dictionary of Superstitions (1996), by David Pickering, I mean — it's full of ideas to help you become the person you want to be in 2012. Auld lange syne.
1. Looking for a better love life?
Dumb Cake – In the British Isles, a special cake that is prepared in complete silence so that it may be used for the purposes of divination. The ingredients of flour, water, eggs, and salt are mixed by one or more persons and then placed on the hearthstone, the upper surface of the cake being pricked with the initials of one of those present. If all is done correctly and in complete silence, the future partner of the person concerned will appear and similarly prick his or her own initials on the cake. Variants of the tradition suggest that it may only be performed at midnight on Christmas Eve, Halloween, or other auspicious dates and, further, that portions of the cake must actually be eaten by those wishing to know their future partners. In some regions it is stipulated that the petitioners must walk backwards to their beds after eating the cake, when they will be pursued by apparitions of their lovers-to-be.
2. Did you buy someone a cute handbag for the holidays? READ MORE
NFL Wildcard Weekend Sonnet Picks
Saturday, January 7
At Houston -3 Cincinnati 38.5
The Texans have finally won the South
Mostly because Peyton Manning is out.
And their quarterback is now injured, too.
Leaving their offense completely askew.
Receiver Andre Johnson is healthy.
Running back Arian Foster's stealthy.
But who will be their starting quarterback?
Rookie T. J. Yates will lead the attack.
The Bengals turn to a rookie as well
And Andy Dalton has been pretty swell.
Rookie A.J. Green is a Pro Bowler
But the Bengals play kind of bi-polar.
They tend to be their own worst enemy
And three points just isn't enough for me.
PICK: TEXANS, THE UNDER READ MORE
Do You Suffer From Lapham's Disease?
"The symptoms of this malady, named after the longtime editor of Harper’s, Lewis H. Lapham (now of Lapham’s Quarterly), include an elevated, orotund, deeply ironic prose style that, in severe cases, reveals almost nothing about what the topic is or what the author wishes to say about it except for a general sense of superiority to everyone and everything around."
—Michael Kinsley, who both succeeded and preceded Lewis Lapham as editor of Harper's, explains "Lapham's Disease." The diagnosis does not appear to be new.
How Straight People Buy Cars
"I want to start a family in the next 4ish years. BUT, we aren't engaged (we have been together 5+ years, he knows I want to get married and have a family but he's not ready yet) so it's not like we are going to have kids soon.... My boyfriend is going car shopping with me on Saturday and he has promised to take the back seat as it were and let me make my own decision. I feel like I am being super emotional about this whole thing and I don't want to freak him out by saying BUT WHERE WILL THE BABY GO????? while we are looking at cars. Am I being irrational?"
—Dear straight men: maybe some your fears are well-founded: she really is buying that car because of the baby seat she might maybe need one day. (Except that actually makes her the smart one.) Err, also, dear straight women: don't ever say "we've been together five years but aren't engaged because 'he's not ready yet.'" Eeeeeek. :(
Eat, Pray, Judge: Bean Pie With The Nation Of Islam
I’ve seen them for years. On the way from my old home in West Philadelphia to the airport or the stadiums. Changing subway lines underneath City Hall. In front of the Lowe’s on the way to a past job. I’m talking about the well-dressed representatives of the Nation of Islam, who hawk neatly packaged bean pies (along with copies of the nation’s newspaper The Final Call) to commuters passing through these high-traffic locations. But only recently did it occur to me that I should be sampling their offerings as part of my halting, unsystematic inquiry into foodstuffs inexpensively proffered by various religious organizations. READ MORE
Inside the Almost 100% Successful 1985 'Late Night with David Letterman' Book
Everyone knows that Merrill Markoe just wrote a book called Cool, Calm & Contentious. But did you know she also did a first book? It’s true, because that is how ordinal numbers work, and for the purposes of this, it is Late Night with David Letterman: The Book.
Perhaps you can tell by the cover that this book was published in 1985 (also: there are some Tip O’Neill jokes). But: it captures a lot of what we might now refer to as “Late Night High Ironic” and at the time was referred to as “confusing to anyone not accustomed to constantly adjusting their point of reference”. That the title page includes the actual book title underneath the crossed out title “The Day the Whistling Stopped: The Short, Tragic Life of Harriet Zwindel” might give you some indication of whether this book will be up your alley. READ MORE
"A ram which jumped a fence to breed with more than 30 ewes has become the star attraction of a rural centre in Northamptonshire. Staff at West Lodge Rural Centre in Desborough have delivered 15 lambs fathered by the 11-month-old ram – named Randy – and anticipate 20 more. Randy had been destined for slaughter but his exploits during his 24-hour escape in July have won him a reprieve."
—Randy! | January 6, 2012
A Drynuary Diary: Week One
Jolie Kerr: Bon L’(h)iver, John! I’ve actually been looking forward to this Drynuary! I know, I’m as surprised as you are! But it’s because, unlike last year, I don’t see this month as a desperate attempt to dry out... despite the fact that December basically looked like the picture above, taken by you, at a certain holiday party.
This go-round, my attitude is that this is an opportunity and that feels pretty cool and exciting. When we last chatted, I mentioned that 2011 had started out as a teenaged butthole of a year, and it sort of ended that way too. But! There were some awesome and important things that happened in the middle of the year, and one super strange experience in a labyrinth in Mexico where I’m pretty sure a higher power spoke to me via a wind chime and showed me how to navigate my life path and I’m going to stop now before you have me committed. The point is that I feel all aglow with the promise of the future, I think the month without booze will help me regain some of the clarity I found in that labyrinth. 2012 is going to be my year. And then the world’s going to end. And how are you feeling? READ MORE
"I Hate J. Hoberman"
Here is a hate letter to film critic J. Hoberman on the occasion of his firing from the Village Voice this week. I have zero thoughts on the matter, and many people are very upset about the canning... although I will note that his top ten list of 2011 is... unusual. (J. Edgar is somehow on it! "Mildred Pierce" is tied for tenth! Everyone's least favorite Cronenberg movie of the last 19 years comes in at #1!)
"Key to Pepsi's legal argument is that there's no chance a mouse's corpse could survive, intact, for 15 months swimming in Mountain Dew. While published studies have not been conducted on how rapidly Mountain Dew would dissolve a mouse, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that the neon green soda can eat away teeth and bones in a matter of months, and would likely do quite a number on a rodent." | January 6, 2012
Hahahaha, suck it, moon! Even your supposedly unique minerals can be found right here on earth! What are you good for, moon? Apart from mockery, NOTHING! | January 6, 2012
It's Okay To Like Baby Animal Videos Because Of Your Brain
Why can't we stop watching baby animal videos? BECAUSE THEY'RE ADORABLE, obviously. But also there is some kind of Science involved that I didn't really follow because I was too busy looking at the kitty who was all "WHA?" Anyway, enjoy.
Your Handy Guide to Understanding America's Jobs Situation
Do you want to be able to talk knowledgeably at fancy dinner parties with the ruling class about employment in America? Sure you do! So here are just a few simple graphs from our pals at the St. Louis Fed with a longer view—going back to either 2000 or to the early 90s, depending on data available—that explaining the trending in employment, hiring, unemployment and workforce participation in America. Above: what they call the "U6" number. That's the combined percentage of unemployed and underemployed, essentially. READ MORE
Paolo Conte Is 75
Paolo Conte, the incomparable Italian singer/songwriter, turns 75 today. There are perhaps ten artists whose presence in this world makes my own somehow more bearable to myself, and he is one of them. Happy birthday, Paolo!
