The Kids Are All Right

by
Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
March 2009

Anonymous Donor LLC., Copyright 2009

c/o Antidote Films, Inc.
200 Varick Street, Room 502
New York, NY 10014
FADE UP ON:

The humming stillness of an American suburb on a summers

day: nannies push strollers, joggers jog, mailmen deliver,
dogs are walked, kids shoot hoop in wide open driveways.

A slow moving camera tracks across block after block of

charming, evenly spaced houses on wide, shady streets. Here
it seems reasonableness and order has prevailed against the
forces of entropy and chaos.

This where progressive urbanites have flocked for space and a

more family-friendly lifestyle.

CHYRON: SHERMAN OAKS, CA. - JULY

It is on one of these quiet, tree-lined streets that we pick

up two young athletic-looking boys riding bikes:

LASER ALLGOOD (15)...long floppy hair covering moody eyes and

thoughts and his friend, Clay (15)...bigger, more aggressive.

We follow the young men as they pull up to a more run-down,

less gentrified house with a dead front lawn.

INT. CLAYS HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

They walk inside. The place is decorated in cheap, dated

Levitz furniture. A lack of female presence is palpable.

INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Clay and Laser enter the master bathroom. Clay heads right
for the medicine cabinet, opens it up. They rummage through
the bottles. Clay opens a bottle of Percocet and hands one
to Laser.

LASER
What do these do?

Clay hits Laser in the arm, hard.

LASER (CONTD)
Ow!

CLAY
Make you not feel that.

LASER
(trying to sound tough)
Fuck you, dude.
 2.

CLAY
Dude, quit being a pussy.

Clay pops a pill. Hands one to Laser.

INT. CLAYS HOUSE - TV ROOM - LATER

Laser and Clay wrestle sloppily on the floor while Clays DAD
watches a baseball game on TV. They bump into the couch.
Clays dad looks back, menacing.

CLAYS DAD
Hey, ladies! Take it down a notch.

The boys keep wrestling, dopey from the pills. Again, they
knock into the couch. Clays dad spins around, pissed.

CLAYS DAD (CONTD)

What did I just say?!

Clays Dad grabs Clay, pulls him off of Laser and over the
couch. Clay tries to fight off his dad but slowly we realize
each is having fun rough-housing with the other.

Dad soon manages to get his son in a headlock, forcing the

boys face into his big fat sweaty armpit.

CLAY
Let me go!

CLAYS DAD
Dont do the crime if you cant do
the time.

CLAY
(laughing)
Dad, your pits smell like burnt
ass! Get off me!

As Laser observes this male-bonding between father and son,

we note a trace of longing on his face.

INT. ROOM - DAY

Were tight on a young WOMAN reclining on a worn day-bed, as

a disembodied male voice poses questions.

MALE VOICE
Would you say youre more a)
serious or b) easy going?
 3.

JONI
Serious.

This is JONI ALLGOOD - 18

Hers is an unexploited beauty. Jonis a girl who cares more

about a life of the mind than the cut of her jeans, someone
whos felt the need to ace it from an early age.

MALE VOICE
In making decisions do you feel
more comfortable with a) standards
or b) feelings.

JONI
What if its both?

MALE VOICE
You have to pick one.

JONI
Standards.

MALE VOICE
When the phone rings do you a)
hasten to get it first or b) hope
someone else will answer?

We hear a knock and an attractive INDIAN WOMAN (40s) enters.

Theres nothing traditional about her, shes culturally
American through and through.

INDIAN WOMAN
Jai, are you almost done?

PULL BACK to reveal JAI DOSAJ, 17, Jonis best friend. Jais
preternaturally mature, an old soul in a young body.
His professorial dress, glasses, khakis, white oxford,
underscores this. His seriousness covers up a deep
sensitivity to others. In particular, Joni.

JAI
Mom, please, were right in the
middle of the Myers/Briggs test.

MRS. DOSAJ
Sorry, luvvie. Joni, would you
like to stay for dinner?
 4.

JONI
No, thank you, Mrs. Dosaj. My
moms are having a little shindig
for me tonight.

MRS. DOSAJ
Oh, right! Of course! Its your
birthday! Jais been so excited--

Jai pops up, cuts her off.

JAI
Mom! Ill be right down.

Mrs. Dosaj disappears and Joni gets up to go.

JAI (CONTD)
Wait, just a second!

Jai reaches under his bed and pulls out an impeccably-wrapped

present. He hands it to Joni.

JAI (CONTD)
Here. Happy Birthday.

JONI
Jai, you didnt need to do that!

JAI
I know...
(flushed; softly)
I wanted to.

Joni takes off the wrapping and we see that Jais bought her
a pair of high-end Leica binoculars.

JONI
Oh my god! These are so beautiful.
That was so nice. Thank you.

JAI
For next time.

Joni gives Jai a thank-you hug. As Joni parts we can tell

Jai wishes the hug would last longer.

INT. VOLVO STATION WAGON - DAY

A WOMAN drives in her station wagon. Shes listening to a

Meditation CD by Eckhardt Tolle, The Power of Now guru.
 5.

ECKHARDT TOLLE (ON CD)

If we see our so-called limitations
with clarity, precision,
gentleness, good-heartedness and
kindness and, having seen them
fully, then let go...

This is JULES ALLGOOD (late 40s)

Fair-skinned, attractive and highly sensitive, Jules is one

of those people forgets the boundaries a little too often.

EXT. STREET - LATINO NEIGHBORHOOD - LATER

LUIS RAMIREZ (30s) stands in front of a beat up pick-up

truck covered in AA slogan stickers. He has a thick barrio
accent and eats a snow-cone.

Standing next to him is Jules, anxiously writing a check.

JULES
What about the smog inspection?

LUIS
It passed with colors. I have the
paper.
(then)
You gonna drive this truck?

Jules hands him the check.

JULES
Yeah. Im starting a landscaping
business.

LUIS
(angling for job)
Oh. I do gardening--

JULES
(sensitive)
Its not gardening, its landscape
design!

LUIS
Oh. This your first business?
 6.

JULES
Yeah, its my...well, no, actually
I had business a few years ago
importing Indonesian furniture, but
it didnt work out cause I had
kids and I wasnt totally focused
on it. I mean you have to be
totally focused for a business to
work and its just a better time
for me now, you know what I mean?

Luis takes a bite of his snow cone.

LUIS
Let me know if you need someone.

INT. GYNECOLOGISTS OFFICE - EXAM ROOM - DAY

An OB/GYN, DR NIC(OLE) ALLGOOD (late 40s) gives a PREGNANT

WOMAN an ultrasound. Nics kind of a sexy MD. The crisp
white shirt, the classic tortoise shell-glasses, it all says
driven, focused, detail-obsessed. This almost neurotic put-
togetheredness only makes her sexier.

Both women look at the screen. Nic takes measurements.

NIC
Everythings looking great.

PREGNANT WOMAN
Really? Her heads not too big?

NIC
Nope. Her head looks perfect.

PREGNANT WOMAN
You think it can get through?

NIC
I know it can get through! Listen,
youre gonna do great. Youre at
the beginning of an incredible
journey. And guess what, its
gonna fly by.

PREGNANT WOMAN
Thats what everyone tells me...

NIC
Trust me, its true. My daughters
turning 18 today.
 7.

PREGNANT WOMAN
Congratulations. 18. Wow.

NIC
Wow and Pow! It feels like just
last week she was a little squishy
pink creature I could hold in one
hand...you know?...
(getting vaklempt)
...with that delicious newborn baby
smell and those teeny tiny toes and
that fuzzy little peach butt...

Nic catches herself devolving and snaps back into doctor

mode, starts wiping the goo off the womans belly.

NIC (CONTD)
Okay, go ahead and get dressed.

Nic throws the gooey towel away, quickly heads to the door.

EXT. HOUSE - ESTABLISHING - MAGIC HOUR

A cheerful well-tended, cornflower-blue two story colonial.

Immaculately groomed front lawn. A mail box which reads:
THE ALLGOODS The requisite Volvo station wagon in the
driveway which looks oddly paired with Jules new truck.

CARS pulls up to the house, disgorging TEENAGERS. The kids

bear gifts as they head up to the front door.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - BACKYARD - MAGIC HOUR

The backyard is festooned in birthday party mode. Music

plays. Kids sitting around talking, laughing, eating.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Jules cuts slices from a large chocolate cake. Nic comes

over with a tall glass of red and hugs Jules.

NIC
That cake looks incredible, honey.

JULES
Yeah, I think it came out good.
You wanna taste?
 8.

NIC
No, Im gonna wait. Hey, whose
truck is that in the driveway?

JULES
Its mine.

NIC
Yours?!

JULES
(stiffening)
Can we talk about it later? After
the party?

NIC
(curt)
Sure.
(re: cake)
Smaller pieces, hon.

Nic walks off.

BACK OUTSIDE --

Joni sits with a bunch of friends. Jais there and so is

SASHA, Jonis best girl friend. Saucy, buxom, the yin to
Jonis yang, Sasha stares at a laptop computer, smiling.

SASHA
Oh my God, Joni, there are so many
hotties in your class. You are so
gonna hook up the first week.

JONI
Just cause youre like a 24 hour
drive-thru doesnt mean I have to
be.

This is their running schtick. Joni calls Sasha a tramp.

Sasha calls Joni a prude. They love it.

SASHA
Come on. You worked your ass off.
You got into Stanford. Bust out,
sister! Go get some!
 9.

JAI
You know, Sasha, Freud theorized
that overtly sexual people are
usually compensating for deep
narcissistic injuries.

SASHA
Jai, do you jerk off to the DSMV?!

JAI
Quod erat demonstrandum...

JONI
Guys, come on, knock it off.

SASHA
Whatever. I dont understand why
you guys dont just do it already
and get it over with.

Jai and Joni both look off, mortified. Nic busts into this
tense moment with her glass of red and plum-stained teeth.

NIC
Hey, grown-ups! Everybody having a
good time?

The kids respond positively. Joni notices something.

JONI
Mom...

NIC
Yes, sweetie?

Joni mimes wiping her teeth. Nic starts boozily licking at

her stained teeth, then grabs Joni in a big hug.

NIC (CONTD)
Look at my baby all grown up...

SASHA
I know. Barely legal, right?

Nic gives Sasha a dirty look and walks off.

AT THE EDGE OF THE YARD --

Clay and Laser are kung-fu fighting. Laser kicks at Clay.

Clay grabs his leg and takes him down to the ground. They
land on top of each other.
 10.

Jules watches, concerned. Clay breaks free and stands up.

CLAY
Dude, I gotta drop some friends at
the lake. Back in ten.

Clay walks inside. Jules comes over to Laser.

JULES
Honey, can I ask you something?

LASER
What?

Jules puts her hand on Lasers forearm and starts making

maternal windshield wiper strokes with her thumb.

JULES
What do you get from your
relationship with Clay?

LASER
What do you mean?

JULES
Do you feel like Clays the kind of
person who will help you grow...

LASER
Help me grow?

JULES
I just asking.

Laser looks down at Jules thumb on his arm.

LASER
Mom, youre windshield wiping me
again.

Jules looks down and stops.

JULES
Sorry.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

The partys over. The guests have gone. Joni and Jules are
washing up by the sink. Nic comes over and puts her arms
around Joni.
 11.

NIC
Did your friends have a good time?

JONI
Yeah, they did. Thanks so much.

NIC
Youre so welcome.
(beat)
You know, Im thinking, you should
probably get a jump on your thank-
you notes tonight.

One might expect a teen-ager to eye-roll this kind of

suggestion, but not Joni. Shes a habitual people-pleaser.

JONI
Yeah, thats a good idea.

JULES
Give her a second, honey. The
party just ended.

NIC
Im just saying its just easier to
knock em out when its fresh...

She also moonlights as the family referee.

JONI
(to Jules)
Mom, its fine. I can start them
tonight.

JULES
(to Nic)
Cant you just let her enjoy her
evening?

NIC
Look, if it was up to you, our kids
wouldnt even write thank you
notes, theyd just send out good
vibes.

A typical married couple, Nic and Jules have their menu of

pet-peeves, and weve just witnessed one of them.
 12.

INT. JONIS BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

True to her word, Jonis at her desk cranking out those thank-
you notes. Laser knocks and enters.

LASER
Hey. Happy Birthday.

Laser give Joni a one armed hug and hands her a present. She
opens it and smirks. Its The Complete Joni Mitchell Song-
book.

JONI
Very funny, Laser.

Laser has more business to attend to.

LASER
I was wondering, you know, now that
youre 18...
(beat)
You gonna try to find our donor?

JONI
Laser, I already told you...

LASER
I know. I was just wondering if
you changed your mind.

JONI
No. I havent.

LASER
How can you not even be curious?!

JONI
Sorry, Im just not.
(off his stare)
Look, Im leaving soon, I dont
want to deal with that right now.
(co-dependent leak)
And also, that could really hurt
moms feelings...

LASER
God, why do you worry about them so
much? They dont even have to know
about it!
 13.

JONI
Sorry, Laser, but Im not doing it.
(consolation prize)
You can do it when you turn 18.

Laser stands there, disappointed and fuming.

LASER
I never ask you for anything.

Laser walks out of the room. Joni feels horrible.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - THAT NIGHT

Nic and Jules lay in bed watching TV, unwinding from the day.

NIC
I just dont understand why you
bought the truck now.

JULES
(defensive)
If Im gonna get this business
going then Im gonna need something
to haul my equipment in. Right?

NIC
Okay. It just seems a little
cart before the horse.

JULES
What does that mean?

NIC
Well, you dont even have any
clients yet...

JULES
Well youre the one whos always
telling me to act as if!

NIC
(back peddling)
No, youre right. Im sorry. Its
good you bought the truck.

The women settle back. Nic can tell shes made Jules feel
bad. She caresses her arm, wanting to make it better.
 14.

NIC (CONTD)
(gingerly)
Hey.

Jules doesnt look at Nic. She keeps her eyes on the TV

NIC (CONTD)
Wanna watch a movie?

Jules perks up. Nic immediately regrets her suggestion.

JULES
Really?

NIC
Yeah. We havent done that in a
while.

SECONDS LATER -- NIC AND JULES

are cozied up side-by-side facing the TV.

