10 OPENING CREDITS 10

A plain-covered book being opened.

We push in on an illustration of a clear starlit sky. A

Lu
glowing full moon casts a warm glow over a white, snowy

ER
landscape.

A warm female voice reads the first line as the image comes *
to life. Snowflakes fall gently. A red-breasted ROBIN perched
on a branch of a real Christmas tree <TWEETS> serenely.
1 NARRATOR (GENTLY) 1
pu

TL
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.
And all through the land. Not a
creature was stirring...

<PARP> A loud off-key strangulated noise and the ROBIN is

knocked roughly off his perch.

BU
s
2 ROBIN 2
<SHOCKED CHEEP>

Pan down to see an ELF with a huge trombone, fully extended,

looking suitably embarrassed. Ooops!
Fi
3 NARRATOR 3
...just a tiny elf band. *

An ELF BAND are sitting outside in the snow, in a serene,

RD
quiet landscape. All is calm. The CONDUCTOR gives the
lm
trombone player a reproachful look before composing himself,
holding up his baton and cueing the ORCHESTRA.

The MUSIC STARTS as -

-- a door is flung open inside the grotto to reveal a

resplendent ST NICK.
RA
s
4 ST NICK 4
(BEAMING)
This is it! Christmas Eve! My *
favourite night. *
Lt
It’ll soon be time for us to take *
flight. *
We’ve had all the letters, and *
GE

we’re ready to go *
With a rattle of sleigh bells and a *
big Ho ho ho! *
d

The band mark the 'sleigh bells' and 'hohoho' musically, with *
sleigh bells and tympani booms for the ho ho ho, and St Nick *
enjoys this *
*
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 2
ST NICK (CONT’D)
(To Himself) *
The band’s much better than last *
year’s quartet. *
And that mix-up with Vixen; it’s *
best to forget. *
Lu
But this year we’re cooking, and *

ER
it’s finally here. *
Christmas! The most magical time of *
the year! *

20 INT - GROTTO - THAT MOMENT (& SEQ. 30 & 35) 20

ON a huge grotto HQ, like a busy airport terminal. It is full

pu

TL
of activity and decorated festively.

SONG 1 – OPENING CHRISTMAS NUMBER – ‘IT’S SHOWTIME’

5 ST NICK - SONG 5
They take the presents off the
shelf,

BU
s
Then they put it in the box,
They wrap it up with paper,
Put a bow upon the top.
They put the present on the belt,
And the belt it moves along,
Fi
Then they do it all again,
Until the presents are all gone.

They put the presents in the

RD
trolley,
lm
Til there is no room for more,
Then they push with all their
might,
Until the trolley’s by the door.
They put the package on the sleigh,
Until the reindeers they are gone,
Then they fly around the world,
RA
s
And we sing this little song.

We get everything all ready,

So we can keep it smooth and
Lt
steady,
So every child around the world
will know,
GE

It’s Christmas Day!

It’s showtime!
d

We have everything in place,

It’s show time!
So Christmas it won’t come too
late.
It’s working as a team,
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 3
ST NICK - SONG (CONT’D)
With a HO HO HO!
All the little elves and me,
Through the sleet and snow.
It’s show time!
Let’s go, go, go!
Lu

ER
They find the places on the map,
So the reindeers they will know,
Then they set the GPS,
So they will know which way to go.
They put the carrots in the bucket,
And the bucket on the floor,
pu

TL
So the reindeer don’t get hungry,
And they won’t come back for more.
Then they check the sleigh is
ready,
So that everything is fine,
And they cover it with glitter,
And they polish till it shines.

BU
s
Then they say a little wish
So that every single kid,
Will have everything they wanted,
That was written on their list.
Fi
We get everything all ready,
So we can l keep it smooth and
steady,
So every child around the world
will know,
RD
It’s Christmas Day.
lm
It’s showtime,
We have everything in place,
It’s showtime,
So Christmas it won’t come too
late.
RA
s
It’s working as a team,
With a HO HO HO!
All the little elves and me,
Through the sleet and snow.
It’s show time!
Lt
Let’s go, go, go!

They smile through the day and they

GE

smile through the night,

Cos they’re happy little workers
standing side by side,
d

They dance and they jiggle and they

spin around,
As the children of the world are
all sleeping sound.
They sprinkle on some magic,
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 4
ST NICK - SONG (CONT’D)
Throw some elfy kind of dust
And they do it all with pride and
with very little fuss.
They work every minute just to get
things right,
Lu
They are elves on a mission on this

ER
Christmas night.

ST NICK sings as he walks around the busy ELF areas <WAVING>

cheerily at everyone, while the ELVES work (frankly ignoring
him. They’ve work to do.)

- A very busy ELF kitchen where ELVES are industriously

pu

TL
making various goodies - chocolate chip cookies, stripy candy
canes etc. ST NICK picks up a cookie from a tray...mmmm...the
ELF turns back with a piping bag to find the cookie gone.

- The steaming LAUNDRY ROOM where red hats and ST NICK suits
are diligently washed and pressed. ST NICK goes to wave in
but steam billows out and he jumps out of the way.

BU
s
- The MAIL ROOM where Christmas letters are sorted
methodically, overseen by a serious-looking ELF, with half
moon glasses on. ST NICK gives the bell on the table a <DING>
as he goes past <CHUCKLING>. The serious-looking ELF looks up
Fi
through his glasses and shakes his head.

- The PRESENT PRODUCTION LINE where presents of all shapes

and sizes are being placed on a conveyor belt, travelling
along (like the Generation Game) - a BIKE, a CUDDLY TOY, a
RD
PUPPY who looks around bemused by the whole situation, tinsel
lm
round his collar. ST NICK gives him a pat and throws a bit of
cookie to fetch...

...the PUPPY jumps off the line and runs off happily,
dragging an ELF holding onto the end of the tinsel behind
him.
RA
s
Further along the line ELVES expertly wrap presents, putting
brightly coloured bows on top, before they fall off the end
of the line into airport like articulated truck with sacks
in.
Lt
- The PLANNING ROOM. A group of ELVES busily chart the route
for St Nick to take on a complicated GPS system, headsets on.
St Nick looks at the computer with one ELF who is pointing
GE

out the route, nodding his head, pretending to listen. He is

actually looking at his reflection in the moniter, wiggling
his eyebrows.
d

ST NICK heads out -

 © Lupus Films Limited 5

40 EXT - REINDEER-LAND - THAT MOMENT 40

- and bangs opens a door to outside knocking over the ELF

ORCHESTRA and stopping the music, instantly. ST NICK looks
around confused for a moment...
Lu

ER
6 ST NICK 6
Mmmmm...

...before his eyes alight on...

- a large brightly coloured sleigh sits gleaming in the snow.

On the ground, ELVES scuttle around. One is polishing the
pu

TL
sleigh, one is checking a list (and checking it twice). One
has on a pair of headphones and is bopping along to himself.
BOOTS, a particularly mischievous ELF, cheekily swings from a
ladder on the side of the sleigh.

A TROLLEY ELF trundles past and ST NICK looks down to see a

large festive flask on it.

BU
s
7 ST NICK (CONT’D) 7
Aaah! An oatmilk latte! With extra
cream.
Fi
ST NICK, reaches down and picks it off the trolley as she
passes.
8 ST NICK (PLEASED) (CONT’D) 8
That’s us all set then.
RD lm
ST NICK also looks to the vast empty space.
9 ST NICK (CONT’D) 9
Hold on. Where’s the team?
50 INT - REINDEER ‘COMMON’ ROOM - THAT MOMENT 50
RA
s
A hazy back room, with an illicit gambling den vibe. Seven of
the REINDEER - PRANCER, DASHER, BLITZEN, DANCER, CUPID,VIXEN,
DONNER - are sitting/ standing around in various states of
repose.
Lt
COMET stands at the front of the room beside a BOARD on the
wall with different odds written on in. She has on a green
peaked visor hat. They are doing a complicated sweepstake of
GE

what they think might go wrong this year for St Nick.

10 COMET/ PRANCER 10 *
d

So, what are the bets? What will

happen this year?
 © Lupus Films Limited 6

11 DASHER (MUNCHING ON SOME CARROT 11

CRUDITÉS)
He’ll get stuck in a chimney.
12 BLITZEN (WORRIED) 12
Lu
Or lose a reindeer.

ER
DANCER is practicing a dance - similar to a ‘REINDEER FLOSS’.
13 DANCER 13
I say a breakdown.
14 COMET 14
pu

TL
He’ll lose his way.

COMET looks at CUPID. CUPID doesn’t respond. She is

mesmerized by DANCER’s repetitive dance movements. VIXEN
nudges her and she comes out of her reverie.
15 CUPID 15

BU
s
Huh? The presents could fall out of
the sleigh.
16 DONNER 16
I’ll go with a hat loss.
Fi
17 PRANCER 17
A rooftop fall...
18 VIXEN (CATASTROPHIST) 18
RD
Or, Christmas might not happen at
lm
all.

Everyone looks at Vixen who looks deadpan when -

- <SFX: ALARM SOUND>. A loud noise interrupts the REINDEER.

The REINDEER turn to look. On the WALL, is a REINDEER BUST
with bright red nose flashing on and off.
RA
s
19 BLITZEN 19
It’s the S.O.S. alarm.

All the REINDEER look at each other.

Lt

20 REINDEER (IN UNISON) 20

Save Old St Nick!
GE

They jump up from the table.

d

60 EXT - REINDEER-LAND - THAT MOMENT 60

ST NICK, now on his sleigh, is holding a large red button

attached to a chain, similar to an alarm an elderly person
would wear around their neck.
 © Lupus Films Limited 7

In lettering around it is ‘Save Old St Nick.’ He is showing

it to BOOTS. The REINDEER pile out the door in a rush,
getting stuck on the way.

The ELF ORCHESTRA, finally getting themselves up out of the *

Lu
snow play a hurried <SUPERHERO> fanfare. Ta Da! *

ER
21 REINDEER (O/S) 21
(’stuck’ sounds)
Owww/ Aah/ Oh!/EEK!
22 ST NICK 22
<Haha> One push does the trick.
pu

TL
Cup of tea please Reindeer.

The REINDEER grumble under their breath, not impressed.

23 PRANCER 23
The alarm’s for emergencies, not
summoning us here.

BU
s
24 ST NICK 24
Well, we haven’t had a problem
since…..ages ago.
Fi
25 DASHER 25
It was last year, St Nick.
26 PRANCER 26
Come on. Let's go.
RD lm
The reindeer head to the sleigh.

ST NICK, still <CHUCKLING>, goes to put the alarm back in his

pocket, but it drops out unseen with a <PLOP> into the snow.
The REINDEER kick snow over it as they pass, hiding it from
view.
RA
s
RUDOLPH is sitting to the side, away from the other REINDEER,
wrapped in a blanket, his nose a bright vivid red. He looks
rather sorry for himself. He goes to sneeze.
27 RUDOLPH 27
Lt
Aaaah...aaaah...ahhhh...

A passing ELF holds a handkerchief out to catch it - but the

GE

moment passes. As soon as the ELF takes the hanky away

however…
d

28 RUDOLPH (LOUDLY) (CONT’D) 28

....CHOOOOOOOO!
 © Lupus Films Limited 8

RUDOLPH’s sneeze sends the ELF flying through the air -

accompanied by a <SFX WHISTLING SOUND> from the ELF ORCHESTRA
and a <THUD> from the drum - straight into the snow in front
of PRANCER. The ELF shakes the snow off himself and looks up -
to find himself eye to eye with an unimpressed PRANCER. The
Lu
ELF jumps up and rushes off.

ER
RUDOLPH <SNIFFS>. ST NICK is sympathetic to his youngest and
most mollycoddled reindeer.
29 ST NICK 29
Poor Rudolph, I’m sorry you can’t
come on the trip. But it’s not good
pu

TL
to fly with that dreadful nose
drip.

<SPLAT> A huge drip falls from RUDOLPH’s nose.

30 CUPID 30
(interrupting to get St

BU
s
Nick’s attention)
Erm erm... We’re ready!
31 ST NICK (TO RUDOLPH) 31
Keep warm, stay home and try and
Fi
get better.
32 VIXEN (ROLLING EYES) 32
He gets the cold every year.
RD
An ELF runs in holding something aloft in his hand
lm
<SQUEAKING>.
33 ELF 33
<Elf squeak to suggest ‘A letter, a
letter!’>
34 DONNER (COMMENTING TO OTHERS) 34
RA
s
It’s a last-minute letter!

The ELF climbs up the ladder and hands the letter to ST NICK,
who looks at it with interest.
Lt
35 ST NICK 35
Well, this has come late. Now,
let’s see...
GE

CU envelope. It is clearly very old, has been misdirected

many times and is covered in different writing crossed out –
d

‘DOES NOT LIVE HERE’, ‘RETURN TO SENDER’. The only address

left on it reads ‘ST NICK’ and even that is only just about
legible. ST NICK opens the letter and pulls out a piece of
paper, which has a heart monogram at the top.
 © Lupus Films Limited 9

CU letter together with a Polaroid picture of a young girl.

Both are yellowed with age. ST NICK peers at it to read.
36 ST NICK (CONT’D) 36
I better read it...
Lu

ER
The REINDEER gather round the sleigh, curious, peering over
ST NICK’s shoulder to read. He begins...
37 ST NICK (CLEARING THROAT) (CONT’D) 37
‘Dear St Nick...’ (to reindeer
around him) yep...that’s me.
pu

TL
70 INT - PALACE - A LONG WHILE AGO 70

Another voice takes over as we cut to a young PRINCESS

sitting at a desk with a Christmas tree in the background,
writing a letter, tongue stuck out in concentration. She
talks as she writes, pausing now and then to think.

BU
s
38 PRINCESS 38
I’ve wished for a gift on the great
Northern Star. And I know my home
Wonderland lies very far. I’d so
like a pet I cannot deny.
Fi
She pauses for a moment thinking and returns to writing.
39 PRINCESS (CONT’D) 39
A Mock Turtle, a Borogrove, a
RD
Rocking-Horse-Fly. But my absolute
lm
favourite (which would be a catch),
is the frumiously fun and fast
Bandersnatch! I hope my wish finds
you out there in the snow. You’re
my very last hope.(My mum said no!)
RA
s
She signs out.
40 PRINCESS (CONT’D) 40
Love. The...
Lt
80 EXT - REINDEER-LAND - THAT MOMENT 80

ST NICK’s voice comes in again, mixing with the Princess, as

GE

he finishes reading the letter.

41 ST NICK 41
d

Love. The.. ‘Princess of Hearts.

Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.’

ST NICK looks up from the letter.

 © Lupus Films Limited 10

42 ST NICK (CONT’D) 42
(musing, to himself)
A Bandersnatch eh? What an
interesting wish.
Lu
The REINDEER shift uneasily.

ER
43 COMET (KNOWLEDGEABLY) 43
I’ve heard about Bandersnatches...
44 BLITZEN (ANXIOUS) 44
They’re really scary.
pu

TL
45 COMET 45
They’re huge and they’re fierce.
46 DONNER 46
And incredibly hairy.

BU
s
ST NICK reads from the letter.
47 ST NICK 47
‘Turn over the page for a
Wonderland Map.’
Fi
ST NICK turns the paper over and studies the map. CU MAP.
ROUTE A marked ‘SHORT CUT’ shows the rabbit hole, a quick and
easy route. ROUTE B shows a very long, meandering line, doing
loop-the-loops and squiggles of all types. It doesn’t make
RD
any sense at all.
lm
48 ST NICK (CHUCKLING, TO REINDEER) (CONT’D)
48
Well. Hoo Hoo. We’ll need the Sat
Nav for that!

The REINDEER try to dismiss the idea of going, as casually as

possible.
RA
s
49 DASHER 49
Well, we’ve no time to go.
50 BLITZEN 50
Lt
Uh uh. No way.
51 PRANCER 51
GE

We’re too big for a rabbit hole. *

52 CUPID 52
d

And it takes ages by sleigh.

The reindeer all nod. ST NICK jumps out of the sleigh.

 © Lupus Films Limited 11

53 VIXEN 53
What are you doing?
54 ST NICK 54
We’re making a plan. To take a
Lu
detour to Wonderland.

ER
55 BLITZEN 55
But we don’t have the time.
It’s too far away.
56 ST NICK 56
Every child needs a gift on
pu

TL
Christmas Day.

ST NICK heads off toward the grotto.

57 VIXEN 57
An extra stop on the trip makes me
very nervy.

BU
s
(ALT: An extra stop on the trip *
makes me feel all nervy) *

58 BLITZEN 58
I’ve heard Wonderland’s mad. All
Fi
topsy turvy.
59 PRANCER 59
And there’s a bad queen! I’ve read
the book. We could all lose our
RD
heads.
lm
60 BLITZEN 60
Let’s have a look.

CUT TO St Nick looking at route options with some elves.

61 ST NICK 61
RA
s
Won-der-land. Wonder - that’s with
an O.
(ALT: Won-der-land. Wonder with an *
O.) *
No sign of a post code, but it
Lt
can't be too far to go.
62 62
GE

A long thin print-out comes out of the computer and is

brought to St Nick by an elf.
d

63 ST NICK 63
Thank you so much. Now then, let's
see....
(reading from printout)
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 12
ST NICK (CONT’D)
DE-TOUR TO WONDERLAND, SUCCESS
PROBABILITY....Zero point zero zero
zero zero... one.
(PAUSE)
Doesn’t seem too bad, might even be
Lu
fun!

ER
Back up top: The Reindeer are gathered round the book, &
<GASPING> at different pictures when… ST NICK comes back out.

