New Girl

"Stranger Danger"

Written by

Neal Adams

1280 Amity Road, Washington, Ga 30673

(706)513-4649
 ii.

New Girl
“Stranger Danger”
CAST LIST
JESS ……………………………………………………………… Zooey Deschanel
NICK ……………………………………………………………………… Jake Johnson
SCHMIDT …………………………………………………………… Max Greenfield
WINSTON …………………………………………………………… Lamorne Morris
CECE ……………………………………………………………………… Hannah Simone
DERRICA ……………………………………………………………… Saoirse Ronan
RICK …………… …………………………………………………… David Krumholtz
AMELIA …………………………………………………………………… Frieda Pinto
MITT ……………………………………………………………………… Zachary Quinto
WILBERT ………………………………………………………………… Romany Malco
STORE CLERK …………………………… …………………………… Steve Buscemi
CASHIER …………………………………………………………………… TJ Miller
ALY ……………………………………………………………………… Nasim Pedrad
AGENT SHAW ……………………………………………………………… Tina Fey
DELIVERY GUY …………………………………………………… KC Collins
 ACT ONE

1 INT. LOFT - FRONT DOOR - MORNING 1

There’s a constant knock at the front door. NICK comes from

his room, hair wild, yawning. He’s wearing pink footed
pajamas.

The knocking continues.

NICK
Hold your horses you animal!

Nick opens the door to reveal a DELIVERY MAN who stares at

him.

NICK (CONT’D)
(winces)
Don’t you dare judge me.
The delivery man is holding a box that has a digital pad on
top.

DELIVERY GUY
Sign please.

Nick grabs the pad, signs.

NICK
Why do you guys all come so early?
People actually need sleep you
know.

Nick puts the pad back on the box.

DELIVERY GUY
It’s noon.

NICK
Exactly, you’re making my point for
me brother.

The delivery man gives Nick the box, he struggles to hold it

up due to it’s weight. The Delivery man takes the pad, walks
away.

Nick looks at the delivery slip on the box.

INSERT DELIVERY SLIP

Rick Tiller

Bershire Drive, Loft 3D

 2.

Los Angeles, CA 90001

Nick looks up right as the delivery guy gets on the elevator.

NICK (CONT’D)
Hey! This isn’t mine.

The elevator closes. DING.

Nick closes the loft door.

NICK (CONT’D)
(grunts)
So heavy.

Nick uses all his strength, and places the box on the coffee
table. THUD.
Nick is short of breath.

JESS walks into the living room.

JESS
Nice jammies Miller. What’s in the
box?

NICK
I don’t know, it’s not mine.

Jess walks over, looks at the delivery slip.

JESS
Rick Tiller. Honest mistake I
guess. He must be a new tenant.

There’s another knock at the door.

Jess answers. The door opens and reveals RICK, and DERRICA.
Rick is strangely similar to Nick, and Derrica similar to
Jess.

RICK
Sorry to bother you, but we just
saw a delivery truck leave, and
were wondering if you got our
package by mistake?

JESS
We did actually. I’m Jess by the
way, welcome to the building.
 3.

RICK
Sorry where are my manners. I’m
Rick, and this is my friend
Derrica. We just moved in
downstairs.

JESS
Well welcome to the building.

DERRICA
Thanks. It’s really nice.

JESS
It’s a good place once you get past
the homeless people that live out
front, and the occasional stench
from the basement... I’ll get your
package.

Jess turns to walk off.

RICK
Actually, would it be OK if it
stayed here a while.

Jess turns back to them.

JESS
(surprised)
Oh... k.

DERRICA
Just because we have boxes
everywhere right now, and it’s
chaos down there.

JESS
No prob.

RICK
We’ll just swing by, and pick it up
later when we get some things
unpacked.

Nick walks over to the door, braces himself against it with

his arm.

NICK
Hey, I’m Nick.

Nick stares at Rick, squints his eyes. Rick returns the

gesture both noticing their similarities.