ANGLE ON - THE TV

The volume is turned low on TWO NAKED MEN lying on a chaise

long. One guy fellating the other. Whatever the reason,
this man-on-man action usually gets Nic and Jules going.

ANGLE ON - THE BED

We now only see Nic. Jules has slipped under the blanket,
and is now between Nics legs. We see Nic trying to get into
it, but having a hard time.

NIC (CONTD)
(squinching)
I dont like the guys in this one.
Theyre too shaved.

JULES
(muffled)
Dont focus on it.

NIC
How about the one with the biker
gang?

JULES
We left it in Hawaii.

Jules wrestles with the blankets. Wants them out of her way.
 15.

NIC
(pulling them back up)
Im cold, honey.

JULES
Sorry. I couldnt breathe.

Jules wrangles the blankets, trying cover her partner. The

transition is awkward and Jules gets caught in the top sheet.

As Nic repositions herself, she leans on the VOLUME CONTROL

BUTTON and suddenly the porn is blasting at full volume.

MAN IN MOVIE
Suck that fat cock mother-fucker...

NIC
Shit!! Wheres the remote?!

MAN IN MOVIE
Im gonna fuck that tight ass!...

Jules and Nic both dive for the remote. Its lost under the
mass of bedding. Nic finally recovers it and hits mute.

NIC
Jesus Christ!

Nic flops back, traumatized.

NIC (CONTD)
The whole neighborhood heard that!

JULES
No, they didnt.

NIC
Well that was a vibe kill.

Jules looks ready to resume.

JULES
Let it go, honey.

NIC
I dont think I can.

Jules comes out of the blankets and flops back on the

pillows. Shes clearly disappointed.
 16.

JULES
Youre the one who wanted to watch
a movie.

NIC
I know. Im sorry.

Nic hits the light and wraps herself tightly around Jules.

NIC (CONTD)
I love you, chicken.

JULES
Love you, too.

Jules lays wide awake wondering: What just happened?

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - HOME OFFICE - LATER THAT NIGHT

Jonis in Nics home office, rummaging through a desk drawer.

She pulls out a FOLDER and studies the cover. We see the
words: California Cryobank: When You Succeed, We Succeed.

Joni opens the file and looks at the documents within.

CLOSE ON a PHOTO of a 4 YEAR-OLD BOY standing in a sandbox

looking straight into a camera with a big, open grin.

MATCH CUT TO:

EXT. FARM - DAY

We see that boy, 35 years later, holding up a funky-shaped

bright yellow TOMATO with that self-same open grin.

This is PAUL HATFIELD, Joni and Lasers biological father.

Dressed in Carhartt work-pants and worn-out vintage T-shirt,

Paul has a strange attractiveness that comes from knowing he
doesnt need to try so hard.

PAUL
Can anyone tell me what this is?

REVERSE ONTO a group of unbearably cute 6 year-old AFRICAN

AMERICAN and LATINO KIDS in matching blue summer program T-
shirts staring blankly at the strange looking fruit.

PAUL (CONTD)
Its a tomato.
 17.

ADORABLE KID
Thats not a tomato!

PAUL
Yes, it is. Its called an
heirloom tomato. But you probably
dont recognize it because youre
used to tomatoes looking like this.

Paul holds up a generic beefsteak tomato.

ADORABLE KID #2
Why dont you grow normal tomatoes
like that?

PAUL
(sincere)
Because we dont want to be normal.
We want everything we grow here to
be unique and exceptional, just
like you are.

The kids are digging Paul. And so is a young crunchy-hot

farm volunteer, BROOKE (19) who watches Pauls talk, rapt.

PAUL (CONTD)
And you know what the coolest part
is? I can take a big basket of
food from the garden and walk right
over there to my restaurant and
serve it to people that same day...

We PULL BACK to reveal were in an URBAN GARDEN in the middle

of Echo Park, Los Angeles. And the garden is in fact
abutting a renovated commercial space which houses...

INT. PAULS RESTAURANT - WYSIWYG - DAY

Paul walks in carrying a basket of produce. The place is

warm and homey and simple: long oak communal tables, pressed-
tin ceiling, plank wood floors, eclectic vintage decor.

Paul approaches TANYA, (30s) the restaurant hostess,

sporting an Eryka Badu super-fro and serious sex appeal.

TANYA
Howd it go?

PAUL
Oh my god. You shouldve come over.
Those were some cute-ass kids.
 18.

TANYA
Yeah? Get you thinking?

PAUL
What? About having kids?

TANYA
Yeah.

PAUL
Definitely...at some point...

TANYA
This century?

PAUL
Ah, Tanya, always a delight.

TANYA
Seth needs to talk to you.

PAUL
Of course he does.

Paul heads for the kitchen as his cell rings. He answers.

PAUL (CONTD)
Hello.

WOMANS VOICE
Hi, is this Paul Hatfield?

PAUL
It is. Whos this?

WOMANS VOICE
My name is Wendy Minter. Im
calling from the California
Cryobank.

PAUL
Okay. What can I do for you?

WENDY (O.S.)
I just need to confirm this is the
same Paul Hatfield who donated
sperm at our facility?

At the mention of the word sperm, Paul goes pale.

PAUL
Yeah...thats me...
 19.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Paul enters. The kitchen is humming with COOKS prepping for

the dinner rush. He looks around for a quiet spot.

WENDY (O.S.)
As you know the Cryobank has a
confidentiality policy which
prohibits us from releasing your
identity without your consent.

A cook, SETH, approaches Paul to speak with him. Paul nods:

Cant talk. Hands him the basket of produce.

PAUL
Uh-huh.

Paul opens the walk-in FREEZER door and steps inside.

INT. WALK-IN FREEZER - SAME

Paul steps inside.

WENDY (O.S.)
Well weve been contacted by a
young woman conceived using your
semen, and shes asked if youd be
open to having contact with her.

Pauls speechless. We can almost hear his heart pounding.

WENDY (O.S.) (CONTD)

Mr. Hatfield?

PAUL
Yeah. Im here...

He exhales, his breath is visible in the freezing locker.

EXT. PAULS HOUSE - ECHO PARK - ESTABLISHING

At the top of a hill, perched on a large weedy lot, sits a

low-slung craftsman from the 20s. In the driveway we see a
car, an old Ford truck and a motorcycle.
 20.

INT. PAULS HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Paul and Tanya, the manager we met earlier, enjoy a hot

sweaty fuck.

INT. PAULS HOUSE - BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

Tanya gets dressed while Paul lays on his messy bed in his
boxers.

TANYA
You must have figured youd get
this call at some point.

PAUL
Not really. I mean, I wasnt
thinking too far into the future.
You know? I was 19. And
truthfully I wasnt sure anyone
would actually use my stuff anyway.

Tanya moves in closer, sexy.

TANYA
(flirty)
Why not? Id use it.

PAUL
(ignoring the innuendo)
God this is so weird.

TANYA
So what are you gonna do?

PAUL
I dont know. A part of me is
totally curious. And I sort of
feel obligated. I mean, she wants
to meet me. Its probably a really
big thing for her, you know?

TANYA
Uh huh. So whats the problem?

PAUL
I dont know. What if shes looking
for some big relationship?
 21.

TANYA
I thought you said you wanted kids
someday.

PAUL
Yeah. My own kids.

EXT. FOREST CLEARING - LEO CARRILLO STATE PARK - DAY

Joni and Jai sit in a small BIRD BLIND making a day of it,
spotting different birds with high-powered Leica binoculars
and checking them off in their Sibleys bird journals.
Theyve brought provisions for the day, thermoses of green
tea and plates of roast chicken and cranberry scones.

JAI
Ash-Throated Flycatcher at my two
oclock.

JONI
Let me see.

JAI
Or is that the Great Crested
Flycatcher? Here. Take a look.

Joni takes the nocs from Jai. Finds the bird.

JONI
Its got a big tuft...

Jai stares at Joni, totally smitten. He leans in and is

about to gently rest his head on her shoulder when she turns
to him. He snaps back up...

JONI (CONTD)
Are you okay?

JAI
Yeah, did you see it?!

Jonis cell phone rings in her bag. Joni digs to find it.

JAI (CONTD)
(re: the loud ringer)
Joni!

JONI
Sorry, I forgot!

She pulls the phone out looks at the incoming number.

 22.

JONI (CONTD)
Whos in 213?

Jai stares at her balefully.

JAI
Just turn it off!

She puts up the just a second finger and quickly exits the
back of the blind, answering...

JONI
Hello?

EXT. PAULS HOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY

Paul anxiously paces his overgrown back-yard on his cell

phone. He picks weeds as he talks. Conversation intercut.

PAUL
Hi, Im looking for Joni Allgood.

JONI
This is she...

PAUL
Hi. This is Paul Hatfield...
(clearing his throat)
Uh, your donor...?

Jonis comes to full attention.

JONI
Oh! Hi...

PAUL
Sorry it took a little bit to call.

JONI
(flustered)
No, its okay...

PAUL
So...
(doesnt know what to say)
How are you?

JONI
Im good. How are you?
 23.

PAUL
Im well, thanks.

Banal, awkward pause. Paul jumps in to fill the void.

PAUL (CONTD)
Yeah, so Wendy at the Cryobank said
you were interested in meeting?

The mention of a meeting snaps Joni back to business. She

remembers shed hoped to keep emotion out of this exchange.

JONI
Yeah, no, well, its really my
brother who wants to meet you.

PAUL
(thrown)
Your brother?

JONI
Well, technically hes my half-
brother. Each of my moms had a
kid, you know, with your sperm...

PAUL
Right. Both of them?

JONI
Yeah.

PAUL
Like in two?

JONI
Yes, like in gay.

PAUL
Okay. Great.

Joni senses Pauls tripping on the wealth of information

shes just laid on him. Theres a long pause.

JONI
Kind of a lot to process, huh?

PAUL
(trying to mask how
freaked he is)
Yeah...but no, I mean...its good.
Its all good...
 24.

INT. LASERS ROOM - THAT NIGHT

Lasers on his lap-top. Joni enters without knocking. Laser

quickly shuts his lap-top, pissed at the intrusion.

LASER
What?!

Joni looks like she has big news.

INT. JONIS CAR - NEXT DAY

Joni and Laser drive to meet their biological father.

Theyre both clearly anxious. After a beat...

JONI
I just dont want you to have big
expectations.

LASER
Will you quit saying that? I dont
have any expectations. I just want
to meet the guy!

JONI
Okay. Im just saying be prepared.

LASER
Prepared for what?!

JONI
I dont know, Laser! He might be
really weird. I mean, he donated
sperm. Thats like...weird.

LASER
Well if he hadnt done it, you
wouldnt be here. So respect, yo!

Joni looks at her brother: respect, yo?

INT. EL CHOLO, MEXICAN RESTAURANT - DAY

Paul sits alone at a table facing the entrance. He nervously

checks the door as customers enter.
 25.

MINUTES LATER --

Joni and Laser enter the restaurant. They look nervous too.

ANGLE ON PAUL

He studies them for a beat, sees them looking around.

Figures they must be his kids. They look in his direction,
spot him. He raises his hand, stands. They walk over.

The moment is rife, as you can imagine. Call him whatever

you want, this man is their genetic father. Paul holds out
his hand. Shakes Jonis hand first.

PAUL
Joni. Hey. Nice to meet you.

JONI
Nice to meet you too.

Paul holds out a hand to Laser.

PAUL
Laser, right?

LASER
Right.

PAUL
Cool name. I like that.

LASER
Thanks.

No one knows what comes next. Paul turns...

PAUL
I got us a table.

They all sit. The kids cant help but study Pauls face for
traces of themselves. Paul does the same.

PAUL (CONTD)
(ice-breaking)
Okay. So. Here we are...

Joni and Laser smile nervously, nodding: yeah...

PAUL (CONTD)
Listen, feel free and ask me
anything you want, okay?
(MORE)
 26.
PAUL (CONTD)
(off their stares)
Or we can just hang out. Whatever
you guys want to do.

LASER/JONI
Okay.

Joni turns to Laser. He looks star-struck. Paul jumps in.

PAUL
Anything you want to ask me, Laser?

LASER
I...uh...I didnt really have any
specific questions...

PAUL
(helping him out)
Thats fine, we can just talk. Id
love to know about you guys. What
about you, Laser? What do you like
to do?

Laser cant get the words out, so Joni jumps in.

JONI
Lasers an amazing athlete.

PAUL
Oh yeah? Great. What do you play?

LASER
I dont know. Soccer. Baseball.
Basketball.

PAUL
I love basketball.

LASER
(excited)
Yeah? Were you ever on a team?

PAUL
Yeah, I played in high school.

This news secretly tickles Laser.

PAUL (CONTD)
What about you, Joni? You like
sports too?

JONI
A little. Not as much as Laser.
 27.

LASER
Jonis the brains in the family.

PAUL
Oh yeah?

LASER
Yeah, she like got an 800 on her
verbal SAT...

PAUL
An 800? Thats like a perfect
score, right?

LASER
Yeah, shes going to Stanford in
September.

PAUL
Shut the front door!

Joni and Laser laugh at that.

JONI
(tickled)
Did you make that up?

PAUL
No, its an old expression. Youve
never heard that?

JONI
No. Its funny.

PAUL
Use it. Its a freebie.

Joni smiles, warming to Paul.

JONI
So what do you do?

PAUL
Well, a few things. I own a
restaurant in Echo Park.

LASER
What kind?

PAUL
Just good, old-fashioned
organically-grown American food.
 28.

JONI
(excited)
Im totally into organic food.

LASER
(busting her)
You are?

JONI
Uh, yeah Laser! Ive been like
trying to get moms to buy organic
for forever.
(back to Paul)
So do you get your food from
farmers markets?

PAUL
No, actually, I have a community
farm next to the restaurant and we
get most of our food there.

JONI
Thats so cool.

PAUL
Yeah, its pretty great. You
should come check it out some time.

JONI
Yeah. Maybe...

Joni feels guilty. She wanted to get in and get out. But
now shes really enjoying this guy.

LASER
So, do you like raise pigs and
stuff?

PAUL
No, sadly, thats illegal in the
city. But we have some chickens.

Joni and Laser share a look: could their bio-dad be any

cooler?