ST NICK makes a quick decision. He’s a sucker for a letter.

pu

TL
64 ST NICK (CONT’D) 64
To the Princess’ castle we’ll fly
first tonight. Set course to
Wonderland, Reindeer, take flight.

The REINDEER cry out, horrified, bombarding him from all

sides now, their heads cutting in from all angles.

BU
s
65 PRANCER 65
Don’t be silly, St Nick!
66 DASHER 66
Fi
St Nick, are you mad?
67 COMET 67
Have you not heard of Alice?
RD
68 VIXEN 68
lm
The whole place is...bad.

ST NICK looks at them all surrounding him, bemused.

69 ST NICK (CHUCKLING) 69
This princess of hearts deserves a
gift.
RA
s
We'll be there in a jiffy, it'll be
swift.
70 VIXEN 70
We’ve so many chimneys to visit
Lt
tonight.
71 CUPID 71
GE

To be risking it all for one girl

is not right.
d

72 ST NICK 72
Oh, Reindeer. You’re being
overdramatic! What could go wrong?
 © Lupus Films Limited 13

73 PRANCER (TO CONDUCTOR) 73

It will be TRAUMATIC!
90 SONG 2 - REINDEER VS ST NICK 90
Lu
The REINDEER conjure up the madness of Wonderland for ST NICK

ER
and the AUDIENCE at home.
74 WONDERLAND SONG 74

75 REINDEER - SONG 75

Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh….

pu

TL
Hang on, St Nick,
The thought of going,
Just makes us sick.

It’s terribly scary,

BU
s
And a little Nightmarey,
With a Queen who says.
“Off with their heads!”
Fi
It’s an awful idea,
Not a place for us eight reindeer
It would feel so much safer,
Do us a favour,
And don’t make us go,
RD
Down that dark rabbit hole.
lm
Chorus
Don’t you know that everything,
Won’t goes as planned?
‘Cos they’re all mad,
In Wonderland.
RA
s
If you ever get there,
then you’ll understand,
It’s a topsy turvy world,
In Wonderland.
Lt

A rocking horse that can fly,

A Cheshire Cat who just grins,
GE

A Bandersnatch who can bite *

You’ll be terrified *
d

Who’d want to go there? *

You don’t want know there,
We don’t mean to strop,
But can we just miss that stop?
 © Lupus Films Limited 14

The way they talk there is silly,

Chortle, Frabjous and Slithy,
Boojum Gimble and Mimsy,
It makes us feel dizzy.
Lu

ER
Chorus
Don’t you know that everything,
Won’t goes as planned?
Cos they’re all mad,
In Wonderland,
If you ever get there,
pu

TL
then you’ll understand,
It’s a topsy turvy world,
In Wonderland.

INTERLUDE: The music lowers, the REINDEER, full of doom and

gloom, faces earnest.

BU
s
ST NICK pauses for a moment and then laughs heartily,
dismissing their concerns.
76 ST NICK 76
(HAPPILY)
Fi
But it’s Christmas!

The ELF CONDUCTOR starts the orchestra up to full sound

again. ST NICK sings, extolling the wonders of Christmas.
RD
As he sings, the ELVES get the REINDEER ready in front of the
lm
sleigh.
77 ST NICK SONG (SONG 2 PART 2) 77

78 ST NICK - SONG 78
I got a letter from the Princess
RA
s
asking,
Is there something on my sleigh for
her tonight?
So, we’re going team so lets stop *
talking,
Lt
And hold on tight...
GE

We’re in the business,

The business of Christmas,
Wherever you are,
d

We’ll go the distance,

Cos it pays to be kind,
So please keep in mind,
Everybody’s welcome,
and no one’s left behind.
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 15
ST NICK - SONG (CONT’D)

Deck the halls,

With tinsel and love,
Let the magic,
Do what it does,
Lu
Tell someone you care,

ER
Just because,
I make the laws,
‘Cos I’m Santa Claus.

Everybody needs a little Christmas

cheer,
There’s something in the
pu

TL
atmosphere,
Everybody needs a little helping
hand,
Let’s bring the jingle bells to
Wonderland.

The song ends with all the REINDEER tethered up and ready to

BU
s
go. The ELF ORCHESTRA are in a special pit on the sleigh.
79 ST NICK 79
We won’t leave her giftless at
Christmas. Let’s go.
Fi
ST NICK sets the timer dial on the sleigh. A countdown to
Christmas Day. It is designed to look like a REINDEER -
specifically RUDOLPH - with a large ROUND RED NOSE. As time
passes, RUDOLPH’s red nose dims clockwise.
RD lm
80 PRANCER (TO ALL, RESIGNED) 80
There’s no changing his mind.
81 ST NICK 81
Let me hear you?
82 REINDEER (ALL, UNENTHUSIASTIC) 82 *
RA
s
HO HO! *

Then, a beat after everyone else...

83 CUPID 83
Lt
HO!

ST NICK gives a wave to RUDOLPH.

GE

84 ST NICK 84
Back soon, Rudolph.
d

He turns round to the ELF ORCHESTRA.

85 ST NICK (CONT’D) 85
Cue sleigh sound.
 © Lupus Films Limited 16

An ELF picks up a sleigh bell and starts to shake it. ST NICK

picks up the reins.
86 ST NICK (CONT’D) 86
Giddy up, REINDEER. Up, up, off the
Lu
ground. Go Dasher! Go Dancer! On

ER
Prancer and Vixen! Leap Cupid! Soar
Donner! Fly Comet and Blitzen!
Wonderland, heeere we cooome!

A shake of the reins and they set off into the night sky.

BOOTS, who has been playing on the ladder, quickly jumps into
pu

TL
the sleigh, hiding amongst the presents, going along for the
adventure. The sleigh reaches a certain height and then
shoots off super quickly, like a shooting star through the
sky.

On the ground RUDOLPH looks up, wrapped in a blanket, all on

his own. A lone nose drip falls sadly to the ground. <SNIFF>.

BU
s
240 EXT - REINDEER-LAND - THAT MOMENT 240

Meanwhile, in Reindeerland, nose dripping, RUDOLPH is still

sitting outside in the snow.
Fi
87 RUDOLPH (SNEEZING) 87
AAAAACHOOOO!

Snow flurries up uncovering the bright red SOS ALARM in the

RD
snow. RUDOLPH rushes over, picking it up in his mouth. He
lm
looks up to the sky but the sleigh is nowhere to be seen. He
looks towards the stables.
88 RUDOLPH (CONT’D) 88
The SOS Alarm! Dropped in the snow!

Rudolph looks back to the warm glow of the cosy stables. Then
RA
s
out into the cold night. He makes a decision.
89 RUDOLPH (CONT’D) 89
(to himself)
I’d better catch up. (full of
Lt
determination) Go, Rudolph, Go!
460 EXT. TEA PARTY, THAT MOMENT 460
GE

OMINOUS MUSIC.
d

Establishing aerial view of Wonderland. String Quartet Music

plays and a rocking horse fly goes past as we meet the MAD
HATTER and MARCH HARE exchanging jokes.
 © Lupus Films Limited 17

The Wonderland Forest, full of giant mushrooms, large flowers

and huge, odd-shaped trees with windows and doors in the
trunks of them.

There are various silly sign posts dotted around, all

Lu
pointing in different directions. Some up to the sky, some

ER
down to the ground.

The camera drifts down through the trees, and we overhear a *

conversation. *

90 MAD HATTER 90 *
Well, it looks like today it’s just *
pu

TL
you and me! *

91 MARCH HARE 91 *
We’ve got tea for two hundred! *

92 MAD HATTER 92 *
But just two for tea. *

BU
s
ON a streaming flow of tea being poured into a delicate china
cup. It overflows into the saucer until it is full.
93 MARCH HARE 93
Fi
A forward roll, Mad Hatter? Or some
sumptuous jelly!

We pull out to see a MARCH HARE, grinning inanely, beside the

MAD HATTER. *
RD lm
The MAD HATTER is at the head of an elaborate table,
festooned with goodies. He is dressed in a flamboyantly
fashionable style.

Around them are dotted various ‘frameless’ doors, suspended,

as it by magic, mid-air.
RA
s
A huge tree stump which houses a RABBIT HOLE is also clearly
visible.
94 MAD HATTER 94
Looks delightful, March Hare. And
Lt
so wonderfully smelly!

The MAD HATTER sniffs the huge jelly as it wobbles around.

GE

95 MAD HATTER (CONT’D) 95

Mmmm. What ingredients did you put
d

in that to nibble.
 © Lupus Films Limited 18

96 MARCH HARE (PLEASED) 96

Oh, just a sprinkle of wobble and a
handful of wibble!
Lu
The MARCH HARE & the MAD HATTER <BURST OUT LAUGHING>.

ER
The Dodo walks in.
97 DODO (FULL OF CHRISTMAS CHEER) 97
‘Ho Ho Ho, everyone! I’ve brought a
Christmas surprise! Some fun
festive crackers. And delicious
pu

TL
mince pies!
98 MAD HATTER 98
Dodo! Don’t be silly. You can’t
bring those here!
99 MARCH HARE 99

BU
s
Hide them under the table, in case
the Queens’s… (pause as they hear
footsteps) near!

The March Hare shoves everything under the table and The Dodo
Fi
manages to hide behind a tree as the Queens arrives in her
carriage.
100 QUEEN (INSIDE BOX) 100
Horrible! Horrible! The worst time
RD
of the year.
lm
She bangs on the side of the box of the box.
101 QUEEN (CONT’D) 101
Halt! I smell something festive
near here.
RA
s
The MAD HATTER opens one eye and peers to his side. The QUEEN
is suddenly there, glaring at him menacingly.
102 MAD HATTER 102
Aargh! Your Royal Scaryness! Come
Lt
for some tea?/Dash of sugar? Lump
of milk? One, two or three?
GE

103 QUEEN 103

Be quiet, you oik or I’ll chop off
your head.
d

104 MAD HATTER 104

My head comes in handy. So of
course. Enough said.
 © Lupus Films Limited 19

The MARCH HARE meanwhile has realised that the mince pies are
showing, only half hidden by the tablecloth. He pokes them
further under with his toe. The Queen spots something
suspicious going on.
Lu
105 QUEEN 105

ER
March Hare, what’s going on? What’s
hidden down there?
106 MARCH HARE 106
March Who? Not a clue. Jam
Sandwich? Candied pear? (offering
her plates of food)
pu

TL
The Rocking Horse fly flies out and leads her eyes towards
some tinsel poking out over a log.
107 QUEEN 107
What’s tha….aarrgh! Tinsel! All
sparkly and bright!

BU
s
So cheerful and garish. It’s just
not right.

As she says this she stomps over there, and hoiks the tinsel
away, revealing that it’s attached to the DODO, who’s been
Fi
hiding all this time. The DODO is still wearing his Santa
Hat.
108 QUEEN (CONT’D) 108
And don’t get me started on that
RD
terrible hat! Guards arrest him!
lm
And get rid of that! *
(ALT: And don’t get me started on *
that terrible hat. So *
unimaginative. We just can’t have *
that.) *

She throws the hat to one of the guards.

RA
s
As the Queen gets back into her carriage, and slams the
curtains shut, she pronounces:
109 QUEEN (CONT’D) 109
Lt
Just how many times do I have to
say. There’s to be NO celebrating
Christmas Day!
GE

CUT TO INT. WONDERLAND HAIL

d

The DODO is thrown into jail. He looks out the barred

windows.
 © Lupus Films Limited 20

110 DODO 110

Ho Ho Ho! What a terrible state.
No joy at Christmas. That’s
Wonderland’s fate.
Lu
EXT. TRAVELLING SEQUENCE, VARIOUS LOCATIONS - THAT MOMENT. *

ER
111 ST NICK 111 *
Well Team, we're living the high *
life once more! *
Fresh air rushing past, the whole *
world to explore! *
pu

TL
112 PRANCER 112 *
This year we'll get Rudolph a nice *
souvenir; He’s stuck at home *
watching Christmas TV, poor dear. *

CUT TO: RUDOLPH LEGGING IT THROUGH THE NORDIC LANDSCAPE *

AT MACH TWO. *

BU
s
135 135
EXT. TRAVELLING SEQUENCE, VARIOUS LOCATIONS - MOMENTS LATER *

St Nick is asleep in the cockpit, as if on a long-haul

flight. The SAT NAV beeps and announces:
Fi
113 SAT NAV 113
Sleigh-Entering-Wonderland. Beware!
Beware!
(ALT: Approaching-Princess’s-Palace-
RD
Beware! Beware!)
lm
St Nick bursts into life.
114 ST NICK 114
That was quicker than I thought,
we’re nearly there!
RA
s
115 BLITZEN 115
There’s some strange looking
cumulous dead on the nose.
116 ST NICK 116
Lt
It looks fine, just a cloud.
117 VIXEN 117
GE

If you say so.

118 PRANCER 118 *
d

Here goes... *

They emerge out the other side of the cloud.

 © Lupus Films Limited 21

119 ST NICK 119

Aaand just as I thought, there was
nothing to fear.
(Suddenly realising the
reindeer have
Lu
disappeared from in

ER
front of him)
Reindeer, where are you?
120 PRANCER 120
St Nick, we’re back here!

Pull back to reveal the reindeer are all in the cockpit of

pu

TL
the sleigh, and St Nick is harnessed out front, running in
mid air. They fall out of shot.
121 ST NICK 121
(While falling)
Oh dear me, this has taken a turn
for the worse.

BU
s
They disappear through a second cloud and emerge all as
pineapples. The pineapples fall through and third cloud and
emerge back as reindeer, St Nick and sleigh, back to normal.
Fi
122 ST NICK (CONT’D) 122
Ahhhh, that’s more like it!
123 VIXEN 123
Don’t cancel the hearse!!!
RD lm
They plummet towards the ground. St Nick pulls back on the
reins and somehow they manage to land on the palace roof.
124 BLITZEN 124
What a hair-raising ride.
125 CUPID 125
RA
s
It’s left my head spinning.
126 PRANCER 126 *
I’ve got a horrible feeling this is
just the beginning.
Lt

260 EXT - BUS STATION - THAT MOMENT 260

GE

<DING> <DING>. RUDOLPH looks across to see a rickety bus at a

completely random bus stop in the middle of the snow,
starting to move off.
d

RUDOLPH starts and races after it, jumping on, back legs
running along the ground to keep up, before finally pulling
them in.
 © Lupus Films Limited 22

The bus trundles off into the distance.

145 INT. - QUEEN'S BEDROOM - A WHILE LATER 145

The Queen is looking in the mirror getting ready for bed. She
Lu
is talking to herself in the mirror like a motivational

ER
speech.
127 QUEEN 127
A busy day for Queenie, lopping off
heads.
And imprisoning peasants. It’s time
for my bed.
pu

TL
I’ll sleep straight through
tomorrow, and miss the whole day.
All that Christmas cheer, it’s just
so passé.
No More horrible glimpses of
baubles and pies.
And everything festive that I

BU
s
despise.

She gets into bed and snuggles up.

She puts the covers over her head.

Fi
140 EXT - PALACE ROOF - A FEW MINUTES LATER 140

EXT of the PALACE. <SFX sleigh bells>.

RD
The sleigh flies through the sky and finally lands on the
lm
roof of the grand, turreted palace with a <THUNK>. The ELF
puts down her sleigh bell with relief, arms sore.

In various windows below them, the PLAYING CARD GUARDS are

snoozing.

ST NICK looks at his timer. A tiny part of Rudolph’s red nose

RA
s
is dimmed (about 5 minutes in clock time).

He jumps out of his sleigh with boundless enthusiasm and

starts rummaging in the back of the sleigh for a present
beginning with ‘P’ for the Princess.
Lt

128 ST NICK 128

Right, first stop on the trip; Task
GE

Number One. Pick out the right

pressie. (looking at all of the
presents). Mmmm...this could be
d

fun. That’s definitely not it. And

this isn’t right.
 © Lupus Films Limited 23

129 DASHER 129

Come on, St Nick, we don’t have all
night.

He reaches into the sleigh again.

Lu

ER
16 BOOTS is inside the sleigh, amongst the presents, as ST 16
NICK’s large hand fumbles around. He delves down, picks up
the right one and hands it to him.

ST NICK, of course, thinks he’s found it himself.

130 ST NICK 130
pu

TL
Thank you Boots. BOOTS?!? What a
pleasant surprise.

BOOTS emerges from the pile of presents.

131 COMET 131
A stowaway elf! Along for the ride!

BU
s
132 ST NICK 132
Reindeer, it’s just Boots, come to
help old St Nick.
Fi
133 VIXEN 133
That’s just what we need. An elf
keeping things slick.

He tucks the present away in his bottomless red cape.

RD lm
134 ST NICK (TO REINDEER) 134
We’ll get this delivered and be on
our way. We have plenty more time
before Christmas Day.

ST NICK looks at the long journey to the main chimney, which

is a long way and peppered with various difficult angles. He
RA
s
begins to make his way gingerly across the roof, starting to
slip and slide everywhere.
135 ST NICK (FALLING) (CONT’D) 135
Whooooo!
Lt

136 ST NICK (CONT’D) 136

(KEEPING UP APPEARANCES)
GE

Don’t worry! I’ve got this!

The REINDEER all look at each other, knowingly.

d

137 BLITZEN 137

I’m not going. No way.
 © Lupus Films Limited 24

138 DANCER 138

I chaperoned last year.

ALL the REINDEER look at PRANCER.

Lu
139 PRANCER (SIGHING) 139

ER
I’ll do it. Okay.

