1

Dear Reader, help is at hand. WAR WITH SELF, a book on spiritual

quotient helps you to better manage yourself and your work.
Consequently it enables you to climb the corporate ladder. At the level of
CEO / Vice President/ Strategic Business Head, it would help you be
more effective and efficient. This book is a crash course on Spiritual
quotient to improve your capability for reading, introspection and
reflection. This book will transform you from being merely a manager to
becoming a leader.

In this era of globalisation and stiff competition, mere knowledge of

management concepts is not enough to cope with challenges in the real
world. To be successful in today’s corporate world, one needs deeper
insight into one’s personal self, human behaviour and also have the right
attitude and approach towards life. Your Journey to success begins
now…. This book facilitates and focuses on the growth of individuals as
well as growth of organisations, It will also help develop capabilities and
improve performance as well as job satisfaction to ensure purposeful and
focused collaboration for mutual prosperity.
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WAR WITH SELF

A BOOK ON SPIRITUAL QUOTIENT
BY

V.S.GOPALAKRISHNA
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DEDICATED TO
RISHIS & ACHARYAS
My Parents V.N. SRINIVASAN &
RAJALAKSHMI
My wife MALATHY & My son ADITYA
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From the Publisher’s Desk

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Preface
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Preface
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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ARE THEY HAPPY NOW!

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WAR WITH SELF

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CONTENTS

From the Publisher’s Desk

Preface

Part I
____________________________________
Internal Conflict and Worries

Internal Conflict, a Preamble

16

Spiritual Elevation 39

What Gives Happiness 42

Handling human relationships 59

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PART II
___________________________________

KARMA YOGA and HRD

HRD Concepts 71

HRD Goals 73

HRD Managers Role 75

Handling of Personnel
81

Handling Employee Complaints 93

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and Grievances

Employee Grievances 103

How to develop Desirable

Work values / Ethics among
Employees? 125

Work Culture in India 128

Management Actions 143

Sharing the results 147

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PART III

Science of Life Management 149

Improve communication with

your family 191

Work Life Balance 214

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INTERNAL CONFLICT,
A PREAMBLE

“According to a recent Gallup poll,

64% of employees say they are
depressed,
anxious and wished they worked
elsewhere. 74% of workers are
disengaged clock
watches who can’t wait to go home.
People are working harder, longer
and getting
less out of it. Their bosses are
struggling as well. The average
length of tenure of a
CEO is 4.6 years. 22 European
CEO’s were fired in 2003. A recent
EU study shows
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that 45% of top management are

currently looking for a new position.
Executives are
getting burnt out, pissed off and
fired. The social trends are alarming.
A UK
Government Report released
recently shows that the number of
people in their 30’s
suffering from depression has
doubled since 1987 - from one in
fourteen, to one in
seven. Worldwide suicide rates have
risen 60% in the last 45 years. A
million people
a year take their own life – one
suicide every 40 seconds. We are
appalled by acts of
terrorism, but we shouldn’t be
surprised when there are imbalances
in our society.
 18

1.3billion people have no access to

fresh water. 3 billion have no access
to sanitation. 2
billion people have no access to
electricity. 24,000 people die every
day from
starvation. In Spain 90% of homes
have a fixed line phone and 74%
have mobile
phones, but elsewhere in the world,
4 billion people have never made a
telephone call
in their life and are unlikely to ever
do so!” (Brian Bacon, Chairman &
CEO, IPC
Worldwide in an interview by The
Augere Foundation of Spain). So,
these are
turbulent times that we are facing in
the 21st Century. Our civilization is
threatened.
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If a company focuses only on a

single bottom line – money or profit
– it will not sustain
itself in the 21st century. If every
company follows this principle, it
will in turn lead to a global crisis.
Today, workers are not finding any
meaning in their work. There is a
general lack of motivation and de-
personalisation in the
workforce. While everyone is
rapidly adopting
re-engineered processes, people are
not able to re-engineer
themselves as rapidly.

“To survive in the 21st Century,

Leaders of organisations must offer
a greater
 20

sense of meaning and purpose for

their workforce. In today’s highly
competitive
environment, the best talent seeks
out organisations that reflect their
inner values and
provide opportunities for personal
development and community
service, not just
bigger salaries. Unlike the
marketplace economy of 20 years
ago, today’s information
and services-dominated economy
requires instantaneous decision-
making and
building of better relationships with
customers and employees.” (Corinne
McLaughline, in
Spirituality & Ethics in Business).
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“Spiritual Intelligence is about

enduring values in these troubled
times.

To that
extent it is only a re-claiming of the
facet of personality long lost sight of
in the
pursuit of the profit-objective. If a
leader realizes its true identity, is in
the
consciousness of its innate self, its
true, original personality of peace
and purity, and
has the same vision for the other
beings, has an intellectual
communion with the
Almighty, the Ultimate Source of
values, he/she then becomes the
embodiment of
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values and earns spiritual capital,

which empowers him/her to be the
master of change

and be a sussessful visionary leader

in 21st century.” (Dadi Prakashmani,
Chief of
Brahmakumaris World spiritual
University).
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A self-empowered leadership
certainly requires the cognitive skills
of thinking,
perception, analysis, synthesis, and
reasoning (IQ). It also requires
Emotional
Intelligence (EQ) - the ability to
understand the feelings and needs of
oneself and
others, to display self-control and
self-confidence (but not arrogance or
conceit), and
to use interpersonal skills to respond
to others’ feelings and needs in
appropriate ways.

According to Danah Zohar, “The EQ

people have started to see that if one
really
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wants to motivate people and

transform them, one needs to have a
noble cause, and
when one starts talking about noble
causes, one is in the realm of
Spiritual
Intelligence.”

Recent thinking about leadership has

taken us into the spiritual dimension
of life
and work. The key idea here is that
people need to have meaning and
value in their
life and work, for example doing
something that makes a positive
difference to other
people’s well-being. Meaning and
value depend very much on the
beliefs and values
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that underlie our motives, which in

turn drive our behaviour.
“Spiritual Intelligence has been on
the margins of business thinking
since the 1990s.
Spiritual Quotient (SQ) refers to the
degree to which an individual can
demonstrate Spiritual Intelligence
and 'Spiritual Capital' refers to a
company's
ability to generate wealth through
Spiritual Intelligence.” (Danah
Zohar, in Spiritual
Capital, Wealth we can live by).
“The transformative power of SQ
distinguishes it
from IQ and EQ. IQ primarily solves
logical problems. EQ allows us to
judge the
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situation we are in and behave

appropriately. SQ allows us to ask if
we want to be in
that situation in the first place. It
might motivate us to create a new
one.” (Danah
Zohar & Ian Marshall, in Spiritual
Itelligence-the Ultimate Intelligence)

“So, the deepest level of intelligence

is Spiritual Intelligence (SQ) which
has nothing
to do with religion or any rigid
belief system. SQ is a process of
personal insight and
experience, not a package of beliefs.
Spiritual Intelligence is what a
successful
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executive uses to discern meaning,

intuit purpose, create vision and
identify core
values from which actions will
spring. Spiritual intelligence draws
on our higher
motivations, relates what we do to
the greater good, connection with
the infinite,
helps us discern true principles that
are part of our conscience, which are
symbolized by the compass, and
aims therefore, at sustainable
development.
These are the foundations of both
personal empowerment and the
leadership of others,
especially during turbulent times.”
(Brian Bacon, Chairman & CEO,
IPC Worldwide
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in an interview to The Augere

Foundation of Spain)

According to Danah Zohar, “By

building spiritual capital, however,
individuals and
organizations can become much
more sustainable. Sustainability
depends on building
up the foundations of one’s
collaboration, one’s life, one’s
organization. If we make
the transformational changes, if we
develop the kind of capitalism that
has wider
concerns, deeper values, and higher
purposes, it will not only be
sustainable, but
we will find, it makes more profit.”
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“Over the last 100 years, four

distinct contexts of business
leadership have emerged
in the West: paternal-mechanistic,
humanistic, holistic, and spiritual-
based. Each
context represents a fundamental
change in how we view the nature of
business
leadership. As we embrace and fulfil
these contexts of business
leadership, we
believe it will naturally fuel a
fundamental change in the nature of
business itself,
such that business and its leadership
can take its rightful place in solving
what seem to
be the unsolvable problems in the
world today.
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By 2000, business leadership was

primarily a mixture of the three
contexts: paternal-
mechanistic (its influence in
decline); humanistic (in its prime);
and holistic (on the
rise).

Yet another view of the nature of

business leadership has begun to
emerge, one that
offers us an opportunity to return to
the true roots of our human nature.

This context is the emerging

spiritual-based context for business
leadership.
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The spiritual-based context

transforms the nature of business
itself – so that the
primary purpose of business and
leadership is spiritual fulfilment and
service to
society, This new purpose for
business and leadership is also a
response to two major
insights from the 1980’s and 90’s:

1. Having material wealth doesn't

really satisfy the inner yearning to
access a
deeper meaning and obtain
fulfilment in work and life.
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2. What we've been doing with the

earth's resources and with
international relations
(still based on ‘survival of the
fittest’) has been destructive, unjust,
and
unsustainable.” (William & Debra
Miller, Global Dharma Center)

“There are many aspects to success,

material wealth is only one
component. Success
also includes good health, energy
and enthusiasm for life, fulfilling
relationships,
creative freedom, emotional and
psychological stability, a sense of
well-being and
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peace of mind.” (Deepak Chopra,

The Seven Spiritual Laws of
Success).

Self-empowered Leadership is
spiritual intelligence based
leadership, more about character
and consciousness than something
one can scrutinize under a
microscope. The roots of
character and consciousness lie in
the soul, the spirit.

It is about becoming more aware of

one’s own inner processes; adopting
a new style
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of thinking and perceiving; learning

to see oneself and one’s problems in
a new way,
because a leader’s power lies inside.

The best business leader is a

problem solver par excellence. The
ability to address
problems holistically (one of the
dimension of Spiritual Intelligence),
rather than just
in a classical, analytical way, is a
characteristic of the self-empowered
leaders.
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Numerous andoften courageous

decisions are required of leaders.
Such decisions may be considered
fraught with hazards by some, yet
relished by others. They are needed
particularly at times of –

• crisis, or
• evensurvival,

and mark out the real leader - a self

empowered one.
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So, the question is how does

Spiritual Intelligence empower
leaders to sustain
and help their companies to survive,
while facing the challenges of the
present century?