DERRICA
Nice pajamas.
 4.

NICK
Clearly you’re a woman of fine
tastes.

Nick struggles to wink at her, mouth half open, he looks like

he’s having a seizure.

Derrica seems flattered.

RICK
Are you having a seizure?

Nick continues you a few moments more.

NICK
No I was...

He tries to wink again, struggles.

Awkward moment. Then:

JESS
Alright. Hey maybe you could stay
for dinner when you come back for
your box.

RICK
Sounds great. Mind if we bring our
roommates?

JESS
Of course not, the more the
merrier. We’ll have ourselves a
good ole’ dinner party.

DERRICA
Great, we’ll bring the wine.

NICK
(sexy gaze)
Sounds fancy.

RICK
(awkward energy)
OK, we’ll see you around seven?

JESS
Perfect. We’ll be here.
Rick, and Derrica walk off. Jess closes the door.

NICK
Handsome guy.

Off the door closing, we:

SMASH TO MAIN TITLES

 5.

2 INT. LOFT - LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN 2

Jess goes into the kitchen, sits at the counter, pulls out
her phone.

Nick goes to the sofa sits, turns on the TV.

CECE, and SCHMIDT enter from their room, notice the box.

CECE
What’s in the box?

NICK
New neighbors.

Cece, and Schmidt continue into the kitchen. Schmidt proceeds

to fix coffee using a Keurig. Cece stands next to Jess.

CECE
Huh?

JESS
It was delivered to us instead of
our new downstairs neighbors by
mistake. They just stopped by a
minute ago. They asked if we could
keep their box until they unpacked.
I said yes, and I invited them to
dinner, now I’m planning a dinner
party for tonight.

CECE
Did they seem like nice people?

NICK
Yeah she was nice, and he was
weirdly handsome.

Jess expression shows slight disapproval, Cece notices.

JESS
Rick, and Derrica, and yes they
seemed super nice.
SCHMIDT
I would hope so, this building has
enough charlatans as is.
Schmidt takes a sip of his coffee.

SCHMIDT (CONT’D)
It’s like a circus around here.
Peanuts! No thank you sir! God
knows where those mitts have been.
 6.

The front door opens WINSTON enters the Loft. He’s carrying a
cat case.

WINSTON
Salutations my good people! What’s
everyone doing?

CECE
Jess is planning a dinner party for
our new neighbors.

Winston puts the cat case down, releases Ferguson who runs
off into the apartment.

WINSTON
I didn’t know we had new neighbors.

CECE
Neither did we until this morning.
Now they’re coming to dinner.
WINSTON JESS
Great. I should invite Aly You absolutely should.
over. Or should I? They’re bringing their
roommates, and wine.

NICK
Fine taste.

Winston makes a phone call.

WINSTON
OK. No, of course I understand.

Winston ends the call.

JESS
Is she coming?

WINSTON
She can’t tonight. Duty calls.

NICK
(laughs)
Duty.

Nick scratches his armpit, smells his hand.

OFF all of them staring at him with a range of emotions.

CECE
(to Jess)
You used to date him.

Jess wears a look of disgust.

 7.

3 INT. GROCERY STORE - LATER 3

Jess, and Cece shop for food in the grocery store.

CECE
Everything seems so much more
expensive since I don’t model
anymore.

JESS
Don’t you worry about it I’m taking
care of everything.

Cece watches as Jess excitedly grabs food from the shelves.

CECE
What’s this really about?

JESS
(laughing awkwardly)
What do you mean?

CECE
Is this like that time in ninth
grade when you said you were over
Jimmy Masters, but then you got all
weird when you saw him give Suzie
Fitzpatrick a love note?

4 INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - MORNING - FLASHBACK (18 YEARS AGO)

4

Jess (14) and Cece (14) watch from Jess’ locker as Jimmy
Masters (15, looks, and is dressed like Zack Morris from
Saved by the Bell) gives a love note to Suzie Fitzpatrick,
(14, blonde, makeup on, mature for her age). Jess looks
crushed.