EXT. EL CHOLO - DAY

The answer is...yes he can. The kids find this out when they
exit the restaurant with Paul and he walks over to a bitchin
classic BMW motorcycle.
 29.

LASER
(in awe)
Is that yours?

PAUL
Yeah. You like motorcycles?

LASER
Yeah, but...our moms are kind of
anti-motorcycle.

JONI
And by kind of he means theyd
kill us if we ever rode one.

PAUL
Thats too bad. Theyre fun.

Time to say goodbye. Again, no one knows the protocol here.

After an awkward beat, Paul holds out his arms for hugs.

PAUL (CONTD)
Well, it was great to meet you
guys.

He and Joni hug.

PAUL (CONTD)
I hope this was okay.

JONI
Yeah...totally...thank you.

Now Paul and Laser share a somewhat awkward man-hug.

PAUL
Really nice to meet you, Laser.

LASER
You too.

They disengage. Paul watches as Joni and Laser walk away.

He looks moved by the meeting.

INT. JONIS CAR - DAY

Joni and Laser head back to Sherman Oaks. They both look a
little buzzed from their time with Paul.

LASER
See? He wasnt weird.
 30.

JONI
No. Not at all.

The same thought crosses their minds simultaneously.

JONI (CONTD)
Were not telling moms.

LASER
Yeah, no way.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DINING ROOM - THAT EVENING

The familys at dinner. Joni and Laser share that I have a

secret look. Nic turns to Laser.

NIC
How was your day, honey?

LASER
Fine.

JULES
What about you, Joni?

JONI
Okay.

Nic raises her wine glass.

NIC
Well, Jules, we really did it.
Weve raised two scintillating
conversationalists.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - TV ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

Nic and Jules are cuddled up affectionately on the couch

watching cable. They see Laser on his way out of the house.

JULES
Hey bug, come here. Were watching
Locked Up Abroad: Uganda.

LASER
I already saw it. It was gnarly.

NIC
Where are you going?
 31.

LASER
Clays house.

Jules and Nic shoot each other a concerned look.

NIC
Dont be back late, okay?

LASER
I know.

JULES
Can I have a hug before you go?

LASER
Mom...

JULES
Just a quick one. Please!

LASER
(pointing to Nic)
Hug her. Thats what shes there
for.

Laser leaves. Nic hits mute on the TV, looks at Jules.

NIC
I dont know what to think.

JULES
Neither do I.

NIC
Maybe we should just sit him down
and ask him.

JULES
What? Are you and Clay fucking?

NIC
Exploring is the word Id use...

JULES
And what if he is exploring?
This is the age for that. Why
should we care?

NIC
We shouldnt. Its just...
(beat)
I can just hear somebody saying:
(MORE)
 32.
NIC (CONT'D)
Goddamn, there go those gays again
spitting out more gays.

JULES
Spitting out more gays?

NIC
(on a roll)
Look, he can explore if he wants
to. I just dont understand why
hes exploring with that loser.

JULES
We dont even know what the deal
is. Were jumping to conclusions.

NIC
I feel like he has so much
potential and hes just wasting it.

Nics comment hits a nerve in Jules.

JULES
What are you trying to say?

NIC
What do you mean, what am I trying
to say?

JULES
I dont know. It feels like
theres some subtext here.

NIC
What are you talking about?

JULES
I dont know: Like mother like son?
Is that it? Both of us aimless,
wandering in the darkness, wasting
our potential?

NIC
What kind of pretzel logic is that?

JULES
Well, maybe it hasnt risen to the
plane of consciousness for you yet.

NIC
Honey, youre on a whole other
tangent and I have no idea how you
got there.
 33.

Nic clicks the volume back on, freezing Jules out.

INT. PAULS RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON

Paul and Tanya sit at the bar, eating family-meal.

TANYA
What were they like?

PAUL
They were sweet. They were good
kids. The boys this kind of
gawky, sensitive jock and the
girls kind of innocent but whip-
smart and super-cute...

TANYA
Sounds like you guys connected.

PAUL
You know, we kinda did.

TANYA
So howd you leave it? Are you
gonna see them again?

PAUL
I dont know. We didnt really
leave it anywhere.

Brooke, the sexy Wiccan volunteer, comes up to Paul bearing a

basket of freshly-picked fruits.

BROOKE
Hey Paul.

Paul leans over the basket.

PAUL
Whatcha got? Oh cool. First
strawberries of the season.

BROOKE
Arent they beautiful? I thought
you should have the first taste.

And with that, she smiles, hands him the basket and leaves.
 34.

TANYA
(mimicking Brooke)
I thought you should have the
first taste...
(beat)
...of my pussy.

PAUL
Thats not fair.

TANYA
(softly)
Hey, you wanna hook up later?

Paul stiffens a bit.

PAUL
I dont think I can tonight.

TANYA
(sensing a shift)
Alright, whens good?

PAUL
Actually, this whole weeks kind of
funky. Can we figure it out later?

TANYA
(hurt; surprised)
Yeah. Alright.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - AFTERNOON

Clay rummages through the top drawer of Jules dresser.

Laser stands behind him, uncomfortable.

LASER
Dude, I dont think they smoke pot.

CLAY
Hold up.

Clay turns around holding up one of the moms DVDs.

CLAY (CONTD)
Dude, were watching this.
 35.

INT. LASERS ROOM - DAY

Laser and Clay sit on the bed. They look at each other,
giddy. Then Laser hits play.

ON SCREEN

We see a COP giving a young MAN a BLOW-JOB. Laser and Clay

sit motionless, shocked, disgusted, riveted.

CLAY
Think the whole things like this?

LASER
Want me to fast-forward?

Clay doesnt answer. They just keep watching.

INT. PAULS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

The room is spare, not from any aesthetic choice, but from a
life spent mostly out of the house. Books piled up. A few
guitars on stands. The vase with fresh cut flowers keeps it
from being a complete bachelor pad.

Paul sits on the couch, on his computer. His cell rings.

PAUL
Hello?

JONIS VOICE (ON PHONE)

Paul?

PAUL
Yes?

JONI VOICE (ON PHONE)

Hey. Its Joni...?

Paul sits right up.

PAUL
Yeah, hey! Of course. How you
doing?

EXT. AROMA CAFE - CONVERSATION INTERCUT

Jonis sitting at a wrought-iron table in the outdoor

courtyard, her salad and Arnold Palmer untouched.
 36.

JONI
Good. I just wanted to say thanks
again for the other day.

PAUL
Absolutely. I really enjoyed it.

JONI
Is it an okay time to talk?

PAUL
Its great. What are you up to?

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY

Jules pulls her truck into the driveway, almost running over
Lasers bike.

INT. LASERS ROOM - DAY

Laser and Clay are still watching the porn...

As Jules walks in the room.

JULES
Laser, you left your bike out...

Laser reflexively flinches and grabs for the remote. As he

fumbles for it, Jules turns and sees what theyre watching.
She looks mortified.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - THAT EVENING

We enter a family conference already in progress. Nic and

Jules sit in chairs facing Laser, who sits on the couch.

Both act calm but are inwardly mortified that their 15 year-
old son found their porn.

NIC
Laser, your mom and I accept you
and love you unconditionally? You
know that, right?

LASER
Yeah.
 37.

NIC
And you know you can be open with
us about anything.

LASER
Yeah, I know.

Jules steels herself for a frank discussion.

JULES
Laser, is there anything you want
to talk about?

LASER
Like what?

NIC
Anything. Anything on your mind.

Laser cracks his knuckles.

LASER
Well there is something.

Nic and Jules share a look. Here we go.

LASER (CONTD)
Its more of a question, really.

NIC
Thats okay.

JULES
We wont judge you.

Laser looks at his moms. Nic and Jules brace themselves.

LASER
Why do you guys watch gay man porn?

Nic and Jules look at each other, thrown.

NIC
Well, first I have to say we rarely
watch that movie--

Jules touches Nics arm.

JULES
Honey...
 38.

NIC
And secondly, I really dont
appreciate you snooping around our
room. Was that Clays idea? I
have to say again, I dont like
him. He seems unstable...!

JULES
Honey, thats not what he asked--

NIC
(snapping)
Fine. Do you want to answer his
question?!

Jules turns to Laser. Theres no book for this birds-and-

the-bees talk.

JULES
Well, sweetie, human sexuality is
complicated. And sometimes,
peoples desires can be...counter-
intuitive...
(soldiering on)
For instance, since womens sexual
responsiveness is mostly internal,
sometimes its exciting for us to
see sexual responsiveness more, you
know...
(beat)
...externalized.

Laser looks at them, still baffled.

JULES (CONTD)
Like with a penis.

LASER
But like, wouldnt you rather watch
two women doing it?

JULES
You would think that. But in most
of those movies, theyve hired two
straight women to pretend and the
inauthenticity is just unbeara--

Nic cuts her off, wants to get down to brass tacks.

 39.

NIC
Okay, thats enough! Laser, your
mom and I have a sense theres some
other stuff going on in your life
and we just want to be let in.

LASER
What do you mean?

JULES
Are you having a relationship with
someone?

NIC
You could tell us, honey. Wed
understand and support you.

Laser looks confused. How did they find out about Paul?

LASER
I just met him once.

Nic and Jules share a worried look.

NIC
What do you mean once?

JULES
Are you cruising?!

LASER
Whats cruising?

NIC
Who did you meet once?

LASER
Paul! I met him with Joni.

NIC
Whos Paul?!

JULES
Why was Joni there?!

LASER
She set it up.

NIC
Forget the set-up! Whos Paul?!
 40.

LASER
Paul Hatfield...

NIC
Who the fuck is Paul Hatfield?!

LASER
Our sperm donor.

Jules and Nic go white.

LASER (CONTD)
Whod you think I was talking
about?

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER

Joni has been pulled into the family conference. Nic and
Jules are trying to remain as calm as possible.

JULES
Look, guys, we understand why youd
be curious about your biological
father. Thats totally natural.

NIC
But why didnt you tell us?

JONI
Because we knew youd be upset.

NIC
WERE NOT UPSET!!

Jules calms her riled-up partner.

JULES
Honey...
(to Joni; expressing her
upset more calmly)
We just wish youd have included us
in your thinking. But whats done
is done. You met him, and now you
guys can move on--

JONI
(sheepish)
Actually...
(beat)
I might see him again.
 41.

JULES
What?!

LASER
You are?! When did you talk to
him?

JONI
(ignoring Nic, to Laser)
Yesterday. I was gonna tell you.

NIC
Whoa! Whoa! No. No way.
(regaining dominance)
Nobody is going anywhere until we
meet him!

Joni looks at Laser. They knew this would happen.

INT. NIC AND JULES BATHROOM - NIGHT

As Nic and Jules Sonicare their teeth, they post-mortem the

days revelation.

NIC
Yeah, I get it. Hes their
biological father and all that crap
but it still feels really shitty.
Like were not enough or something,
you know?

JULES
Of course I know. I dont want to
time-share our kids with someone.
Not when its our last few months
with Joni at home.

Nic pulls a clump of long, wet red hair out of the sink.

NIC
Jules, look at this. The plumber
was just here!

JULES
Its not all me!

NIC
Its a big clump of red hair.
 42.

JULES
(caught)
Im sorry.

Nic throws the clump of hair in the trash.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Nic and Jules get into bed.

NIC
(getting tactical)
Okay, look, lets be smart about
this. If we act like grubby
bitches, were just gonna make it
worse. So lets just kill him with
kindness and put it to bed.

JULES
Youre right. Youre absolutely
right. And you know what? Were
gonna get through this. Okay?

Nic smiles. She loves when Jules shows confidence.

NIC
I love you, chicken.

The women bump fists. They have a plan.

EXT. VENTURA BLVD. - EVENING

Paul rides through their little hamlet, taking in the prosaic

serenity of it all.

EXT. STREET - EVENING

Paul slows down, checking addresses, then cuts his engine in

front of

THE ALLGOODS

MINUTES LATER - PAUL

is at the door. He rings. Takes a breath. We can tell hes

a little nervous.
 43.

NIC AND JULES --

Open the door and greet Paul with their best kill him with
kindness faces.

NIC
Paul! It is so great to meet you.
Im Nic. This is Jules.

Paul shakes their hands.

PAUL
Hi, great to meet you too.

JULES
I hope the traffic wasnt too bad.

PAUL
No, Ive got my bike so...
(nodding to his BMW on the
street)
...I just sort of weave through.

Nic clocks the motorcycle, stifles the impulse to judge.

NIC
(clenched)
Great. Well, come on in.

As they enter, Paul holds out a bottle of wine.

PAUL
This is for you. I dont know if
you guys like wine...

Nic takes it.

NIC
Are you kidding? We love it.
(checking the label)
And a petit syrah. What a treat!
Let me get some glasses.

Nic leaves Paul by the stairs with Jules. Little silence.

Jules steals a look at him, unable to contain her curiosity.

PAUL
(looking around)
Beautiful house. How long you guys
lived here?
 44.

JULES
(nervous energy)
Almost ten years.
(sotto)
Wait, has it been that long?
(rambling nervously)
We moved right after Laser broke
his leg, I remember that because we
had a ramp for a while, so that
would have been...ten, no, nine?
No, ten years this fall.

Paul nods, smiling at her nervousness.

PAUL
Okay.

Laser and Joni walk down the stairs and light up when they
see Paul. Jules watches as Paul greets her kids with hugs.
It makes her uncomfortable, so she turns and heads for

THE KITCHEN --

Jules finds Nics pouring herself a sizable glass of wine.

JULES
You okay?

NIC
(not okay)
Yeah. Fine.

Jules feels her inner co-dependent swelling in her chest.

JULES
Go easy on the wine tonight, okay?

NIC
Okay. And same for the micro-
managing.

This is going to be fun.

INT. ALLGOOD DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Everyone sits at the family dinner table. Theres a nervous

Meet the Parents energy to the proceedings.

JULES
I hope the foods okay. Joni told
us you own a restaurant.
 45.

PAUL
The foods great. Cant go wrong
with grilled salmon and sweet corn.

Nic finishes a glass of wine as Jules takes note.

NIC
So Paul, did you always know you
wanted to be in food services
industry?

