Five Components of Emotional

Intelligence
Self-Awareness Self-Regulation Motivation Empathy Social Skills

Keep a journal – Know your values – Why you wanted this job – Wear their shoes – Conflict resolution –

Reflect on the day and Develop a personal value Write down why you first Avoid defending your position 1. Recognize the emotions at
examine your moods and statement that defines your wanted your job. Reconnect first or soothing your feelings1 play in the conflict. 2. Assess
emotions. What feelings did mission or purpose in your often with your list. Continue in response to someone’s their impact (negatively or
you have that could negatively profession. Decide in advance to deepen your reasons as frustration. Listen and seek to positively influencing the
impact relationships or your code of ethics and your understanding matures. understand others. But, don’t outcome). 3. Understand why
performance? Why do you conduct that aligns with your If you find you cannot be completely “remove your own people might feel those
think those moods and purpose, then stick to it. fulfilled where you are, do shoes.” You need to express emotions. 4. Focus their
emotions occurred? Regularly reevaluate if you’re something about it, including your position, but not until emotions on the objective of
aligning with your purpose. a possible job change. you understand theirs first. resolving the conflict.2

Slow down – Hold yourself accountable – Know where you stand – Body language – Communication –

When you’re in the middle of Review the anti-responsibility Realize everyone is a leader in Interpersonal communication Improve your communication
a situation, examine your list from Elder Lynn G. some way, to build a stronger is 65% nonverbal. Smiling or skills by learning about verbal
moods and emotions at play. Robbins’ talk, “Be 100% team, or lead the clients you frowning, eye contact or and nonverbal
If you sense they could Responsible.” Reevaluate serve to accomplish the aversion, tone of voice, communication, listening,
negatively impact the your behavior regularly objective of your organization. breathing, and attention all negotiating, problem-solving,
situation, slow down before against that list and plan how Reevaluate your motivation to help communicate. Consider decision-making, and
you act. Think about why you to improve. Involve a trusted lead others to success and your nonverbal cues. Ask the assertiveness.
are feeling that way. colleague to help you. work to improve at it. person for help to understand
their nonverbal cues.3

Choose to act – Practice calm – Be hopeful and positive – Respond to feelings – Validation –

Realize there is a space Triggers are physiological Be optimistic. Good leaders Actions speak louder than Learn to praise others when
between what happens to you responses to emotions. Your seek to learn from every words, if you want to show they go the extra mile, are
and what you do in response. stomach tightens, mind goes situation. Regardless of what you understand. Saying reliable, trustworthy, or
That space allows you time to blank, or breathing and heart happens to you, find something effectively consistent, are willing to
decide what to do. Choose to rate increase. Write down any something good in it, even if communicates your thoughts, improve performance, or do
act in way that builds, rather negative reactions to stress to it’s small, something you can but doing something forms a something connected to a
than react in a way that identify your triggers. Plan learn and grow from. deeper level of empathy. It higher purpose they don’t
harms. your response to them. shows you care. readily see yet.
1
Soothing your feelings refers to the internal conversation we have when something doesn’t go the way we want. It might
sound like this: “Those people don’t appreciate someone who works hard. That’s why they were so rude to me in that
sales meeting,” “I think that presentation went really well. It’s no big deal that no one had any questions,” or “I can’t
believe he said I’m impatient. Everyone knows I have a busy schedule and don’t have time for small talk.” The attempt is
to sooth our feelings, so we feel better about how things went, in spite of potential feedback we are ignoring. As a result,
the situation does not improve.
2
As you progress through the steps toward conflict resolution, people (or the person) involved will become more aware of
their feelings and why they have them. Those feelings may negatively impact the situation (e.g. anger, leading to more
conflict) or create positive impact (e. g. stress, motivating the need for resolution). Focusing participants’ emotions on the
objective of resolving the conflict means to help them see the outcome of acting or not acting on their feelings, then
developing a plan to resolve the situation, rather than further escalating it. We assume, once people see the potential
result of acting on their feelings (whether good or bad) or ignoring their feelings (and the negative result of doing so), they
will increase their motivation to resolve the conflict.
3
If we pay attention to someone’s nonverbal cues, we pick up on subtle communication telling us we need more
understanding of the situation. For example, a manager who reminds an employee that he needs to be on time to work,
notices the employee lowers his eyes and turns his body slightly away while she is talking him. In response, the manager
says, “I noticed you looked down and turned your body away from me while we were talking. I’m concerned that
something I said isn’t sitting well with you. Could you help me understand how you’re feeling right now?” This kind of
conversation helps everyone understand the situation better and builds relationships of trust.