CECE (14)
Are you OK with that?
When Cece turns back to Jess her locker door blocks her face.
Cece closes the door and Jess has makeup on, but it looks
horrible, smeared lipstick, and heavy eye shadow.
JESS (14)
(creepy voice)
I’m so pretty. Tell me I’m pretty.
Cece is noticeably disturbed.

JESS (14) (CONT’D)

(grabbing Cece)
Say it!
 8.

5 BACK TO PRESENT: 5

JESS CECE
Why would you think this is Well...
like that?

Jess interrupts Cece.

Jess violently throws random items into the grocery cart.

Cece flinches each time an item bangs against it.

JESS
Because Nick was flirting with a
cute girl in my face, when we
obviously have some unresolved
issues?

Cece prepares to respond, then:

Jess grabs a can of Cool Whip, opens it, starts to spray it
in her mouth.

JESS (CONT’D)
(muffled, mouth full of
cool whip)
Or maybe it’s because she’s
prettier than me? Do you think
she’s prettier than me...? Do you!

CECE
Of course not Jess. You’re
beautiful.

JESS
(pouty face)
You really think so?

CECE
(comforting)
I know so. Now just give me the
Cool Whip.

Cece struggles but eventually pries the Cool Whip from Jess’
grip.

CECE (CONT’D)
(grunts)
Geez you have the grip of a lesbian
lumberjack.

Jess rests her head on Cece’s chest.

 9.

JESS
I have to prove I’m better than
her. Will you help me with this
dinner party?

CECE
Absolutely.

Cece rubs her head to comfort her

JESS
Your breasts are like goose down
pillows.

CECE
I know.

Cece continues to rub her head.

OFF the STORE CLERK stares at them with a huge smile, gives
two thumbs up, nods. Cece turns to face the other direction.

CECE (CONT’D)
We need to get out of here.

END OF ACT ONE.

 10.

ACT TWO

6 INT. GROCERY STORE CHECKOUT - MOMENTS LATER 6

The CASHIER has his back turned when Jess and Cece walk up.

CASHIER
You two are back already?

Cece and Jess are confused. Whipped cream is on the corner of

Jess’ mouth.

CASHIER (CONT’D)
You got a little something.

He reaches out to wipe it off, Jess swipes his hand away.

CECE JESS
Dude! Creep!
CASHIER (CONT’D)
I’m confused I thought we connected
earlier, and you too brown eyes.

He flicks his tongue at her.

CECE
Excuse me?

OFF Derrica walks past with her friend AMELIA, Indian.

DERRICA
Oh my God, Jess. Hey.

Derrica walks over to the counter. Cece is alarmed at their

similarity, to her and Jess.

The cashier looks at Derrica, and Amelia, then back at Jess

and Cece.
CASHIER
Oh wow, I’m sorry I thought...

DERRICA
It’s OK hun. I’m glad I saw you
again though, because we need
another bottle of wine, and a
corkscrew. Do you think you can
swing that?

Derrica flashes a big smile, touches his hand.

CASHIER
(smiles)
Of course. I’ll go grab it.
 11.

He runs off, leaves them at the register.

DERRICA
(to Jess, and Cece)
Sorry about that. Oh, this is one
of my roommates, and my best friend
Amelia.

AMELIA
Hey. Nice to meet you Jess, and...

JESS
Oh sorry this is my best friend
also, Cece.

Cece looks at them, perplexed by the similarities.

The cashier runs back up, with a bottle of wine, and a

corkscrew. Gives them both to Derrica.

DERRICA
Awww, thanks sweetheart. You got
this right?

CASHIER
Of course.

The cashier pulls money from his own pocket, pays for the
wine, and corkscrew.

DERRICA
See you ladies tonight.

Derrica, and Amelia walk off.

CECE
That didn’t seem the least bit
strange to you?

JESS
What do you mean?

CECE
She looks like you, and her best
friend is a pretty Indian girl.