ST NICK disappears out of view, sliding down a turret to a

lower flat level of the roof.
140 ST NICK (O/S) 140
I’m fine! I’m fine!
pu

TL
17 PRANCER <sighs> and follows sliding down, too. BOOTS peers 17
out of the sleigh and excitedly jumps out following them,
eager for adventure.

ST NICK gathers himself up and puts his hat back on just as

BOOTS comes sliding down. PRANCER eyes him up, not happy.

BU
s
BOOTS nods like ‘butter wouldn’t melt.’ PRANCER looks
suspicious. As soon as ST NICK turns away, BOOTS sticks his
tongue out at PRANCER.
Fi
They start to tiptoe along the roof.
141 ST NICK (CONT’D) 141
Whatever happens don’t make a
sound.
RD lm
They see the orchestra playing music.
142 PRANCER 142
Tell that to the orchestra!

143 ST NICK 143

RA
s
That’s just background.

As PRANCER turns back, her hoof catches a slate that comes

off the roof and falls - <CRASH> - to the ground. They all
freeze.
Lt

INT - QUEEN’S BEDROOM - THAT MOMENT

GE

The QUEEN OF HEARTS is tucked up in bed, lying on her side,

covers tucked up to her chin. Her crown is placed atop one of
the posters at the top of the bed. Her wig is off and sitting
d

on a dressing table at the other side of the room.

Below her, on the floor, the CHESHIRE CAT is asleep in a cat

basket. Although sleeping he is still smiling.
 © Lupus Films Limited 25

With the sound of the <CRASH>, the QUEEN stirs and turns onto
her back, pushing the covers off, mouth wide open letting out
a huge <SNORE>.

EXT - PALACE ROOF - THAT MOMENT

Lu

ER
With everything silent, ST NICK, PRANCER and BOOTS start to
tiptoe again.
*

ST NICK rights himself. He, PRANCER and BOOTS look at each

other and move on...
pu

TL
...only to be faced with a big gap between the roof and the
taller chimney summit.
144 PRANCER (DEADPAN) 144 *
Great. *

145 ST NICK 145

BU
s
Cheer up, Prancer. It could be much
worse.

He takes a thin plank of wood out of his robe and spans it

across the gap, looking very pleased with his efforts.
Fi
146 ST NICK (CONT’D) 146
See. Perfectly safe.

A pause as he tests his foot on it. It <CREAKS> worryingly.

RD
Er.
lm
147 ST NICK (CONT’D) 147
But, of course, reindeer first.

PRANCER looks at the thin piece of wood suspiciously and

steps onto it, starting to inch her way over.
RA
s
ST NICK jumps on too and starts to head across. The wood
bows. PRANCER looks at ST NICK, worried.

BOOTS jumps on. <CRACK>. The wood starts to splinter.

Lt
PRANCER and ST NICK look at each other and rush for the
chimney, falling down it headfirst.
GE

BOOTS makes it across just as it snaps. He jumps quickly and

grabs hold of the chimney, before pulling himself up and
jumping down.
d

INT - CHIMNEY - THAT MOMENT

ST NICK, PRANCER and BOOTS fall down the chimney.

 © Lupus Films Limited 26

PRANCER lands first, followed by ST NICK in a tangle of

limbs, followed by BOOTS, who gets snagged on one of
PRANCER’s antlers, dangling.
270 INT - PALACE MAIN ROOM - THAT MOMENT 270
Lu

ER
ST NICK and PRANCER are busy disentangling themselves.

ST NICK sweeps the soot off his suit. PRANCER shakes his head
to get BOOTS off his antlers. BOOTS goes flying off and lands
in a very opulent chandelier, delightedly swinging from it.

There is a huge portrait of the QUEEN OF HEARTS above the

pu

TL
fireplace and various fancy knick knacks. There are no
festive decorations anywhere. The room is dimly lit.

ST NICK and PRANCER start looking round the living room. ST

NICK inspects the fireplace.
148 ST NICK 148

BU
s
There’s no stocking hung by the
chimney with care.

PRANCER is peering around, by the stair.

Fi
149 PRANCER 149
No tree draped with tinsel.
No treats by the stairs.

ST NICK inspects a table.

RD lm
150 ST NICK 150
No cookies, or milk. Not one candy-
cane stick.

PRANCER joins him.

151 PRANCER 151
RA
s
Not even a carrot! This must be a
trick!

PRANCER and ST NICK look at each other. BOOTS arrives down

the chimney and ST NICK, distracted, accidentally smashes a
Lt
lamp.

INT - QUEEN’S BEDROOM - THAT MOMENT.

GE

With the noise of the <WUMP> the QUEEN sits up fully and
opens her eyes, hair a fright. The CHESHIRE CAT continues
d

sleeping. The QUEEN is AWAKE!

280 INT - THE TOP OF THE STAIRS - THAT MOMENT 280

St Nick and Prancer look at the smashed lamp on the floor.

 © Lupus Films Limited 27

152 ST NICK 152

How clumsy of me! Boots, any good
at repairs?
153 PRANCER 153
Lu
I hope that crash didn’t wake

ER
someone upstairs!
(ALT: That Crash may have caused a *
commotion upstairs.) *

Above, in the dim light, the QUEEN’s bedroom door <CREAKS>

open and she emerges, now fully dressed with her wig on. She
peers down the stairs, squinting, trying to see. ST NICK is
pu

TL
scratching his head in bemusement.

The QUEEN’s eyes widen.

154 QUEEN 154
What cheek! What nerve! Who in
wonder is that? How dare he stand

BU
s
there, in that red bobble hat!

Something clicks in the QUEEN’s brain. She realises who it

is.
Fi
155 QUEEN (TO HERSELF) (CONT’D) 155
<GASP> I can’t believe it!

Seeing him evokes a distant glimmer of a childhood memory

that she’s long since buried in denial and bitterness. She
RD
realises who it is and, for a moment, the tiniest crack opens
lm
in the door of her frosty facade, a glimpse of the inner
Christmas-loving child.
156 QUEEN (BREATHLESS) (CONT’D) 156
St Nick?
(THEN LIVID) It’s YOU!!
RA
s
She hits a light switch and the whole place is fully
illuminated.

ST NICK and PRANCER blink in the bright lights. ST NICK

realises he’s been busted. Caught red-handed. He looks
Lt
suitably sheepish.
157 ST NICK 157
GE

Ooops. You’ve caught us. I just

popped down your flue.
d

ST NICK takes the Polaroid out of his cloak and studies it,
looking between the photo and the QUEEN, comparing the two.
 © Lupus Films Limited 28

158 ST NICK (CONT’D) 158

Let’s keep this between us.
There’s a reason I’ve come.
I’m here for the Princess.
You must be...er...
Lu

ER
He gives the picture another look, trying to guess.
159 ST NICK (CONT’D) 159
...her mum?

ST NICK beams at her with his best ‘ST NICK’ smile.

pu

TL
The QUEEN’s softness vanishes and her face starts to turn
funny shade of red, getting darker and darker until...she
screams, livid, her mouth so wide you can see her tonsils.
160 QUEEN 160
<AAAAHHHHH!> *

BU
s
ST NICK and PRANCER look at each other, whispering out of the *
side of their mouths.
161 PRANCER 161
That didn’t go down well...
Fi
162 ST NICK 162
Was it something I said?
163 PRANCER 163
RD
Just back away slowly.
lm
THE QUEEN points at them and hollers.
164 QUEEN 164
OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

The QUEEN jumps on the bannister and comes hurtling towards

RA
s
them, sliding down it.

ST NICK and PRANCER share a worried glance and run up the

stairs in the opposite direction. She makes a grab for them
as they pass each other, but misses and goes flying off with
Lt
a <CRASH>.
165 ST NICK 165
GE

Hold on! We can’t leave. We’ve a

gift to deliver!
d

166 QUEEN (O.S.) 166

Santas aren’t welcome at this
address...EVER!

ST NICK, PRANCER & BOOTS run for the stairs.

 © Lupus Films Limited 29

167 ST NICK 167

Well really, I must say, that isn’t
quite fair.
168 PRANCER 168
Lu
Stay focussed St Nick; let’s try in

ER
there.

ALT LINES:
169 ST NICK 169
She could perhaps be the teensiest
bit warmer.
pu

TL
170 PRANCER 170
Agreed. But I’ll leave it to you to
inform her.

ST NICK, PRANCER and BOOTS take off and run upstairs.

BU
s
320 INT - PALACE CORRIDOR, JUST OUTSIDE THE QUEEN’S BEDROOM - 320
CONTINUOUS

ST NICK peers into the Queen’s bedroom.

Fi
171 ST NICK 171
This can’t be her bedroom. It must
be somewhere round here.
RD
ST NICK and PRANCER turn around and hear the QUEEN coming up
lm
the stairs. They look at each other worried and run into the
Queen’s bedroom.
172 QUEEN (O.S.) 172
That bearded buffoon and his mimsy
reindeer!/All red rosy cheeks and
happy and jolly(MIMICKING) ‘MERRY
RA
s
CHRISTMAS TO YOU!’ What an absolute
wally.

INT - QUEEN’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Lt
The QUEEN appears at the doors and looks around for ST NICK.

ST NICK, BOOTS and PRANCER hide in various spots of the

GE

Queen’s bedroom and end up behind her bed. The CHESHIRE CAT
appears by BOOTS who runs away and is spotted by the QUEEN.
d

173 QUEEN (CONT’D) 173

Oh how slithy. A mouse! In a red
pointy hat?!.

ST NICK and PRANCER run past the QUEEN into the corridor.
 © Lupus Films Limited 30

174 ST NICK/PRANCER 174 *

Don’t mind us!
175 PRANCER 175
Coming through.
Lu

ER
The QUEEN rushes out to see...
330 INT - PALACE CORRIDOR- CONTINUOUS 330

...they are running down a corridor.

176 ST NICK/ PRANCER 176 *
pu

TL
(to PRANCER/ ST NICK) Did you see *
that strange cat?

At that moment, the CHESHIRE CAT appears in front of ST NICK

and PRANCER, tripping them <OOOHOOO>. PRANCER and ST NICK
roll down the corridor.

BU
s
The QUEEN follows, she is tripped by BOOTS. She rolls down
the corridor and falls off the window.
177 QUEEN (O/S, RECEDING) 177
<AAAAAAAEEEEEeeeeeee!>
Fi
<SFX CRASHING SOUND>

ST NICK and PRANCER look at each other and peer out the
window to see the QUEEN in the snow, head first, legs akimbo.
RD lm
178 ST NICK 178
Do you think she’s alright?
179 PRANCER (WRYLY) 179
Well she’s out of the way! *

A look to St Nick from Prancer.

RA
s
180 ST NICK (SHAKING THE PRESENT) 180
Let’s deliver the present and get
back to the sleigh.
Lt
181 ST NICK (CONT’D) 181
The Princess’s bedroom. Where could
it be?
GE

St Nick looks around and notices the door.

d

182 ST NICK (CONT’D) 182

That looks about right.
183 ST NICK (CONT’D) 183
Let’s go and see.
 © Lupus Films Limited 31

340 INT - TRAP DOOR - THAT MOMENT 340

A retro vertical cupboard lines the wall, filled with

pictures of the various inhabitants of Wonderland and various
surreal objects - a clock with a real face. A vase filled
Lu
with talking and gossiping flowers. PRANCER and ST NICK fall,

ER
spinning round and round, their arms wind milling. BOOTS
catches up with them.
36 A CATERPILLAR is blowing into a huge swanee whistle. The 36
CATERPILLAR reaches the end of the swanee whistle's limit...
and stops...
pu

TL
PRANCER, ST NICK and BOOTS freeze mid air.
184 PRANCER/ ST NICK/ BOOTS 184
Huh?

The CATERPILLAR finds a much larger, longer whistle to carry

on with the fall.

BU
s
<SFX FALLING SOUND>.

PRANCER, ST NICK and BOOTS continue falling. Things fly

around them: playing cards with moving figures; bread and
Fi
butterflies; a birdcage bird; an accordion owl.

ST NICK, PRANCER and BOOTS land <SLAP> <BANG> <WALLOP> in the

middle of a huge maze.
RD
185 PRANCER/ ST NICK/ BOOTS (CONT’D) 185
lm
OOOOOOF!

400 EXT - PALACE GARDEN - THAT MOMENT 400

ALICE and the WHITE RABBIT are hurrying through the palace
garden, where the maze is contained.
RA
s
It is an elaborate garden with trees pruned into heart
shapes, a chess board with LIVING CHESS PIECES and a croquet
lawn where FLAMINGOS stand upside down as mallets and
HEDGEHOGS are curled up as balls.
Lt

WHITE RABBIT is in a hurry, rushing along at a frantic pace.

ALICE is more curious, looking around.
GE

186 WHITE RABBIT 186

Hurry up, Alice!
d

Make haste! Make haste!

We’ve a tea party to get to.
There’s no time to waste!
 © Lupus Films Limited 32

ALICE hears the sound of ST NICK landing with a <THUMP> and

stops, peering around.
187 ALICE 187
What was that noise? I heard a
Lu
sound!

ER
188 WHITE RABBIT (O.S) 188
Owwwww!

The WHITE RABBIT, in his hurry, has stepped on a SPIKY ball.

It sticks to his foot as he hops about. He shakes it off and
the BALL uncurls and a HEDGEHOG rushes into a hole in the
pu

TL
grass.
189 WHITE RABBIT (CONT’D) 189
Probably these hedgehogs all over
the ground.

The WHITE RABBIT increases his speed, but ALICE spots a heart-

BU
s
shaped tree with an unusual mushroom shaped apple hanging
from it. A label is hung around it saying ‘EAT ME!’

ALICE goes over to the tree and looks at the fruit...

Fi
190 ALICE 190
Eat me! How curious!
(calling out to White Rabbit)
White Rabbit. Wait!
RD
But WHITE RABBIT is already scurrying away into the distance.
lm
191 WHITE RABBIT (RECEDING) 191
The Mad Hatter will be waiting.
We’re late. We’re late.

Alice takes a huge, crunching bite, savouring it’s sweetness

before...
RA
s
...she shoots up out of shot, growing taller, so we can only
see her legs.
192 ALICE (O.S) 192
Lt
Whoooh! What fun! I’ve never been
so tall! And everything else has
never looked so small.
GE

410 EXT - MAZE - THAT MOMENT 410

d

In the maze, ST NICK is looking around and scratching his

head. They are surrounded on every side by high hedges with
doors of all different shapes and sizes embedded in them.
 © Lupus Films Limited 33

193 PRANCER (DISCOMBOBULATED) 193

Where are we now? I’m all of a-
quiver!
194 ST NICK 194
Lu
Well, what a ride. And a huge

ER
caterpillar!

Looking around.
195 ST NICK (CONT’D) 195
This isn’t a bedroom.
pu

TL
PRANCER walks around a corner and comes to a dead end.
196 PRANCER 196
(Taking a bite)
I think it’s a maze.

PRANCER takes a nibble of one of the hedges and chews

BU
s
appreciatively. ST NICK looks around at all the doors and
<GUFFAWS>.
197 ST NICK (GUFFAWING) 197
But we can walk out the door.
Fi
ST NICK optimistically goes over to one of the doors and
steps out... to a clear blue sky. He is suspended in mid-air,
legs pedalling wildly.
RD
198 ST NICK (CONT’D) 198
lm
Whooh!

PRANCER grabs him by his cape, pulling him to safety.

199 ST NICK (SHEEPISHLY) (CONT’D) 199
Let’s try other ways.
RA
s
420 EXT - MAZE - MONTAGE 420

MONTAGE of ST NICK, PRANCER and BOOTS wandering round the

maze, opening various doors onto strange, psychedelic
locations.
Lt

- They open up a door to see BABY PIGLETS crying in the

middle of vast ocean of tears. They all stop wailing and look
GE

at ST NICK. ST NICK beams fondly.

200 ST NICK 200
d

Awww, babies love me. Coochy,

coochy, coo.

A beat, then <WAHHHHHHHHHH> - ST NICK, PRANCER and BOOTS are

hit by a huge tidal wave of tears.
 © Lupus Films Limited 34

PRANCER spits a huge fountain of water upwards into the air,

BOOTS delightedly surfs on top of.

ST NICK wrings out his hat.

Lu
- Another door opens to reveal a trippy nightclub scene with

ER
pulsating loud music, strobe lighting and CATERPILLARS
dancing about on mushrooms with glow sticks.

BOOTS excitedly starts dancing and rushes to go in, but ST

NICK quickly closes the door.
201 ST NICK (CONT’D) 201
pu

TL
Definitely not. No maze rave for
you.

- The next door opens to a hallway of mirrors which has an

array of strange mirrors which, when you stand in front of
them, turn into different Wonderland characters. The trio
have fun playing with them.

BU
s
ST NICK admires himself, as a gallant WONDERLAND KING,
dressed in fine robes and a crown, looking at himself from
all angles.
Fi
BOOTS <GIGGLES> at himself as a GIANT BUNNY, whiskers
twitching.

PRANCER, wandering around, looks towards a mirror and she

turns into a PLAYING CARD GUARD. She <starts> and runs in the
RD
opposite direction, grabbing ST NICK and BOOTS along the way.
lm
They rush out the door and PRANCER slams it shut with her
back legs and leans against it <PANTING>.
202 PRANCER 202
Behind every door there’s another
trick. We need to find the
RA
s
princess. And quick!
(ALT: Behind every door there’s *
always a trick. We must find the *
Princess, we better be quick! *
Lt
203 ST NICK 203
Is it my imagination or is this
space getting smaller?
GE

PRANCER looks. The hedges are moving inwards and growing

upwards.
d

204 PRANCER 204

Uh-oh, the hedges are moving, and
growing taller.
 © Lupus Films Limited 35

The hedges move again, forcing PRANCER and ST NICK even

closer together. Er.
205 PRANCER (CONT’D) 205
Stuck in a maze! It’s like a bad
Lu
dream.