What is the impact of the various

dimensions of Spiritual Intelligence
on the
numerous character traits of
leadership that are required to
transform into Masters of Change
and
to cope with the challenges of the
21st Century?
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Spiritual Elevation

We find that not everyone makes it

to a CEO slot. We are living the life
of a human being because we paid a
big price using a special currency
called punyam. Without losing the
responsibility of being humans, let
us accomplish the highest that is
achievable by a human being; I
mean both a male human being and
female human being. If we do not
play our roles to perfection, life will
become mechanical. We have to see
whether we are growing or not. We
need not be concerned about the rate
of growth or the pains experienced
in the process of growth. The rate of
growth is inbuilt into the human
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system. We all have our own rate of

growth and it is essential that we are
aware of this
rate of growth. There is no need to
compare ourselves with the others.
We are not going to develop a
complex. We are not going to be
jealous we make sure we do not feel
guilty do not get frustrated and do
not develop inferiority complex. We
will all benefit by God’s grace.
Some people argue that everything
is god’s grace just to avoid taking
responsibility for anything. That is
being irresponsible. At the same
time one cannot be arrogant too.
That indicates lacking knowledge of
existence of God. The attitude ‘I can
accomplish anything
I want’ is another name for ‘Pride
goes before a fall’. People who
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occupy high offices often find

themselves in prison. We should
accept our role and role of Iswara or
god also. So one should take
responsibility for oneself and seek

the Lord through prayer and visiting

temples etc.
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What Gives happiness

What is the goal of life? All human
beings without exception seek only
one primary goal and that is Sukham
or happiness. The main problem we
face is that we do not know what
happiness is. We acquire certain
things which we feel will give us
happiness but soon we discover that
it is not so. The general
misconception is that money and
possessions will give happiness. We
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must realise that it is not logical

because the two things should have a
cause and effect relationship. In the
presence of cause the result should
take place and in the absence of
cause that result should not occur. In
the presence of seed the tree can
come to being.
If the seed is the cause, the tree is
the effect. In the presence of the
seed the tree can arise and manifest.
In its absence there could be no tree.
In this case we find the logic.
Similarly, let’s find the cause of the
allergies plaguing the human mind.
What do we see around us! Many
people have money, position and
possessions. Possibly, theyare
comfortable. But comfort is a
physical condition. Being
comfortable is not the same as being
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happy. If comfort and happiness

were synonymous, a hundred years
ago when modern luxuries had not
yet developed our ancestors should
have been miserable, while today
with the availability of a wide range
of products for comfort, people
should have been happy. However,
that is not so. Many people are
comfortable yet unhappy. Or should
I say, comfortably unhappy. They
have air-conditioned worries.

On the other hand there are many

others who do not have money and
possessions but are very happy. So
these two; money or worldly
possessions on one hand and
happiness on the other, lack cause
and effect relationship. What then is
the cause or source of happiness?
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The human being has been searching

for an answer since ages. We keep
on experimenting. We change jobs,
houses, domiciles etc. in the
enduring hope that the new situation
will be a cause of happiness.
However, the search continues
unfulfilled. Instead of this constant
search, it would be better to seek our
solution in the pages of the Sastras
(or Vedas). The Sastras alone can
help us realise what makes us or will
make us happy. What do the Sastras
say? The Sastras say only one
thing, that is, the cause of happiness
is punyam. Between punyam (good
deeds) and happiness alone there
exists a cause and effect
relationship. Punyam (Dharma,
Karma, Liberation or Moksha) alone
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is the foundation of happiness.

Freedom from all mental agitations
and a balanced mental attitude is
happiness. If punyam is not there,
even if money is there, happiness
cannot be achieved. On the other
hand it is also a fact that money may
become a source of sorrow instead
of bringing true happiness. as we
find a number of top CEO’s and
politicians in Tihar jail. Therefore,
to bring in happiness we must
produce the cause of happiness, that
is punyam. The Sastras say that the
dharmic way of life alone can
produce punyam which in turn can
lead to the state of happiness or
success. With punyam, , whether we
have comforts around us or not, we
will be happy.
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“The Gita is the universal mother.

She turns away nobody. Her door is
wide open to anyone who knocks.”

Mahatma Gandhi
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Worry is the biggest

Problem !

We all have problems. Rare is a

person who can claim to be problem
free. Our problems most commonly
pertain to health, career, family
relationships etc. These could be
short term in nature or ones that
have defied the situation for a long
time. If there is one problem that can
be considered a universal problem
that is, it affects one and all it is
‘worry’. It is bad enough that we
have problems. Problems arise and
vanish one after another, but worry
is perpetual. If life moves without
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problem we find how that is

happening.

When we are comfortable and well

off, the question, ‘Will our good
fortune end?’ itself becomes a
source of worry. When we have
nothing to worry about, we are
worried that there is nothing to
worry about. This worrying is
universal and perpetual. Worrying is
a big problem in itself and acts as an
obstacle in solving other problems.
Worrying therefore is our number
one enemy. First and foremost we
have to tackle this enemy and only
then we can turn our attention to
other problems. First we must
understand the seriousness of this
problem. In the extreme case
worrying is dangerous and
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detrimental to our own very health

and wellbeing . Continuous and
chronic worrying can lead to chronic
and psychosomatic disorders.
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What is the nature and

anatomy of worry?

Worrying occurs in four stages

occupation, victimization,
immobilization and dissipation.
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Quote

“Preparation is strengthening the

mind by wisdom understanding and
prayer and sticking to rise above the
problem.”
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Preamble of UNESCO

“War starts not on battlefield but in

the minds of men. And it is in the
minds of men that the bastions of
peace must be erected”
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The experience we face may not be

entirely under our control, so we had
better handle what is entirely within
our control. The scriptures point out
that every action, small or big
produces results (phalem). No
action goes without a result. The
result of Karma manifests itself in
two forms; visible and invisible
results. Visible result is planning.
Invisible result is Luck or God’s
grace. To develop in life one has to
plan and also have God’s grace. One
should therefore take charge of
one’s own life by planning well. As
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a responsible leader, it is even more

pertinent as your actions will also
affect the lives of those you lead.

May I enjoy happiness all the time

and may I not face unhappiness at
any time.

The experiences we face may not be

under our control. So why cannot we
better handle what is entirely within
our control.
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Contribution

1. One who earns not and owns

not, is a diseased person (Rogi) and
not a contributor but a burden to the
society.
2. One who earns more and owns
all is an enjoyer (Bhogi) and again
not a contributor but a selfish person
to the society.
3. One who earns more, but keeps
minimum needs for oneself and
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shares the rest with others is a real

contributor (Yogi) a selfless person
to the society.

Handling Human Relationships

There is a popular saying that man

is a social animal. It means a social
being a social living being. A human
being can never lead an isolated life
style. He has to live in groups or
community or family or society or a
nation which means one can never
avoid interpersonal relationship.
Human relationships can never be
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avoided by human beings. Of

course there can be varieties
in human relationships and there are
varieties. Some relationships are
long term relationships while some
are short term relationships. Some
relationships are active relationships

while some of are passive

relationships. Some relationships
are close relationships or intimate
relationships, some are shallow
relationships, some are manmade
relationships and some are God
made relationships. All varieties of
relationships are inevitable since
human beings cannot survive
without relationships. In fact,
relationships decide the quality of
human life. Therefore, we should
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have a thorough knowledge of each

relationship and the purpose of the
relationship. A good relationship
can turn one’s life into heaven or a
heaven into hell.

Either of these states can be brought

about by a relationship. Remember,
relationships are very powerful and
capable of determining the quality of
life. Therefore, it would be fruitful
to know what the scriptures have to
say about human relationships or
interpersonal relationships. The
scriptures leave us with a very
important and powerful message
and that message is never look
upon human relationships as a
means of growth especially as a
means of inner growth and that too
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specifically as a means of spiritual

growth. The scriptures are very
particular about this aspect. Why do
they say so because scriptures are
never unreasonable?

It is common knowledge that

happiness depends on innumerable
factors. In fact countless factors and
many of these factors are not even
known to us or even fathomable by
an average human. Since many of
the factors that are known are not
controllable, human happiness will
always be unpredictable. It is an
eternal fact that human happiness is
always unpredictable. And not just
unpredictable since the factors are
unknowable and uncontrollable,
human happiness is also the most,
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fragile thing in this universe,

because so many factors that
influence are either not known or
cannot be controlled. So it is by far
the most fragile thing in this global
village. now imagine if human
relationships are based on happiness
what will be the nature of
relationship. When happiness is
taken as a criterion for
relationships and even the
perpetuation of relationships,
happiness would determine the
nature of relationships. Since
happiness itself is unpredictable, it
implies that relationships would also
become unpredictable. Scriptures
warn us strongly that if happiness is
the norm or standard or criterion for
human relationships one can never
have a stable relationship at all. No
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human relationship will be

trustworthy if the relationship is
based on fluid, slimy, fleeting
happiness. Therefore it is in our
interest to forget this philosophy.
Remember and assimilate this fact
that all human relationships are
meant for inner growth and the very
fact that purpose of human life is
inner growth only. Now the question
is how human relationships can
contribute to one’s inner growth.
These are a variety of methods
through which any relationship
contributes to inner growth.

Firstly, human beings have an

inherent fundamental problem. In
fact they are doomed because of
this problem only and the problem
is a sense of loneliness in life . The
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sense of loneliness is the

fundamental problem which has
got philosophical reason and it is a
philosophical problem because of
self ignorance . The feeling of
isolation and loneliness arises from
self ignorance.

The only and ultimate solution to the

problem is self knowledge. But
until we gain self knowledge we
require a stop gap arrangement. A
stable relationship is a temporary
solution for sense of loneliness or
isolation. These human
relationships contribute to mental
health. Mental health in the form of
freedom from sense of isolation or
loneliness or insecurity. That is
why all the psychologists uniformly
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indicate that relationships are

required and lay stress that a few
stable relationships are necessary.
At least one stable relationship is a
must for a human being to enjoy a
state of reasonable sanity . Not
only mental health even physical
health.

It is said that house holders are

healthier and possess greater
immunity as compared to bachelors
or perhaps even sanyasis. The belief
is that as compared to single people,
the married ones have longer life. It
is a paradox that even though they
are quarrelling all the time yet they
are claimed to have a longer life
than the immoral singles .
 65

One son asked his father, “Daddy

do married people live longer”.
The father replied, “No my dear
son it only feels longer than lot”.

However, it is not so. It has also

been medically proved that the
foremost contribution of relationship
is towards good health. Even for
sanyasis it is advised to have
relationship with gurus are vista
death. Secondly, one must
remember that we are all born here
to exhaust our puny and papa
karma.

Different karma’s are exhausted in

different ways. Some of the
karmas are exhausted only through
certain types of relationships i.e.
husband and wife relationship. Not
 66

through illegal or corporate sex

scandals. One method can never
be replaced by another method. If it
is not legitimate, either the
relationship will end or it may
result in the end of life itself .
If one follows the world’s dharma
order one is acting in consonance
with the Lords law of Karma.
The very agreement with the law
of karma is a form of inner
growth because we are aligning
with the dharma or dharma order
of the world .