Paul smiles at Nic, trying to disarm her.

PAUL
No, I came to it in sort of a
roundabout way. I started off in
grad school studying philosophy.

JULES
Really, thats so interesting.

PAUL
Actually, it was mind-numbingly
boring and had nothing to do with
real life, so I left and joined the
Peace Corps.

JONI
Really? Thats so cool! Whered
they send you?

PAUL
To Burundi. In East Africa.

JONI
(loving her bio-dad)
Wow. How was that?

PAUL
Really incredible. I lived in a
little village for two years. I
helped them set up an irrigation
system that kept them from losing
their farms to soil erosion.
Thats how I got into sustainable
farming. And how I ultimately got
into...
(smiling; for Nics
benefit)
...the food services industry.
 46.

LASER
(smart-ass)
See what he did there, mom? You
said food services industry, then
he said food services industry...

NIC
Yeah, I got it, Laser. Thanks.
(apropos of nothing)
So, Paul, what about your social
life?

PAUL
My social life?

NIC
You know, are you married,
divorced, seeing anyone?

JONI
(mortified)
Mom!

NIC
What? Were getting to know Paul.

PAUL
No, never been married or divorced.
Im kind of dating, but honestly
Ive been kind of focussed on my
work for the last couple years.

NIC
Well, youre a successful,
attractive guy. You wont have any
trouble starting a family of your
own when youre ready.

Paul gets Nics subtext. Momma Bear is protecting her cubs.

PAUL
No, Im sure it will all work out.
(to Jules and Nic)
So how did you two meet?

Jules smiles at Nic.

JULES
Its not a particularly romantic
story. We met at a Dunkin Donuts.
 47.

PAUL
Really?

JULES
Believe it or not, they have
amazing coffee.

PAUL
Ive heard that. So when was this?

JULES
When was that, honey? Its over
twenty years ago...

NIC
Well, we were both in Boston. I
was doing my residency and you were
working for that architect.

JULES
Right. So every morning at 7 wed
both go to the same Dunkin Donuts.

NIC
I dont know if she was aware of
me, but I was highly aware of her.

JULES
Of course I was aware of you. Id
go there on my days off...

You can tell the ladies love telling this story.

NIC
She always ordered the same thing.
A medium coffee, room for cream,
and a bearclaw.

JULES
God, I could never get away with
that now.

NIC
Anyway, after weeks of this coy
coffee flirtation, I finally said
screw it. I bought a medium coffee
and a bear claw, went up to her and
said, You get the next one.

Nic puts her hand on Jules and strokes it.

 48.

JULES
And weve been together ever since.

THUD! We turn to see Laser, head on the table, bored.

JULES (CONTD)
Hey, thats not nice.

LASER
Whats not nice is subjecting your
kids to the same story 1000 times!

Jules pulls him up by the hair and kisses him.

PAUL
(moving on)
So Nic, I know youre a doctor.
Jules, you still in architecture?

JULES
No, I never became an architect. I
mean, I never finished my program.
Ive basically just been a full-
time mom.

PAUL
Well, I wouldnt say just. You
raised some great kids.

JULES
Thanks...
(then)
Actually, Im in the process of
starting a new business.

PAUL
Oh, yeah. What kind?

JULES
Landscape design...
(before he can respond)
But not like a gardener! I mean,
yes, there is a gardening component
to it, but the real work is
creating unique, eco-friendly
outdoor spaces that harmonize with
the surrounding environment. Do
you know what I mean?

PAUL
Absolutely.
 49.

In Nics mind, Jules is drowning in verbiage. So she jumps

in to save her.

NIC
Hey Paul, did Joni tell you about
the speech she gave at her
graduation?

PAUL
No, she didnt.

NIC
It was incredible. So full of
wisdom and hope...
(turning to her Joni)
Hon, go upstairs and get it. Im
sure hed love to hear it...

JONI
(blushing)
No, mom, Im sure he wouldnt...

NIC
Sure he would. Come on. Go get
it...

JONI
(getting upset)
No, its okay...

NIC
Why are you so embarrassed?

JONI
Im not embarrassed! Just give it
a rest already! God!

This outburst stuns Nic into silence. Her daughter has never
spoken to her like this. Laser stands up.

LASER
Ill get the ice-cream.

JONI
(standing up)
Ill help you.

Joni and Laser leave the room. Nic pours herself the last of
Pauls petit syrah. Jules smiles, covering her anxiety.
 50.

JULES
(softly)
Sweetie, thats your forth glass.

NIC
Actually, its my third. But
thanks for counting.

Things are turning gnarly at the Allgood house. Paul turns

to Jules.

PAUL
Hey, I was just thinking. You
know, I bought this place last year
and the back yards a wreck. I was
planning on doing something with it
myself but Ive just been so busy
with everything...I dont know,
would you be interested in working
on it?

JULES
Seriously?

PAUL
Yeah. Absolutely.

JULES
Okay...
(suddenly excited)
Yeah! That sounds great.

Jules smiles at Nic: Isnt this great? My first client.

Nic looks less than pleased.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - NIGHT

Laser and Joni walk Paul out to his bike.

JONI
Sorry about my moms. They can be
kind of intense.

PAUL
They were probably a little
anxious.
(beat)
You think I passed?
 51.

LASER
Dude, you just hired my mom. Of
course you passed.

PAUL
(to Laser)
So, were on for Saturday?

LASER
(beaming)
Yeah.

JONI
(marking her territory)
And Im coming on Sunday, remember?

PAUL
I didnt forget.

Paul touches Jonis arm, then reaches for Lasers hand...

PAUL (CONTD)
Well, thanks for having me out,
guys. It was great to meet the
parents...

Laser takes his hand and starts doing the hand-shake routine
his friends are doing at school. Paul does his best to go
with it. It ends with a snap and a point.

PAUL (CONTD)
Okay. See you guys later.

INT. HOME DEPOT - DAY

Nic and Jules walk through the fertilizer section. Jules

puts a couple BAGS in a CART.

NIC
We had a plan, Jules. Remember?

JULES
Youre unbelievable. Youre all
over me about getting clients, and
when I finally get one, youre all
over me about that.

NIC
Hes not just a client, Jules.
Hes our kids sperm donor!
(MORE)
 52.
NIC (CONT'D)
Have you ever heard the phrase
Dont Shit Where You Eat?

JULES
Yes, and I think its disgusting.

NIC
Well, what if hes not happy with
your work? That could be really
uncomfortable for the kids.

JULES
Why would you assume hed hate my
work?!

NIC
I didnt say hate.
(looking at the bag)
Jesus, when did fertilizer get so
expensive?

JULES
Look, Im sorry. He seems like a
good person to me...

NIC
Yeah well, he seems a little
polished, if you ask me.

JULES
So whats wrong with polish?

NIC
In my experience, people polish
themselves to conceal dirt.

JULES
Why do you have to assume the worst
in people?

Standing up for herself, Jules takes another bag of expensive

fertilizer, throws it in the cart and takes off ahead of Nic.

EXT. PAULS HOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY

Jules stands with Paul, leafing through a LOOK-BOOK of design

concepts. Jules is dressed in her work garb, a tad geeky,
ready to dig in.

To the side, Luis, the man she bought the truck from earlier
(and whom shes hired as her assistant) is taking a weed-
whacker to the overgrown back-yard.
 53.

JULES
(to Paul)
...this is interesting, kind of a
Secret Garden thing with trellises
and topiary...
(clocking his face)
...or we could do something more
like this, which has a more Asian,
minimal, rock garden feel. Its up
to you...

PAUL
What do you think?

JULES
Personally, Im tired of less is
more. I think you should go for
more is more. Lets not try to
tame the space. I think it would
look great all lush and overgrown
and fecund...

PAUL
Did you just say fecund?

JULES
Im sorry, you know, fertile...

PAUL
No, I love that word. You just
dont hear it that often.
(thinking)
More is more. I like it. Lets go
for it.

Jules is staring at Paul.

PAUL (CONTD)
What?

JULES
Sorry, Im just seeing my kids in
your expressions...

Jules looks more intensely at Pauls face.

JULES (CONTD)
You and Laser have the same mouth.

The observation strikes Paul. Suddenly, hes feeling a kind

of fast-tracked intimacy with Jules he hadnt expected.
 54.

PAUL
You think so?

JULES
Yeah.

They keep looking at each other. Until they realize Luis is

standing two feet away. Jules turns to Luis.

JULES (CONTD)
Whats up?

LUIS
Its lunch time.

JULES
Okay.

Luis sneezes repeatedly into a hankie, then looks up at

Jules.

LUIS
Im going to McDonalds.

JULES
Okay.

LUIS
You want any?

JULES
No. Thanks. Im fine.

EXT. BACKYARD - ALLGOOD HOUSE - NIGHT

Jules and Laser are in the midst of a Ping-Pong match as Nic,

home from work, still in scrubs, approaches.

NIC
Whats the score?

JULES
Pretty close.

Laser cranks a forehand that whizzes past Jules.

LASER
19-3...

NIC
So howd it go today?
 55.

JULES
Great. We settled on a concept.

NIC
What is it?

JULES
Its hard to explain. You have to
kind of see the space to get it.

NIC
(to Laser)
Laser, did you write Pup-pup a Get
Well card?
(off his silence)
Laser! What do I have to do?! I
bought you a card. I left it on
your desk. All you had to do was--

LASER
Mom, settle! I will...

Laser cracks another winner.

NIC
Dont tell me to settle, mister.
And if its not in the mail by
tomorrow morning, were not going
to the Dodger game Saturday.

LASER
Whatever, I have other plans
anyway.
(to Jules)
Game point.

NIC
What other plans?
(off his silence)
Im asking you a quest--

LASER
Im doing something with Paul!

Laser serves a rocket, whizzing past a flailing Jules. He

tosses the racquet on the table and leaves. Nic yells:

NIC
You used to be so cute!
 56.

EXT. CLAYS HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY

We cut onto Paul and Laser, looking up at something. Laser

is holding a DIGITAL VIDEO CAMERA.

PAUL
This may not be a good idea.

LASER
You may be right.

CLAY (O.S.)
Dude, are you filming?!

We cut to Clay, standing in the crotch of a tall OAK TREE,

twenty feet up.

CLAY (CONTD)
Im only doing this once. You
better keep my shit in frame!

We cut back to Paul and Laser standing below.

PAUL
(to Laser)
Hes not gonna make it.
(calling up to Clay)
Clay, seriously, youre not gonna
make it!

LASER
Hes right, man. Dont do it.

CLAY
Dude, when did you become such a
Man-gina?

Laser sighs, then holds up the camera. Paul looks at Laser,

wondering why he puts up with this guy.

VIDEO CAMERAS POV: We watch as Clay psychs himself up with

an assortment of deep breaths and head-slaps.

Finally, he swings his arms and LEAPS from the tree, aiming
for another one ten feet away. Mid-air, he reaches for the
other trees branches, but falls a couple feet short. He
lands with a nauseating THUD. The camera drops as we see
Lasers feet rushing over to a howling Clay.
 57.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

Paul and Laser walk to the front of the house.

PAUL
Maybe next time we can hang out
just you and me.

LASER
Clays cool. Hes just gets a
little amped sometimes.

PAUL
Most cool people I know arent
jerks to their friends.

Pauls observation hits Laser. Laser looks down.

PAUL (CONTD)
Im sorry, I just didnt like the
way he was talking to you.

LASER
Yeah, no, I get it...

PAUL
Hey, you hungry?

LASER
Yeah. Kind of.

PAUL
You want some Fatburger?

Laser looks back up, smiling.

LASER
Alright.

Paul puts his hands on Lasers shoulders. Just as we think

its gonna turn into a hug, Paul sticks his leg behind Laser
and trips him. Laser laughs.

LASER (CONTD)
Dude!

Paul takes off and Laser chases after him.

 58.

INT. NIC AND JULES BATHROOM - NIGHT

Jules walks in to find Nic in sexy satin Pj's, sitting at the

rim of a RUNNING BATH. There are candles burning. Roberta
Flacks Where is the Love plays in the background.

JULES
Wow. Whats this?

NIC
Come here. Sit down.

Jules takes a seat beside her. Nic holds her hand.

NIC (CONTD)
Im sorry Ive been such a bitch
lately. I know I havent been my
highest self.

JULES
Yeah, well...

NIC
Youve been really patient with me.
And I just want you to know that
hasnt gone unrecognized.

Nic gives her a long, sweet kiss. Jules is warming up.

NIC (CONTD)
Get in.

CUT TO - JULES

In the tub, revelling in the warm bubbly water. Nic is

sitting on the ledge, gently massaging her shoulders.

JULES
Oh god, baby. This feels great.
Come in with me.

NIC
I will, but I want you to enjoy it
first. Hows the water?

JULES
Perfect.

NIC
Not too hot?
 59.

JULES
No, its great. But you know what
would be perfect? Those lavender
bath salts.

NIC
Yeah! Good idea.

Nic checks in the compartment under the sink.

NIC (CONTD)
I dont see them.

JULES
They may be in the hallway closet.

Nic walks to the door, gives her a little vamp treatment.

NIC
Wait...right...there.

Nic exits. Jules sinks into the tub, luxuriating in the

decadence of it all.

TIME CUT TO:

JULES

still waiting for Nic. To pass the time, shes listening to

some Eckhardt Tolle on her Ipod.

ECKHARDT TOLLE
Seeking security or perfection,
rejoicing in feeling confirmed and
whole, self-contained and
comfortable, is some kind of death.

TIME CUT TO:

JULES

Still waiting. Shes getting cold. And impatient.

JULES
Nic?!

Jules is getting pissed.

TIME CUT TO:

IN THE KITCHEN
 60.

Nic is on her cell with a patient.

NIC
Well you just had a C-section.
Thats major surgery...

Jules enters in a robe, wondering what the hell happened.

Nic turns and sees her, raises a finger: so sorry, wait...

NIC (CONTD)
Cant dad hold the baby? Dont
feel guilty. Its half his...

Jules cant believe Nic is indulging a non-emergency work

call at this moment. She leaves.

BACK IN THE BATHROOM - JULES

Re-enters. Walks over to the tub. Smacks the drain open.

She sits down on the edge and starts crying.