ER
ST NICK <CHUCKLES>. He’s got this.
206 ST NICK 206
Prancer! So dramatic. I’ll just
call in the team.
pu

TL
ST NICK reaches into his pocket. He starts rummaging around
in his cape - here, there, everywhere.
207 ST NICK (CONT’D) 207
Um...The alarm WAS here. Right in
my pocket. But it seems that I
might have…

BU
s
208 PRANCER (ROLLING EYES) 208
Don’t tell me.
209 ST NICK (WITH A RETICENT GRIN) 209
Fi
Accidentally forgot it.
430 INT - UNDERGROUND TRAIN - THAT MOMENT 430

Rudolph is now stuck on a packed underground train during

RD
rush hour.
lm
450 EXT - THE MAZE OF DOORS - THAT MOMENT 450

The maze paths are now very narrow and everyone is piled up,
one on top of the other. PRANCER is at the bottom with ST
NICK on top of her. BOOTS is at the top, climbing up the
hedge, which is now nearly touching the sky.
RA
s

210 ST NICK 210

Just climb to the top, Boots. Go
get some help.
Lt

ST NICK puts his foot on an already squashed PRANCER’s nose.

GE

211 PRANCER 211

(Nasal like)
<OWWWWW> Your foot’s on my dose...
d

Suddenly a looming child’s face appears above the maze, giant-

like, but smiling.
 © Lupus Films Limited 36

212 ALICE 212

Who let out that yelp?
(Seeing St Nick)
Santa! What are YOU doing here?
Lu
213 ST NICK 213

ER
Delivering a gift.
And who are you, my dear?
214 ALICE 214
My name is Alice, I’ve been here a
while, I crawled down a rabbit
hole...
pu

TL
215 ST NICK 215
A rabbit hole? Oooh. Not really my
style.

ST NICK looks at ALICE, going into “Santa” mode.

BU
s
216 ST NICK (CONT’D) 216
What would you like for Christmas?
Something exciting no doubt.
217 PRANCER 217
Fi
Sorry to butt in, but we need to
get OUT!

ST NICK looks at ALICE and leans in, wiggling his eyebrows.

RD
218 ST NICK 218
lm
Reindeer. A bit touchy. *

219 PRANCER 219

(standing right next to
him)
Hello? I’m still here! *
(ALT: I can hear you down here!) *
RA
s
220 ALICE 220
I’ll help you out...
221 ST NICK 221
Lt
Well, thank you my dear.

ALICE reaches down and lifts them up in her huge hand -

GE

WHOOOOO!
222 ALL 222
d

Whoooooooh!

Alice places them on her hand.

 © Lupus Films Limited 37

223 PRANCER 223

The princess’s bedroom. Where might
it be?
224 ALICE 224
Lu
I haven’t seen a princess....

ER
but...um...let me see...
I’ve met some friends who might
know more.
They’re having a tea party. It’s
just through this door.

Alice gently places them in front of the tea party door.

pu

TL
225 ST NICK 225
Well, thank you..
(Opening the door and
falling through)
Ooooooh.

BU
s
455 EXT - TEA PARTY - THAT MOMENT 455

ON a streaming flow of tea being poured into a delicate china

Fi
cup. It overflows into the saucer until it is full.
226 MARCH HARE 226
There we go, Mad Hatter. Just how
you like it.
RD lm
We pull out to see a MARCH HARE, grinning inanely, beside the
MAD HATTER.

The MAD HATTER is at the head of an elaborate table,

festooned with goodies. He is dressed in a flamboyantly
fashionable style.
RA
s
Around them are dotted various ‘frameless’ doors, suspended,
as it by magic, mid-air.

A huge tree stump which houses a RABBIT HOLE is also clearly

visible.
Lt

227 MAD HATTER 227

How frabjous, March Hare. I can’t
GE

wait to try it.

The MAD HATTER delicately sets aside the cup and picks up the
d

saucer slurping up all the tea. The MARCH HARE waits on his
verdict.
 © Lupus Films Limited 38

228 MAD HATTER (CONT’D) 228

Mmmm. Weak and insipid. (BEAT, TO
MARCH HARE) The most perfect of
teas!
Lu
229 MARCH HARE (PLEASED) 229

ER
Thank you, Mad Hatter. I used extra
cheese.

The MAD HATTER sits back.

230 MAD HATTER 230
By the way. Why did the Jabberwocky
pu

TL
not eat the pie?

The MARCH HARE pauses, thinking.

231 MARCH HARE 231
I’ve no idea, Mad Hatter.

BU
s
232 MAD HATTER 232
Neither have I!

The MAD HATTER <laughs>. The MARCH HARE looks confused for a
moment and then breaks into hysterical laughter, just as the
Fi
WHITE RABBIT rushes in, mopping his brow.
233 WHITE RABBIT (RUSHING IN) 233
Hello there Mad Hatter, hello there
March Hare./Am I too late?
RD lm
<BOOM> <BOOM> <BOOM> the ground judders, sending the tea in
the cup pouring over the edges.
234 ALICE (O.S.) 234
Ooops! Sorry down there!

One of the DOORS opens and a large hand drops a bemused ST

RA
s
NICK and PRANCER down slap bang in the centre of the table.

BOOTS slides down from ST NICK’s hat and <SPLAT> into a cream
cake. His head pokes up, covered in cream, with a big cherry
balanced on top. The MARCH HARE picks it off and eats it,
Lt
savouring the taste.
235 MAD HATTER (SIGHS) 235
GE

Oh dear. Alice has been eating the

appleshrooms, I think.
d

ALICE <GIGGLES> O/S.

236 MAD HATTER (CONT’D) 236
March Hare, sort it out. Help her
to shrink!
 © Lupus Films Limited 39

The MARCH HARE passes a pitcher through the door.’DRINK ME’

We hear loud gulping sounds. <GULP> <GULP> <GULP> and ALICE
falls through the door, now normal size. She <GIGGLES> and
rushes to sit beside the WHITE RABBIT.
Lu
237 WHITE RABBIT 237

ER
Well, that makes a change. You’re
later than me.

The MAD HATTER fluffs out a napkin and looks around at all
his guests.
238 MAD HATTER 238
pu

TL
Well, I think it’s finally time for
tea!
460 SONG 3 - TOPSY TURVY 460 *

239 MAD HATTER - SONG 239

Hello and welcome to you

BU
s
Make yourselves right at home
Grab a cake and some tea
240 ST NICK - SONG 240
Don’t mind if I do.
Fi
241 PRANCER - SONG 241
Are you sure we have time
Because there’s work to be done?
RD
242 ST NICK - SONG 242
lm
Perhaps a sandwich or two
243 MAD HATTER - SONG 243
You might as well ask ‘what’s the
hatter with me?’
I’m just glad you’re around to see
RA
s
244 MAD HATTER - SONG (CONT’D) 244
Things might appear odd and strange
Where everything’s rearranged
Its perfectly clear
In my topsy turvy world - my dear
Lt
You might say its up
245 PRANCER - SONG 245
GE

It’s down
246 MAD HATTER - SONG 246
d

You might think its square

247 ST NICK - SONG 247
It’s round
 © Lupus Films Limited 40

248 MAD HATTER - SONG 248

You’re never alone
In my topsy turvy world right here
249 MAD HATTER - SONG (CONT’D) 249
Lu
Let me introduce you

ER
To all my friends that are here
Have you met the March Hair?
250 PRANCER - SONG 250
He’s a daft as brush
251 ST NICK - SONG 251
pu

TL
I haven’t stopped for a sec
Now I’m here I’ll stay put
252 PRANCER - SONG 252
BUT we’re in a bit of rush
253 MAD HATTER - SONG 253

BU
s
Alice and Rabbit say pull up a seat
Nobody wants you to leave
254 ST NICK - SONG 254
Now that I’m here I’ll stay
Fi
255 MAD HATTER - SONG 255
Help yourself to the beef soufflé
256 PRANCER - SONG 256 *
RD
Don’t make yourself sick In their
lm
topsy turvy world - Saint Nick
257 MAD HATTER - SONG 257
You think that its blue - its pink
258 ST NICK - SONG 258
This flower smells nice *
RA
s
259 PRANCER - SONG 259
No it stinks!
260 MAD HATTER - SONG 260
Lt
Nothings quite as it seems in the
topsy turvy world I think?
GE

261 ST NICK - SONG 261

There’s cake and there’s jam
And there’s placed puled up high
d

262 PRANCER - SONG 262

But don’t get too settled
For soon we must fly
 © Lupus Films Limited 41

263 MAD HATTER - SONG 263

Yes rest here a minute
Don’t rush off just yet
264 ST NICK - SONG 264
Lu
Just one more treat We’ve got time,

ER
don’t fret
265 ST NICK/ PRANCER/ MAD HATTER - SONG265
Things might appear odd and strange
Where everything’s rearranged
Its perfectly clear
In our topsy turvy world - my dear
pu

TL
You might say its up - ‘its down ‘
You might think its square ‘its
round’
You’re never alone
In this topsy turvy world round
here

BU
s
ST NICK tries to extricate himself, politely from the *
madness.
266 ST NICK 266
Fi
Well, thank you for the offer but
we really can’t stay. We’ve a gift
to deliver, before Christmas Day.

The music stops. There is complete silence. Apart from ALICE,

RD
who is slurping noisily from a cup. She looks up from her cup
lm
at everyone, suddenly aware of the silence.

Suddenly an explosive chatter.

267 MARCH HARE 267
Fried tea leaves! You’re joking?
RA
s
268 MAD HATTER (LAUGHING) 268
You’re mad as Aunt Fred.

The WHITE RABBIT leans in to ST NICK, terrified.

Lt
269 WHITE RABBIT 269
(SCARED)
You can’t say that word here.
GE

We’ll all lose our heads!

270 MAD HATTER 270
d

(FLIPPANTLY)
Our Queen really hates Christmas.
It’s her least favourite date.
 © Lupus Films Limited 42

271 MARCH HARE 271

So, you’d better go quickly
before it’s too late.

The MARCH HARE leans into PRANCER and ST NICK, giving a mad
Lu
grin.

ER
470 INT - PALACE - THAT MOMENT 470

Back at the Palace, the door bangs open and the QUEEN OF
HEARTS stands, now defrosted but covered in snow, with an
pu

TL
icicle still hanging from her nose and her PLAYING CARD
GUARDS behind her. She is furious.
272 QUEEN 272
Look inside the chimney and under
the bed. When I find St Nick!
It’s OFF WITH HIS HEAD! *

BU
s
490 INT - PALACE - THAT MOMENT 490

Below them, the PLAYING CARD GUARDS are following the QUEEN
everywhere as she looks for ST NICK in all the palace nooks
Fi
and crannies. They are nowhere to be seen. The QUEEN is
getting angrier and angrier.
273 QUEEN 273
That bobble hatted oaf! He can’t
RD
outwit me!
lm
The CHESHIRE CAT appears by the gargoyle lever, grinning and
points to it with his tail, which gives the game away. The
QUEEN goes over and pulls the lever and the trap door opens
again. She looks down, a gleam in her eye. A-ha!
274 QUEEN (CONT’D) 274
RA
s
What a clever little kitty cat!

She tickles him under the chin. The QUEEN turns to the
GUARDS.
Lt
275 QUEEN (CONT’D) 275
GUARDS! This way.
GE

And then jumps down the trap door.

276 QUEEN (O.S) (CONT’D) 276
d

Wheeeee!

The PLAYING CARD GUARDS look down, at each other and then
follow the QUEEN, one by one, copying her.
 © Lupus Films Limited 43

As the last GUARD disappears and the trap door closes, we

hear a <THUD> and the REINDEER appear from the chimney,
action hero-style.
495 INT- TRAP DOOR - THAT MOMENT 495
Lu

ER
The CATERPILLAR is blowing into the small swanee whistle. The
CATERPILLAR reaches the end of the swanee whistle's limit...
and stops...

CUT TO - THE CATERPILLAR is thrown in jail

500 EXT - MAZE - THAT MOMENT (MONTAGE STYLE) 500
pu

TL
The QUEEN falls onto the tall hedges of the Maze and <BOINGS>
off, followed by all the PLAYING CARD GUARDS <BOING> <BOING>
<BOING>.

BU
s
277 QUEEN 277
Guards! Check every door. That
oaf’s somewhere in here.
I can practically smell his
yuletide good cheer.
Fi
278 QUEEN (CONT’D) 278
That foolish old man, falling into
my maze.
RD
279 CARD GUARD 279
lm
(To other Guard)
You know, with this night shift, we
should ask for a raise.
280 QUEEN 280
How dare he show up with that
smelly livestock, and that ghastly
RA
s
elf, and start running amok.
281 QUEEN (CONT’D) 281
St Nick’s proving to be wily; now
where could he be?
Lt
(spotting the tea party
door)
Ah! I bet you that bumbling clown
GE

enjoys tea.
510 EXT - TEA PARTY TABLE - A MOMENT LATER 510
d

Back at the Tea Party, ST NICK is now at the table, poo-

pooing the concerns about the Christmas-hating Queen.
 © Lupus Films Limited 44

282 ST NICK 282

Well, you’re overreacting. It’ll
all be okay. Even Scrooge can’t
resist my reindeer and sleigh.
Everyone loves Christmas...
Lu

ER
ALICE nods in agreement.
283 ST NICK (CONT’D) 283
...that’s just a fact.

<CRASH> The QUEEN and the PLAYING CARD GUARDS crash into the
tea party.
pu

TL
284 WHITE RABBIT (SCARED) 284
The Queen!
285 MARCH HARE 285
The Guards!

BU
s
Followed by the CHESHIRE CAT who reappears suddenly beside
BOOTS and gives him a big lick. BOOTS <GRINS>.
286 MAD HATTER 286
(disdainfully)
Fi
The Cheshire Cat.

The MARCH HARE goes to stroke the new arrival. The CHESHIRE
CAT takes a swipe at him with his paw. The MARCH HARE pulls
his hand away, feelings hurt.
RD lm
PRANCER and ST NICK share a look. They recognize THIS tea
party crasher.
287 PRANCER (BRISTLING) 287
Look! It’s that woman. I’ll give
her a nip.
RA
s
288 ST NICK (PACIFYING) 288
No, Prancer, relax.
This is just a small blip.
I’ll make sure no-one comes to
grave harm.
Lt
I just need turn on the old St Nick
charm.
GE

He turns to camera, smoothing down his beard, fixing his

eyebrows and straightening his hat, as if in a mirror. He
gives himself an appreciative wink, then steps forward
d

towards the QUEEN.

289 ST NICK (MOST SMOOTH VOICE) (CONT’D)
289
Your Highness, how lovely to see
you again...
 © Lupus Films Limited 45

The QUEEN stands quivering with rage, backed up by her

troops. She points a finger.
290 QUEEN 290
OFF WITH HIS HEAD! GUARDS! SURROUND
Lu
THEM!

ER
The PLAYING CARD GUARDS instantly surround ST NICK and
PRANCER. ST NICK <GULPS>. PRANCER whispers aside to ST NICK.
291 PRANCER (ASIDE TO ST NICK) 291
The St Nick charm, eh? *
pu

TL
292 ST NICK 292
Well, I don’t understand.
293 PRANCER 293
I don’t think the Queen’s your
number one fan.

BU
s
ALICE stands up in her seat! She has a potion with a ‘DRINK
ME’ label on it in her hand.
294 ALICE 294
You really can’t do that. That is
Fi
St Nick.
295 QUEEN (DISMISSIVE) 295
And who are you? I suggest you
leave, quick.
RD lm
296 ALICE 296
My name is Alice. And you’re being
mean.

The WHITE RABBIT gives a <SHOCKED INTAKE OF BREATH>. The

QUEEN looks at her and gives a tight smile.
RA
s
297 QUEEN 297
Oh, you’ve seen nothing yet,
sweetie. I am the Queen!

The QUEEN shouts loudly.

Lt

298 QUEEN (CONT’D) 298

Put them on trial! Take everyone
GE

away!

More PLAYING CARD GUARDS instantly surround the entire tea

d

party group. ALICE, slips the ‘DRINK ME’ potion in her

pocket.
299 ALICE (TO ALL) 299
Ooops. Sorry.
 © Lupus Films Limited 46

The CHESHIRE CAT in the middle looks around and, realizing

he’s on the wrong side, disappears with a <POOF> and
reappears beside the QUEEN, who stalks off.

ST NICK taps the shoulder of one of the GUARDS, who turns

Lu
round.

ER
300 ST NICK 300
This just isn’t our day.
480 EXT - PALACE ROOF - THAT MOMENT 480

The reindeer are playing charades on the roof.

pu

TL
301 CUPID 301
It’s a film?
302 DONNER 302
Or a book?

BU
s
303 DANCER 303
Does it start with an ‘A’?
304 COMET (O.S.) 304
Is it three words or...
Fi
DASHER walks to the sleigh.
305 DASHER 305
(Looks down at the
RD
timer)
lm
Crikey! Time’s ticking away!
306 COMET 306
Something must have gone wrong.
307 DASHER 307
He’d have pressed the alarm.
RA
s
308 BLITZEN 308
What if he’s lost it? Or come to
some harm?
Lt
309 COMET 309
Right, come on then team, let’s go
to their aid.
GE

310 CUPID 310

I was enjoying that game. One final
d

charade?