The third benefit that we get through

relationships is tolerance. Our
scriptures consider tolerance as a
very important virtue. In India,
God is not supreme, moksha is
 67

supreme. Every Jivan Mukthi

accrues out of wisdom resulting
from the acceptance of the entire
past papa’s without resistance. A
jivan muktha was surrendered with
dedication and into the herds of
Lord Krishna or any Lord. Even if
one says that he/she does not
want Jivan Mukthi, tolerance is
nonetheless required for one to
manage his/her old age. Old age
can be managed with only one
virtue; tolerance. In youth, our life
is freewill oriented. But in old age
it has to be oriented by tolerance,
wisdom and surrender. In young
age, freewill is strong and faith is
weak. In old age both are required
together with wisdom. So a CEO
has to imbibe both along with
wisdom. One has to learn from
 68

one’s sufferings. The Bhagvat Gita

propounds this very truth. One
method Lord Krishna uses when
other methods have failed is
suffering. It is an integral part of
life. It makes the human being
mature. However, suffering can be
a learning experience only for a
person of wisdom. Without
wisdom the suffering contributes
only towards disturbing the mind
and a disturbed mind cannot learn.
This is where human relationships
contribute towards keeping a healthy
mind. . It is very important to
grow in the form of a healthy
being, following social dharma,
possessing a peaceful human
nature and balanced mental attitude
.
 69

Fourthly and most importantly

as spiritual being, one should
render and contribute to the
society. What is required is a team
of people. A single person like a
one man army can never win. Most
CEOs today are isolated and they
act like one man army. Indian
CEO’s are good in handling
groups. Global CEOs are good in
handling individuals. Therefore
CEOs must walk the talk. CEO’s
can sit in Davos taking all the
important decisions and yet fail in
the global arena. Talk to your
people, have a good relationship
with the young lot. The young lot
is changing the rules of the game.
 70

CEO’s have to be more mature, have

a long term sustainable and stable
strategy rather than having a short
shelf life and frequently changing
Business strategies like Vijay
Mallya and others who went into
bankruptcy because of poor planning
.

A single individual can contribute

very little or practically nothing.
Even the multinationals must know
that it is not the IIMs and IITs that
are selling their products.
It is the front line sales staff
that contribute billions of profits
in the FMCG, retail or telecom
sector. Any success requires a group
of people. A noble work requires 5
factors.
 71

Any team at any level must have

3 or 5 group members to contribute
to the success of an organisation,
family or even social success. Next
two factors are money and
dedication to a noble cause in this
global village. A good bond is
required in human relationship. It
is a team work of different
departments sales , Finance , HR
operations, Logistics and so on .
Lead your mind to lead the world is
to get out of war with self.
72
 73

HRD Concepts

Respond Actively to Business needs of tomorrow

Technology, Market and product modifications

Customer needs
Social and political changes

Prepare for future

Change in work procedure and systems

Quality upgradation and productivity improvements
Organizational climate
Prevent skill obsolescence
Continuous self-renewal

Build Flexibility

People
Organizational systems and methods

Increase capabilities to cope with changes through

Process of Enlightenment and Education

Confidence Building efforts
Skills and knowledge up gradation

Display concern beyond work

Family life
Social life
Health and hygiene
 74

Hobbies etc.

Stress on ‘HUMAN POTENTIAL’ than on ‘WORK

NEEDS ‘

Focus on ‘Input’ than on ‘Output’

Empowerment
Creativity and Innovation
Improve quality of people’s
Performance.
Make employees participative
And productive

Improve ‘VALUES’
Work Values
Organizational Values
Human Values

Develop ‘POSITIVE WORK CULTURE’

Concern for work
Keen interest to Change
High concern for values
 75

HRD GOALS

1. Develop creative AMBITIONS and ASPIRATIONS

in people as a MISSION

2. Help the individual REALISE HIS POTENTIAL as an

individual to the MAXIMUM EXTENT.

3. Develop the individual’s CAPABILITIES TO

PERFORM his JOB BETTER.

4. Create a climate of ‘WORKING ENVIRONMENT ‘

and facilitate INNOVATION

5. Develop the CAPABILITIES in people to HANDLE

LIKELY FUTURE JOBS.

6. Develop and maintain a HIGH MOTIVATIONAL

LEVEL amongst the employees.

7. Ensure their POSITIVE PARTICIPATION in

ORGANISATIONAL GROWTH PROCESS.

8. Strengthen and promote TEAM SPIRIT and INTER-

TEAM COLLABORATION.

9. Strengthen SUPERIOR - SUBORDINATE

relationships.

10. Promote a CLIMATE of DEVELOPMENT and

ORGANISATIONSAL HEALTH.
 76

11. Ensure AGILE and RESPONSIVE organization

and improved QUALITY of LIFE for people.
 77

HRD - MANAGEMENT’S ROLE

 Deep and sincere commitment to HRD

 Unambiguous HRD Philosophy and Mission

 Demonstration of commitment and concern

to Human Resource Development.

 Display of sincere concern towards people

 Creating a climate appropriate for the

success of HRD

 Encouragement to innovation and creativity

 Anticipatory and adaptive role

 Fostering a continuous learning culture

 Building and strengthening values.

 78

HRD - LINE EXECUTIVE’S ROLE

DEEP BELIEF IN HRD

 Focus on overall productivity
Capital - Material - Managerial - Labour

FOSTER HRD FOR COMPETITIVENESS

 Quality - Cost effectiveness - speed - innovation
 Believe in self-development as much as subordinate
development.

INVOLVE ACTIVELY IN EMPLOYEE

DEVELOPMENT ACTIVITIES
 Build Trust - Show concern

DEVELOP FLEXIBILITY in systems, processes and

attitudes
 Experiment willingly

SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGE LEARNING AND

CHANGE
 79

MANAGING PEOPLE

HANDLING DAY-TO-DAY EMPLOYEE

PROBLEMS

TIPS:

1. Smell problems and remedy the situation at

the earliest. Do not allow problems to assume
uncontrollable proportions.

2. Attempt quick and fair redressal of worker’s

problems. Listen to them and act quickly.

3. Pre-empt the repercussions of a decision.

Collect all details; weigh the benefits and
disadvantages for the organisation, in the end.

4. Look for new ways to overcome problems

without being conventional. Be creative and
innovative.

5. Do not compromise on principles or acts

which ‘lower values‘.
 80

6. Treat a union leader as a friend. Keep him

informed. Do not take him by surprise. Union
is not an enemy; it has a role to play.

7. Keep the doors of negotiation always open.

Remember, all problems are resolved only
through negotiations. It is a universal
approach.

8. Be friendly with people. Most human

problems are resolved through sincere
concern for people .

9. Never make a big noise about small

things. Great people have become great
only because they made big issues small.

10. Be more watchful of your behaviour and

actions and not just your intentions,
howsoever sincere they may be.

11. Show concern for the future of the

employee and the well being of his family.
Be considerate in your approach. Legalistic
approach though inevitable at times, has its
own limitations.
 81

BEST WAYS TO REWARD PEOPLE

 82

Use THESE 12
Rewards To Recognise INSTEAD OF

1. Money * Solid Solutions * Quick fixes

* Risk
2. Recognition * Risk taking avoiding
* Applied * Mindless
3. Time off creativity conformity
4. A piece of the * Paralysis by
action * Decisive action analysis
5.
Favourite work * Smart work * Busy work
* Needless
6. Advancement * Simplification complication
* Quietly effective * Squeaking
7. Freedom behaviour joints
8. Personal
growth * Quality work * Fast work
9. FUN * Loyalty * Turnover
* Working
10. Prizes * Working Together against
* A routine
11. A smile and * A routine job job done in
positive approval well done routine manner
* A out-of-the-way
12. Appreciate in help extended to * Avoiding
public needy person opportunities
 83

HANDLING OF MEN

KNOW YOUR JOB

Firstly, you must know your job. If you

are doubtful about a thing, go and seek
advice from someone you can trust.

SELF INTEGRITY

Your own integrity must be above

reproach. You must be honest with
yourself and others. People around you
must learn to trust you, if you wish
to get the best out of them .

LEAD BY EXAMPLE

Do not forget that your own personal

example, be it at work , turnout or
behaviour , is the thing that will really
count most of all. You must be
 84

prepared to give as much, and more,

than you expect from your men . Do
not be shy to take off your coat and
work with your men.

BE FAIR

Always be fair with men. Never have

favourites, or the reverse. Make sure that
duties are done on a balanced roster
which is properly kept and marked up.
If something wrong is done by a
person and you feel that your own
remonstrance is not enough , then
report him, but make sure that in
giving evidence against him you do
not exaggerate . The truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth is all
that is wanted . Never try and make a
case at the expense of the truth and the
person.
 85

ORDER SENSIBLY

Make sure that the orders you give

are thought out before hand, are
sensible and necessary . Never give
orders, which are impossible to carry out.
Remember that you are dealing with
reasonable men, who will carry out
sensible order willingly .

ORDER POSITIVELY

If you have thought out your orders

well, then you can give them firmly
and without hesitation. Do not nag at
men; a quiet, firm manner will get
much more done than one who resorts to
a lot of bawling .
 86

BE FIRM FROM THE BEGINNING

Once an order is given, see that it is

obeyed exactly. Once men learn that they
can take a chance with you, your
difficulties will increase immensely d. Be
firm from the very beginning. This will
enable persons around you to realise where
they are . Be consistent. If you are firm
one moment and lax the next, men will
not know where they stand. They will be
much happier if you are firm all the time
and if they understand that you mean what
you say .

TREAT PEOPLE PROPERLY

Treat men as you would expect to be

treated yourself. Good manners to
juniors, as well as to seniors, count for
a lot and cost nothing. Avoid sarcasm
 87

at all costs ; there is nothing that

people loathe more. Remember that you
are dealing with human beings, who
have just the same feelings as you. If
you are coarse and ill-mannered to
your men, they will become the same.
On the other hand do not become too
familiar with those under you, for
familiarity, if carried too far , breeds
contempt and can lead to awkward
situations both for you and for your
men.

BE CONFIDENT - BE YOURSELF

Mind that you are not a time- server,

and a person that only functions when
under supervision. There is nothing
worse for discipline than an officer
who shouts and tells when a superior is
looking on but is lax when that
superior has departed. The more you
are on your own, the greater are your
responsibilities .
 88

AVOID ARGUMENTS

Sometimes you may come across a

type known as a shop floor lawyer,
who will quote regulations for every
conceivable situation to show reason
why he should not do what he is told.
Don’t be afraid of such men and
remember that it is the spirit of the
Regulations, not the letter, which
matters . Thus, if you do your duty
fairly and squarely in the spirit of the
Regulations, satisfied in your own con-
science that you have done right, that is
all that matters, and you can safely
leave the shop floor lawyer to argue
with himself ; but, mind it, do not let
him argue with you.
 89

BE FRIENDLY

Do not be afraid to talk to men at

odd times when occasion offers. In this
way, frequently you will find someone
you can help in some small way . Talk
about homely things; the things that
really count in a man’s life, Sometimes
you will come across a man with some
obvious difficulty, either private or to
do with the unit . Try and have a quiet
talk with such a man. Often you will be
able to give him a helping hand and he
will remain, a loyal friend for the rest
of his service. Do not forget that it is
your duty to know your men and all
about them.
 90

TAKE INTEREST IN YOUR PEOPLE’S

WELFARE

It is also your honourable duty, to look

after your men’s welfare and interests,
and to see that, if they are not getting
the best that the circumstances allow,
the matter is respectfully represented to
higher authority .

Too much care can never be said to be

taken to ensure that food, pay and
living conditions are the best that they
can be in the circumstances. Remember
that it is an officer’s duty to look after
his men before thinking of his own
comfort. A good officer is a servant of
his men first and master second.

Sometimes it is difficult for officers to

see the worker’s point of view. Therefore,
 91

regular meetings can usefully be held to

discuss everything in a worker’s life.
Workers will always understand where
some rule or regulations, though
irksome, is essential, if it is properly
explained to them .