INT./EXT. PAULS HOUSE - DAY

Paul watches Jules at work in his back-yard. He studies her

face, intently bent on its task. Luis hauls shrubs away.

INT. PAULS HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER

Paul and Jules stand at the kitchen table, looking over her
meticulously rendered sketch for the yard. Her eyes are
puffy from last nights cry.

PAUL
Are you okay? Your eyes look kind
of...

JULES
Like shit, right?

PAUL
I was gonna say puffy.

JULES
Im fine, I just had a little
meltdown last night.

PAUL
About what?
 61.

JULES
(realizing shes divulged
too much)
Nothing. It was stupid. Look, Im
gonna go to the nursery in the
morning so we should probably make
sure youre signed off on the wood
for the trellis...

Jules looks over at a pan of something delicious-looking on

the kitchen counter.

JULES (CONTD)
Whats that?

PAUL
Strawberry rhubarb pie. Fresh from
my garden.

Paul hands her a fork and she takes a big bite. Her eyes
roll back in her head.

PAUL (CONTD)
Good, huh?

JULES
Oh my god. That is criminal.

PAUL
Have more.

JULES
No, please, just take it away...

PAUL
You had one bite.

JULES
I have another you may as well just
tape it to my ass cause thats
where itll end up.

PAUL
Hey now, dont go negative on your
ass.

Jules blushes at all this talk of her ass.

JULES
So...youre good with the trellis?
(off his silence)
Look, we dont have to do that.
(MORE)
 62.
JULES (CONT'D)
We could do go in a totally
different direction if you--

PAUL
No, Im just thinking. Hang on.
(covers his eyes)
Yeah, Im good with the trellis.

JULES
Sorry. Sometimes I mistake silence
for criticism.

PAUL
I wasnt criticizing you.

JULES
No, I know you werent...
(beat)
Im just not used to positive
feedback.

PAUL
Really? What are you used to?

JULES
I dont know. Sometimes Nic can be
a little judgmental, you know.
Shes a perfectionist.

PAUL
That doesnt mean you have to be
negative.

Jules looks away. Pauls hitting nerves left and right. We

HEAR a knock from the glass door in the living room.

LUIS (O.S.)
Excuse me, seora Hello?

Jules turns.

JULES
Yes?!

Luis stands at the glass door, pointing at his watch.

LUIS
It 6 oclock. I gotta go.

JULES
Yeah. Okay.

Jules wants Luis to leave her alone. But hes not going.
 63.

JULES (CONTD)
What?

LUIS
Same time tomorrow?

JULES
Yes! Same time!

Jules turns back to Paul, laughs nervously.

JULES (CONTD)
Okay. Guess Im gonna take off
too?

PAUL
Cool...
(in Luiss accent)
Same time tomorrow?

Jules pushes Paul, laughing.

JULES
Thats terrible!

PAUL
Im sorry. Here, take this...

Paul hands her a Tupperware with some of the pie in it.

JULES
No!

PAUL
Just give it to the kids.

JULES
(laughing)
Okay! God, youre such a pusher!

Jules grabs the pie from him and gives him a kiss on the
mouth, almost as a mistake. Before they know it, theyre
making out.

Jules snaps back, freaked.

JULES (CONTD)
Whoa. Im sorry. That was...I
dont know where that came from...
 64.

PAUL
(freaked himself)
Its okay...

JULES
Okay. Im gonna go now...

Jules starts backing away, acting as if nothing happened.

PAUL
Jules...?

JULES
(overcompensating)
...but I shall return!

Jules bolts for the door, clutching her pie. Paul watches
her go, stunned by what just happened.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT

Nics in bed reading a magazine. Jules gets in bed. Nic

puts her magazine down.

NIC
So how was your day at Pauls?

JULES
(paranoid)
What do you mean?

NIC
I dont know. Did you break
ground? Did you dig in? I dont
know the terms. Hows it going?

JULES
Well. Its going well.

NIC
Good.

Nic picks up her magazine and resumes reading. Jules looks

anxious. Guilty.

INT. JONIS BEDROOM - DAY

Jai and Joni and Sasha play Scrabble. While Jai arranges a
the word zither on the board, Sasha checks out a photo of
Paul on Jonis laptop.
 65.

SASHA
Hello? Donor Dad? Stone cold fox.

JONI
Eww, Sasha...

JAI
Seriously, must you take everything
beautiful and make it dirty?

SASHA
Yes, I know, hes an earth-feeler
and a restaurateur and all that
good stuff, Im just saying...
(beat)
Spermsters a hottie.

JONI
Yeah well hes also a good person
and Id prefer it if you didnt
taint him with your whore juice.

Sasha hops up, energized by the banter.

SASHA
And on that tasty note, Im outta
here. You can split my letters...

Jai looks at her. She mouths to him, Do it! He nods I

know. Sasha leaves Jai alone with Joni.

JONI
You want to keep playing?

JAI
Sure.

JONI
Whose turn was--

JAI
I love you.

Joni is taken aback.

JONI
(minimizing)
I love you, too.

JAI
No. You know what I mean.
 66.

Jai leans in and kisses her. Its sweet and intense. But it
only lasts a few moments before Joni pulls away.

JONI
Jai, I cant...

JAI
Yes, you can...

JONI
No, its too weird, youre like my
brother.

JAI
Well you dont feel like my sister.

JONI
No, its just, Jai, I have so much
going on right now. I mean, were
both leaving soon and I just met my
biological father...

JAI
Okay, whatever...

Deflated, Jai stands up and starts to go.

JONI
Oh, come on, Jai. Dont leave.

JAI
Ill see you later.

Jai takes his leave, devastated and embarrassed.

EXT. URBAN FARM - ECHO PARK - DAY - MOS

We move through a series of MOS sequences:

Joni picks snap peas. Paul comes up and gives her a big
FARMER HAT to wear for sun protection. She puts it on.

Joni watching Paul talk with a group of VOLUNTEERS.

Joni weighing produce on a scale for an older woman as Paul

rings her up.

Joni carrying a bunch of watermelons to a table. Drops them

down. Paul whacks one in half with a machete like cleaver.
 67.

Joni and Paul sitting on fold-out chairs under a covered

stand, eating, talking.

We see Tanya watching this scene from a distance. Its clear

to her and anyone else watching that theyre bonding hard.

Paul and Joni leave the farm and start heading to the
restaurant. The MOS is punctured by a cell phone call. Joni
looks to see whos calling. Rolls her eyes.

JONI
Ugh. Ignore.

Joni hits a button on her cell. Puts it away.

PAUL
Who you ignoring?

JONI
My mom. Nic. Shes driving me
crazy. I think shes menopausal.

PAUL
Why, whats she doing?

JONI
Shes treating me like Im 12.
Its like she doesnt want to admit
that Im an adult.

PAUL
Thats what parents do sometimes.
They try to hold on. But you gotta
push back. Draw the line.

JONI
I know. Im just not good at
pushing back.

PAUL
I dont know about that. You were
pretty good that night with your
graduation speech.

JONI
I was, wasnt I?

Paul has another field of questioning he wants to get to...

PAUL
How about Jules? Is she bugging
you too?
 68.

JONI
Not like Nic. But she can be
annoying in her own way.

PAUL
(interest piqued)
Oh, yeah? How so?

JONI
Shes just way too into processing
everyones feelings and making
sure everyones speaking their
truth.

PAUL
(defending her)
Well, thats not a bad thing.

JONI
Yeah, no, its not. But at a
certain point, its like, turn off
the Power of Now and get on with
it, you know?

PAUL
Hey, cut your parents a break.
They did the worst they could.

Joni smiles.

JONI
Funny.

PAUL
What can I say? Your biological
fathers a funny man.

JONI
Which means Im 50% funny.

PAUL
Maybe.

JONI
What do you mean, maybe?

PAUL
Its a recessive gene.

Joni gives him a playful push. Theyre getting closer, more

comfortable with each other.
 69.

EXT. PAULS RESTAURANT - MAGIC HOUR

Paul walks Joni to his motorcycle parked out front. He gets

on and holds out a helmet.

PAUL
Put this on. Ill take you home.

JONI
You said you were bringing your
truck today.

PAUL
Come on. Thisll be way more fun.
(off Jonis hesitation)
Is the hesitation because you dont
want to or because of what your
moms said?

Off her look, we cut to...

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - MAGIC HOUR

Laser walks with Clay, who sports a PLASTER ARM CAST from the
tree mishap we witnessed earlier.

CLAY
Yo, Justin and I tried to hit you
on your cell last night. We were
macking on these girls from
Birmingham. Where were you?

LASER
I was at Pauls house.

CLAY
I dont know, dude. That guys
kind of a tool. He was trying to
act all like your dad and shit.

Laser doesnt know how to respond so he ignores the comment.

A stray DOG comes up to them. Laser stops to pet it.

LASER
Hey there, fella. Good boy.

Laser sees the dog has no tags. He looks around for an

owner. The dog nuzzles Laser for affection.
 70.

LASER (CONTD)
Ive seen this dog around. I
wonder if hes lost.

CLAY
Lets pee on his head.

LASER
What?

Clay unzips his fly. Its difficult with the plaster cast.

LASER (CONTD)
Dude, dont do that.

CLAY
Come on. Hold him...

LASER
No, thats totally fucked up.

Clay yanks the dog by his scruff.

LASER (CONTD)
Dude, knock it off!

CLAY
Knock it off!

Suddenly, Laser gets it. His friend is the tool. He SMACKS

the dog hard.

LASER
Go! Run! Get out of here!

The dog TAKES OFF. Clay shoves Laser.

CLAY
Why are you such a fag?!

Laser shoves Clay back hard.

LASER
Why are you such a dick?!

Clay HITS Laser in the mouth. Laser touches his lip. Sees
blood, and walks away. Friendship over.
 71.

EXT. ECHO PARK/HOLLYWOOD/VALLEY STREETS - MAGIC HOUR

Paul takes Joni home on his motorcycle. We follow them

through the winding hills of Echo Park to the flat, seedy
boulevards of Hollywood, up Cahuenga Pass and onto the quiet,
leafy streets of The Valley. Joni holds tight onto Paul the
whole way, partly out of fear, and partly out of the pleasure
of being close to him.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING

The ladies sit in the living room watching TV. Nic keeps
looking out the window, waiting for Joni to return.

JULES
Relax. Shes not that late.

NIC
Quit telling me to relax!

They go back to watching TV. After a beat, we hear a sound.

Nic turns to look out the window and WE SEE her eyes go wide.

NIC (CONTD)
I dont believe this...!

...as Paul and Joni pull up on his motorcycle.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Paul and Joni climb off the bike. Nic storms out of the
house to intercept them by the sidewalk.

NIC
Funny how someone conveniently
forgot to tell me they were driving
home on a motorcycle!

JONI
Mom...

NIC
You know how many kids I see come
into the hospital paralyzed from
motorcycle accidents?!

PAUL
Im a very safe rider...
 72.

NIC
That is so not the point Im
making! Joni knows this is
something Id never allow.

JONI
Mom, Im 18 years old! I wont
even be living here in like two
weeks!

NIC
Yeah, well, youre living here now!

JONI
Yeah, well why dont you get a jump
on it and pretend like Im not!

Joni storms off. Nic glowers at Paul.

NIC
Shes never talked to me like that.

PAUL
(trying to soften it)
You know, Nic. If you eased up on
the restrictions, maybe thered be
less tension...

NIC
(marinated in sarcasm)
Really? You think so, Paul? Is
that how it works?

Jules walks up to intervene.

JULES
Whats going on?

NIC
Oh, nothing. Pauls just giving me
child-rearing lessons.

PAUL
I was just saying--

NIC
Listen, when youve been a parent
for 18 years, come talk to me!

PAUL
I was just making an observation.
 73.

NIC
Yeah, and I need your observations
like I need a dick in my ass!

JULES
Nic!

NIC
Way to stick up for me, hon.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - JONIS BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

Nic knocks on the door. Gets no response.

NIC
Joni?
(silence)
I was just upset. You know how I
feel about motorcycles.

Joni opens the door.

JONI
I know how you feel about them.
But Im an adult now. And you have
to respect that. Good night.

Joni closes the door on her. She picks up her cell and
dials.

INT. JAIS ROOM - NIGHT

Jais on his computer. Hears the cell ring. Looks at the

number. His face tightens. He answers.

JAI
(cold)
Hey.

Conversation Intercut

JONI
(fake nonchalance)
Hey, Jaipur, whats up? Did you
get my message yesterday?

JAI
Yeah, I got it.
 74.

JONI
Were you gonna call me back?

JAI
I just cant be your friend
anymore. Its too hard.

JONI
Jai...

JAI
Have fun hanging out with your bio-
dad.

Click. Joni looks miserable.

INT. PAULS HOUSE - DAY

From his house, Paul watches Jules working on her knees in

the garden.

CLOSE ON -- Jules thong peaking out of her jeans.

Luis walks across Pauls field of vision, interrupting his

reverie.

INT. PAULS HOUSE - LATER

Jules steps tentatively into Pauls house.

JULES
Paul?

Jules walks further into the house. She looks anxious. Paul
opens his office door and sees Jules in the hall.

PAUL
Hey. Whats up?

JULES
Look, Im sorry about last night.
Im really embarrassed.

PAUL
Dont be. Shes the one who wigged
out.
 75.

JULES
I know, shes just going through a
lot of stuff right now...its her
usual--

PAUL
Jules, its okay. You dont have
to defend her.

They stare at each other, unsure how to act.

JULES
And look, I just want you to know,
about the other day, the kiss,
thats not something I...do.

PAUL
Yeah, I sensed that.

She takes a step toward him, feverish.

JULES
Ive never cheated on Nic.

PAUL
Okay.

JULES
I just wanted to clear the air.

They stare at each other. Its like watching two magnets.

PAUL
The air is clear.

Jules grabs Paul and starts smothering him with kisses.

It takes a second for Paul to get his bearings, but when he

does, he starts kissing her back with equal fervor, pushing
her up against the wall, wedging his hand between her legs.

JULES
Paul, I cant!

PAUL
You dont want to?!

JULES
No, I do! Its just...
(urgent whisper)
I have a guy outside!
 76.