The REINDEER start to move towards the chimney.

 © Lupus Films Limited 47

311 COMET 311

Follow me, gang. And don’t make a
sound!
312 BLITZEN 312
Lu
I hope there’s no Bandersnatches

ER
lurking around!
313 VIXEN 313
I’m considering a career change. *
Give accounting a go. *

314 DANCER 314

pu

TL
Accounting? What’s that? *

315 VIXEN 315

Less travel, more dough. *
(ALT: It’s less travel, and more *
dough.) *

BU
s
512 INT. PALACE - A FEW MINUTES LATER 512

A muffled <SUPERHERO FANFARE> from the ORCHESTRA inside the

sleigh which then stops as the REINDEER look around the empty
room. CUPID plops down later than the rest.
Fi
316 DONNER 316
Where is everyone?
317 BLITZEN 317
RD
Look! A broken light.
lm
318 DASHER 318
Let’s try upstairs.

The REINDEER start to file away upstairs.

RA
s
CUT TO INT - PALACE CORRIDOR

The reindeer see the open window.

319 COMET 319
Lt
Oh! Something’s not right.

The reindeer walk towards trap door and see the intriguing
GE

door.
320 BLITZEN 320
d

Shall we check in there?

321 CUPID 321
Looks fishy to me.
 © Lupus Films Limited 48

The reindeer open the door.

515 EXT- MAZE - THAT MOMENT 515

The Reindeer land in the maze, all piled up.

Lu

ER
322 DANCER 322
Er...perhaps not the best idea.
323 VIXEN 323
I’m inclined to agree.

The reindeer walk around the maze.

pu

TL
324 DANCER 324
There are so many doors!
325 COMET 325
I think Prancer’s been here. I
recognize her bite mark. They must

BU
s
be quite near!
326 DANCER 326
There’s Prancer’s hoof-steps.
Fi
327 BLITZEN 327
And here are St Nick’s!
328 CUPID 328
But what about the others?
RD lm
329 COMET 329
Hmmm, an intriguing mix.
517 EXT - TEA PARTY - A FEW MINUTES LATER 517

The Reindeer make their way down to the tea party table
RA
s
330 VIXEN 330
Remind me next week to hand in my
notice.
Lt
331 COMET 331
The tea’s still warm! Reindeer
let’s keep our focus.
GE

(ALT: This tea’s still warm. They *

were here! Keep your focus. *
d

332 VIXEN 332

I am very focused. I’m going to
resign. That alarm we got him was a
waste of time.
(ALT: I’m deadly focused. *
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 49
VIXEN (CONT’D)
I’m going to resign. That alarm we *
got him was a waste of time.) *
*
*
Lu
520 INT - ESCALATOR - THAT MOMENT 520

ER
Rudolph is now on a busy escalator.

520 INT - WONDERLAND FOREST, - A WHILE LATER 520

pu

TL
ST NICK, BOOTS, PRANCER and the Tea Party Crew are being
escorted to the courtroom by CARD GUARDS.
333 ST NICK 333
Well, this isn’t good.

BU
s
334 WHITE RABBIT 334
(wringing his
handkerchief)
You shouldn’t have come.
Fi
335 PRANCER 335
And you shouldn’t have called the
Queen, the Princess’s Mum.

The WHITE RABBIT looks up, confused.

RD lm
336 WHITE RABBIT 336
Princess? What Princess?

Bending into the MAD HATTER, munching on a tart.

337 MARCH HARE 337
(completely oblivious to
RA
s
the irony)
I’m not sure he’s sane.

The MAD HATTER ignores the MARCH HARE leaning in, curious -
Lt
338 MAD HATTER 338
St Nick. Tell us more.
Please. Do explain.
GE

ST NICK looks at everyone staring at him, inquiringly.

d

339 ST NICK 339

Well, it’s not for the Queen I’ve
come all this way. It’s for the
Princess...
 © Lupus Films Limited 50

ST NICK takes the old letter out of his cape and holds it
aloft.
340 ST NICK (CONT’D) 340
I got her letter today.
Lu

ER
The MAD HATTER explodes into hysterical laughter and, after a
pause, so does the MARCH HARE. He has no idea why but he
always copies the MAD HATTER.
341 MAD HATTER 341
The Princess? Hoo hoo.
This is just getting better.
pu

TL
The WHITE RABBIT is not laughing. He goes even whiter,
suddenly realising.
342 WHITE RABBIT 342
It’s all my fault. Oh the letter,
the letter.

BU
s
The WHITE RABBIT clutches the handkerchief to his mouth and
sits down on a dirty cell bed. A spring pops up beside him.
<BOING>. He sighs and begins his story.
Fi
343 WHITE RABBIT (CONT’D) 343
It happened at Christmas a long
time ago... I remember it well. It
had started to snow.
RD
540 EXT - PALACE - MANY YEARS AGO 540
lm
Snowflakes gently fall. It is Christmas Eve, many years ago,
and the Palace is festooned with a mass of decorations
twinkling brightly.
344 WHITE RABBIT 344
I was in a terrible hurry.
RA
s
I was running late. When the
Princess appeared and said...

The WHITE RABBIT scurries past, looking at his watch, when

the door opens and the young PRINCESS comes running out,
Lt
towards him.
345 PRINCESS 345
GE

White Rabbit! Wait!

The PRINCESS runs up to him and crushes a letter into his

d

hands.
 © Lupus Films Limited 51

346 PRINCESS (CONT’D) 346

It’s a letter to St Nick for a
present I want. Can you post it
before the Walrus’s grunt?
Lu
She gives a gap-toothed smile --

ER
347 PRINCESS (CONT’D) 347
Pleeeeeeese!

-- and runs back to the palace and shuts the door. The WHITE
RABBIT looks down at the envelope.
pu

TL
CU Envelope. It is addressed to ST NICK, The GROTTO, REINDEER-
LAND.
348 WHITE RABBIT 348
A Christmas letter. I had to pick
up my pace.
But then I ran into the caucus

BU
s
race.
There are no rules at all, no loser
or winner.
You just run around madly until
it’s time for dinner.
Fi
I got stuck in the middle and when
I finally got out.
The letter was missing...I’d
dropped it no doubt.
RD
A stampede. The WHITE RABBIT gets caught up as a crowd of
lm
strange wonderland characters including a MOUSE, a DUCK, a
LORY and an EAGLET as they start running about frantically,
this way and that. A much younger and jollier DODO is amongst
them - festooned in a pristine red bobble hat and gleaming
Santa beard

The letter gets thrown up in the air and lands on the ground.
RA
s
As the WHITE RABBIT tries to get it back, the letter gets
trampled and thrown, ripped and worn.

By the time the WHITE RABBIT grabs it and gets out of the
crowd, the address is nearly completely obliterated. All it
Lt
says is ST NICK.

He wipes his brow with a handkerchief and looks at it.

GE

349 WHITE RABBIT (CONT’D) 349

The envelope was ruined. All it
d

said was St Nick.

Nearby a large WALRUS, with enormous tusks, does a big

wobbling <GRUNT!>
 © Lupus Films Limited 52

350 WALRUS 350

<GRUNT>
351 WHITE RABBIT 351
And now I am late. (in a right
Lu
pickle) Ohhhh. Quick! Quick!

ER
He rushes to the post box and hurriedly posts the letter.
550 INT - WONDERLAND FORREST - PRESENT 550

The WHITE RABBIT sits sadly on the bed.

pu

TL
352 WHITE RABBIT 352
I posted it anyway, thinking you’d
come. Because when it comes to St
Nick, there is only one.

ST NICK shakes his head in sadness at what the postal service

has become.

BU
s
The MAD HATTER leans forward, pressing on.
353 MAD HATTER 353
Well, from that day on,
Fi
Things were never the same.
Because year after year, YOU...

The MAD HATTER points a finger at ST NICK.

RD
354 MAD HATTER (CONT’D) 354
lm
...never came. <TUT> <TUT> <TUT>

The MARCH HARE copies.

355 MARCH HARE 355
<TUT> <TUT> <TUT>
RA
s
The WHITE RABBIT looks sad and nods.
356 WHITE RABBIT 356
With each passing year, she got
sadder and sadder. And the things
Lt
that she did, got badder and
badder.
GE

560 VARIOUS - MANY YEARS AGO 560

The QUEEN waits every year for her present, growing older.
d

Each time it doesn’t arrive she does something else in a

petulant rage.
357 WHITE RABBIT (V.O) 357
She melted the snowmen...
 © Lupus Films Limited 53

The young PRINCESS is building a snowman. A FOOT FROGMAN

comes out and the PRINCESS looks at him hopefully, but he
shakes his head.

She lights a fire and makes the SNOWMAN melt. Then eats his
Lu
carrot nose.

ER
358 WHITE RABBIT (V.O) (CONT’D) 358
...batted cookies away...

A Christmas tree in the corner, with no presents under it.

Cookies and a glass of milk have been left out, with a note
beside it saying ‘FOR FATHER CHRISTMAS’ but left untouched.
pu

TL
The PRINCESS looks at it sadly and then lines up the cookies,
grabs a FLAMINGO CLUB and uses it to shoot the cookies
against the wall. They break into smithereens.
359 WHITE RABBIT (CONT’D) 359
...chopped down all the trees...

BU
s
The PRINCESS is standing outside beside a Christmas tree,
with an axe in her hand. She sees a light in the sky and
looks up hopefully, but it disappears out of sight. Her
hopeful look turns to a deep frown. She chops down a
Christmas tree with an axe. We pan out to see a whole forest
Fi
of stumps.
360 WHITE RABBIT (V.O) (CONT’D) 360
And kept singers at bay.
RD
A group of MICE CAROL SINGERS are at the palace door in front
lm
of an idyllic Winter Wonderland scene. They rap the door and
the PRINCESS opens it expectantly. When she see the mice she
slams the door and comes back with a huge hoover.

She starts hoovering up snow in the Winter Wonderland scene.

The MICE are forced to flee, with difficulty, as their tails
are nearly sucked up.
RA
s
361 WHITE RABBIT (V.O) (CONT’D) 361
She’s banned presents and tinsel,
mistletoe and good cheer. If you
mention the ‘C word’ you just
Lt
disappear.

Sitting alone in her grey, undecorated palace, the QUEEN

GE

watches through the window.

The DODO, the ST NICK of Wonderland, is outside passing out

d

presents from his SANTA SACK. The PLAYING CARD GUARDS come
and put his sack over his head, pick him up and carry him
away.
 © Lupus Films Limited 54

570 INT - WONDERLAND FORREST - PRESENT 570

The WHITE RABBIT looks devastated.

362 WHITE RABBIT 362
Lu
It’s me that’s to blame.

ER
The MARCH HARE offers him up a plate of tarts, totally
oblivious to any empathy.
363 MARCH HARE (OFFERING THE PLATE) 363
Never mind. Have some tarts.
pu

TL
ST NICK realises what has happened.
364 ST NICK 364
So, the sweet little princess is
now...

The MAD HATTER nods, knowingly.

BU
s
365 ST NICK (CONT’D) 365
Queen of Hearts!
580 INT - COURTROOM - THAT MOMENT 580
Fi
ON a pair of huge double doors mounted on each side by a
PLAYING CARD GUARD. It bangs open, straight onto the faces of
the PLAYING CARD GUARDS who are positioned either side of it.
RD
The QUEEN appears, framed in the doorway, looking menacing.
lm
She starts to walk down the middle of the ornate, lofty
courtroom towards a huge throne at the end. Her footsteps
ring around the room.

On the way she walks past a JURY - a motley selection of

DIFFERENT ANIMALS who took part in the Caucus Race. A MOUSE,
a DUCK, a LORY and an EAGLET. They cower as she passes.
RA
s
She arrives and takes her seat on the throne.

As the doors close over, we see the PLAYING CARD GUARDS are
very crinkled.
Lt

366 QUEEN 366

Right. Let’s not dilly dally. It’s
GE

time for my bed. Let’s get to the

verdict. Off with his head!
d

There is silence. The JURY look at each other, bemused.

A sage-looking FISH BARRISTER, with a legal cloak and wig on,

clears his throat and leans over to the QUEEN.
 © Lupus Films Limited 55

367 FISH BARRISTER (UNDER HIS VOICE) 367

We haven’t had the trial yet. That
comes first.

The QUEEN screws up her face.

Lu

ER
368 QUEEN 368
Do we really have to?

The FISH BARRISTER nods. The QUEEN <sighs>.

369 QUEEN (CONT’D) 369
Okay. But do your worst.
pu

TL
The QUEEN settles back into her throne.

The FISH BARRISTER turns back to the courtroom, serious and

statesman-like. He loves the drama and gravitas of the
courtroom, but can be ponderous and often pauses too long for
dramatic effect.

BU
s
370 FISH BARRISTER 370
Thank you, your highness, I’ll try
to be quick. Citizens of Wonderland
the court calls...
Fi
A prolonged pause. The QUEEN drums her fingers on the throne.
The MOUSE <yawns>.
371 FISH BARRISTER (CONT’D) 371
RD
...ST NICK!
lm
All the JURY heads turn towards the door as they open again,
banging again into the PLAYING CARD GUARDS on either side who
are just about un-crinkling themselves. The PLAYING CARD
GUARDS hustle everyone in.
372 MAD HATTER 372
RA
s
Okay, okay. We’re coming.
You don’t need to push!

ST NICK is placed in a dock in the middle of the room.

Lt
The others are put into a cell like structure in the
courtroom, with open bars.
GE

The MARCH HARE notices the JURY and holds out his tarts.
373 MARCH HARE 373
d

Would you like some refreshments?

374 JURY 374
OOOOH!
 © Lupus Films Limited 56

375 FISH BARRISTER 375

Everyone! SSSSSSH!

The courtroom goes silent.

Lu
ST NICK takes off his hat and pats down his hair, making

ER
himself presentable.

The FISH BARRISTER looks serious, bowing her head to look at

his notes.
376 FISH BARRISTER (CONT’D) 376
St Nick.
pu

TL
377 ST NICK 377
(feeling bad about
present)
That’s me! And I’d like to convey.
A heartfelt apology for the
dreadful way...

BU
s
The FISH BARRISTER stops and gives him an annoyed stare
before continuing --
378 FISH BARRISTER 378
Fi
SILENCE! You’re charged with the
following crimes.

He picks up some papers and pauses, clearing her throat,

building up the courtroom suspense.
RD lm
379 QUEEN (ROLLING EYES) 379
Get on with it. We don’t have much
time.
380 FISH BARRISTER 380
Number one. Trespassing.
RA
s
The QUEEN looks to the JURY, playing the victim.
381 QUEEN (TO THE JURY) 381
On my grounds, no less.
Lt
382 FISH BARRISTER 382
Breaking and entering.
GE

383 QUEEN (MELODRAMATIC, TO THE JURY) 383

He made a HUGE mess!
d

384 FISH BARRISTER 384

Damage to property.

The FISH BARRISTER holds up ‘EXHIBIT A’ and walks slowly

along the JURY, their eyes following...
 © Lupus Films Limited 57

385 FISH BARRISTER (CONT’D) 385

A lamp and roof tile.

He turns round and goes back the opposite way, for good
measure...their jury’s eyes follow the opposite way.
Lu

ER
The QUEEN <sighs>.
386 FISH BARRISTER (CONT’D) 386
And Reindeer Poop.

The FISH BARRISTER pauses for dramatic effect.

pu

TL
387 FISH BARRISTER (CONT’D) 387
A steaming great pile!

The FISH BARRISTER holds up ‘EXHIBIT B’ in front of the Jury.

A large reindeer poop in a bag. There is a collective shocked
<GASP> from the Jury. THE EAGLET faints.

BU
s
ST NICK looks faintly embarrassed.
388 ST NICK 388
Well, I apologize for that, your
Majesty.
Fi
(looking to Jury)
I do normally pick up.

In the cage everyone is looking at PRANCER.

RD
389 PRANCER (TO EVERYONE) 389
lm
What? Don’t look at me.

The FISH BARRISTER walks over to ST NICK, looking grave.

390 FISH BARRISTER 390
But the very worst crimes, that the
jury must hear.
RA
s
391 QUEEN (ALTERNATIVELY) 391
Are the 12 Crimes of Christmas, you
commit EVERY year.
Lt
392 ST NICK (CHUCKLING) 392
The 12 Crimes of Christmas? There’s
not such a thing.
GE

The FISH BARRISTER clears her throat as the MUSIC starts up.
d

393 MAD HATTER (ROLLING EYES) 393

Here we go, everybody.
The Queen’s going to sing.
585 SONG 4 – THE TWELVE CRIMES OF CHRISTMAS 585
 © Lupus Films Limited 58

The FISH BARRISTER presents the case against St Nick and

Christmas, in the style of the ‘12 Days of Christmas’ During
it:

- ST NICK and his friends try to interject in defense but

Lu
they are shut down (‘I like Brussel sprouts!’).

ER
- The JURY scribble everything down diligently.

- The QUEEN constantly interrupts and delivers her sentence -

‘Guilty! Off with his head!’
394 FISH BARRISTER- SONG 394
pu

TL
These are the twelve crimes of
Christmas,
Something we don’t often talk
about,
Cos it really is a rather awful
business,
And it might be something we can do

BU
s
without.
395 QUEEN - SONG 395
All together now!
Fi
One. Those Awful jumpers “auntie”
made you!

Two. Don’t get me started on the

sprout!
RD lm
Three. The jokes in crackers that
won’t ever make you laugh!

Four. The constant carols wear me

out!

Five. The dreadful pressure of

RA
s
finding the right gift that someone
will return on Boxing Day!