RESPECT OTHERS

The need for respecting is sometimes

difficult to explain to men. Respecting
one’s superiors is a custom which has
been in force in all organisations from
time immemorial and for this reason
alone it is worth preserving. However ,
respecting others is really a question of
good manners more than anything else,
and if it is put in this light to workers,
a good deal of the shyness which they
often feel about being respectful and
wishing superiors will disappear .
92
 93

DEMAND HIGH STANDARDS

Lastly, do not be afraid to demand

the highest standards both from
yourself and those under you,
both in personal conduct as well as
in official duties.

It may be surprising that high

standards can be obtained but only
if you steadily insist long enough
and hard enough .
 94

HANDLING EMPLOYEE COMPLAINTS

AND GRIEVANCES

EMPLOYEES COMPLAINTS

Complaint solving is not a positive

process of motivation but is a pre-
requisite for creating a proper
atmosphere for the motivation.

Delaying decisions and sleeping over

complaints generally aggravate the
situation.
 95

As a complaint develops into a

Grievance, the employee starts
spreading dissatisfaction and he
becomes the focal point of trouble.

APPROACH TO HANDLING
EMPLOYEE COMPLAINTS:

a) ATTENTION

Most of the employee complaints

will be minor; an error in the
wage packet, a work stool that is
not of sufficient height, a
telephone message not
communicated, failure to
announce the increments etc and
the like.
 96

Minor complaints by themselves

are not particularly important but
until they are settled, they are a
continuing source of personal
annoyance and irritation.

Prompt attention to such

complaints, not only removes the
irritation but also shows the
superior’s concern for the feelings
of his subordinate,

Even if a complaint cannot be

resolved in just the way the
subordinate wishes, the supervisor
would have clearly demonstrated
that he considers even the minor
 97

needs of his men worthy of

respect.
 98

ANALYSIS

Analysis of an employee complaint

must be positive and it must help
 99

towards solving the problem. Mere

agreement with a complaint does not help.

Example:

An employee is annoyed with the

purchase department because it is
processing papers so slowly that it is
seriously harming his work.

This is a totally valid complaint and

yet you can do nothing about it.

After calming the employee down, what

might you say? Many managers join the
employee in criticizing the purchase
department.
“Yes, you’re certainly right.
They really are a bunch of useless people
over there.“

However , this is the wrong approach ,

and it merely reinforces the employee’s
complaint and disgruntlement.
 100

FURTHER EXAMPLES

A Policy change has come in from

Head office but you are not sure why
 101

the change was put into effect nor are

you sure you agree with it. An
employee comes up to you and says:

EMPLOYEE: “What’s this new change they

Want? Can’t they ever make?
Up their minds?”

MANAGER: “Yeah, they really are a bunch

of thick skinned people. They
do not seem to understand our
our problems.

“Well, do the
Best you can.”

This response will motivate the employee to do a

good job. However, if he had any doubts about
the company’s management earlier, you have
certainly strengthened them.

The problem still persists, particularly as you

yourself harbour doubts about the policy
 102

change. You need to be very sincere in your

dealings. So what might you do?

One technique to resolve the problem immediately

can be tried.

MANAGER: “O.K. Let me call them up

see what their intention is,
then I will get back to
you.”

However, suppose you cannot easily find out

what is going on? In that case you can still decide
to implement the policy as best you can, and to
resolve the questions later, as and when
possible.

MANAGER: “Yet, there are some

confusing points, and at the
next supervisor’s meeting, I
will ask for some more
information on it. But, I
think we can still do a
good job on it and in the
meantime let us get it going
as soon as we can. Let’s
 103

try it and see. “

The focus of the manager here has been:

a) Stressing of the goal.

b) Positive reinforcement of his faith in his
employees
c) His intention to help
d) Still, he wants a good job to be done.

APPROACH
A valid complaint signifies that a
negative reinforcement has occurred which
could decrease the work effect.
 104

The effort here should be first to listen and

attempt to solve the problem, thereby
eliminating the negative.

If that proves impossible, then the goal

should be reiterated and additional positive
reinforcements for it should be provided,
thereby countering the negative as much
as possible.

A superior’s approach should be more

positive and directed at removing the
dissatisfaction from the mind of the
employee.

EMPLOYEE GRIEVANCES

WHAT IS A GRIEVANCE?
 105

It is psychological state of
DISSATISFACTION; generally
unexpressed, but nursed inwardly.

It gets manifested orally, in writing, in

action or through behaviour .

If an employee has a grievance, or if

the superior suspects that he has one,
he must act quickly. Most fires can be
put out with a tea-cup full of water
applied at the right time and place . If
small problems are taken care of, the
larger ones may never develop.

COMMON GRIEVANCES AND

THEIR CAUSES

ORGANISATION WORK PERSONAL

Ambiguous job Non-cooperative work group Family pro
 106

classification parents, un-m

education of
sisters, cripp
home etc.
Unattractive
fringe benefits No help at times of need
Poorly designed
incentive systems Inadequate training and guidance
Lack of attention
to welfare facilities Improper working conditions Family malad
Delays and
mistakes in Old and poorly maintained
payment machinery and tools Social maladj
Dissatisfaction
regarding wages Poor quality standards and
and salary maintenance system Financial prob
Prohibitive
/Inhibitive Poor quality and irregular Frustration
Atmosphere supply of materials of growth
Not many
opportunities
for promotion
and job rotation Safety and health problems Health prob
Responsibilities
not
commensurate Inconsiderate supervisor
with wages or or his not so good
job structure leadership style Lack of edu
Non-responsive Too demanding work Complex p
Management standards problems
 107

and
unsympathetic
supervisor
Conflictive I.R.
climate
Poor discipline, frequent layoffs, transfers Attitudinal

EFFECTS OF GRIEVANCES

ON WORK ON ORGANISATION ON HIS PERSONALITY

Loss of interest and

enthusiasm in work Loss of production Loss of interest in everythi
Poor quality of work Increased employee turnover Poor family life
Increased employee
Increased rejections indiscipline Depression
Frequent frictions; disobey
Increased scrap the rule attitude Frustration and dejection
Increase in accidents and Industrial unrest; lack of Tendency to become more
resultant problems mutual confidence emotional increases
Decreased efficiency Feeling of tiredness
 108

UNRESOLVED GRIEVANCES are latent

indicators of potential problems in the making.
Hence, “nip it in the bud.”

THREE CARDINAL PRINCIPLES OF

“GRIEVANCE SETTLEMENT “

Settlement at the lowest level

As far as possible, the grievance must be

resolved at the supervisor’s level itself. The
higher it goes, costlier the solution becomes.
It also consumes precious time of several
people.

Settlement as expeditiously as possible

Delay in settlement of grievances increases

dissatisfaction. More than the grievance, the
feeling of neglect itself may lead to many
unintended consequences.

Settlement to the satisfaction of the aggrieved

 109

The grievance exists in the mind of the

‘Employee’. Hence, any solution we provide
should try to remove the feeling of
dissatisfaction from ‘his’ mind . He should
feel ‘positive’ and ‘satisfied’!

APPROACHES IN GRIEVANCE HANDLING

FORMAL OR LEGALISTIC APPROACH

(Thro’ grievance procedure)

ADVANTAGES DISADVANTAGES
Media for upward
communication Time Consuming
Helps for Management
action Too procedural
Reduces arbitrary Generally lacks
approaches authentic approach
Ensures Uniformity in Limits Management and
 110

Action Union action

Improves employee
morale and discipline Superior feels bypassed. He
since shifts the blame.
a) There is an opportunity
for appealing for
GRIEVANCE;
Limits Workman’s ability to
project grievances sicne this
procedure is confined only to
b) Ensures some result ; certain specific types of
and GRIEVANCES
c) Gives some
satisfaction
MINIMIZES
GRIEVANCES

INFORMAL or CLINICAL
APPROACH

LISTEN WITH “EMPATHY” - Clearly get the

employee’s point
Of view

PATIENCE - Recognize that Grievances are

symptoms of something wrong
 111

somewhere.

OBJECTIVE & RATIONAL OUTLOOK -- “Above

all be
fair “

AUTHENTICITY IN BEHAVIOR - Data based

Action.

‘POSITIVE-PROBLEM SOLVING’ - Don’t let

APPROACH grievances
become
political issues

CREDIBILITY IN - Be definitive in your answers

COMMUNICATION and periodically review the

Decisions taken.
 112

“I WIN - YOU ALSO WIN “ATTITUDE

VIEW IT IN THE CONTEXT OF

MANAGEMENT POLICY.

To HANDLE A GRIEVANCE
satisfactorily there are FOUR KEY
STEPS:

LISTEN with an open mind

Listen patiently, even if the

grievance appears minor.
 113

Encourage the person to tell his

story completely.

Probe gently, ask, “Why do you

think that?” Alternatively, “why do
you think it happened that way?”

Discuss but do not argue.

Look for the main symptoms -

those are not necessarily the first
or the most obvious.

Note however, - the person may not

express his grievance in words.

Get ALL the FACTS right (your

diagnosis)
 114

Encourage him to re-state his

grievance

Lead him gently to understand his

grievance properly.

Question him carefully and try to

distinguish between facts and opinions.

Talk to others, or consult records, if

necessary.

If need be, discuss the situation with

your superiors.

Do not jump to conclusions.

ACT PROMPTLY and FAIRLY

 115

First ask

Is this my responsibility?

Do I have the authority to take action?

Can I handle it myself?

OR
What do I recommend?
What follow-up will be necessary?

Then

Discuss with the shop steward, if

necessary, and if you are authorised to do
so.

Don’t delay action or pass the buck if

its within your power to do something.

Try to save his face if he is not to blame.

If you can’t give a decision say so,

and also state why. If you plan to report it
 116

to a higher authority, give ALL the facts, not

just the ones that support your views.

If your answer is ‘NO’, give reasons.

Be ready to give the person the benefit of

doubt.

Do not use your authority to force

a decision.

Do not act impetuously. Think

not only what you will do but also
about the likely consequences.
 117

FOLLOW UP

To ensure that the action

taken was correct, it has the
desired effects as you foresaw and
that you dealt with causes, not
just the effects.

Report to your manager all

major grievances you settle
 118

satisfactorily as well as the ones

where you consulted others.

Grievances may test your

relationships with shop stewards
or union delegates.

You both have a job to do and a

hard line is often not the best
approach. A frank discussion

seeking facts, free from emotional

overtones, and handled quietly,
will not only help you gain respect
but also usually produce good
results . You should ensure that
your actions cast light and not
heat on problem situations.
 119

DEVELOPING POSITIVE
‘WORK CULTURE’

CHANGING NATURE OF WORK

The early concept:

Work had a negative connotation.

 120

Work was considered a

punishment for some ancestral sin.
Work was deemed necessary for
survival and subsistence.
“With labour you will win your
bread from it“
The Bible (Gen 3, P.18)

Work was to be performed by slaves.

Work was considered a physical

activity.

The concept was that people work

generally:

To sustain life
To maintain contact with reality
To be a part of community
To serve God
To attain status
 121

To produce goods and services

To structure time and
To fulfil oneself through service
to society

This concept underwent change in

20th century.