Overcome with lust, Jules wraps her legs around his waist and
Paul walks her into

HIS BEDROOM

Quick cuts of their awkward ravenous gropings. Somewhere

between slapstick and animal. He pulls her hair back hard.
She loves it. She pulls his hair back harder. He yelps.
She pulls down his underwear. Her eyes widen. Its been
decades since shes seen a hard cock in the flesh.

JULES
Oh. Well. Hel-lo!

Cut to them fucking. Its gawky and passionate. Somewhere

in the middle of it, Jules starts laughing.

PAUL
What?

JULES
Nothing.

Paul flips her on her hands and knees and they go at it some
more.

She keeps laughing. Paul goes harder to make her stop. The
paces grows quicker. Theyre getting closer. And then...

LUIS (O.S.)
Hello, excuse me, seora Allgood?!

They stop mid-thrust.

JULES
You gotta be fucking kidding me!

She dislodges from Paul and starts dressing furiously.

INT./EXT. PAULS HOUSE - DAY

Jules runs out to meet Luis, waiting patiently at the door.

JULES
Whats up?

LUIS
Where do you want the stones?
 77.

JULES
(catching her breath)
The stones? Over by the fence.

Luis stares at his employer. She looks totally disheveled.

Jules starts feeling her hair, smoothing it into shape.

JULES (CONTD)
(defensive)
What? I was using the bathroom.

LUIS
Okay.

JULES
Do you need to use the bathroom?

LUIS
No.

Luis stares at her feet. She looks down. Shes barefoot.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LASERS ROOM - NIGHT

Nic knocks, waits.

LASER (O.S.)
What?

Nic walks into Lasers room holding a ratty pair of shoes.

NIC
These arent yours, are they?

LASER
No. Theyre Clays.

NIC
Well, can you please return them to
him?

LASER
No, I cant.

NIC
Why not?

LASER
Were not hanging out anymore.
 78.

NIC
(intrigued)
Why not? What happened?

LASER
I dont know. I had a conversation
with Paul about him. He said some
things that made sense. So were
not hanging out anymore.

Nic takes a breath.

NIC
Let me get this straight. Youre
not hanging out with Clay...
(incredulous)
Because of what Paul said.

LASER
Pretty much. Yeah.

Nic looks like shes losing her mind.

INT. NIC AND JULES BATHROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

Nic and Jules Sonicare it up.

NIC
For months weve been telling him
to stop hanging out with Clay.
Nothing. Paul has one conversation
with him and boom...no more Clay.

JULES
Sometimes kids have to hear truth
from the outside--

Nic holds up her hand.

NIC
Sweetie, let me be pissed, okay?!
Just let me be pissed!

Nic spits a huge mouthful of toothpaste saliva into the sink.

CUT TO:
 79.

JULES AND PAUL

Fucking again in his bedroom. This time theres no laughter.

Theyre just taking care of business.

CUT TO:

POST - COITUS

Jules and Paul are lie naked in the bed. Jules writhes
around the covers, stoned on post-coital endorphins.

JULES
God, I feel so drugular right now.
(sitting up quickly)
I really want a cigarette! Do you
have any? I havent had a
cigarette since Laser was born. Do
you smoke?

PAUL
Sometimes. But I dont have any
here. Want me to run to the store?

JULES
(bouncing off the walls)
Yeah. Wait, no. Dont. Sorry.

Jules pops up on her knees, getting in his face.

JULES (CONTD)
Do you think Im just some sad-sack
middle-aged lesbian?

PAUL
God, thats it. I was trying to
figure out how to describe you to
my friends. Thank you.

Jules pushes him away, mock hurt.

JULES
No, Im serious. Am I like some
pathetic suburban Madame Bovary?

PAUL
No, come on. Youre gorgeous and
funny and smart and Im wildly
attracted to you.
 80.

JULES
Honestly?

PAUL
Yeah. I wish I wasnt.

The specter of reality drifts in.

JULES
I know. This isnt...ideal.

PAUL
I mean, Im starting a relationship
with your kids...

JULES
I know...

PAUL
I dont want to mess that up.

JULES
I dont either. Theyre really
enjoying you.

PAUL
And then theres the small fact
that youre married.

Jules buries her face in her hands.

JULES
Oh god, you sure you dont have any
cigarettes?

Paul touches her back.

PAUL
Look, lets not crucify ourselves,
okay? I mean, we kind of have a
kid together. You know? I mean,
thats a pretty major connection.

JULES
I know. It is, right?

PAUL
(struggling to justify)
So its not like this is completely
off the wall...
 81.

JULES
(joining in the struggle)
No, its not...

PAUL
I mean, it makes sense...

JULES
We would be attracted...

Reality sets in again.

JULES (CONTD)
Its probably just something we
shouldnt ever do again.

PAUL
Right.

They stare at each other, neither one looks convinced theyre

going to be able to follow through on this decision.

MINUTES LATER - JULES

walks outside and is stunned to find Luis already back from

Home Depot, sneezing and wiping his nose.

JULES
Did you go to Home Depot?

LUIS
Yeah. I just got back.

JULES
(pissed off)
That was really fast!

Luis looks at her, confused.

LUIS
Yeah, no lines.

His look of confusion trips off her paranoia. Shes

convinced he knows everything.

JULES
Whats that look?

LUIS
What look?
 82.

JULES
The look youre giving me right
now!

LUIS
I got no look. That just my face!

JULES
Hey, Im not gonna play this game
with you! You need to keep your
judgements to yourself!

LUIS
No, I didnt look at you!

JULES
I dont ask you why you keep
blowing your nose constantly, do
I?! I mean, if you have a drug
problem thats your business...

LUIS
I dont have a drug problem!
I have allergies!

JULES
Then why are you a gardener?!

Luis stares at Jules, innocent.

LUIS
Cause I love flowers.

JULES
Look, this isnt gonna work. Ill
pay you though the end of the day
and then were done.

Jules walks past a totally confused Luis.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Nic and Jules sit across from their friends, JOEL and STELLA
LARSON (40s). Everyone seems pretty cozy, except for Nic,
who drinking like a fish to take the edge off.

STELLA
Oh god, the burrata with the
heirloom tomatoes are out of this
world.
 83.

JULES
Theyre in season. Joni brought
some home from Pauls farm the
other day, They were spectacular.

Nic tightens at the mention of Paul.

JOEL
Oh, so the kids have been spending
some time with him?

NIC
(interrupted; acid)
Oh, yeah, theyre spending all
kinds of quality time together.

STELLA
(senses the sarcasm)
Well its great that they get
along. You know, you hear these
stories about kids meeting their
sperm donors and the guys end up
being nothing like they were on
paper.

NIC
No, everyones getting along
famously. Apparently Paul can do
no wrong...

Nic grabs a passing waiter by the arm.

NIC (CONTD)
Can we get another bottle of the
Seavey Cabernet?

Jules gives Nic a look. Nic ignores her. Joel and Stella
feel the tension.

STELLA
Hey, have you guys tried those Aai
fruit packs?

JULES
I havent but theyre pushing them
like crack at Whole Foods.

STELLA
Theyre incredible. Joels
addicted to them.
 84.

JOEL
What I do is I throw one in the
blender and mix it with some
bananas, frozen strawberries and
some hemp milk and Ill tell you,
its sensational.

Nic slaps her forehead.

NIC
Oh, just fucking kill me...

Everyone stiffens. Jules is embarrassed.

JULES
Honey...

NIC
Im sorry guys, but I just cant,
with the fucking hemp milk and the
organic farming and all the yuppie
bullshit...
(yuppie-voice)
Im so happy Henrys learning
Mandarin, I just wish it didnt
sound like two rats screwing or I
know I shouldnt drink bottled
water but it just tastes better
than tap or Why dont women have
hair on their vaginas anymore? I
just cant do it...
(beat)
I Cant. Fucking. Do It.

Nic takes a big swallow from her glass. Jules windshield

wipes Nics forearm.

JULES
(sotto)
How about some green tea, sweetie..

Nic slams her glass on the table. Explodes.

NIC
You know what, Jules?! I like my
wine! Okay? So fucking sue me!
And FYI, red wine has a chemical
called Resveratrol in it, which has
been proven to significantly extend
human lifespan!
 85.

JULES
Yeah, if you drink five cases a
day!

NIC
Fuck you.

Nic storms off. Jules turns to Joel and Stella, ashen.

INT. VOLVO STATION WAGON - NIGHT

Nic and Jules drive home.

JULES
What the hell is going on with you?

NIC
This whole Paul thing is driving me
crazy! I feel like hes taking
over my family!

JULES
Well hes not!

NIC
(nerves fraying)
Im sorry. Im just exhausted.

JULES
Maybe you should take some time
off. Re-charge.

NIC
Yeah, and whos gonna pay for that?

Jules looks pissed off, and hurt.

NIC (CONTD)
Look, Im sorry, I just feel like
Im carrying the whole load here.

JULES
Because thats the way you like it!
Thats the way you keep control!

This is Jules break-point.

NIC
What are you talking about?
 86.

JULES
Oh come on! You hated it when I
worked! You wanted me at home,
taking care of the kids. You
wanted a wife!

NIC
That is just not true!

JULES
You didnt trust any of those
nannies! And you sure as hell
didnt back my career!

NIC
What are you talking about? I just
helped you start another business!

JULES
Yeah, so you can feel better about
yourself!

NIC
No, so you can feel better about
yourself!

All the air leaves the car in one big whoosh.

JULES
Are you even attracted to me
anymore?

Nic looks ahead, not sure what to say.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT

Jules lies on her side. Nic shuffles to get to close to her.

Jules moves away, still pissed at her. Nic realizes she
needs to make amends.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - NEXT MORNING

The family sits in silence, having breakfast. Nic looks

around the table, feeling like a pariah.

NIC
Look, I know youve all been
enjoying your time with Paul.
(MORE)
 87.
NIC (CONT'D)
And I know I havent been as open
to him as everyone else and this
has caused
some...friction...between us. But
Id like to try and change that...

Everyone keeps eating, uncommitted. And...?

NIC (CONTD)
So I was thinking. Maybe it would
be nice if we all had dinner at his
house sometime. That way, I could
get to know him a little better,
and I could see all the good work
moms been doing with his backyard.

Nic looks at Jules and smiles. Everyone nods. They

recognize this is a big step for Nic.

EXT. FOREST CLEARING - STATE PARK - DAY

Joni and Paul sit in the same bird blind we saw her in with
Jai earlier. Shes showing him a little bit of her world.
Paul stares out the small window through binoculars.

JONI
Youre looking for a scarlet red
bird with black flecked wings.
Its called a Summer Tanager.

PAUL
Youre not even looking, how do you
know that?

JONI
Because I know its call. Can you
hear that?
(mimicking the tanager)
Brrrl...brrll...brrlll?

Pauls got his binoculars up, searching for the bird.

PAUL
Howd you get into this again?

JONI
My friend Jai. Hes been birding
since he was like ten.

PAUL
Really? Thats kind of a refined
past-time for a young kid.
 88.

JONI
Yeah, Jais pretty unique. He
comes from this traditional family
of Indian doctors. They want him
to become a surgeon but he wants to
be a psychiatrist.

PAUL
Good for him. So is he your friend-
friend or your boyfriend?

JONI
Just my friend.
(beat)
Although were not really talking
right now...cause he kind of wants
it to be more.

PAUL
And you dont?

Joni gets shy. Shes not used to explaining her feelings.

JONI
I dont know. Maybe I do. The
whole thing just kind of scares me.

PAUL
What are you scared of?

JONI
I dont know. Its kind of lame.

PAUL
Try me.

JONI
I guess Im scared if Ill let
myself like him like that, then
hell stop liking me, and then Ill
be really hurt.

PAUL
That shouldnt stop you from taking
the risk. I mean, Im sure you
were scared to call me, but you
did, and look what happened?

JONI
You know what the funny thing is?
At the beginning, I didnt even
want to meet you.
 89.

PAUL
Arent you glad you did?

JONI
Yeah.

Its a sweet moment, but the intimacy makes Joni nervous.

JONI (CONTD)
So what about you? Why arent you
with anyone?

The truth, that hes sleeping with her mom, flummoxes him.

PAUL
I dont know. Im a weird one.

JONI
I thought you wanted to have a
family?

PAUL
Yeah. I do.

JONI
So whats the problem?

PAUL
I dont know. I date a lot of
women. I just cant seem to get to
the next stage with anyone.

JONI
Well maybe you should quit dating a
lot of women and get your eyes on
the prize.
(patting him on the
shoulder sweetly)
No offense, Paul, but youre kind
of getting up there.

PAUL
Thanks for the reminder.

Paul pokes Joni affectionately. She giggles.

INT. PAULS RESTAURANT - LATER

Paul walks over to Tanya whos standing by the bar.

 90.

TANYA
Jonis pretty. Shes definitely
got some of your genes.

PAUL
I think she looks more like her mom
actually. But thank you.

TANYA
It was cute seeing you in dad mode.

PAUL
Yeah?

TANYA
Yeah.
(lowering voice)
It made me want to fuck you.

PAUL
(uncomfortable)
Oh yeah?...

TANYA
Yeah...

Tanya moves imperceptibly closer.

TANYA (CONTD)
Ive been missing our sleep-overs.

PAUL
Yeah, its been a while.

TANYA
You want to meet up later?

Jonis sage words fresh on his mind:

PAUL
Tanya, youre gorgeous and youre
tempting, but I dont think we
should do that anymore.

Tanyas face drops.

TANYA
What happened?

PAUL
I just feel like Im being unfair
to you. Like Im being lazy.
 91.

TANYA
What do you mean?

PAUL
If I really want a family then I
have to stop getting in these
situations that dont go anywhere.
I mean, our thing is totally fun
and easy, but...I just dont want
to be 50 and still hanging out.

TANYA
Okay, so what are you saying? I
mean, Im all for going to that
next step.

Paul realizes hes gonna have to spell it out. But Tanya

catches on before he has to.

TANYA (CONTD)
Oh.
(welling up)
You just dont want to go there
with me.

Paul knows enough to say nothing. Tanya walks off, leaving

Paul to feel like an asshole for finally calling it.

EXT. PAULS HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY

Paul walks out to check on Jules. Shes sweating her ass

off, shlepping stacks of heavy sod across the yard.