JESS
What? No. She doesn’t look like me,
and so what if her friends an
Indian girl. You’re being weird
Cece.

CASHIER
Yeah Cece.

Cece glares at the cashier.

 12.

Jess pays. They grab the bags, walk off.

7 EXT. LOFT BUILDING 7

Winston is walking Ferguson on a leash, when a black car

pulls up, and parks.

The door opens reveals WILBERT, wearing an FBI vest. He walks

past Winston, and Ferguson.

WILBERT
Nice cat. Exotic shorthair?

WINSTON
(impressed)
Yes, how did you know? Most people
think he’s a Persian.

WINSTON (CONT’D) WILBERT

But, they were developed to They were developed to be a
be a shorthaired version of shorthaired version of the
the Persian. Persian.

WILBERT
Yeah, I’m a cat guy. (shakes
Winston’s hand) Wilbert. I just
moved in downstairs.

WINSTON
Nice to meet you, I’m Winston.
That’ s Ferguson. FBI?

Wilbert looks down at his vest.

WILBERT
Forgot I was wearing this. I’m in
training. Hostage rescue teams.

WINSTON
Oh wow. Well I’m LAPD, so I know
how tough that can be.

WILBERT
(not impressed)
Yeah. Well hey nice meeting you
Clinton.

Wilbert pets Ferguson, and enters the building.

WINSTON
It’s Winston.

Winston picks up Ferguson.

 13.

WINSTON (CONT’D)
(mockingly)
My names Wilbert. I’m a hostage
rescuer. Who cares, right Ferguson.

They walk off down the street.

8 INT. LOFT - LATER 8

Nick has his foot on the dining table cutting his toe nails,
and grooming himself when Schmidt walks in, he takes a whiff
of the air.

SCHMIDT
(disgusted)
What is that? It smells like
fritos, and despair in here.

He notices Nick at the table.

SCHMIDT (CONT’D)
What are you doing you Neanderthal?

NICK
I’m getting ready for tonight.
Trimming the old claws.

Schmidt opens the window.

SCHMIDT
Claws is right. Your feet look like
you were raised by wild bears, when
your mother abandoned you as a
small child. You’re like that movie
Mama.
Nick digs in his toe, Schmidt gags.

NICK
Come here you sneaky bastard, don’t
you go playing coy with me.

Nick continues to clip away, struggles to clip his big toe

nail.

NICK (CONT’D)
Don’t you quit on me now.
The clippers break.

NICK (CONT’D)
I’m going in!

Nick tries to get his foot to his mouth. Schmidt horrified

turns away, looks out the window.
 14.

Schmidt sees Cece, and Jess standing on the sidewalk, their

backs turned to the building. He admires Cece, smiles.
Moments later they’re approached by a well dressed man with
amazing hair. Schmidt grows concerned, then: the man
passionately kisses Cece.

SCHMIDT
No!

Schmidt scrambles to the door, jerks it open, runs out.

Nick is still trying to put his foot in his mouth.

9 EXT. HALLWAY - ELEVATOR 9

Schmidt stops at the elevator, presses the button several

times but someone is coming up. He decides to take the
stairs.

Schmidt scrambles down the stairs, then bursts out the front
door.

SCHMIDT
Unhand my Hindu Goddess you well
dressed, and impeccably handsome
rapscallion!

Schmidt raises his fists.

SCHMIDT (CONT’D)
Prepare for fisticuffs.

The man releases the woman revealing her to be Amelia,

Schmidt is confused, Derrica turns to look at him as well.
Just then Jess, and Cece walk up.
CECE
Babe what are you doing?

Schmidt looks at Cece then back at Amelia even more confused.

SCHMIDT
I thought...
Derrica, Amelia, and MITT walk over to them.

DERRICA
Wow we just keep running into you
guys.

CECE
Yeah, weird.

Cece looks at Jess.

 15.

JESS
Well we do live in the same
building, so it’s bound to happen.
Who’s this another roommate?