Six. And then there’s mistletoe and

Lt
someone you must kiss, when you’d
really rather they would go away.
GE

Seven. There’s the relatives you

can’t stand so you drink and eat so
d

much that you don’t care!

Eight.
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 59
QUEEN - SONG (CONT’D)
The mess they leave that only you
will have to clean all the chaos
has you pulling out your hair!
Lu
Nine. The children that will never

ER
go to bed cos they are far too
stimulated they won’t sleep!

Ten. The wrapping up of every

present you have bought it takes
forever and it’s never really neat.
pu

TL
Eleven. There’s the tree that drops
its needles everywhere it’s like a
nightmare that is never going to
end!

BU
s
Twelve. Then there’s knowing that
however bad it’s gets this time
next year we will do it again!
Fi
Those were the twelve crimes of
Christmas,
We’re guilty of pretending to
believe!
RD lm
Yes those were the twelve crimes of
Christmas,
There’s plenty more that I’ve got
up my sleeve...
587 INT - COURTROOM - THAT MOMENT 587
RA
s
By the END OF THE SONG, the QUEEN skips the JURY and delivers
her withering verdict, standing by the door.
396 QUEEN 396
Lt
No need for a jury. It’s my choice
instead! And I’ve decided -
GE

Silence as everyone looks at the QUEEN in anticipation. She

toys with everyone for a moment, pretending to deliberate...
d

397 QUEEN (TEASING) (CONT’D) 397

Mmmm...er...mmmm...
398 QUEEN (WITH GREAT GLEE) (CONT’D) 398
Guilty. Off with his head!
 © Lupus Films Limited 60

A group of PLAYING CARD GUARDS move forward and seize ST

NICK. Another group seize those in the open cell. They are
all hustled towards the door. ST NICK waves his letter in the
air.
Lu
399 ST NICK 399

ER
But your majesty, please, those
aren’t Christmas crimes.
The crime I committed was to not
reach you in time!

ALICE grabs the letter, ducks under the GUARDS and rushes
after the QUEEN.
pu

TL
400 ALICE 400
Your Majesty, STOP!

The QUEEN stops her back to ALICE.

401 ALICE (CONT’D) 401

BU
s
This really isn’t fair.

The QUEEN turns round and looks at ALICE.

402 QUEEN 402
Fi
Not you again, Annie.
403 ALICE (CORRECTING HER) 403
Alice.
RD
404 QUEEN (DISMISSIVE) 404
lm
Whatever. I don’t really care.

She goes to walk away.

405 ALICE 405
But, this is the letter you wrote
long ago.
RA
s
St Nick only just got it,
that’s why he’s been slow.

The QUEEN stops in her tracks, surprised. The WHITE RABBIT

shakes, ears going back.
Lt

406 WHITE RABBIT (SHAKING) 406

It was actually me. I delivered it
GE

late. So it didn’t get there, on

the right date.
d

ALICE gives the letter to the QUEEN.

 © Lupus Films Limited 61

407 ALICE 407

I know you’ve been sad ‘cos St Nick
never came, but it’s not really his
fault. He’s not to blame. Let him
go free. To save Christmas Day.
Lu

ER
The QUEEN looks over at ST NICK who gives a smile then down
at the letter for a moment, looking at it, a range of
emotions crossing her face at seeing the letter.
408 QUEEN (EYE WATERING SCREAM) 408
AAAAAAAH!
pu

TL
409 QUEEN (CONT’D) 409
OFF WITH ALL THEIR HEADS! Take them
away!

The QUEEN swoops off. The PLAYING CARD GUARDS hustle them out
of the courtroom. ALICE shoulders slump.

BU
s
410 ST NICK 410
What a terrible mess. What more can
we do?
(ALT: You’ve tried your best Alice. *
You’ve done what you can.) *
Fi
411 PRANCER 411
I’m sure the team are hatching a
mastermind rescue.
(ALT: I’m sure the team are *
RD
hatching a mastermind plan) *
lm
590 EXT - WONDERLAND FOREST - A MOMENT LATER 590

The sleigh is now full size, the ORCHESTRA in the back. The
REINDEER are standing in the middle of the forest, totally
clueless.
RA
s
412 DASHER 412
Any sign of him?
413 DANCER 413
Nope!
Lt

414 COMET 414

I’m at a loss.
GE

DONNER spots the Royal Box being carried by PLAYING CARD

GUARDS coming along the winding road in the middle of the
d

forest.
415 DONNER 415
Oh. There’s someone coming. Maybe
they’ve seen the boss.
 © Lupus Films Limited 62

Happy go lucky DONNER races over to the Royal Box and sticks
his head in.

ON DONNER’S face peering in.

Lu
416 DONNER (CONT’D) 416

ER
Have you seen a man in a red suit
around?

CUPID appears above her.

417 CUPID 417
White beard, slightly dazed look.
pu

TL
DANCER appears above that.
418 DANCER 418
Makes a ‘Ho, ho, ho’ sound.

They all grin.

BU
s
600 INT - WONDERLAND JAIL - A MOMENT LATER 600

<CLANG> The ELF orchestra provide a <CLANGING> sound effect.

Fi
All the REINDEER are now locked in the cell, cramped in
against each other. Er...

PRANCER looks at them all and <SIGHS>.

RD
419 DANCER 419 *
lm
Good to see you again Prancer, *
despite the, eh, venue. *

420 DASHER 420 *

Will we get a final meal? Is there *
a menu? *
RA
s
610 EXT - AIRPORT DEPARTURE LOUNGE - THAT MOMENT 610

Rudolph looks up at the departure board to see that every

single flight is delayed. <SIGH>
Lt

620 INT - WONDERLAND JAIL - THAT MOMENT 620

GE

Back in the cell, ST NICK looks crestfallen.

421 ST NICK 421
d

Well, that’s it all over.

Finito. Gone.
Christmas is cancelled for
everyone.
 © Lupus Films Limited 63

ST NICK wanders over to the small window and looks out at the
snow falling. The sleigh is sitting outside with the ELF
ORCHESTRA. One little ELF with a violin stands up and starts
playing a suitably melancholic musical accompaniment.
Lu
422 ST NICK (CONT’D) 422

ER
No bright coloured boxes to wake up
and see. No opening presents sat
round the tree.

The music swells. Everyone in the other jail cells, looks

sad.
pu

TL
The MOCK TURTLES hug each other.

The MACAW looks sadly down at the tinsel, now lying in

tatters around her.

The BIRD gives a sad <CHEEP>.

BU
s
ST NICK clasps the bars of the window, becoming even more
morose, getting into the ‘tragedy’ of it.
423 ST NICK (CONT’D) 423
There’ll be sadness and tears...
Fi
He gives a sad smile.
424 ST NICK (CONT’D) 424
...and tantrums, I fear. And
RD
there’s nothing we can do. Oh Dear.
lm
Oh Dear.
630 INT - QUEEN’S BEDROOM - THAT MOMENT 630

The QUEEN’s bedroom. The QUEEN is lying in bed, crown off,

covers up to her chin, the letter clasped in her hand,
mulling over things.
RA
s
The CHESHIRE CAT is lying in his basket.
425 QUEEN (MULLING OVER THINGS) 425
I can’t believe that horrible St
Lt
Nick. And that young upstart Anise.
Just like me as a girl. Ever so
gallus.
GE

Aside to the CHESHIRE CAT

d

426 QUEEN (ASIDE, TO CHESHIRE CAT) (CONT’D)

426
That means a bit bold and cheeky,
just so you know.

She holds up the letter and looks at it. Her face softens.
 © Lupus Films Limited 64

427 QUEEN (CONT’D) 427

Oh, I wrote this letter so long
ago.

The QUEEN looks out the window at the snow falling outside...
Lu

ER
640 INT - QUEEN’S BEDROOM - YEARS AGO 640

When we cut back, the QUEEN is now a young PRINCESS lying in

bed on that Christmas Eve, many years ago. It is a cosy and
warm room and the PRINCESS looks happy and content, her
cheeks rosy.
pu

TL
Her DAD, the KING, is sitting on her bed, finishing a story.
He is a kind-looking man with a crown perched precariously on
his head.
428 KING 428
That’s the end, little Princess.

BU
s
He closes over the book he has been reading and places it on
the bedside table. ON Title which reads ‘Twas the Night
before Christmas,’ with a picture of ST NICK on the cover.

The KING pulls the covers up to the PRINCESS’s chin.

Fi
429 KING (CONT’D) 429
Close your eyes tight. And St Nick
will come and visit you tonight.
RD
The PRINCESS’s eyes sparkle, excitedly.
lm
430 PRINCESS 430
I’ve left a carrot for Rudolph. And
St Nick a nice treat.
431 KING (CHUCKLING GENTLY) 431
You’ll be first on his list. You’re
RA
s
always so sweet.

The KING and the PRINCESS share a cute Eskimo nose rub. He
gives her a peck on the cheek and goes to the door.
Lt
432 KING (CONT’D) 432
See you tomorrow. Night, night and
sleep tight.
GE

433 PRINCESS 433

Night Night, Papa. Don’t let the
d

Jub Jub birds bite.

The PRINCESS closes her eyes tight and door closes over.
 © Lupus Films Limited 65

As soon as the coast is clear The PRINCESS opens one eye,

checking the KING is out of the way then jumps out of bed
energetically and runs to the window, not able to sleep with
excitement.
Lu
She gazes up at the bright Northern star shining brightly in

ER
the night sky, with a gap toothed grin.

SONG 5 - All I want is a Bandersnatch/A Christmas Wish

434 QUEEN - SONG 434
I don’t want diamonds and sparkles,
Presents and parcels sugar plum,
pu

TL
tutus Dresses all fru fru,
Turkey on dishes mistletoe kisses,
Snowballs and skating ginger bread
baking.
I don’t wanna be,
The same as everybody else,
So I’m asking at St Nick,

BU
s
If there’s something ugly on his
shelf!

I want a Bandersnatch,
Fi
Big and boisterous and scary,
My own Bandersnatch,
And who cares if he’s too hairy?
I want something that will scare my
friends,
RD
A naughty little beast that drives
lm
daddy round the bend!
Please can I have,
A Bandersnatch?

I don’t need tinsel and angels,

Snowflakes and sleigh bells candy,
RA
s
and sweet things crackers and gold
rings,
Overstuffed stockings,
Last minute shopping,
Carols with a church choir,
Lt
Chestnuts by a real fire.
GE

I don’t wanna be,

The same as everybody else,
So I’m asking Saint Nick,
d

If there’s something ugly on his

shelf!

I want a Bandersnatch,
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 66
QUEEN - SONG (CONT’D)
Big and boisterous and scary,
My own Bandersnatch,
and who cares if he’s too hairy?
I want something that will bark and
bite,
Lu
Someone that will wake me in the

ER
middle of the night,
Please can I have a Bandersnatch?

I want teeth that bite,

And claws that snatch,
He comes with sounds,
pu

TL
Like snicker snack!
Once he is mine,
Won’t give him back,
He’s frumious, wonderful,
brillnigly,
My own bandersnatch!

BU
s
I want a Bandersnatch,
Big and boisterous and scary,
My own Bandersnatch,
and who cares if he’s too hairy?
Fi
I want something that will scare my
friends,
A naughty little beast that drives
RD
daddy round the bend,
lm
Please can I have a Bandersnatch?

The PRINCESS sings a song about how she doesn’t care for all
the material things that being a Princess brings. All she
really wants, what she would really love, is her very own
Bandersnatch to take care of.
RA
s
The song ends with the PRINCESS tucked back up in bed, covers
pulled up to her chin, with a huge happy smile on her face .
The song ends with words rhyming with...
650 INT - QUEEN’S BEDROOM - THAT MOMENT 650
Lt

We cut back to the QUEEN lying in the same position in the

bed.
GE

435 QUEEN 435

A BANDERSNATCH!
d

The QUEEN sits bolt upright in her bed and leaps out of it
hurriedly starting to put on her wig.
 © Lupus Films Limited 67

436 QUEEN (CONT’D) 436

St Nick may be late, but he’s
finally here!

In her excitement, she lifts up the CHESHIRE CAT from his

Lu
basket twirling round, excitedly. He is not pleased about

ER
being disturbed.
437 QUEEN (CONT’D) 437
He must have my present, after all
these years.

She rushes out the door, CHESHIRE CAT in hand.

pu

TL
655 INT - PLANE - THAT MOMENT 655

Rudolph is flying in economy with barely enough legroom.

660 EXT - WONDERLAND JAIL - THAT MOMENT 660

BU
s
438 BLITZEN 438 *
I want to go home. I miss the *
grotto. *

439 CUPID 439

Fi
The Christmas Sweepstake seems like *
ages ago. *

440 COMET 440

Picking a winner is going to be
RD
tough.
lm
We were miles off with all that
‘roof-top fall’ stuff.
441 VIXEN 441
“Stuck in a chimney”? Try
“DECAPITATION!” By the evil Queen
of the peculiar nation.” *
RA
s
442 DONNER 442
Oh. Who said “Christmas might not
happen at all?”
Lt
443 VIXEN 443
It was me.
GE

444 DONNER 444

It’s looking like that was a very
good call. *
d

445 ST NICK (O.S) 445

I’m sorry, Reindeer, you were right
all along.
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 68
ST NICK (O.S) (CONT'D)
We should never have come here.
It’s gone terribly...really *
Terribly badly. *

<GASP> The reindeer exchange shocked looks at the lack of

Lu
rhyme. St Nick is slumped in the corner, in a bad way.

ER
446 PRANCER 446 *
That didn’t rhyme St Nick, is *
everything okay? *

447 ST NICK 447

That poor little girl. No visit
pu

TL
from our...uh...(clicking fingers
trying to muster the word).
(ALT: That poor little girl. No *
visit from our... uh.. big sliding *
thing full of presents. *

448 DANCER 448

BU
s
Sleigh!
449 ST NICK 449
Yes. That’s it! I think...
Fi
450 PRANCER 450
But those weren’t crimes back *
there; you said it yourself! *

451 VIXEN 451

RD
The lady’s a wrong-un; she’s as mad
lm
as an elf.

BOOTS kicks VIXEN in the hoof, and walks off offended.

452 ST NICK 452
I blew it. That poor Princess.
Alone every year. Abandoned!
RA
s
Betrayed! No Christmas fun.

453 BLITZEN 453

St Nick’s lost the plot: he can’t
Lt
rhyme, he can’t scan!
454 PRANCER 454
GE

Reindeer, he needs us. And we need *

a new plan.
d

455 DASHER 455

There’ll be no Christmas here. The
Queen just won’t have it.
 © Lupus Films Limited 69

456 CUPID 456

But we can still save the day, for
the rest of the planet!

Meanwhile, BOOTS finds the hole in the corner of the cell,

Lu
and starts doing a silly dance trying to get the reindeers’

ER
attention.
457 COMET 457
Boots, this is no time for messing
around.
458 PRANCER 458
pu

TL
Hang on there, Comet. (to Boots)
What have you found?
459 PRANCER (CONT’D) 459
Look! There’s a hole! We could
crawl right through. *

BU
s
460 DASHER 460
But we’d never fit in.
461 PRANCER 461
Mmm that’s very true.
Fi
462 COMET 462
There must be a way. We just have
to think.
RD lm
Everyone’s initial excitement fades as they stare at the
hole.
463 ALICE (O/S) 463
Hey! I Know! We just need to
shrink!
RA
s
The wonderland gang have been ignored all this time. Prancer
does some introductions.
464 PRANCER 464
Team, meet Alice. White Rabbit,
Lt
March Hare.
(THEN NODDING TOWARDS
THE OTHERS IN TURN)
GE

Oh and the Mad Hatter. They come as

a pair.
d

465 CUPID 465

Now what shall we do about poor old
St Nick?
 © Lupus Films Limited 70

466 MAD HATTER 466

A nibble on this biscuit should do
the trick.

The MAD HATTER produces a biscuit and offers it to St Nick.

Lu

ER
ST NICK eats the biscuit, and springs to life, a new man,
full of over the top vim and vigour.
467 ST NICK 467
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! It’s a
wonderful night! Awww, my lovely
reindeer. You’re a beautiful sight!
pu

TL
468 REINDEER 468
He’s rhyming again!/And raring to
go!
469 VIXEN 469
Maybe a bit too much.

BU
s
470 DANCER (TO MAD HATTER) 470
What d’you put in that dough?
670 EXT. WONDERLAND FORREST 670
Fi
The very small ST NICK GANG finally crawl out of the hole
underneath the jail. They come out on the winding road
leading through the middle of the forest area.
RD
471 DONNER 471
lm
Yes, we’re free!

ST NICK is slightly manic, racing around, having a wee

boogey.
472 ST NICK 472
Yoohooo!
RA
s
473 DASHER 473
Let’s get away.
474 PRANCER 474
Lt
We’ve presents to deliver for
Christmas Day.
GE

They all rush to man their usual positions only:

- ST NICK bangs straight into the sleigh, toppling over.

d

475 ST NICK 475

(finding it hilarious)
Oops!
 © Lupus Films Limited 71

- And the REINDEER stand, ridiculously tiny, in a line in

front of the huge sleigh.
476 PRANCER (DRYLY) 476
This is NOT going to work.
Lu

ER
477 VIXEN 477
He couldn’t even steer.

There is a moment of silence where they realize this really

is NOT going to work.
478 ST NICK/ PRANCER 478 *
pu

TL
Change of plan, everyone.
We’ll use ‘Auto Reindeer’.

Back into action.

ST NICK climbs up the elf ladder on the side of the sleigh,

in a jolly mood.