PAUL
Hows it going?

JULES
Wish I hadnt fired Luis.

PAUL
Here, let me help.

Paul takes some of her load and together they transport the
sod to the other side of the yard.

PAUL (CONTD)
So how are you with, you know,
everything between us.
 92.

JULES
Okay. Good. I feel like we made
the right choice.

PAUL
Yeah, no, definitely. It couldve
ended in tears.

JULES
Yeah.

PAUL
I mean, its not like I dont still
think about it...

JULES
No, me too...

PAUL
But Im glad we took the high road.

JULES
Absolutely.

They stare at each other and we cut to...

INT. PAULS BEDROOM - LATER

Paul and Jules lie in bed, naked. Both gaze off in their own
worlds, dazed.

INT. PAULS BATHROOM - LATER

Jules takes a shower, washing off the evidence. She looks

nauseated by her lack of willpower.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - EVENING

The family packs into the Volvo to head to Pauls.

INT. PAULS HOUSE - KITCHEN - MAGIC HOUR

Paul gets dinner ready with Joni and Laser as his sous-chefs.
Both kids seem really psyched to be cooking with him.

IN THE BACKYARD --
 93.

Jules tours Nic around the back yard, looking a little

insecure as she shows her the work shes been doing.

JULES
(defensive)
Im gonna do some planting over so
it wont look so bare and the
trellis is gonna look a lot better
when the vines comes in...

NIC
Honey. It looks great. It all
feels really organically put
together. Im really proud of you.

JULES
Thanks.

Nic pulls her into a hug. Jules is so unaccustomed to this

kind of unadulterated positivity from Nic that it throws her.

INT. PAULS HOUSE - DINING ROOM - LATER

We enter mid-meal. Joni Mitchell playing on the stereo.

Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. Especially Nic,
whos committed to redeeming herself. Paul walks up to Nic
with a bottle of opened red.

PAUL
Hey Nic, youre gonna love this 98
Screaming Eagle.

Nic puts her hand on her glass.

NIC
I think Im gonna stick with water
tonight. But thank you so much.

The Allgoods look at Nic: this is a first.

NIC (CONTD)
(moving on)
God, Paul, this steak is delicious.
Whats the seasoning?

PAUL
I just mist it with a little
truffle oil.

Nic looks at Jules and smiles in full overcompensation mode.

 94.

NIC
What a good idea. We should try
that. Right, honey?

JULES
(taken aback by Nics
cheerfulness)
Mmm-hmmm.

NIC
And its done to perfection.

PAUL
Good, so its not too rare?

NIC
No, its perfect. Juicy. Tender.
Exactly what rares supposed to be.

PAUL
Good. A lot of people in the
restaurant order a steak rare and
they freak out at the slightest
sight of red.

NIC
Ugh, isnt that annoying? That
happens to me all the time when Im
grilling.

PAUL
Dont people know that rare means
red?

NIC
Right?! It means bloody!

PAUL
Exactly! They should see what rare
looks like in Argentina. The cows
practically still mooing.

Laser laughs at Pauls joke. Joni tries to insert herself in

the conversation.

JONI
I really want to go to Argentina.
Buenos Aires is supposed to be
amazi--
 95.

NIC
(interrupting)
Good pick for music, Paul.

Joni glares at Nic: stop being such a Paul hog.

PAUL
Yeah, you a Joni Mitchell fan?

NIC
(smug)
Not really. We just named our
daughter after her.

PAUL
Really?

NIC
Whats your favorite Joni album?

PAUL
Hmm. Well, Hejira and Court and
Spark are definitely up there, but
if I had to give you one it would
probably be Blue.

Nic testifies with a raised hand and a bowed head.

PAUL (CONTD)
Yeah? You too?

NIC
God, I probably spent half of high
school in my room crying over that
album. That record kills me.

PAUL
I know, it never lets up, you got
River, California...

NIC
A Case of you...

PAUL
All I want..

NIC
Mmm!!

Nic pulls her hands to her chest, shuts her eyes...and starts
to sing.
 96.

NIC (CONTD)
All I really, really want our love
to do/Is to bring out the best in
me and in you...

Jules and the kids watch, open-mouthed. Theyre even more

surprised when Paul joins in for some call and response.

PAUL NIC
I want to talk to you... I want to shampoo you...

PAUL NIC
I want to renew you again and Applause, applause/life is
again... our cause...

PAUL NIC
When I think of your My mind see-saws...
kisses...

Paul stops and Nic goes off on a solo, mimicking Joni

Mitchells haunting falsetto. Unfortunately for the table,
nobody sounds like Joni except Joni. So Nic just ends up
sounding like an over-emotional reject from American Idol.

NIC (CONTD)
Do you see...do you see...do you
see how you hu-urt me baby...so I
hurt you too...then we both
get...soo-ooo-ooo blue...

Nic stops, eyes still closed. Shes connected to a part of

herself she rarely lets herself visit. The moment is
punctured by her smart-ass 15 year-old son.

LASER
Dont quit your day job, mom.

Nics hurt by the jab. Paul notices.

PAUL
Hey. It hard enough to open your
heart in this world. Dont make it
harder.

LASER
Youre right.
(to Nic; contrite)
Im sorry, mom.

Nic looks at Paul. Stunned. Then she looks at Jules and

points to Paul.
 97.

NIC
I like this guy.

Paul looks at Joni.

PAUL
You didnt tell me you were named
after Joni Mitchell.

JONI
Its just so dorky. I dont really
like to bring it up.

PAUL
I think its cool.

Nic gets up.

NIC
I need to use the loo.

She leaves.

JULES
Hey, it couldve been worse. You
couldve been Gladys...or Roberta.

INT. PAULS BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Nic washes her hands at the sink. Something catches her eye.
She lifts Pauls hairbrush from the shelf in front of her and
examines it. She reaches into the bristles and pulls out..

A few strands of long red hair.

Nic pales.

CUT TO

Nic on her knees in Pauls shower, pulling a clump of tell-

tale red hair from the drain.

CUT TO

Nic pulling pillows off Pauls bed. Her look tells us shes
found hair here as well.

THEN WE CUT TO

Nic sitting back down at the table. She looks drained.

Nobody notices. The sound drops out.
 98.

NICS POV:

Paul and Jules talking comfortably.

Joni and Laser chiming in, smiling, one big happy family.

REVERSE ONTO NIC:

Totally disconnected. Shell-shocked. She wants to scream

but it feels like shes trapped in cement.

INT. VOLVO STATION WAGON - NIGHT

The Allgoods drive home. Nic is driving. Silent. Alone in

her dread.

JULES (O.S.)
Are you okay?

Nic snaps out of her fugue state. Turns to Jules.

NIC
Yeah. Just tired.

Nic turns back to face the road.

INT. NIC AND JULES BATHROOM - THAT NIGHT

Nic and Jules perform their nightly ablutions. Jules is

sonic-caring her teeth.

JULES
(through the sonic buzz)
Well, you and Paul seemed to get on
like gangbusters...

NIC
Youre sleeping with him, arent
you.

JULES
(freaked)
What?

Nic turns to her, eyes red with anger.

NIC
Just be honest with me. Dont make
me feel crazier than I feel right
now!
 99.

JULES
Where is this coming from?!

NIC
I found your hair in his drain!

JULES
(scrambling)
What? I was working. I got dirty
so I took a shower.

NIC
Oh yeah? You take a nap, too?

Jules pauses a second too long. The jig is up.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - MINUTES LATER

The truth has come out. Nic is so angry shes calm.

NIC
Are you in love with him?!

JULES
No!

NIC
What, are you straight now?!

JULES
No. It has nothing to do with
that!
(beat)
Ive just felt so cut off from you
lately...

NIC
Oh, right, so its my fault!

JULES
No! Who said anything about fault?
Just listen to me!

NIC
Im listening! What?!

JULES
I dont know, theres something
missing with us. I just needed
something.
 100.

NIC
What? To be fucked?

JULES
No! I just needed to feel like I
was exciting to someone.

NIC
Its always what Im not doing for
you, isnt it? Well heres what I
dont to you. I dont work out my
issues by fucking other people!

Nic starts heading for the door. Jules follows.

JULES
Hes not just other people!

NIC
No, you had to go fuck our sperm
donor! You couldnt have picked a
more painful way to hurt me...

JULES
Where are you going?!

NIC
I need water! My mouth is dry!

Nic opens the door. Theres Joni and Laser, looking

devastated. Theyve been listening to the whole thing.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAWN

Jules wakes up looking crusty from a rough night on the

couch. She looks like she hasnt slept at all.

INT. LASERS ROOM - DAWN

Jules enters and walks over to her sleeping son. She gently
nudges him awake.

JULES
Hey Laser. Honey?

Laser turns over, semi-conscious.

LASER
What?
 101.

She sits down on his bed.

JULES
Listen, I know you and Joni heard
whats going on. I just want you
to know how sorry I feel. And I
also want you to know that what
happened with Paul and I is over.
Theres nothing going on now.

LASER
Okay.

JULES
I know you might have some strong
feelings about this but I just want
you to know that Im here for you
if you want to process.
(beat)
Is there anything you want to talk
about?

LASER
(leave my room)
Not really.

JULES
(fighting the impulse to
push it)
Okay then. Go back to sleep.

Jules pats her son and leaves.

INT. JONIS BEDROOM - DAWN

Jules enters and touches Jonis shoulder.

JULES
Joni?

JONI
I dont want to talk to you.

JULES
Can we just--

JONI
I said I dont want to talk to
you!!
 102.

JULES
Okay. Im sorry.

Jules slowly retreats to the door.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

Jules drinks coffee at the table. Nic walks in, dressed for
work. She tightens at the sight of Jules. Jules looks at
her, wanting to process. But Nic isnt in the mood. She
grabs a banana from a bowl and walks out.

Jules feels like a leper.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - MID-MORNING

Everyones gone except Jules. Jules lies on her bed,

traumatized, listening to Eckhardt on her Ipod sound-dock.

ECKHARDT TOLLE
We cant let other peoples
expectations control us.

The calming words of Eckhardt are having an unintended effect

on Jules. Instead of easing her pain, theyre just making
her feel like more of a phony.

ECKHARDT TOLLE (CONTD)

We must learn that, sometimes, it
is okay to disappoint people...

Jules bolts up, grabs the Ipod from the doc...

JULES
Shut the fuck up!!

...and hurls it against the wall.

EXT. PAULS FARM - AFTERNOON

Pauls walking through rows of swiss chard, cell phone to his

ear, listening to it ring.

INT. SASHAS ROOM - AFTERNOON

We can tell Jonis been crying and downloading the whole

thing to Sasha. Jonis cell rings. She looks at the number.
 103.

SASHA
Oh god, is it...?

Joni nods gravely, answers.

JONI
(cold)
Hello.

Conversation Intercut.

PAUL
Hey Joni, how you doing?

JONI
Youre such a phony.

Beat.

PAUL
Excuse me?

JONI
You act like youre so groovy and
together but youre not. Youre a
shitty person!

PAUL
What happened?

JONI
You know what happened.

Pauls stomach drops as he realizes shes found out about him

and Jules.

JONI (CONTD)
Oh look, Mr. Wisdom has nothing to
say.

PAUL
Joni, Im so sorry it happened.
But its over.
(beat)
I can only imagine how you feel
right now...

JONI
Believe me, you cant.

PAUL
Look, can I see you, can we talk?
 104.

JONI
No. We cant. Dont call me
anymore.

She hangs up and start crying. Sasha hugs her.

We cut back to Paul at the farm, sweaty, nauseous with

remorse. He turns around to find fetching young Brooke,
waiting for him with a wicker basket of huge cucumbers.

BROOKE
Hey Paul, you have to take a look
at these cukes. Theyre...

Paul holds up his hand at her. This girl symbolizes every

bad choice hes ever made.

PAUL
Stop it.

BROOKE
Stop what?

PAUL
Just stop it.

Paul walks away. Brooke looks embarrassed.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - BACKYARD - AFTERNOON

Jules sits on a lawn chair smoking a cigarette. Her cell

rings. She answers.

EXT. STREET - AFTERNOON

Paul walks down the street, wigging out.

PAUL
Hey, its me. I just got off with
Joni.

Conversation intercut.

JULES
Oh my god, Im so sorry. I should
have called you.

PAUL
What happened?
 105.

JULES
Nic saw my hair in your bathroom.

PAUL
Oh, fuck...

JULES
Yeah.

PAUL
Did you tell her it was over?

JULES
Yeah, that didnt make too much
difference.

PAUL
Can I come over and just talk to
the kids?

Jules takes a big drag on her smoke.

JULES
Thats probably not a good idea.
Things are pretty tense right now.

EXT. HOUSE PARTY - FRONT LAWN - NIGHT

Joni and Sasha walk up to a house party in progress.

SASHA
You sure youre up for this?

JONI
Yeah, I need to see him.

They enter the house.

INT. HOUSE PARTY - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Joni and Sasha enter to find a party in progress. A group of

twenty or so kids hanging out, listening to music, talking,
drinking, the usual.

Across the room, Joni spots Jai chatting with a WAIFY GIRL in
a sundress. The kind of girl whose sentences always seem to
end with a question-mark. The kind of girl Joni detests.

Joni walks up to Jai and Waify girl, interrupting them.

 106.

JAI
Hey.

JONI
Can I talk to you?

Waify girl juts out her hip territorially.

WAIFY GIRL
Umm, scuse mayy? Were kinda in
the middle of a conversayyy-shun?

JONI
(mimicking)
scuse mayyy? Ill just be a sec-
und?
(to Jai; desperate)
I really need to talk to you.

Jai turns to Waify Girl, who looks pissed.

JAI
Ill be right back.

Joni and Jai walk outside into the

BACKYARD

They walk to a corner and stop.

JAI (CONTD)
Whats up?

She reaches to touch his three-day old boy-beard.

JONI
I like the scruff. Its sexy.

Jai pulls back.

JAI
What do you want to talk about?

JONI
My mom Jules is sleeping with my
donor dad.

JAI
Fuck. Thats deep. Are you okay?
 107.

JONI
No, its been kind of a disaster at
my house. Ive wanted to call you
so many times in the last few days.
Its just made me think about you
and how much I miss talking to you.
How much I miss you.