AMELIA
No it’s my fiance Mitt. He’s in
town visiting from New York.

Mitt reaches out to shake Schmidt’s hand. Cece looks more

concerned.

Schmidt hesitates for a moment, then shakes his hand.

MITT
Mitt Rhodes, media director for
360i.

SCHMIDT
Schmidt, and that sweet brown sugar
over there is my fiance Cece.

Mitt’s handshake is powerful. Schmidt squeezes harder, Mitt

does the same in return, they power gaze into each other’s
eyes, then forcefully pull away. Schmidt rubs his hand.

SCHMIDT (CONT’D)
Wait you said 360i, the ad firm?

MITT
That’s right.

SCHMIDT
Interesting, I’m in marketing
myself.

MITT
Really, with who?

SCHMIDT
A firm here in LA.

Mitt reaches in his jacket pocket. Schmidt draws his fist

again.
Mitt slowly pulls a card from his wallet. Schmidt lowers his
fist, plucks it from his hand.

MITT
If you ever feel like you’re ready
for the big leagues, give me a
call.

Derrica, Amelia, and Mitt walk off, enter the building.

DERRICA
See you at dinner.
 16.

Schmidt rubs the card between his fingers.

SCHMIDT
Such rich texture.

He rubs it against his bare cheek, enjoys it.

Cece gives Schmidt a bag to carry. His trance broken, he

grabs it with the hand that Mitt shook.

SCHMIDT (CONT’D)
Ow.

Schmidt drops the bag, picks it up with his opposite hand.

10 INT. LOFT - KITCHEN - SHORTLY AFTER 10

Jess and Cece are preparing food.

Schmidt is sterilizing the table wearing a surgical mask, and
gloves.

11 INT. LOFT DOOR 11

The door opens, Winston enters carrying Ferguson. The door

closes.

WINSTON
Hey has anyone met Wilbert?

CECE
Who’s Wilbert?

WINSTON
Some fancy smancy FBI hostage
rescue, cat loving fool that just
moved in downstairs.
Schmidt pulls down the surgical mask.

SCHMIDT
He can’t be any worse than Mitt
with his perfect hair, and
eyebrows. Who wears a trim fit
windowpane check wool suit, with a
pair of Barker Black ostrich cap
toes anyhow?

OFF Winston, Cece, and Jess are all speechless.

 17.

SCHMIDT (CONT’D)
(high pitch)
A man with an acute eye for
fashion, and an even bigger bank
account, that’s who. Stylish
bastard. I need to go exfoliate.

Schmidt, tosses the gloves, and mask down, goes to his room.

12 INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS 12

CECE
There is something weird about them
Jess, I’m telling you.

OFF Nick comes out of his room wearing a burgundy smoker’s

jacket, and slippers. He has a pipe in his hand, and no shirt
underneath his jacket. His face is shaven, his hair parted,
and slicked back.
NICK
Who’s weird?

JESS
I don’t think that question
requires an answer at this point.

OFF Nick sits in a lounge chair facing the kitchen, he

crosses his legs, and puts his pipe in his mouth.

NICK
So you guys think a hot woman would
dig this look?

Jess stabs a piece of chicken with a large knife.

WINSTON
(laughs)
You look like Hugh Hefner had a
love child with a wayward drifter.

NICK
(shrugs)
I’ll take that.

SCHMIDT (O.S.)
Cece! I need your help putting
lotion on my back! Please! I’m so
stressed right now!

Cece wipes her hands.

CECE
Look just stay calm, and keep
working on dinner.
(MORE)
 18.
CECE (CONT'D)
We are going to kill this dinner,
and Nick will see that you’re way
better than Derrica.

SCHMIDT (O.S.) CECE

Cece! Hold on, I’m coming!

JESS
You promise?

CECE
I promise.

END OF ACT TWO.

 19.