Technological advancements and

industrialisation required inter-
dependence, which laid the foundation
of the present work culture. Work
helped people to produce goods on
mass scale. As a result scarcity gave
way to abundance and affluence;
austerity gave way to plenty .

Hence, transformation in the concept of

work took place from being
 122

Socially determined to technologically

determined

Work Patterns Work Patterns

Focus of work Forms of work
Un-predictive Predictive
Music of
Music of
Nature machines
Leisure became
controlled and
Leisure was for Recycling
Predominant energy

MEANING OF WORK

Work is different from job:

For job you are paid

Work is toiling painful
Work is a part of life

Workaholic Work Ethic Worth Ethic Leisure Ethic

 123

Person derives Work is a Work provides Work is

satisfaction desirable personal regarded as
from continual activity rewards such as totally
work. These because it is cash (money) undesirable.
people work beneficial to and a feeling of Persons who
long hours, society. Work accomplishment. subscribe to
bring tasks increases self- this ethic find
home with esteem. It no rewards
them and develops associated
never seem feelings of with it
able to go competence
slow. These and job waster
people in people.
represent
extreme form
of the work
ethic.

WORK ETHIC

It is the fulfilment of the specific

goal of the specific work which is
positive and which is to help
another person, build society and
develop a nation ,
Work Ethic means
 124

- Doing the work sincerely

- Taking the job seriously
and
- Work towards ‘higher’
‘superior’ goal

Work Ethic consists of the beliefs

people have about their jobs and
about carrying them out.

This ethic may have religious

undertones, as in the case of the
individual who believes a life of hard
work will be rewarded in the afterlife.
Or

It may simply be reflected in the

belief that work is desirable because
it helps society.

Both these beliefs form the work

ethic.
 125

WORK VALUES

Research shows that the work ethic

differs between the age groups.

Values more important to Values more

Important to
younger employees older employees
 126

Money and fringe

benefits Pride in Craftsmanship
Quick promotions Hard work
Association with Commitment to the
Co-employees organisation
Leisure and free time Service to others

These attitude / beliefs represent internal

environmental forces managers must
confront.

HOW TO DEVELOP DESIRABLE

WORK VALUES/ ETHIC AMONG
EMPLOYEES?

Researchers have suggested that managers

should :
 127

 . Establish an
organisational climate that fosters
positive work values and a
commitment to excellence .

 Communicate
clear expectations about productivity
and high quality artisanship.

 Teach and
explain the value of work , the
dignity of labour , and joy of
service .

 Establish
individual accountability through
effective delegation.

 Develop
personal commitment and
involvement through individual
choice and participation.
 128

 Provide
feedback on performance through
effective performance
appraisals.

 Reward
effective performance with pay
and other social reinforcements.

 Continually
encourage employees in their
personal growth and skill
development.

WORK CULTURE
 129

“CULTURE” is the totality of beliefs, norms

and Values which ultimately
Culminates in people’s “Behaviour”

“WORK CULTURE” is work related activities and

meanings attached to such
activities in organisational
Context.

Work Culture signifies:

Work related activities

1. The values attached
to it
2. Within a particular
structure

Work Culture in INDIA

In India
 130

1. Work is considered
as duty i.e. , Dharma, without any concern for outcome ‘
“ Karmanyevadhikarasthe Ma phaleshu khadachana “ -
Bhagavadgeetha

2. Work is taken as
sacrifice

3. Work is a physical
activity for one’s subsistence

4. Work was
performed as a part of social existence and
responsibility
Ex: Indian Villages

5. Caste system
determined the nature of work
6.
Varnashrama’s: Brahmin, Vysyas,
Kshatriyas and Soodras.
 131

With the arrival of British in India, the

East India Company started utilising
military officials and civil servants to
run Indian organizations.

The subsequent British rule established

an approach which in turn contributed
to the Bureaucratisation of Indian
Management System and Polarisation of
powers.

In Indian industries later, Managers

replaced the Rulers and Workers
replaced the Ruled .

In the POST INDEPENDENCE era,

rapid expansion of Industrial activities
saw the rapid growth of public sector
institutions like the Railways, Post &
Telegram, Airways and Banks etc

The focus of most of these organisations

was on products which are economically
 132

unprofitable but socially needed,

specially for weaker sections.

The Thrust was

More Social ---- Than -------------

Economic

Guarantee of
Productivity
Employment
Profit
Provides welfare
Efficiency
Measures Work
discipline
Work towards
Worker’s needs and
Development of
Backward rural areas
 133

As industrial activities expanded,

more and more people were
required. These came from middle
and poor class families from rural
areas, who brought along with
them their social habits, cultural
norms and values that had not yet
been developed to suit industrial
needs.

That is why in Indian Organisations

there prevails predominantly a
culture of

ARAM
HOLIDAY
LEAVE
ABSENTATION FROM DUTY
IDLE SITTING
 134

GOSSIPPING IN BATH ROOMS

EXTENDED TEA AND DRINK

BREAKS
DO PERSONAL WORK
DURING WORK TIME
VISIT FRIENDS / RELATIONS
HELP EACH OTHER WHILE
WORKING etc.
 135

THE NEED FOR A NEW

WORK CULTURE

Indian Society is a growing society. Now there is an

urgent need for
Economic
Acceleration Societal Development Restoration of values
Hard Work Goods and services Concern for Nation
Concern for ecology
Work Ethic Rural Development and nature
Prevention of
Productivity catastrophes
Increased Improvement of Tolerance and
Efficiency quality of life exercise togetherness
Development of
Quality people Intellectual pursuit
 136

All these call for a new improved

work culture. Both organisations
and employees have to strive
hard to create this new work
culture . The following areas
could be the areas of focus for
developing the new productive
work culture .
 137

Example:

Organizations People
General concern
Role clarity for work
Management
philosophy Working hard
Management
style Job satisfaction
Management
Leadership Learning need
Management
systems Learning interest
General interest in
Repeating organization and
relationships country
Concern for
quality
 138

Physical Social obligations

conditions
Sup-sub
relationships Discipline
Work pressure Quality etc
Work norms Co-operation
Technological Going out of the
updating way
Self reliance Concern for cost
Communication
systems Work ethics
Net working
among
executive /
Department
Encouragement
for learning
 139

Soft Vs POSITIVE WORK CULTURE

SOFT WORK POSITIVE WORK

CULTURE CULTURE
Non-work activities
replace 'work' related
activities such as Work gets preference
social, personal , family over personal and
obligations etc social considerations
Organisation created
conditions, established
norms and practices,
introduced systems of
reward and punishment
etc for hard work
Employees do not tend Creative work
to work hard suggestions
The managers and
workers believe that
Management rewards
Employees do not hard work recognises
relate positively with merit and gives due
their work importance to work.
Employees do not Everybody indeed
derive job satisfaction works hard
 140

Employees do not
locate work as the Superiors guides and
centre of their work life subordinates follow
Technology is up-
Employees are not to-date and work
clear about their facilities are
roles adequate
Even if technology
They tend to come is not so-up-to-date,
late to office, leave still employees
early, take time off work hard, because
during working of work pressure,
hours to do their pride and sub
personal wok relationships.
Here the
organisation will
Slip out of work have strong
place to visit traditions,
friends and maintained by a
relations or to positive (not
attend to some passive) and
personal or family progressive
obligations. Management
In these organisations
work is not considered to Management is attentive.
 141

be important; there is no

pressure nor there is strict

suspension
Politics and personal Introduces many welfare
considerations matter measures, has close
more than merit and hard superiors and adequate
work rewards.
The seniors do not care
for their juniors and the Management enlarges
subordinates do not pay team work related
heed to superiors activities
Organisation is more self-
reliant and emphasises the
Plants and Machines are productivity as a shared
poorly maintained goal.
Top Managers
enjoy autonomy,
power and they
Work place is not delegate power to
conducive to their subordinates
work. and support.
Only exceptional
few individuals
carry on the work
because they are All people are
conscious. accountable.
 142

Since there is no guided

direction by the Managers cultivate a co-
organisation to the operative relationship with
employees, they tend to trade unions and all other
focus on their personal people in and out of the
work plant.
The organisation does
not seem to possess a
strong tradition and is
characterised by loose
management style .
Over-manning is a
symptom of soft culture
over-manning cards,
diffusion of responsibility
makes people not
concentrate on their jobs
Managers and Engineers
come late and and go
early; subordinates know
this and therefore they
have no compulsion to
come late and go early
General work discipline is
poor
 143

WORK CULTURE

SOFT HARD
ORGANISATIONAL
CLIMATE

Physical Conditions Bad OK

Sup-sub relations NSP Formal
Work Pressure Low Very high
Upkeep of Technology Indifferent Good

Work norms Weak Overly Strict

Dependent on
Reinforcement Unrelated to work leader

Co-operation Absent Apparent

WORK RELATED

Time spent at work Less than required As Required

 144

Working hard tendency Some Moderate

Role Clarity Low Loose
Centrality of work Low Moderate
Work satisfaction and happiness Low/ Medium Medium

OTHERS
Management Systems Ineffective Good

Management Style Cool and indifferent Highly assertive

Social and personal obligations High Under tension

High productivity
Welfare, peaceful IR and minimum
Chief Concern and then productivity welfare
Concern for values Low Low-medium
Self reliance Low High
 145

MANAGEMENT ACTIONS

ROLE CLARITY Task, Autonomy , Accountability

MISSION SHARING Organisation’s
Goals
Nation Building role
It's Values
It’s Concern towards customers
Need to synchronise Individuals goals with organizational
goals

SYSTEMS BUILDING Work norms, Supervision

Work pressure at all levels
Reinforcement systems
Conducive working conditions
Team building

HRD Self & subordinate development & leadership

Keen interest in Value addition

POSITIVE IR Sense of partnership

Productive and Dynamic relations

POSITIVE WORK PATTERNS

WORK ALLOTMENT

1. Ensure work is allotted by authorised persons

2. List major tasks in writing
3. Let work allocation be more imaginative :

What is the core job?

 146

What are the related jobs?

What Conditions to execute the job?
What records need to be maintained?
What tools, equipments and procedures are needed for
the job?
What happens if the procedures are not followed or
if a job is done wrongly or if mistakes are
committed ?
Is there a need for him to attend meetings, travel etc.?
What are the financial aspects?

4. Train Supervisors / Managers in the Art of work

allotment.
WORKING PATTERNS

Specify clearly

1. Reporting relationships
2. The correct procedures
3. The time element of each job
4. Quality standards expected
5. Priorities
6. Planning procedures and
7. How to mobilise resources for completing the job?

HEALTHY WORK PRACTICES

Insist from the beginning about

1 Punctuality Regularity
2 Reliability Responsibility
3 Accuracy Promptness
 147

4 Neatness Cleanliness
5 Honesty Integrity
6 Interest Imitative
7 Patience Perseverance
8 Elegance Economy
9 Records Reports
10 Rapport Relations
Doing jobs: Outside one's job
11 Everything in its place related and unrelated
Reporting critical issues
12 to superiors Work smilingly

TEAM WORK and YAGNA

TEAM - Together Everyone Achieves More

Yagna means sacrifice. In a Yagna conducted in

the Vedic period, the members of the
community came together in a spirit of
dedication and sacrifice for the purpose of a
co-operative spiritual and divine endeavour to
invoke the grace of the Presiding Deity for
the blessings of the community, for the peace
of the world, for prosperity etc .
 148

In modern context, a Yagna means:

Any self sacrificing work undertaken in a

spirit of self - dedication for the benefit of
all.