Jai is back to being a bowl of jelly for Joni.

JAI
I miss you too.

Joni looks at her friend. Who she now realizes is more than
a friend. She takes his face and kisses him. After a
moment, Jai pulls back.

JAI (CONTD)
Youre just doing this cause youre
upset. Which is a perfectly
natural reaction to what youre--

She puts her hand to his mouth.

JONI
Stop analyzing me and kiss me.

Her wish is his command. Jai mans up and lays a big fat
passionate kiss on her.

HOUR LATER --

Were still at the party. We see MOS shots of Joni and Jai
hanging out, arm-in-arm, a couple at last. They do a shot of
tequila with Sasha (as Waify girl looks on, pissed). They
dance. They kiss some more. They do another shot. Joni
looks like shes letting go for the first time.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT

Jules walks in to find Nic, awake, in bed.

JULES
Just getting another pillow. The
couch is kind of saggy.

NIC
Is your back okay?

Jules perks up: is this an invitation to share the bed again?

 108.

JULES
Its a little ache-y.

NIC
You should take some Advil.

Guess not.

Suddenly, they hear bumping and loud footsteps in the hall.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - HALLWAY - NIGHT

They walk out into the hall to find Joni, a drinking

lightweight, stumbling toward her bedroom.

Nic stops her in the hallway.

NIC
Hey. How was the party?

Joni tries to avert her moms piercing gaze.

JONI
It was okay.

Nic takes in the glassy look in her daughters eyes.

NIC
(surprised)
Were you drinking?

JONI
Just a little.

NIC
I hope you didnt drive home like
this.

JONI
Why? Im not drunk. I just had
two couple tequila shots.

NIC
Well, you seem drunk to me.

JONI
Yeah, well, you should know.

NIC
(furious; incredulous)
What did you just say to me?!
 109.

JONI
Im going to bed.

Joni starts to leave. Nic grabs her.

NIC
No, youre not! Im not done
talking to you!

Laser opens his door and watches the scene progress.

JONI
What do you want from me?! I did
everything you wanted! I got all
As! I got into Stanford. Now you
can show everybody what a perfect
lesbian family you have!

JULES
Dont talk to your mom like that!

Joni spins to face Jules.

JONI
Youre really gonna tell me how to
act? Now?!

JULES
Hey, Im still your mother.

JONI
Whatever...

Jules reaches out and Joni backs away, sickened.

JONI (CONTD)
Dont touch me!

Joni walks toward her room.

JONI (CONT'D)
Im so sick of both of you!

MONTAGE BEGINS:

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DAWN

The sun also rises on this formerly happy home.

 110.

INT. ALLGOOD LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Jules wakes up on the couch. She sits up and rubs her aching
back.

INT. MATERNITY WARD - HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Nic helps deliver a baby. We see its the same woman Nic was
giving the ultrasound at the beginning of the film. Cut to a
NURSE placing the newborn baby in the mothers arms, the
FATHER standing beside her. Nic watches the scene.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - JONIS BEDROOM - DAY

Joni packs for college. The room is littered with half-

filled packing boxes. She picks up a pile of clothes from
the corner and sees the farmers hat Paul gave her. She puts
it aside, not sure what to do with it.

EXT. PAULS BACKYARD - DAY

Paul looks out at his back yard. It looks less like a

project in progress than a project abandoned.

EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY

A high school football summer practice is in progress. We

see Laser in helmet and shoulder-pads standing out at wide
receiver. The quarterback calls hike. Laser runs a quick
slant route. The quarterback throws and before the ball
reaches Laser a CORNERBACK nails him hard and illegally.

As Laser lies on the ground in pain, the cornerback takes off

his helmet. Its Clay.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - NIGHT

The family has their last supper - before Joni leaves.

NIC
Did you pack that lamp I gave you?

JONI
Yeah.
 111.

NIC
(anxious)
Well, we can always get stuff up
there, too, if you need it, I mean
if the rooms dark or you need
extra bedding...

JONI
Im not going to Siberia, mom.

Jules looks at the family unit, misty.

JULES
I cant believe this is our last
dinner together.

LASER
Oh God, are you gonna cry?

Jules looks at her son, fed up.

JULES
You know, I wish you were gay.
Youd be so much more sensitive.

The doorbell rings.

NIC
Oh shit, who is that?

JONI
Ill get it, its probably Sasha.

Joni runs to the door. Opens it. Its not Sasha...

Its Paul.

JONI (CONTD)
(shocked)
What are you doing here?

PAUL
I needed to talk to you before you
left.

JONI
Why? Theres nothing to talk
about.
 112.

PAUL
I just want to apologize again for
what happened. I cant tell you
how much I regret it.

JONI
(losing control)
So like, everything that happened
between us. What was that? Was
that just bullshit?!

PAUL
No, it wasnt bullshit at all. I
know I dont seem credible right
now but I really care about you...

Both Joni and Paul are struggling to keep their emotions in

check.

PAUL (CONTD)
...and I hope someday well be able
to maybe see each other again.

JONI
You really hurt me.

PAUL
I know I did.
(beat)
Im not saying now. Im saying, in
the future, do you think that could
maybe happen?

JONI
I dont know...

Joni looks at her shoes, overwhelmed.

JONI (CONTD)
I just wish you could have been...

PAUL
What?

Joni looks up, tears in her eyes.

JONI
Better.

We hear a rumbling - Nic is storming her way to the door.

With Jules and Laser trailing behind.
 113.

NIC
Youve got some balls, mister!

PAUL
Nic, hold on...

NIC
No, you hold on! Let me tell you
something, man! This is not your
family. This is my family!

PAUL
I know that...

NIC
No, you dont know! You know why?!
Because youre a fucking
interloper! If you want a family
so much, go out and make your own!!

Nic slams the door in his face and walks back into the house.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Jules follows Paul and catches up to him.

JULES
Hey Paul, wait up.

PAUL
This was a bad idea. Im sorry.

Jules grabs him and turns him to face her.

JULES
Listen to me.
(beat)
Youre not the villain here.

PAUL
(choking up)
Well I feel like one.

Jules pulls him into a hug.

JULES
Youre not.
 114.

INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - TV ROOM - THAT NIGHT

Laser, Joni and Nic watch Locked Up Abroad: Nepal. Jules

walks in front of them, picks up the remote and turns off the
TV.

JULES
I need to say something.

Everyone sits up. Jules has a look of strength and

resolution weve yet to see before.

JULES (CONTD)
Look, its no secret your mom and I
have been going through a rough
patch lately. Thats happens in
marriages, especially ones that
have lasted as long as ours. But
instead of looking at our problems
and trying to deal with them head-
on, I went and did something really
stupid. It may be shocking to you,
but adults arent exempt from
making mistakes. Anyway, I know
youre all really furious with me.
I can take that. Im a big girl.
But what I cant take is the
thought that my bad decisions have
ruined your relationship with a
good man...
(preempting Nic)
Call him what you want, Nic, but
Pauls a good guy. No, he isnt
blameless, he was there too. But
if Im gonna be honest about it,
the person who really pushed it was
me.
(beat; to the kids)
I know this whole things
confusing. I wish it wasnt. But
lifes just like that sometimes.

And with that, Jules hands the remote back to Laser and
departs the field. Everyones shocked by Jules show of
strength, especially Nic.
 115.

INT. ALLGOOD LIVING ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

Jules puffs up her pillows, preparing for another night on

the couch. Just as shes about to lie down, Nic comes over
and picks up the pillows.

NIC
Come on.

Nic heads upstairs to their room. Jules follows.

INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT

Nic leads Jules by the hand to the edge of the bed. They
both sit down. Nic caresses Jules face. Leans in and
kisses her gently. Jules wells up. She reaches out and cups
Nics face. Its a long, passionate Dunkin Donuts, Why I
First Fell in Love With You kind of kiss.

Nic gently pushes Jules onto the bed, lays on top of her and
starts kissing her neck. Jules is loving it. But then she
gets an impulse.

Jules flips Nic onto her back, lays on top of her and starts
kissing her neck in the exact same way.

Nic starts laughing. Her bottoms now a top.

Jules sits up. Looks her lover in the eye.

JULES
Were gonna get through this.

Nic returns her gaze.

NIC
I know.
(beat)
I love you, chicken.

And for the first time in a long time, we actually believe

them.

INT. JONIS ROOM - MORNING

Joni wakes up. She looks around her room. Theres nothing
on the walls. The floor is covered with boxes taped and
labeled. Its time to go.
 116.

EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY

Nic and Jules stuff the last of Jonis things in the back of
their station wagon. Laser and Joni bring the last of the
boxes out of the house.

INT. VOLVO STATION WAGON - DAY

The Allgoods are on the road, heading to Palo Alto.

Nic and Jules ride in front. They look happier. Nic reaches
over and takes Jules hand. Laser and Joni both see this.

MINUTES LATER

Joni looks down.

ANGLE ON: the hat Paul gave her the day she visited his farm.

She stares at it. Then looks up...

JONI
Mom?

EXT. PAULS HOUSE - DAY

Paul opens his door. Theres Joni. Paul cant believe it.

PAUL
Hey! I thought you were--

Joni hugs him. This makes Pauls decade.

PAUL (CONTD)
Im sorry.

JONI
Its okay.
(beat)
You did the worst you could.

PAUL
Youre funny.

JONI
I know....
(beat)
I get that from my dad.
 117.

IN THE VOLVO

The rest of the Allgoods watch Paul and Joni. Jules is so

relieved to see this reconciliation. Nic is taking it.

CUT TO:

INT. VOLVO STATION WAGON - DAY

Now theyre on I-5. Driving through scenic Bakersfield.

Laser looks uncomfortable.

LASER
Can we pull off? I gotta pee.

EXT. MARIE CALLENDERS OFF I-5 - DAY

Establishing.

INT. MARIE CALLENDERS - DAY

The Allgoods share a last meal. Nic and Jules seem wired as
separation anxiety kicks in. Joni looks at her watch.

NIC
Its okay, were fine on time.

Joni seems distant, her mind already at college. Nic sees

this. Wants to connect with her daughter one more time.

NIC (CONTD)
Its gonna be really hectic when we
get there so your mom and I wanted
to take this time to tell you how
much weve loved being your parents
and how proud we are of you.

Joni looks away, skirting what she fears is a prelude to a

maternal melt-down. Nic soldiers on.

NIC (CONTD)
Ive been thinking about what you
said to me, about my wanting to
show everybody what a perfect
lesbian family I have.

JONI
Mom, forget about that--
 118.

NIC
No, you were right. Part of it was
vanity. But the bigger part was
just wanting the best for you. I
know we werent perfect parents.
But weve loved you so much and we
hope you felt that...at least some
of the time.

JONI
Yeah, I did.
(looking at her watch)
We should go.

Nic sags.

EXT. PALO ALTO - DAY - ESTABLISHING

The station wagon passes through the town.

INT. STATION WAGON - STANFORD CAMPUS - DAY

As they drive into Stanford, Joni sees STUDENTS swarming the

campus. She takes it all in, nervous, excited. Nic and
Jules steal looks back at Joni, feeling her nervousness,
wishing they could take it away.

EXT. STREET - DAY

The Allgoods pull up to the curb, get out.

EXT. DORM ROOM - DAY

Laser pulls a dolly with Jonis boxes. Joni and the moms
follow behind.

INT. JONIS DORM ROOM - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Nic and Jules help Joni unload her boxes. Jules drops a box
on Nics toe. Nic yelps.

JONI
(impatient)
Guys, its okay. I got it.

Nic and Jules get the hint. They leave the room.
 119.

INT. JONIS DORM ROOM - BEDROOM - LATER

Quick shots of Joni moving stuff into her room. When she
finally looks up, she realizes her parents arent there.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Joni exits quickly, looking around to find her family. She

sees the station wagon is gone. She looks panicked, like a
kindergartner dropped off at school for the first time.

NIC (O.S.)
Joni...

Joni turns to see her family heading towards her from behind.

JONI
Whered you go?!

NIC
We had to move the car.

JONI
(covering her fear)
I thought you left.

JULES
We wouldnt leave without saying
goodbye.

NIC
Give us some credit.

And suddenly, everyone realizes...this is it. Its time to

say goodbye. First Laser comes up and hugs Joni.

LASER
Its gonna be weird not having you
at home.

JONI
Sorry to leave you alone with them.

LASER
Its okay. I can handle it.

Laser backs up. Then the moms both come up and hug Joni,
tears streaming down their faces.
 120.

JONI
Guys, come on...
(beat)
Look, Ill talk to you soon.

Joni tries to detach from the hug. But her moms wont let
go. They keep holding her and crying.

Slowly, their tears begin to break Joni down.

Trapped in their loving embrace, Jonis feelings rise up,

unbidden, overpowering her. She starts crying.

The moms hold her tighter, which makes her cry even harder.

Soon shes sobbing in her mothers arms, as all the pressure,

resentment and anger shes felt starts seeping out of her.

Nic and Jules feel their daughter letting go. They hold her
tight to comfort her.

They keep holding her until a calm sets in.

The hug breaks apart. Nic pushes the hair from Jonis face.
Joni gives her moms one last smile, then turns and walks
away. We stay on Nic and Jules, watching their daughter set
off on her new life.

INT. STATION WAGON - DAY

The family drives home. Jules is at the wheel. Nics in the

passenger seat, eyes red and puffy. Lasers in the back
listening to his Ipod. Jules looks at Nic, then looks back
at Laser.

JULES
Hey Laser.

Laser takes out his earpiece.

LASER
Yeah?

JULES
How about sharing your tunes.

Laser grudgingly hands Jules the Ipod. She plugs it in and

chooses a song.

After a beat, Joni Mitchells All I Want comes on.

 121.

JONI MITCHELL
I am on a lonely road and I am
travelling, travelling, travelling.
Looking for something what can it
be. Oh I hate you some, I hate you
some. I love you some. Oh I love
you, when I forget about me...

Jules and Nic share a look, then turn to face the front. As
the music plays, Jules reaches over and grabs Nics hand.

No one speaks. They just drive, listening to the song.

Nic smiles...

Nothings better than Joni.

FADE OUT

THE END