BU
s
The MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE, WHITE RABBIT and ALICE are still
on the ground.

The REINDEER go up a plank that the ELVES have put down and
Fi
settle their small selves into the sleigh. ST NICK is looking
about him, jollily!
479 ST NICK 479
Ho Ho Ho.
RD lm
480 PRANCER 480
What’s the best way for us to get
out?
481 WHITE RABBIT 481
Take the Rabbit Hole.
That’s quickest, no doubt.
RA
s
482 DASHER 482
How do we get there?
We don’t know the way.
Lt
483 MAD HATTER 483
Oh, I know a short cut.
Let’s jump on the sleigh!
GE

The MAD HATTER, the MARCH HARE, the WHITE RABBIT and ALICE
get on the sleigh. It is now very cramped. The MAD HATTER
d

types some coordinates into ST NICK’s SAT NAV (the tea party
post code).
484 MAD HATTER (CONT’D) 484
<AD LIB TYPING IN COORDINATES>
 © Lupus Films Limited 72

The SAT NAV announces it.

485 SAT NAV (SERIOUS SAT NAV VOICE) 485
Destination:
(breaking into silly
Lu
voice

ER
Holy Moly, Roly Poly, Poodle
Stroodle, Stinky Roe.

The MARCH HARE mouths along to all the words, a happy grin on
his face. (ST NICK enjoys this too) All the sleigh folk look
at each other in bemusement.
pu

TL
486 MAD HATTER 486
Ready everyone?
487 MARCH HARE 487
Hold Tight!

And presses the button.

BU
s
488 MAD HATTER 488
Beep! Off we go!

The sleigh shoots quickly off the road into the forest area,
Fi
weaving in and out of mushrooms and dodging trees. Curtains
twitch and doors <CREAK> open as they pass. ST NICK is
throwing his arms out wide enjoying the ride.
489 ST NICK 489
RD
Well this is a blast! Wheeee!
lm
Wahay!
490 MAD HATTER 490
Keep your hands, arms, feet, and
legs in the sleigh.
491 PRANCER 491
RA
s
Boots, there are spare presents *
back there in the sack. Go share
them out, in case we never come
back.
Lt
492 ST NICK 492
Presents! To share. Oh goodie!
Goodie.
GE

ST NICK starts throwing presents out to people!

d

493 ST NICK (CONT’D) 493

Merry Christmas everyone! Lovely
gifts from MEEEE!
 © Lupus Films Limited 73

A huge tree looms in front of them. They are heading straight

towards it - AAAAAAH!

The REINDEERS and ST NICK look at it and cover their eyes.

Lu
The MARCH HARE grins maniacally, enjoying it.

ER
At the last moment the tree opens up and they crash through
it before it closes over again.
680 EXT - NEAR WONDERLAND JAIL - A MOMENT LATER 680

The QUEEN is sitting in the Royal Box, beside herself with

pu

TL
excitement. The CHESHIRE CAT is lying on the seat being
jiggled around.
494 QUEEN 494
Ooh I’m so excited. A shiny new
pet.
One I’ve always dreamed of. Always

BU
s
wanted to get.
I’m going to make sure that it’s
royally fed.
I’ll give it BIG cuddles. It can
sleep by my bed.
Fi
And what will I name it? Mmm, let
me see.
Maybe something beginning with ‘B’
495 QUEEN (TO CHESHIRE CAT) (CONT’D) 495
RD
I could call it Binky or Bimbam or
lm
Lady Butterspot...

The CHESHIRE CAT <yawns>.

496 QUEEN (SQUEALING) (CONT’D) 496
Oh Oh. What about Bunnybooboo?
RA
s
She looks at the CHESHIRE CAT, who nonchalantly coughs out a
fuzzy furball, not impressed.
497 QUEEN (CONT’D) 497
Mmm. Maybe not.
Lt

The CHESHIRE CAT <SNIGGERS> just as the box comes to a

screeching standstill and he flies off the seat.
GE

498 QUEEN (VERY EXCITED) (CONT’D) 498

We’re here!
d

She jumps out, hardly able to contain her excitement and

gives herself a talking to.
 © Lupus Films Limited 74

499 QUEEN (TO HERSELF, PEP TALK) (CONT’D)

499
Now, remember. Don’t be a meanie.

She hops over to the cell bars.

Lu
500 QUEEN (CONT’D) 500

ER
Yohooo! St Nick! I’m back!

She stands on tip toe and grabs hold of the bars looking
through.(Similar to Jack in THE SHINING).
501 QUEEN (SING SONGY) (CONT’D) 501
It’s Queenie!
pu

TL
ON CELL which is now completely empty apart from the ‘DRINK
ME’ bottle, lying empty on the floor.
502 QUEEN (FURIOUS) (CONT’D) 502
AAAAH! They’ve gone. (BALLING UP
FISTS) I could crush a small elf!

BU
s
She looks around and spots some brightly coloured presents
leading a trail through the forest. The QUEEN smiles with
glee.
Fi
503 QUEEN (CONT’D) 503
Luckily, ST NICK just can’t help
himself!
700 EXT - RABBIT HOLE - THAT MOMENT 700
RD lm
A door opens and the sleigh crashes into the tea party.
Everyone is completely discombobulated.

The MARCH HARE’s ears are pulled right back. He is grinning

madly.

Beside them is a huge RABBIT HOLE in the ground.

RA
s
ALICE and the WHITE RABBIT start to climb down the Elf
ladder.
504 WHITE RABBIT 504
Lt
There it is! Quickly. We don’t have
much time.
GE

Both him and ALICE run over to the huge rabbit hole in the
ground and jump in.
d

BOOTS unrolls an inflatable emergency safety slide down the

side of the sleigh.

The REINDEER look down at it.

 © Lupus Films Limited 75

505 PRANCER (URGING ST NICK) 505

Down the slidey, St Nick.
506 ST NICK 506
Oh, thank you. That’s very kind.
Lu

ER
ST NICK jumps on the slide, holding his arms up as he slides
down.
507 ST NICK (CONT’D) 507
Wahoo! Oh. Well, this looked a lot
more fun!
pu

TL
508 PRANCER 508
Our turn now, reindeer. Let’s all
pile on.

The REINDEER go to follow but <GAZUMP> the sleigh tips to one

side as all the REINDEER suddenly return to full size, piled

BU
s
one on top of the other, a mass of tangled limbs and antlers.

509 REINDEER 509

Ah!/ Eeee!/ Owwww!/ Oh!/Just our
Fi
luck!
510 ST NICK 510
(O.S, muffled)
Help! Where am I?
RD lm
The REINDEER look over to see ST NICK, who is now also back
to FULL SIZE and lodged firmly in a hole, headfirst, his legs
kicking out the top. He is back to his normal self.
511 ST NICK (O.S) (CONT’D) 511
And why am I stuck?
RA
s
The MAD HATTER is delighted by this turn of events.
512 MAD HATTER (TO MARCH HARE) 512
Ooops. Those potions wear off.
Did we forget to say?
Lt

Another <CRASH> through the door. The MAD HATTER turns to see
the PLAYING CARD GUARDS and the QUEEN’s Royal Box.
GE

513 MAD HATTER (CONT’D) 513

And now here’s the Queen.
d

This is making my day!

The QUEEN steps out and walks over with the GUARDS, ready for
a confrontation.
 © Lupus Films Limited 76

The REINDEER are gathered around ST NICK, trying to figure

out how best to get him out and oblivious to the arrival of
the QUEEN and her PLAYING CARD GUARDS.
514 COMET 514
Lu
Maybe we could sit on him.

ER
DANCER sits on ST NICK, bouncing on top of him, trying to
push him through. <BOING> <BOING> <BOING>.
515 ST NICK (O/S) 515
Aaah!
pu

TL
Not working. ST NICK remains firmly stuck.
516 DANCER 516
Sorry, St Nick.

The QUEEN taps her foot impatiently, arms folded, waiting.

BU
s
517 DONNER 517
Grab a leg each. That might do the
trick.

VIXEN grabs one of ST NICK’s legs and DONNER the other. They
Fi
pull and there is a loud <RIPPING SOUND>.

ST NICK’s trousers have ripped open at the top, revealing a

pair of novelty Christmas Boxer Shorts.
RD
The QUEEN who is <YAWNING>, wrinkles her nose in distaste.
lm
518 PRANCER 518
There’s only one thing for it. Form
a line behind.

The REINDEER form a long tug of war line behind PRANCER.

RA
s
519 PRANCER (CONT’D) 519
Excuse me, St Nick. I hope you
don’t mind.

She grabs hold of ST NICK’S bottom.

Lt

The REINDEER pull.

GE

520 ALL 520

<STRAINING NOISES>
d

They pull harder.

521 ALL (CONT’D) 521
<STRAINING NOISES>
 © Lupus Films Limited 77

And even harder.

522 ALL (CONT’D) 522
<STRAINING NOISES>
Lu
The REINDEER give one final huge pull and a red-faced ST NICK

ER
pops out with an appropriate sound effect provided by the ELF
ORCHESTRA - POP!

The REINDEERS collapse on the snow.

523 ST NICK 523
Phew, thank goodness for that. How
pu

TL
did we get here?
524 QUEEN 524
Well, if it isn’t my favourite
reindeer.

Everyone turns round to see the QUEEN and her PLAYING CARD

BU
s
GUARDS now standing right behind them. GULP!

The WHITE RABBIT, with ALICE behind him, peers out of the
rabbit hole <GULPS> and quickly ducks back in, scared.
Fi
750 EXT - RABBIT HOLE - THAT MOMENT 750

ST NICK squeezes his eyes shut. But when the QUEEN speaks it
is not what they were expecting.
RD
525 QUEEN (NICE AS PIE) 525
lm
St Nick, how nice to see you so
soon.

ST NICK opens one eye in surprise.

526 ST NICK 526
It is?
RA
s
527 CUPID (CONFUSED) 527
What was that?
528 COMET 528
Lt
She’s changed her tune.

The QUEEN smiles, coyly.

GE

529 QUEEN (COYLY) 529

I believe you have something for me
d

in that cloaky?
530 ST NICK 530
I do?
 © Lupus Films Limited 78

PRANCER leans in.

531 PRANCER (UNDER HIS BREATH) 531
The present.
Lu
532 ST NICK 532

ER
Oh yes! Okay dokey.

ST NICK rummages in his cape.

533 ST NICK (CONT’D) 533
Well this is very strange. It was
definitely here.
pu

TL
(TO QUEEN) This bottomless cape.
Things just disappear.

BOOTS shakes his head in despair and disappears into ST

NICK’s cape, rummaging around, handing out a beautifully
wrapped present to ST NICK who, of course thinks he’s found
it himself.

BU
s
534 ST NICK (CONT’D) 534
Aaah! Here we go. It’s got a little
bow. See.
Fi
ST NICK wiggles the little bow, enticingly. The QUEEN holds
her hand to her chest, pretending to be surprised.
535 QUEEN 535
A pressie? For moi? Oh Goody!
RD
Goody!
lm
The QUEEN snatches it excitedly and before her eyes the
present disappears and turns into... a sad lump of coal in
her hand.
536 MAD HATTER 536
(delighted)
RA
s
How delightful!
Everything’s coming unstuck.

The QUEEN’s chin starts to tremble. ALICE and the WHITE

RABBIT peer out of the rabbit hole.
Lt

537 QUEEN 537

Wha - Wha -
GE

538 WHITE RABBIT (PEERING OUT OF RABBIT538

HOLE)
d

Uh oh! I think it’s time to DUCK!

 © Lupus Films Limited 79

The White Rabbit ducks back down just as the QUEEN bursts
into tears, water springing out of her eyes in all
directions. <WHAAAAAAAAAAA!>. The REINDEER all look at each
other.
Lu
539 QUEEN 539

ER
What is this? I don’t like it!
540 MAD HATTER 540
(with glee, to others)
The Queen’s getting mad...
541 ST NICK 541
pu

TL
I’m afraid that’s what happens if
you’ve been... er... bad.

BOOTS <GIGGLES> and nods waggling his finger as if she’s been

naughty.
542 ST NICK (EXPLAINING) (CONT’D) 542

BU
s
When you pick up a present, if you
haven’t been nice,It turns into
coal. (ADDING) Smokeless, though.
Twice the price.
Fi
The QUEEN stomps her foot, crossly.
543 QUEEN 543
Change it back! I don’t want it!
RD
544 MAD HATTER 544
lm
(with even more glee)
She’s out of her mind.
545 ST NICK 545
Only you can do that, by being
kind!
RA
s
Everyone stops what they are doing.
546 QUEEN 546
K..K...KIND? What a horrible word.
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve
Lt
ever heard!
547 ST NICK 547
GE

It’s the first rule of Christmas.

It’s easy to do. I’ve been doing it
for years...
d

548 MAD HATTER 548

(aside, to others)
Not Queenie though. Hoo!
 © Lupus Films Limited 80

549 ST NICK (SPREADING ARMS WIDE) 549 *

Spread happiness and joy, to all
that you see.

ALICE jumps out of the rabbit hole and runs over grabbing the
Lu
QUEEN’s hand

ER
550 ALICE (O.S) 550
Don’t worry, let’s help her, just
come with me.

The QUEEN looks down at ALICE in astonishment.

pu

TL
551 ST NICK 551
Are you sure, Alice? She can
be...um...(glance To Queen and then
whispering to Alice)...mean.
552 ALICE 552
Everyone should enjoy Christmas.

BU
s
Even the Queen.

The WHITE RABBIT scurries out of his rabbit hole and goes
over to ALICE and the QUEEN, finally finding his courage.
Fi
553 WHITE RABBIT 553
If Alice is going, I’m going with
her.

The QUEEN looks at him, and he jumps back, scared.

RD lm
554 WHITE RABBIT (CONT’D) 554
I’ll stay in the background. You
won’t know I’m there.

The MAD HATTER comes over.

555 MAD HATTER 555
RA
s
And we’re definitely coming. To *
join in the fun. *

The MARCH HARE looks at MAD HATTER. The MARCH HARE looks
completely clueless.
Lt

556 MARCH HARE 556

Oh yes.
GE

MARCH HARE bounds over.

d

557 557
MARCH HARE (TO MAD HATTER, CLUELESS) (CONT’D)
What’s going on?

ALICE grins at all her friends.

 © Lupus Films Limited 81

558 ALICE 558

We’ll all come and help you. That’s *
what kind people do.

The QUEEN looks at everyone lined up and then at ALICE’s

Lu
small hand in hers. She really hasn’t been shown this

ER
kindness before.
559 QUEEN 559
Well...okay then, Amy.
560 ALICE (REMINDING HER) 560
Alice.
pu

TL
561 ST NICK (PLEASED) 561
Well done. Good for you!

She turns back to ST NICK and the REINDEER.

562 QUEEN 562

BU
s
But ‘til I get my present, you have
to stay.

She turns to the GUARDS.

Fi
563 QUEEN (CONT’D) 563
GUARDS! Surround them. Oh. And
ticket the sleigh. *

The PLAYING CARD GUARDS surround the REINDEER and ST NICK

RD
again. One of them puts a clamp on the sleigh.
lm
564 QUEEN (CONT’D) 564
Toodly pip!

The QUEEN swoops out the door with ALICE, the MAD HATTER, the *
MARCH HARE, the WHITE RABBIT and the CHESHIRE CAT. Silence as
everyone left looks at each other.
RA
s
565 PRANCER (DRYLY) 565
I don’t suppose anyone has a Plan *
B? *
Lt
566 ST NICK 566 *
D’you know? I would love a cup of *
tea. *
GE

760 INT. PALACE - THAT MOMENT 760

d

567 QUEEN (O.S) 567

Trust me. I’ve never been nice at *
all.
*
 © Lupus Films Limited 82

DODO and RUDOLPH look at each other and rush over to hide
behind the big curtains near the trap door, just as the door
opens and the QUEEN, ALICE, MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE, WHITE
RABBIT and CHESHIRE CAT appear.
Lu
568 ALICE 568

ER
Oh, you must have been once...
when you were a small. *

569 QUEEN 569

Oh no, don’t tell me it’s another
song!
pu

TL
570 ALICE 570
It’ll be fun!
571 QUEEN 571
<HUMPH> I WON’T sing along.

BU
s
SONG 5 - THE QUEEN AND ALICE

The QUEEN and ALICE sing a duet about being kind and finding
the childlike joy of Christmas again. Similar to Fred
Fi
Astaire’s ‘Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off.’

The WHITE RABBIT, MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE and CHESHIRE CAT
join in with the activities.
RD
At first the QUEEN is hard to persuade, but ALICE’s
lm
enthusiasm is infectious and slowly she thaws, getting more
and more involved in all the Christmas activities. Finding
the child-like joy of Christmas again. *

IT’S COOL TO BE KIND *

572 ALICE - SONG 572

RA
s
Outside it’s snowing,
573 QUEEN - SONG 573
So, let’s kick a snowman,
Lt
574 ALICE - SONG 574
The firelight is glowing,
GE

575 QUEEN - SONG 575

I don’t want to hold hands.
d

576 ALICE - SONG 576

Let’s get excited,
 © Lupus Films Limited 83

577 QUEEN -SONG 577

That’s ok for you but I’m bored. So
bored.
Lu
578 ALICE -SONG 578

ER
Let’s wrap some presents,

579 QUEEN -SONG 579

Let’s go shoot some peasants,
pu

TL
580 ALICE - SONG 580
Let’s put up some holly,

581 QUEEN - SONG 581

I don’t feel that jolly,

BU
s
582 ALICE- SONG 582
What is your problem?
Fi
583 QUEEN - SONG 583
What are you asking me for? What
for?
584 QUEEN - SONG (CONT’D) 584
RD
I don’t even like the taste of
lm
turkey.
585 ALICE - SONG 585
Who cares? Have a nut roast.
Cos it’s cool to be kind.
At Christmas time.
Spread joy all around the world.
RA
s

586 QUEEN - SONG 586

Enough of this joy!
Lt
587 ALICE - SONG 587
Cos it’s nice to be nice.
So, let’s hang up some lights.
GE

For every boy and girl.