Any social, community, national, or personal

activity into which the individual is ready
to pour himself entirely in a spirit of
service and dedication.

Features of a Yagna:

Driven by an inspiring goal serving the

interests of everyone.
Coming together and making the best use
of the skill sets available and working in
Team-spirit.
 149

Sharing the results

The Yagna-spirit is seen everywhere

in nature : The sun shines, the
moon appears , the sea throbs, the
earth bears --- all in a spirit of
sacrifice and self -dedicated
motherly love, never with even a
trace of attachment , or any kind of
self - arrogating motives .

The law of seva is faithfully followed

by every sentiment and insentient
member of the cosmos instinctively.
Man alone is given the freedom to
act as he likes. To the extent he
disobeys this Universal Law-of –
sacrifice (Yagna) to that extent he
comes to suffer because of his
arrogant and egoistic actions. This
 150

breaks harmony and brings discord in

the existence around him.

SCIENCE OF LIFE MANAGEMENT

 151

I would like to share the speech that I

heard about the Science of Life
Management by Swami
Swaroopananda of Chinmaya Mission.

“Everyone wants Success. Is there one

person here, any background, any age,
any gender, any field who doesn’t want
success? Whether be it any profession,
business or family life or study, or
friendship, relationship, in all we want
success. When we look at the success
of others, we often say success is a
matter of luck. But wise people do not
say that success is matter of luck.

Success is a product of proper

management. When we are able to
manage our work/relationship properly
then we can expect success. Without
proper management success is not

possible. Today in the work field,

mismanaged business will lead to
disaster. Mismanaged relationship will
 152

lead to break up of the relationship.

The term management is used mainly
to educate the people in the
professional field or in the business
field. But everything in our life has to
be managed. If our relationships are
not properly managed, even they lead
to disaster. We have taken the word
management only in the limited field
of managing things in the office. Even
the computer has a file manager. So
management is doing the actions in a
proper manner in a certain order which
can bring you success.

When we want success in

business/family life, we really want
our whole life to be successful. We
know really well that successful in
business means making a lot of money.
But in the house, if the family

atmosphere is miserable can you call it

success? What we forget nowadays in
modern management is that each one
 153

learns to manage only certain

department. Even in a company, if one
department is looked after and the
others mismanaged, the company will
not be successful. The first thing we
have to know is until and unless our
entire life is successful we cannot truly
call our-self successful.

If we have not achieved success

so far, it means that somewhere
the things are not managed
properly. If we have learnt to
manage our life, we can learn to
manage anything under the sun.
If you closely observe, most of
the companies are successful
over a period of 20 years. Some
very rare companies have
survived for a century but
remember spiritual institutions
have survived for a millennium.
 154

Without giving money how do

they manage a whole of 100 and
million and thousands of human
resources, generate human
resources and funds. Take it to
the Sankaracharya institution or
Sikh Gurudwaras. From where
do they learn this art of
management and bring about
centuries of an organisation
running so smoothly and
effectively. In addition, that too
with Volunteers. Is it not that we
have to learn something from
them?

Swami Chinmayananda in his

speech has told that we should
learn to manage our own
Manager-THE MIND. All
management techniques can be
 155

effective only for a particular

arena. Business management
techniques followed in U.S.
cannot be easily applied in India
in the same form. The art of
management where one brings
one’s HEART and MIND into it
cannot be achieved merely by
earning a management degree or
a few management techniques.
That science of management is
what our scriptures have spoken
about.

It is not that difficulties/problems

will not come in life. There are
people who become even more
inspired in the face of difficulties
or problems and consider such
situations to be a challenge and
are even more happy in such
 156

times. A jawan on duty at the

border takes it as joyful
opportunity to serve his country
at war front, but the parents think
of it as a calamity. Do not think
that difficulty/problems create
sorrow. Sorrow is created by
something different. We have to
learn to manage our life in such a
way that we are happy in every
situation. Is that not what all of
us desire. All of us might think it
is not possible.

This is the first thing in

management that we have to
learn. IF WE THINK THAT IT
IS IMPOSSIBLE, IT IS NEVER
GOING TO HAPPEN. As
Napoleon said, IMPOSSIBLE IS
THE WORD IN THE
 157

DICTIONARY OF THE
FOOLS. Nothing is impossible if
you try. And without trying, if
one is going to say, it is
impossible, the the battle has
been lost already. Therefore, the
first thing that we have to believe
in is “IT IS POSSIBLE AND
WE HAVE TO MAKE IT
HAPPEN”. Once we believe that
something is possible, we will
always discover how it can be
accomplished. These are simple
thoughts but they come from the
profound depth of the scriptures.

If we want complete success and

we want to be happy, then we
must look around us – Are
people happy? One of the
observations made by Guru
 158

Nanak is so pertinent even today

– everybody in this world has
some or the other sorrow. Even
Buddha has said “SARVAM
DUKHAM DUKHAM”. Today
the attitude is that if one goes to a
Satsang, people would say, “That
person’s life must be very
miserable. Otherwise he would
have gone to a discotheque.” The
general belief is that only if you
have some problems or misery
you go to a temple or a Satsang.
We must analyse and understand
the logivity of our happiness. So
Buddha added “SARVAM
KSHANIKAM KSHANIKAM.”
Even those little joys that we get
are only temporary. This takes us
to the truth that every joy at its
end will lead us to sorrow.
 159

An Experience

There was a young man who was

very spiritual and successful. He
had a nice family, loving kids
and everything was proceeding
very well in his life. He claimed
to be very content and happy in
life and felt that he did not have
any problems. Others who knew
him, asked a Swamiji, “Swamiji,
people come to listen to spiritual
discourses only when they have a
problem. The man who was also
present there said, “Why should I
come to these discourses when I
am already happy and satisfied?”.
He added, “I enjoy these
 160

discourses very much. Please do

not misunderstand me. I come
here just because I like to be with
all of you and I enjoy your
company. Apart from this, there
is no other purpose behind my
coming here.”

The Swamiji spoke to this man

“Young man, your business is
doing well and you have a very
obedient wife, one who cooks
very well, your children are
growing up with good values and
they are doing very well in
school at the moment. At this
moment you are happy Right?
The man replied, “What else
would a man want now? Family
and business doing well, name
and fame in society, good
 161

company etc. What else do one

ask for?”

Swamiji then asked just one

question, “Suppose you find out
that your

Wife has CANCER or one of

your children has got into drugs
or suppose at this very moment
your business collapses, What
would you do?”. The man
begged, “Swamiji, please do not
even speak such a thing.
Swamiji, then told him, “You
must realise that Your
HAPPINESS STANDS ON just
a PINHEAD. When it will fall
off? You do not know. In
Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna has
said that this world is Asukham
 162

Anithyam.. Even though there

are moments of joy in our lives
and hopes of happiness, all of
these joys are just temporary. In
the final count everything in this
world is full of sorrow.

So rely on your capital or asset

with which you were born!”

Bhagavad Gita does not say that

success is a matter of luck.
Success depends on how well we
have been able to manage to
bring success and on the contrary
how poorly we have mismanaged
to invite failure. This world is a
Kuruksheta Karma-Bhoomi.
Each one of us has come with a
certain capital, certain asset. We
 163

have been given certain ability, a

certain intellect and the capacity
to work. Everybody can do an
action, but not every action is
work. When action is done
intelligently to produce
something, it is called work. In
work, there is a difference
between labour and work. When
we struggle miserably and
reluctantly, it is labour. When we
work intelligently with
inspiration, it becomes work.

The Question of WHY and HOW

When sorrows come, most

people will sit back and ask,
“Why is this happening to me?”
People sit and question asking
Why? Why? Why? For scientific
 164

discoveries ‘Why’ is necessary.

However, to live one’s life, the
correct question is not ‘why’ but
‘how’. This is the science of
higher management. In a big
company, when a new project is
put forth, a careful observation
will reveal that majority of the
people will discuss how it is not
possible. The first thing we start
discussing is failure, the
impossibility. Life brings in so

many different situations that

rather than just sitting and crying
‘Why this to me’, the one
question one should ask is how
can I solve this problem or how
can I reach the goal?’.
 165

A closer look at the Bhagavad

Gita will reveal that in the first
chapter, Arjuna is constantly
complaining, “Why Me? Why
should I fight with my relatives?
What am I going to get out of
it?” As long as he continued
asking Why Why Why, Sri
Krishna remained silent. He did
not give any reason, because, to
anyone who wants to feel pity on
himself, no explanation is going
to work anyway.

The moment when Arjuna

realised that he is very helpless,
he asked Krishna, “I cannot
remove this sorrow of mine.
Therefore, please tell me how?”
The whole Bhagavad Gita begins
 166

when Arjuna says that he is

deluded and requests guidance on
how he could get out from his
sorrow. He stopped asking WHY
and questioned HOW?

Hundreds of people are dye

every day. But we do not cry
over it. However, when
somebody in our family dies, we
cry why did GOD take away? If
God gave it, God can take it
back. If someone is born,
somebody will die. But how one

faces that situation is what makes

the difference, whether a person
is going to remain miserable or if
the person is going to make a
difference. Therefore, when you
run your company, when you
 167

teach your children or when you

run your life, may ask ‘why’ to
say find out the cause, but if you
do not get any answer, do not be
perturbed, think about ‘how’?

‘How’ is the word for

Management?
Each one of us has a certain
potential. That which brings our
potential to productivity, that
science of management is called
Dharma. That science of
management, which brings out
the underlying potential in each
one of us and brings about
productivity in us and success
that is called Dharma. Dharma
brings prosperity, peace and
happiness in our life.
 168

Life only brings situations, never

problems. It is only when you
think you are incapable of
handling the situation, it becomes
a problem. So always consider a
situation as a situation and do not
call it a problem. It is a problem
only when you do not know how
to handle it. Secondly, if any
problem or difficulty arises, do
not sit and ask Why Me? Instead,
ask how? Thirdly, when any
sorrow enters your life, do not
blame others for it.

If you blame somebody

else for your sorrow, then
you cannot do anything
about it. The moment you
blame somebody else for
 169

your sorrow, it means you

are not responsible or you
are not in charge. A very
common situation in
Indian household is the
mother-in-law versus the
daughter-in-law episode
where they keep on
blaming each other. The
moment you blame
someone else for your
sorrow, it means you have
given up the
responsibility for
removing that sorrow.
Secondly, the moment
 170

you blame someone else

for your sorrow, your
sorrow gets intensified.
Somebody might have
been nasty to you, someone
might be saying all sorts of bad
things about you, but it is your
responsibility to choose how to
respond. Another important
factor, understand the
nature of this world.

Everything in this world

is transient changing
constantly. Nothing is
permanent in this world.
If joys are not permanent,
 171

even sorrows are not. All

our experiences are
temporary. Therefore,
when everthing is
temporary, maintain the
attitude that this too shall
pass and bear it. There are
some things you
can’t change or
eliminate. If
physical sickness
strikes, you may
have to sit, bear it
and endure the
 172

misry. Till the

doctor cures the
disease, you have
to bear the pain.
However, if you
keep complaining,
you are only going
to make everybody
else’s life
miserable and
everybody would
want to run away
 173

from you. Bear the

misry gracefully
and you will get
the sympathy and
help from
everybody. If you
can learn to bear
your pain, then pain is
not so miserable afterall.