ACT THREE

13 INT. LOFT - DINNER TABLE - EVENING 13

Derrica, Rick, Amelia, Mitt, and Wilbert are all sitting at

the table with Nick, Jess, Cece, Schmidt, and Winston.
They’re having wine. Their plates are empty.

WILBERT
Thank you for dinner, that was
delicious.

JESS
Isn’t it crazy how we all met one
another at some point today?

CECE
One might think it was planned.

The table is silent.

JESS
So, Derrica. What do you do?

DERRICA
I teach underprivileged blind
children to read, and write.

Jess turns up her wine.

Jess pulls her glass down. Quickly looks to Cece, eyes wide,
then back to Derrica.

JESS
Good job, kudos, bravo.
Jess turns her wine back up.

NICK
(laughs,)
Blind children to read, and
write.(Nick pretends to be a blind
child writing) You’re like a modern
day Mother Teresa.

DERRICA
Awww, thanks Nick. But I could
never be like Mother Teresa. I love
sex too much.

A beat, as Nick processes her statement, then he pours them

both more wine, and opens his smoker’s jacket a little, makes
sure Derrica notices.

Jess crumples her napkin. Cece puts her hand on Jess’ to calm
her down.
 20.

NICK
(to Rick)
What about you, you handsome devil.

Rick takes a sip of wine, clears his throat.

RICK
I’m a mixologist.

WINSTON
Oh Nick owns a bar with Schmidt,
and he’s a bartender.

Rick takes another sip of wine, then, places his glass on the
table.

RICK
I’m not just a bartender. I took
first place in New Orleans during
Tales of the Cocktail this year. I
start work at Mixology 101 Monday
night.

SCHMIDT
That’s the high end bar on West 3rd
Street.

Rick winks.

SCHMIDT (CONT’D)
They play host to the Brad Pitts,
the Idris Elbas, the Celine
Dionnes.

RICK
That’s the spot.
JESS
What about you Amelia?

AMELIA
I did some modeling for a large New
York agency for a while, but I grew
tired of that world, and now I’m
going back to school to be a
lawyer.

CECE
Oh come on! Am I the only one that
sees what’s happening here?

The table is silent.

CECE (CONT’D)
(clinched teeth)
Excuse us. You four, kitchen now.
 21.

Cece walks into the kitchen. Jess, Winston, Schmidt follow.

OFF Nick is still at the table flirting with Derrica.

JESS
Nick!

NICK
(to Derrica)
Excuse me, I’ll be back.

Nick walks over.

NICK (CONT’D)
Can we make this quick because I’m
killing it with Derrica over there.

Nick looks back, her winks at Derrica, she paws at him like a
cat.

CECE
Has no one else noticed the
similarities between us, and them?

JESS
Like?

Cece facepalms.

CECE
Derrica is a teacher, only she’s
better than you because she teaches
blind kids. Mitt works for a larger
firm than yours Schmidt, Rick is a
“mixologist” and almost Nick’s
doppelganger.
NICK
That explains why he’s so darn
handsome.
Cece rolls her eyes.

CECE
Look, Wilbert is in the FBI, and
Amelia used to model, but now she’s
going to school to be a lawyer.
Come on. Is any of this making
sense to you all?

NICK
I get it. You think they’re pod
people, here to replace us. It’s
almost like an episode of Scooby
Doo, minus Scooby Doo.

Everyone stares at Nick in utter disbelief.

 22.

SCHMIDT
First, Nick you’re ridiculous,
there were only four characters on
Scooby Doo, and the dog. Also Cece
I know what this is really about.
Listen my delicious caramel gelato,
just because she is going back to
school doesn’t make her better than
you.

CECE
Ugggh... This is not about me.

OFF Rick stands at the table.

RICK
Is everything OK over there?

NICK
You bet it is you dashing man. We
just needed to discuss our bathroom
schedule.

Rick sits confused.

CECE
I know there’s something they
aren’t telling us.

JESS
I think you’re just over thinking
things. Let’s get back and try to
have a good time.

Jess turns, goes back to the table. The group follows.