588 QUEEN - SONG 588
d

It’s not gonna work!

 © Lupus Films Limited 84

589 ALICE - SONG 589

Remember to smile.
Like you did as a child.
After all it’s Christmas time.
It’s cool to be kind.
Lu

ER
590 ALICE - SONG (CONT’D) 590
I hear them singing,

591 QUEEN - SONG 591

Pass me a bucket,
pu

TL
592 QUEEN 592
I’ve no time for giving,

593 ALICE - SONG 593

BU
s
Trust me, you’ll love it,
594 QUEEN - SONG 594
I’d rather ban it,
Fi
595 ALICE - SONG 595
No, should make love the law. For
sure.
RD lm
596 QUEEN - SONG 596
Who has the time for pulling
crackers?
597 ALICE - SONG 597
Why not? They have the best jokes!
Cos it’s cool to be kind,
RA
s
At Christmas time,
Spread joy all around the world,

598 QUEEN - SONG 598

Lt
Enough of this joy!
599 ALICE - SONG 599
GE

Cos It’s nice to be nice,

So let’s Hang up some lights,
For every boy and girl,
d

600 QUEEN - SONG 600

It’s not gonna work)
Remember to smile,
(MORE)
 © Lupus Films Limited 85
QUEEN - SONG (CONT’D)
Like you did as a child,
After all it’s Christmas time,
It’s cool to be kind.
601 ALICE/ QUEEN - SONG 601
Lu
If you don’t mind /If you don’t

ER
mind,
I’ll give it a try / Please give it
a try,
And I won’t cut off heads anymore,
And don’t cut off heads anymore.

It’s cool to be kind,

pu

TL
Cos at Christmas you’ll find,
There’s room for everyone,
So strike up the band,
Cos in this Wonderland,
It’s better to have fun.

It’s cool to be kind,

BU
s
At Christmas time,
There’ll be joy all over the world,
It’s neat to be sweet,
And there’ll be a treat,
For every boy and girl.
Fi
Remember to smile,
Like you did as a child,
After all it’s Christmas time,
It’s cool to be kind.
RD
The song ends with everyone back in the palace, heading out
lm
the door. *

770 EXT - RABBIT HOLE- THAT MOMENT 770 *

ST NICK and his REINDEER are still being held hostage by the
PLAYING CARD GUARDS, but there is now a relaxed, party
atmosphere.
RA
s
The ELF ORCHESTRA are playing some ambient mood music. Two
PLAYING CARD GUARDS dance along.

PRANCER is with the other reindeer.

Lt

602 PRANCER 602

We’ve got to get out of Wonderland
GE

quick. It’s up to us… we can’t wait

on St Nick.
(ALT: This is our chance to get *
d

away. If we wait on the boss….. *

well what can I say?) *

The Reindeer nod in agreement.

 © Lupus Films Limited 86

603 PRANCER (CONT’D) 603

He’s in Christmas mode. He’s
starting to slack…

ST NICK is with some PLAYING CARD GUARDS as they look at his

Lu
sleigh.

ER
604 ST NICK 604
Any youngsters at home sir?
605 PLAYING CARD GUARD 1 605
Yes, a small boy called Jack.
pu

TL
PRANCER turns to Boots.
606 PRANCER 606
Ok Boots, your big moment is here.

Boots nods, and sneaks out of the card house to find the
appleshrooms as ST NICK's still chatting away, handing a

BU
s
present to the GUARD.
607 ST NICK 607
Merry Christmas to Jack, and a
happy new year.
Fi
608 PLAYING CARD GUARD 1 608
Just between us, St Nick, I’m a bit
of a fan.
RD
GIANT BOOTS taps him on the shoulder and scares the life out
lm
of him. All the guards are chased away.
609 ST NICK 609
451E (To Card Guard running 451E
away)
Hm, nice chatting to you!
RA
s
610 PRANCER 610
Let’s crack on with the plan.

They bundle up a gormless ST NICK to take him to the sleigh.

The REINDEER run towards the sleigh, carrying ST NICK. The
Lt
REINDEER look back. BOOTS has shrunk and is running away from
the CARD GUARDS.
GE

611 REINDEER 611

Boots!
d

612 ST NICK 612

We’re leaving? But the Queen needs
more time.
 © Lupus Films Limited 87

613 PRANCER 613

Christmas Eve is almost over,
Dasher, start the rhyme.
614 DASHER 614
Lu
Go Dasher!

ER
615 DANCER 615
Go Dancer!
616 PRANCER 616
On Prancer!
pu

TL
617 VIXEN 617
And Vixen!
618 CUPID 618
Leap Cupid!
619 DONNER 619

BU
s
Soar Donner!
620 COMET 620
Fly Comet!
Fi
621 BLITZEN 621
And Queen!
(OR ALT: Fly Queen!)
622 PRANCER 622
RD
(Surprised)
lm
Queen?
623 ST NICK 623
The Queen?
624 BLITZEN 624
It’s the Queen!
RA
s

The REINDEER suddenly spot the QUEEN walking towards them and
stop sharply, shooting ST NICK off in the air.
Lt
ST NICK and REINDEER all land around the TEA PARTY table.

The QUEEN turns to everyone.

GE

625 QUEEN 625

Well, it looks like everyone is
d

having a ball. So I’ve just one

thing to say...

She holds her arms out making a big announcement.

 © Lupus Films Limited 88

626 QUEEN (CONT’D) 626

...Merry Christmas to all!

Everyone looks at each other, surprised.

Lu
(<WALLAH OF SURPRISE)

ER
627 QUEEN (CONT’D) 627
From now on I’m going to be kind
and good. Be as nice as a
Wonderland Queen ever could.

The REINDEER mutter to each other, skeptical.

pu

TL
628 DONNER 628
A likely story
629 VIXEN 629
That was too fast

BU
s
630 COMET 630
She must be bluffing

631 DASHER 631

Fi
It won’t last.
632 QUEEN (TO ST NICK) 632
And finally, St Nick, what can I
say? I’m sorry I nearly ruined
RD
Christmas day. You can head off...
lm
A little <CHUCKLE> at her ‘head’ joke here and a nudge and a
wink at Alice, followed by a <SNORT>.
633 QUEEN (CONT’D) 633
You’re free to go. To spread
Christmas cheer…
RA
s
The QUEEN tries to really get into the Christmas spirit by
doing her best ST. NICK impersonation.
634 QUEEN (CONT’D) 634
Lt
Ho! Ho! Ho!
635 ST NICK (IMPRESSED) 635
GE

Well, that was quite good. I’m very

impressed. Just a tiny bit
louder...
d

BOOTS starts pulling on her dress, trying to get her

attention.
 © Lupus Films Limited 89

636 QUEEN (TRYING AGAIN) 636

Ho Ho oh...my dress!

BOOTS holds up the piece of coal from earlier.

Lu
637 ST NICK 637

ER
This is your chance to see how
you’ve done. If you’ve really been
kind the coal will be gone.
In it’s place, will be something
much better. The Christmas Wish you
wrote in your letter.
pu

TL
BOOTS nods, holding it up. The QUEEN looks down at it,
slightly worried.

The QUEEN looks down to Boots and the coal. She bends down to
his level.

BU
s
638 QUEEN 638
Thank you small fellow, but I don’t
deserve that. I can’t have a
present when I’ve been such a brat.
Fi
BOOTS hands the coal to the QUEEN.
639 QUEEN (CONT’D) 639
But I’ll take it, of course, if you
really insist...when it comes to a
RD
pressie I can’t resist.
lm
640 MAD HATTER 640
Here we go, everybody.
Here comes the catch!

The QUEEN looks at the coal and nothing happens. She drops it
on the ground gently and walks away sadly.
RA
s
BOOTS sees the coal which starts twitching and throws a
snowball at the QUEEN to catch her attention.

BOOTS points at the transforming coal. There is a shocked

Lt
intake of breath by everyone. <GASP>
641 QUEEN 641
GE

(whispering) I can’t believe it.

The QUEEN is like a child again, giggling as she opens her

d

hand and looks down, eyes sparkling.

642 QUEEN (CONT’D) 642
It’s my own Bandersnatch!
 © Lupus Films Limited 90

The BANDERSNATCH sniffs the CHESHIRE CAT happily.

643 ST NICK (VERY AMUSED) 643
A huge creature, reindeer? Fearsome
and scary!
Lu

ER
The REINDEER shift around, vaguely embarrassed.

The Queen goes for a ride on the Bandersnatch. And so does

everyone else.
644 QUEEN 644
(As she lands)
pu

TL
It’s just how I imagined! So fast.
And so hairy!

775 INT. WONDERLAND PASSPORT CONTROL 775

RUDOLPH comes through the Wonderland passport control.

BU
s
790 EXT - TEA PARTY - THAT MOMENT 790
Fi
ST NICK is having tea with the QUEEN, chatting. The QUEEN is
being a bit flirty. Everyone is at the table.
645 PRANCER 645
All that rush and suddenly we’ve
RD
time for tea!
lm
646 DANCER 646
And lots of tarts.

Dancer gives a look to Dasher who has a mouthful of tarts.

647 DASHER (MOUTH FULL OF TARTS) 647
RA
s
What? I need energy!

The March Hare offers some jelly and tarts around.

648 MARCH HARE 648
Lt
Smelly Jelly, Alice?
649 MAD HATTER 649
GE

Sugared almond, White Rabbit?

650 ALICE 650
d

Ooh. Thank you so much.

651 WHITE RABBIT 651
I can’t wait to try it.
 © Lupus Films Limited 91

652 QUEEN 652

Did I tell you, St Nick, you really
suit red?
653 ST NICK 653
Lu
Oh really? Well, thank you.

ER
It has been said.

ST NICK and the QUEEN do a silly <GRIN> at each other.

The sound of a funny alarm pierces the air, like a silly,

embarrassing mobile phone jingle.
pu

TL
654 ST NICK (RELUCTANTLY) (CONT’D) 654
Would you excuse for a minute? I’ll
just be a tick.

He turns it off and looks at the Rudolph timer. It is now

three quarters of the way round.

BU
s
655 ST NICK (CONT’D) 655
Galloping Mistletoe! We have go
quick!

ST NICK jumps into his sleigh.

Fi
656 ALICE 656
I better go too.
657 ST NICK 657
RD
Well I’ll give you a lift?
lm
We’re stopping at your house
tonight with a gift!

The QUEEN turns to ALICE, with a soft look on her face.

Parting is such a sweet sorrow.
658 QUEEN (SADLY) 658
RA
s
Do you have to leave, Alice? I’d
love you to stay.

ALICE nods
Lt
659 ALICE 659
I have to get home for Christmas
Day.
GE

660 QUEEN (DRAMATIC) 660

Oh this is too sad. I’ll not see
d

you again.

The QUEEN takes a hanky out of her dress and dabs at her
eyes.
 © Lupus Films Limited 92

661 ALICE 661

Oh you will. Next Tuesday at half
past ten.

The MAD HATTER leans in.

Lu

ER
662 MAD HATTER 662
I’m having a tea party. You’re
welcome to come.

The QUEEN smiles, delighted.

663 QUEEN 663
pu

TL
Really?

ST NICK, on his sleigh, is looking around.

664 ST NICK 664
(calling)
Dasher? Where are you?

BU
s
665 DASHER 665
(O/S)
<GROAN> I’ve got a sore tum.
Fi
Everyone turns around to look. DASHER, the lead and fastest
REINDEER is lying on the ground, groaning.
666 COMET 666
Too many tarts.
RD lm
667 VIXEN 667
What did I say? Something will ruin
Christmas Day.

ST NICK is in a panic.
668 ST NICK 668
RA
s
We can’t do it without her.
We need someone quick!

Rudolf wanders in through the trees.

Lt
669 ST NICK (CONT’D) 669
Rudolph!?
GE

670 RUDOLPH 670

St Nick!
d

He gallops up to him ecstatic, covering him in kisses. The

other Reindeers gather round him.
671 DANCER 671
Rudolph!
 © Lupus Films Limited 93

672 CUPID 672

Is that you?
673 RUDOLPH 673
(PROUDLY) I made a find.
Lu

ER
674 RUDOLPH (CONT’D) 674
I brought the alarm. You left
behind.

Rudolph proudly presents it. A moment of silence as they all

look at it…(they don’t really need it now).
pu

TL
675 PRANCER 675
The alarm? Oh yes. We can’t do
without that!
(TO THE OTHER REINDEER)
Right, reindeer?

The REINDEER all nod, buying into it.

BU
s
676 CUPID 676
Oh yes!
677 DONNER 677
Fi
You deserve a big pat!
678 ST NICK 678
What do you think, Rudolph. Fancy
leading the sleigh?
RD lm
All the REINDEER look to RUDOLPH who looks around at all of
them and then, very ex citedly! He goes to sneeze.
679 RUDOLPH 679
A-A-A...

And then doesn’t. His cold is away!

RA
s
680 RUDOLPH (CONT’D) 680
YES!
681 ST NICK (EXUBERANT) 681
Lt
Christmas is saved!
682 ALL (JOYFULLY) 682
GE

Hurray! Hurray!

The ELF CONDUCTOR turns his sheet music to ‘HAPPY ENDING

d

MUSIC’ taps his baton and - starts up the music.

795 REPRISE of St NICK SONG 2 - ‘Cool to be Kind’ 795
 © Lupus Films Limited 94

This time with all the WONDERLAND CHARACTERS involved dancing

and having fun (SHREK-style).

ST NICK dances with the QUEEN.

Lu
The MAD HATTER dances with ALICE.

ER
All the REINDEER do the ‘Reindeer Floss’, including the
BANDERSNATCH who copies them.

The FISH BARRISTER lets the BIRD, MOCK TURTLES and MACAW all
out of jail and leads them conga-style out of the jail.
pu

TL
ST NICK gives the DODO a signed photograph as well as a brand
new red hat and a sackful of presents.

It is a scene of wonderful celebration in Wonderland.

683 QUEEN & ALICE - SONG 683
It’s cool to be kind,

BU
s
Cos at Christmas you’ll find,
There’s room for everyone,
So strike up the band,
Cos in this Wonderland,
It’s better to have fun.
Fi
It’s cool to be kind,
At Christmas time,
There’ll be joy all over the world,
It’s neat to be sweet,
RD
And there’ll be a treat,
lm
For every boy and girl.
Remember to smile,
Like you did as a child,
After all it’s Christmas time,
It’s cool to be kind.

As the song nears the end, ST NICK heads to his sleigh. He

RA
s
kisses the QUEEN’s hand and she blushes.
684 ST NICK 684
Your Majesty!
Lt
He climbs into his sleigh. ALICE, along with a ill-looking
DASHER, is beside him.
GE

RUDOLPH is at the front of the sleigh along with all the

other REINDEER, smiling happily.
d

ST NICK gives a final wave and smiles at the QUEEN OF HEARTS

who smiles back, a moment of understanding between them.
 © Lupus Films Limited 95

The ELF in the orchestra starts shaking the sleigh bell and
with a shake of the reins ST NICK and his sleigh take off
into the sky.

The QUEEN looks up, face rosy and happy, smiling, eyes
Lu
twinkling...the BANDERSNATCH <SQUEAKS> beside her and gives

ER
her a lick.

The SLEIGH goes into super speed like a shooting star.

For the first time the CHESHIRE CAT stops smiling, looking a
bit sad...just as BOOTS pops up behind his ear. Both <GRINS>.
pu

TL
IN the SKY as ST NICK flies along.
685 ST NICK (CONT’D) 685
Well, all in all, that didn’t go
too bad.
686 REINDEER 686

BU
s
Are you serious?/You’re
deluded!/He’s going mad!
687 ST NICK 687
Ah, come on now, Reindeer. We
Fi
always have fun.
688 PRANCER (TO REINDEER) 688
I suppose he’s right!
RD
689 ALL 689
lm
Merry Christmas everyone!

(OR IF YOU WANTED TO PUT THE END LINE IN HERE: ‘I’m sure next
year we’ll get it just right. Merry Christmas to all and to
all a good night!)
690 690
RA
s
810 EXT - GROTTO - CHRISTMAS EVE - VERY LATE 810

The REINDEER are now back in their room, slumped around the
table.
Lt

691 REINDEER 691

Phew! It’s over. Another year done.
GE

Time to put our hooves up.

Have some fun.
d

They look at the sweepstake.

692 COMET 692
No-one won the sweepstake.
 © Lupus Films Limited 96

693 DANCER 693

We weren’t even near.
694 VIXEN 694
Look on the bright side. There’s
Lu
always next year.

ER
All the REINDEER look at VIXEN in surprise who remains
completely dead pan.

ST NICK bangs open the door.

695 ST NICK 695
pu

TL
Reindeer!
696 PRANCER 696
What is it?
697 VIXEN 697
The ground’s starting to shake!

BU
s
698 ST NICK 698
It’s Boots! He put apple-shroms in
the Christmas cake.
Fi
The REINDEER all look at each other and race for the door.

CUT TO:

GIANT ELVES are having a snowball fight in Reindeerland.

RD lm
THE END.
RA
s
Lt
GE