Understand the nature of this

world. Everything is temporary.
When you look at your past, you
may remember the things that
made you cry when you were a
 174

child, the pain when in college,

your sweetheart left you etc.
Today when you look back at
these incidents, you may laugh at
them. It is like a dream. All the
joys, sorrow and those things that
appeared real to you then, appear
as a dream today. Ten years from
hence, when you look back at the
problems you face today how
will you look back at them? You
will probably laugh and tell
others the stories of your
heartbreak.

Always work seriously in your

life, but don’t take life seriously.
Take life as a game. Take it as a
TV show, take it as a drama, play
your part well, get the applause,
walk out of it. Whatever you see,
 175

cry with the tragedy, but enjoy

the show. This is what every
woman who watches the TV
serials constantly does. The
serials make them cry miserably.
But at the end of the show, they
say, this is a very good serial- I
enjoyed it.

Last but not the least, have faith

that this whole universe which is
going on so beautifully, there
must be a Karta, there must be a
Maker. When you make soft idlis
with your own hands, you really
love them. You would go around
asking people how they like
them. Similarly, when you sing
your own composition you will
ask people how they liked it.
Why do we do this? It is because
 176

we love and cherish our own

creations.

Try to understand that the One,

who has made this entire
universe, will definitely love his
creation including you and me.
Simple thing to understand,
whatever is happening in your
life, is HIS loving gift to you.
Even when a mother feeds a
bitter medicine to her child, is it
to torture the child or to cure the
child? Understand that at that
moment God is giving you
something which is good for you.
Take it joyfully with the attitude
that it is for the best. For those
who don’t believe in God,
remember that nature has
provided us with everything.
 177

What we do with it is to also give

back our contribution to society,
to the parents, to nature and to
God.

The Essence of this Talk

Life brings in situations. Not

problems. It is up to us how we
view them.

Stop Questioning Why and start

questioning how. The choice is
ours whether to whine or make a
difference.
 178

Don’t blame anybody for your

sorrows. Take it as your
responsibility. Again the choice
is whether let others continue to
affect our lives or take charge of
our own lives.

Take life as a game. This phase

too will pass away. Everything
and every situation is only
temporary. Tough situations do
not last tough people do. Give
them time and effort.

Whatever you have is the God’s

gift to you and whatever you do
with it is your gift to HIM.
Whatever you get in the course
of your life is the BEST for you.
 179

—————————————
—————————————
————————

Following is a question raised by

a parent to Swami Srikantananda
(Swami Vivekananda Institute of
Human Excellence). Try and
understand the depth of the
answer given by Swamiji...

Question:

Our children are so sensitive that

we are afraid of telling them
anything. We do not know how
they will react. How should we
deal with them?
 180

Answer:

The first thing is to set an

example through one’s own life.
If your life is pure and
disciplined, even without your
telling they will assimilate those
qualities.

Secondly, you must give then

certain amount of freedom. Do
not try to be a policeman, always
watching and suspecting their
movements. At the same time,
you must keep a watch over them
from a distance. If you sense
something wrong with them, first
verify the truth before arriving at
a conclusion. You can
 181

easily collect the facts from their

teachers and friends by
occasionally visiting their work
place or school or college. No
human being is perfect. It is our
nature to make mistakes. No one
does it intentionally; it is out of
ignorance. Naturally children due
to their lack of experience in this
world will commit mistakes.

You must learn to forgive them. ”

To err is human, but to forgive is
divine”, so goes a popular saying.

After a certain age, they should

be treated as friends and handled
with great respect. As far as
possible do not take recourse to
corporal punishment and harsh
scolding. Develop tremendous
 182

patience to correct them in a

friendly way. Your genuine love
and concern for them will
certainly bring about a change in
their behaviour. Give them
positive ideas, good literature to
read, expose them to good
surroundings. Once you provide
them with good food inside your
home, they will never think of
searching for other food
elsewhere.

———————————————
———————————————
——————-
 183

Essence of Nidityaasana

Nidityaasana is all about

CBM – Confidence
Building Measures for a
Samsaari. How does an
average human being
respond when in
difficulty? The person
will immediately rush to
his friends or fellow
beings for help. In most
cases, how will they
respond?
•They will be very
sympathetic to you...
 184

•You will be loaded with

heaps of advice and
lectures...
•You may even be
mercilessly lectured about
the mistakes done by you
which landed you in the
present difficult situation
in the first place...

However, essentially,
there will be no
Confidence Building
Support or a single word
towards that from your
fellow beings.
 185

As Swami
Paramarthananda says,
when in difficulty, if you
run to fellow people, then
you are a Samsaari. If
you turn to GOD then you
become a Bhaktha or a
Karma Yogi. But
whatever be the trying
situation, if you look deep
inside your SELF, you
will realise that you
possess all the inner
resources to tackle all
confrontations in life. If
 186

you do that, you become

a Jnana Yogi. So a human
being should uplift
himself from being a
SAMSAARI—->
KARMAYOGI———
>JNANAYOGI, which can
again be simplified as
World Dependence to
GOD Dependence to
SELF-Dependence.

How is this possible?

How can one move from

World Dependence to
 187

GOD Dependence to
SELF Dependence, which
is nothing but
Independence? When will
this Independence take
place?

This Independence will

take place when a human
being takes the decision
to change his/her thought
pattern. Changing the
thought pattern is purely
Vedanta. Here Swamiji
explains in simple terms
targeting an ordinary lay
 188

man, who cannot

understand Vedanta, how
to change the thought
pattern. This change in
thought pattern works
wonders. It enables a
person to face the
difficult situation at two
levels ; Psychological and
Physiological.

Swamiji illustrates this

with the help of a
beautiful experience
about a woman who had
to undergo a cataract
 189

surgery. The experience,

in her own words follows:

“I and my husband are

old and I had to undergo
cataract surgery. I
decided to go through the
surgery in the local
hospital. My son who is
settled in a far off remote
town, offered to come and
stay with us during the
surgery. I told him that he
need not unnecessarily spend
his time taking leave and leaving
his family alone in that remote
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place. We can somehow manage

it.”

Then she added, “If he had not

offered help, I might have felt
bad and helpless. But the very
offer of help was enough to give
us the moral support that there is
somebody to help us out.”

All situations remaining the

same, if the children do not offer
support, then the same very event
appears different. ‘I don’t have
anybody to help’ and the
situation becomes more painful
and the feeling of helplessness
multiplies. We experience greater
strain than otherwise even though
nothing has physically changed.
The psychological truth is, what
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we require is not help but ‘an

offer of help’.

The feeling that I have

help/moral support from outside,
is potent enough to build up the
confidence level and when

one has Confidence, one will

have the capacity to muster
enough resources to handle the
situation.

“When you inherently imbibe the

belief that you are independent,
strong, fearless, and are confident
that you possess all the inner
resources to tackle the most
trying situation in your life, then
the first divine knowledge will
show up and enlighten you that
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YOU ARE NEITHER

HELPLESS NOR LONELY.

Secondly, the deep reinforcement

of this thought pattern will evoke
the divine INTELLIGENCE, that
is resident in every human being,
to surface and guide one towards
the solution to the crisis being
faced.”

When this thought is imbibed,

one will not feel helpless or
lonely which in turn will provide
physiological strength also.
When there is helplessness and
loneliness, the magnitude of
suffering is much
more...especially in old age. In
old age, the physical body is
naturally feeble and weak. We
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expect our children to take care

of us. Instead, let us reverse our
thought pattern and believe that
my son/daughter is always there
when I am in a difficulty or a
trying situation, however, in the
present moment, I am capable
enough to manage this situation.
This thought would make you a
person of strong will and

SELF-DEPENDENT. At the
same time you also have the
psychological moral support of
your children whenever you are
in difficulty.

Swamiji further helps us to attain

Independence with the following
words. “Take a decision that
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KNOWLEDGE (about the

supreme divine power that lies
inside you) IS MY REFUGE and
take a SANKALPA, whatever is
the trying situation, I will
approach the divine knowledge
in the SELF. When you start
practicing this highest Vedantic
Philosophy, the divine inner help
automatically pops out

to solve your present crisis or

challenge.

This is called ‘NISCHAYA

SANKALPA ABHYASA’, where;

N- Stands for Knowledge

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S-stands for the strong will to

depend on the Self

A-stands for constantly

practicing the change in thought
pattern.

–
Improve Communication
with your Family

After listening to a lecture on

‘Improving Communication with
Family’, I thought I would share
this with everyone.
When a neighbour visits your
house over a cup of tea and you
start feeling irritated because you
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are running late for an

appointment, how will you deal
with the situation? More often
than not, even when irritated or
impatient, we still make the
effort to listen to and
communicate with friends,
acquaintances, and even total

strangers with more respect than

we give our own
children. Imagine
the same scene at
the breakfast table
where the parents
and kids meet. Do
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we treat our
children with the
same respect we
give to total
strangers?
Most parents would claim that
they value the relationship with
their children, yet, despite the
emotional involvement, at times
they find it difficult to
communicate respectfully with
them. Today’s children are facing
dangers not known of in the past.
With pressures and issues like
drugs, internet addiction and the
like, which children are facing
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today, the occasions to get

distracted from good values and
go astray have increased
significantly. The attractions of
the material world tend to
outweigh the safety net of
parental advice, guidance and
love. . Therefore the need for
open communication, strong and
positive family relationships is
becoming all the more important
and vital.

Most parents want their children

to feel free to talk to them, yet
they don’t always know how to
foster this type of relationship. It
would help if parents remember
that communication involves
talking as well as listening and
above all proper timing. When
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children come with a problem,

the parent’s usual style of
‘listening’ often results instead,
in ‘talking’. More precisely, in
‘lecturing and offering advice’.
Unsolicited advice renders little
opportunity for children to share
their feelings and can result in
the children becoming the
children being guided by
someone else’s influence. In turn,
these children may develop
inadequate decision-making
skills as they mature.

Parents can foster the feeling of

well being and acceptance among
children by first accepting their
feelings. Acceptance means a
willingness to allow children to
be individuals with preferences
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and opinions of their own. Such

children will be more open to the
parents and will place great
importance to parental guidance
and advice.

Most parents are usually very

accommodative to most of the
feelings their children have,
unless they come out with
something that makes the parent
angry, anxious, or
uncomfortable. It is common for
parents to then revert to old habit
that is, become defensive and
close out the child. Effective
listening involves a respectful
attitude, concentration, eye
contact, and a deliberate effort to
pause and think about when to be
silent and when or how to
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respond. A simple nod or word of

acknowledgment will let a child
know you are listening. This will
help the child to open up to you
and share his feelings. When
listening, avoid probing
questions like “why?” These
questions shift the focus from
feelings to analyses and children
may interpret it as a denial of
their feelings.