Cece, Amelia, and Derrica are on their phones, not really

into the conversation. Winston watches in disapproval, as
Wilbert plays with Ferguson. Schmidt tries to part his hair
more like Mitt’s, Nick stares at Rick.
Mitt pulls out his cellphone, and sits it in the middle of
the table.

MITT
I have an idea. This is something
we do at our dinner meetings
sometimes to make sure we interact
with one another. Everyone silence
your cellphone and put it in the
middle of the table. That way we’re
basically forced to talk to one
another.

No one responds.
 23.

MITT (CONT’D)
I’m telling you guys it works.

Everyone hesitates at first, but then: all the phones end up

in the middle of the table with Mitt’s.

SCHMIDT
Now what?

MITT
Now the fun begins.

Mitt opens another bottle of wine, starts pouring everyone

except his group glasses.

OFF under the table, Wilbert pulls another cellphone from his
pocket, hits a button.

INSERT MITT’S CELL PHONE SCREEN - UNDERNEATH VIEW

Uploading 1%...

BACK TO SCENE

14 INT. LOFT - DINNER TABLE - MOMENTS LATER 14

MITT
A few years back we made up a game
called dedicated patriot.

NICK
Wait, that sounds like true
american.

Nick looks concerned.

Wilbert walks over to Derrica whispers in her ear, walks
away.

Derrica touches Nick’s leg, whispers in his ear. Nick smiles,

they leave the table.

OFF Jess watches, takes a big sip of wine.

JESS
Whatever it is, let’s play!

Mitt looks to Wilbert, discreetly taps his watch. Wilbert

nods at him, signals a two then a zero with his fingers.

MITT
Let the shenanigans begin!
 24.

15 INT. LOFT LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER 15

The room is set up like true american. Jess, Cece, Schmidt,

and Winston all look disturbed.

WINSTON
Why does it feel like they stole
true american, and changed the
name?

CECE
I told you there was something
weird about them.

SCHMIDT
This has got to come to a stop.

OFF the other side of the room.

RICK
How much longer before we have all
the info?

WILBERT
We have everyone’s information
except Nick’s. He’s like a ghost.
No financial records for the last
eighteen years, it’s like he
doesn’t exist.

AMELIA
Derrica will get it out of him.

Ferguson goes over to the open window, sneaks out unnoticed.

Ferguson makes his way down the fire escape to the street,
runs out of sight.

16 INT. NICK’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS 16

Derrica is making out with Nick, things are getting hot, and
heavy.
NICK
(while kissing)
Get ready for the best ten minutes
of your life, wait, seven minutes,
OK, OK, three minutes but
definitely the best three minutes
of your life.

Derrica pulls away, stands, removes her shirt.

 25.

NICK (CONT’D)
I don’t know why this is happening
but thank you.

Derrica straddles Nick, starts back kissing him.

NICK (CONT’D)
(kissing)
Oh Jess.

Derrica stops.

DERRICA
It’s Derrica.

NICK
That’s what I meant.

They continue to kiss, Derrica reaches into her purse, pulls

out handcuffs, she hooks his left arm to the headboard.
NICK (CONT’D)
Ooohhh kinky.

Derrica hooks his right arm to the headboard as well, then

reaches back into her purse, and pulls out a silicone ball
gag.

NICK (CONT’D)
Uhhh... Shouldn’t we discuss safe
words or something? Mine is puppy
cuddles.

Nick watches as Derrica pulls her hair up, removes her

glasses, and wig, revealing she’s a redhead. Then: she pulls
a gun from her purse, cocks it, puts it back in her purse.
NICK (CONT’D)
Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

Derrica gags Nick.

DERRICA
(Scottish accent)
Oh shut up.

Derrica looks around the room.

DERRICA (CONT’D)
Now where is your financial
information Nick Miller?

Derrica moves around the room, searches. She reads Nick’s

eyes, and body language while searching.
 26.

DERRICA (CONT’D)
You’re the only one that’s proven
to be difficult.

Nick watches, squirms, until Derrica reaches his closet.

Nick’s eye’s widen. Derrica notices, looks in the bottom of
the closet and finds an old dented Masters of the Universe
lunch box. She opens it to find it full of receipts, etc.

DERRICA (CONT’D)
What the...

There’s a knock at the door. Derrica grabs her gun, aims it

at the door.

DERRICA (CONT’D)
(American accent)
We’re busy.

RICK (O.S.)
(British accent)
It’s me, open the bloody door.

Derrica lowers her gun, opens the door.

RICK (CONT’D)
They’re all out. Did you find his
info?

DERRICA
(Scottish accent)
Just this box of receipts.

RICK
It’ll have to do. Let’s get out of
here.
Nick starts to get drowsy.

NICK’S POV
Nick’s vision grows blurrier by the second. He passes out.

17 EXT. CITY STREET 17

ALY is drinking coffee in her patrol car when she notices

Ferguson on the street. She exits her car.
ALY
Ferguson?

Ferguson runs over to her. Aly picks him up, calls Winston.
Gets no answer, she reaches up to her shoulder, grabs her
radio.
 27.

ALY (CONT’D)
Battalion one to central, I’m going
to need assistance.

18 INT. LOFT LIVING ROOM - LATER 18

Nick, Jess, Cece, Schmidt, and Winston all wake up groggy on

the sofa.

Jess sits up, then grabs her head falling back, looks at the
others on the sofa.

JESS
Ugghhhh, how drunk were we?

The others start to wake up. Jess turns around to see Aly
with other LAPD, and Interpol officers. Rick, Derrica,
Wilbert, Mitt, and Amelia are all in handcuffs.

Nick, Cece, Schmidt, and Winston all gather their bearings.

NICK
(groggy)
Was it all a dream?

AGENT SHAW sits on the table in front of them.

AGENT SHAW
I imagine things are a little foggy
right now.

SCHMIDT
What happened?

AGENT SHAW
I’m agent Shaw, Interpol. Your new
friends over there are actually
international jewel thieves.
They’ve been watching you for
weeks. They stole ten million
dollars in diamonds, that they had
shipped to you on purpose, then
they slipped you Rohypnol through
your wine, and successfully stole
all your identities using a cell
phone extraction device.

AMELIA
(Indian accent)
And we would have gotten away with
it too, if it wasn’t for your
stupid cat.

Nick’s eyes widen.

 28.

NICK
Ferguson is our Scooby Doo!

Aly gives Ferguson to Winston.

ALY
(to Winston)
When I saw Ferguson wondering the
streets, and you didn’t answer your
phone I knew something was wrong,
so I called for backup.

WINSTON
Ferguson, you’re our hero.

LAPD, and Interpol officers lead Rick, Derrica, Wilbert,

Mitt, and Amelia out of the loft. One of the Interpol agents
is carrying the box of diamonds.

ALY
(to Winston)
I’ll call you later.

The loft is cleared. The door closes.

Everyone with the exception of Nick goes towards their rooms.

NICK
Do you think this means Derrica
wasn’t really into me?

OFF each person continues to their rooms, don’t respond.

Nick grabs a cup of wine, takes a huge sip, he swishes it

around in his mouth.

JESS (O.S.)
Rohypnol, remember Nick.

Nick gets groggy passes out.

19 BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE: 19

EXT. SPOOKY FIELD - NIGHT - DREAM

The mystery machine pulls up, and the group exits.

Jess is Velma, Schmidt is Fred, Cece is Daphne, Winston, and
Nick are both versions of Shaggy, and Ferguson has on a blue
collar with the letter F on it.
 29.

SCHMIDT
(to Nick)
I told you that there were only
four members of the mystery gang,
and then Scooby.

NICK
Not in my version Schmidt. Right
Fergie Doo?

FERGUSON
Right Shaggy number two. Fergie
dooby doo!

END OF SHOW.