Sometimes, children may express

their negative emotions in
inappropriate ways, such as
tantrums or yelling. Parents must
allow children to feel angry but
at the same time share specifics
about how the child can express
his anger in acceptable ways..
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When parents have negative

feelings about the child or want
the children to be more
cooperative, they also need to
express themselves respectfully.
Instead of ordering and nagging,
focus on the problem without
blaming and give the children a
chance to decide for themselves
what actions they need to take.

Finally, here are some tips to

channelise your efforts at
improving your family’s
communication skills.
•Be authentic with your emotions
and mindful of the wording
without blaming the other person.
•Have the courage to accept that
you are also imperfect — there
are no perfect parents. New
 203

habits take at least twenty-one

days of practice to establish and
it is common for children to test
the parent’s patience during this
time.
•Positive, open communication is
the only area that parents can
address to improve their
effectiveness as parents.

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Which is the hardest job

in the world?

One of my friends went for an

interview for the post of
psychology teacher in a college.
One of the questions she faced
was “Which is the hardest job in
the world?” Almost shocked, not
expecting such a question, she
was at loss for words. She was
expecting some questions relating
to psychology straight from text
books or articles based on
psychology or case studies. Her
answers ranged from ‘being the
 205

Principal of a college’ to ‘being the

chief editor of a magazine’ to
‘being in the army chief’ etc., did
not find any favour with the
interview board. Unable to think of
anything further, she gave up. After
the interview was over, she politely
asked the board the answer of this
particular question, that she had not
able to answer.

The person who had asked this

question gave out a big laugh and
asked her “How many kids do you
have?” She said, “Two.” Then the
interviewer asked her, “Don’t you
think that it is Effective Parenting
that is the hardest job in the world.”
Without any second thought, she
said “Yes yes... However, I had
never expected such a question in
an interview for the post of a
psychology teacher.”
 206

Generally speaking, we want to be

proud of our children because we
believe that they are growing well
to become capable adults who can
take care of themselves and
hopefully be a benefit to our
community as well. When it comes
to our children, I think the universal
advice is to ensure that they
experience a happy childhood. This
would result in their growing into
happy, self-confident, productive
adults who are capable of making
their own way and succeeding in
the world. The childhood years are
precious years that pass all too
quickly.

These goals are highly desirable but

how do we achieve them? If a child
can look back on a happy childhood
you can bet they were extremely
 207

valuable years to the parents too. If

your style of parenting instils a
healthy self-confidence and high
degree of self-esteem during your
children’s formative years, you can
be sure you are moving in the right
direction. One tip I would offer is to
remember the word ‘courtesy’.
Showing those we love, be it
partners or our children, the same
common courtesy and respect we
show to total strangers sometimes
gets forgotten in the everyday
turmoil of life. We are just too
closed. We fail to acknowledge that
our loved ones cost us dearly. Don’t
let it happen and never forget your
children are just as entitled to at
least the same courtesy and respect
as the next person.

By displaying such courtesies with

our children we would make them
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feel wanted and respected. In turn

they would start to feel terrific
about themselves. If self-confidence
and self-worth are to become an
integral part of your child’s psyche,
then rich soils of respect and
courtesy are an absolute necessity.
Being a good parent is difficult,
being the best parent is probably
impossible. Nevertheless, it is
worthwhile to strive for these
ideal qualities. At the end of the
day, ‘Parenting may be the
hardest job in the world but it is
probably the most rewarding
too’.

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Husband Wife Relationship

An old couple residing at New

York were celebrating their 50th
wedding anniversary. Rather than
throwing a big party, they
decided to invite Guruji to their
home to offer him “Biksha”. The
 210

elderly woman, though old was

in-charge of cooking and her
presence was felt in almost all
corners of the household. The
Guruji in the midst of their
conversation asked the gentleman
(when the wife was away at the
kitchen), “These days, in a place
like America, where people find
it difficult to stay married for
even 50 days , how come you
have stayed married to the same
person for 50 long years. The
elderly man thought hard but
could not manage an answer. But
the wife had overheard this
conversation in the kitchen.
Shyly, she came behind the
curtain and said to the Guruji,
“Swamiji, you like someone
because of something, but you
 211

love someone in spite of

everything.” That is the glory of
love. Love is not blind. Blind
love is attachment. You don’t see
the faults of others. Love is that
which sees the good in the other
and brings out the best.
Therefore, that which brings out
the worst in you or the other is
the lower form of love. That
which brings out the best in you
and your beloved is the higher
form of love.

In the lower form of love you are

ready to give happiness only for
happiness in return. But in higher
form of love you think only
about the happiness of the
beloved. For the happiness of the
beloved, he/she is ready to even
 212

sacrifice or even suffer and that

suffering finds joy. People give
up their life for their country and
find it great joy!! Is it not? Sree
Ramachandra gave up his
kingdom to keep his father’s
word. Because he loved his
father, he found joy in it and not
suffering. In the lower form of
love, there is always fear and
insecurity. The story of Rukmani
and Satyabhama about winning
Krishna also has the same
message. Sage Narada wanted to
test Rukmani and Sathyabhama
for their love for Krishna.

Narada Muni went to Rukmani

and asked her, where is Krishna?
Rukmani politely said, must have
gone out for some work. Narada
 213

sarcastically asks her, “Are you

sure? There are other places like
Brindavan, Satyabhama etc. ”
Rukmani very confident about
her love firmly replied to Narada
that she knew about Krishna and
that he will definitely come back
to her wherever he might go. She
clarified that she did not have
any fear or insecurity about
Krishna leaving her. Narada went
to Sathyabhama and repeated the
same question to her.
Sathyabhama said, “I do not
know. Must be sitting with some
Rukmani or…” She even
requested Narada to do
something so that Krishna is only
for Sathyabhama. Narada asked
her to do a particular Vratha and
told her that she has to donate
 214

what she considered the most

precious of her belongings, to
ensure that Krishna comes back
to her. Now, Krishna was most
precious to her and as per the
Vrata she was forced to donate
him. Krishna had to follow
Narada. He had made a slave of
Krishna through this Vrata.
Having realised her folly,
Sathyabhama started crying,
“Why are you taking Krishna?
Give him back to me.” Narada
replied, “Okay. Then you give
me something else of the same
measure as Krishna so that I can
return him to you. She said, “I
will give all my jewels.” It was
fine with Narada. She put all her
jewels, precious diamonds, gold,
silver, etc in the pan for the
 215

Thulabharam of Krishna. But

Alas ! Krishna could not be
measured in jewels. Finally, she
went to Rukmani from whom she
had wanted to steal Krishna
away. She narrated the whole
episode to Rukmani and
requested her to give her all the
jewels that Rukmani had so that
she could buy Krishna back.
Rukmani laughed at
Sathyabhama and said, “Do you
think you can measure Krishna
with these jewels?” She
continued, “Take all my jewels if
you want. But Krishna cannot be
measured with these jewels.” She
then removed all the jewels from
the pan and in their place put just
one Tulsi (Holi Basil) leaf and
that proved to be heavier than
 216

Krishna. This is how she helped

Satyabhama win Krishna back.
This is the glory of love.

There is a great lesson to be

learnt from what happens in a
Hindu Marriage. The girl follows
the man during three Pheras
(rounds around the holi mandap
fire). . The significance lies in
what the girl promises or vows at
the end of each Phera. After each
of the three rounds she makes
three promises respectively; In
your pursuance of your Dharma,
duties, I will be behind you. In
your seeking of prosperity, I will
stand behind your success or
failure. In your joys and
enjoyments which are with
 217

Dharma, I shall always be with

you to give your pleasure.
In the last and fourth round, she
leads the Pheras and demands
one thing – that in death “I shall
go before you”. This is what a
woman asks for return in a
marriage. In death, I wish to go
before you for I do not want to
stay behind as a widow. She also
promises, “I will go first and
prepare the kingdom for you
there.” This is all that a woman
demands from a husband.
However, what is observed in
reality is that if the husband dies
first, the wife is able to survive
without much difficulty. But if
the wife parts away first most
husbands find it very difficult to
survive. This is because the
 218

woman has always been the giver

all her life and the man has been
the receiver or dependent. She
was giving care, love, attention,
education, life lessons and
constantly reminding him about
his duties to her children and
family. Men on the other hand do
only their job of providing for the
family by bringing money for
their survival and existence. As
Kalidas puts it” Wisdom comes
naturally to woman. But men get
it from books.”

When you love your parents, you

love your brothers and sisters and
when you love your humanity,
you will love all your fellow
beings. Love is the force that
ends your ego. Unfortunately, in
 219

any modern family today, there is

only one constant in
relationships, that is EGO. ‘You
said this about my feelings – so I
said this to you’. As Kabirdas
puts it, “If you have to live in the
house of love, then eliminate
your ego. Only then you can
experience the joy of love.”

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 220

Work / Life Balance

Work life and personal life are two

sides of the same coin. According to
 221

various work /life balance surveys,

more than 60% of the respondent
professionals surveyed indicated that
they are not able to find a balance
between their personal and professional
lives. They have to make tough choices
between the two and their work and
personal life is nowhere close to
equilibrium.

Traditionally, creating and managing a

balance

between the work-life was considered a

woman's issue. But increasing work
pressures, globalisation and
technological advancements have made
it an issue pertinent to both the sexes,
all professionals working across all
levels and all industries throughout the
world. Achieving "work-life balance"
is not as simple as it sounds.
 222

Work life and personal life are

inter-connected and interdependent.
Spending more time in office,
dealing with clients and the
pressures of job can interfere and
affect the personal life, sometimes
making it impossible to even
complete the household chores. On
the other hand, personal life can
also be demanding if you have a kid

alternatively, aging parents,

financial problems or even
problems in the life of a dear
relative. These can lead to
absenteeism from work, creating
stress and or lack of concentration
at work.

Work-personal life conflict occurs

when the burden, obligations and
responsibilities of work and family
roles become incompatible.
 223

Obligations of one, can force an

individual to neglect the other.

Changing & increasing work

pressures

A decade back, employees used to

have fixed working hours or rather
a 9 to 5 job from Monday to Friday.

The boundary between the work

and home has disappeared with
time. But with globalisation and
people working across countries,
the concept of fixed working hours
is fading away. Instead of just 7 or 8
a day, people are spending as much
as 12-16 hours every day in office.

The technological blessings like e-

mail, text messaging and cell
 224

phones which were thought of as

tools to connect them to their work
while being away from their
workplace, have actually integrated
their personal and professional lives
like never before. Now
professionals find themselves
working even when they are on
vacations.

The ever-increasing working hours

leave the individuals with less time
for themselves and to pursue his
hobbies or leisure activities. This
hinders the growth of the person as
an individual in terms of his
personal and spiritual growth.
Professionals working in the BPO
industry
 225

MY FIRST BOOK………………….
LEAD YPOUR MIND TO LEAD THE
WORLD IS HOW TO HADLE MENTAL
WORRYIES FOR CEOS AND ALL
HUMAN BEINGS, THAT’S ONLY
OUR WAR WITH SELF.
 226

EDUCATION IS ONLY FOR

KNOWLEDGE AND KNOWLEDGLE
IS ONLY FOR
WISDOM, WISDOM, WISDOM.

WAR WITH SELF IS EVERY

ONES WAR WITH SELF.

YOUR JOURNEY STARTS NOW

CHEERS
227